Rumble

Though most the viewers are currently exposed to a bitter winter chill, Mark Comeau looks positively toasty. He has busted out his Hawaiian button up sleeveless tee, even while standing in the middle of the Amway Center’s drafty parking garage.

Mark Comeau: Ladies and gents, Mark Comeau here on the scene, LIVE from the Amway Center in Miami Florida for IWC Last Stand….and I’m being joined by Riot! General Manager, as well as the official Advisor to the President, Frankie Paradise.

Excitement doesn’t even begin to describe the current disposition of Paradise, who ensures he is camera ready by fixing the tie that is taped to his larynx.

Frankie Paradise: Welcome gents to IWC Last Stand..the penultimate pay-per-view before we reach Invictus…another huge milestone in the storied legacy of this federation. And tonight, goosebumps are already forming, excitement is already building, enthusiasm is stiffening nipples the world over….because we are going to find out who will challenge for the World Heavyweight Championship at that fabled event known as Invictus, by means of an all-together BRUTAL over the top rope Rumble match.

Frankie shares the enthusiasm….BUT….he seems to be excited for something that doesn’t involve the Rumble or Yvonne Knight bending over to lace up her boots.

Frankie: And speaking of that magnificent battle of attrition, I am here to whet your ravenous appetites with a teaser of events to come.

Comeau: You seem WAY too excited….You didn’t take that Ketamine at all did you?

Frankie: Not at all, because there shall be mass quantities of ketamine required, Mark, to keep the IWC fans under control once the man I personally signed to a contact makes his debut IN the Rumble match itself.

Comeau: So all that brouhaha wasn’t just blowing smoke up our asses? You legitimately DO have a major signee.

Frankie: Not only that, you drug addled wretch of a human being, but MY mega-star, will be making his official debut tonight, and he WILL be competing in the Rumble. Does it get any bigger than that? I think not.

Comeau: Big news there.

Frankie: Big….NO…..MONUMENTAL…..YES.

An awe struck Paradise stares into the heavens.

Comeau: So WHO is this major signing you’ve been bragging about the past few weeks?

The question draws Frankie right out of that euphoric moment.

Frankie: HA! You ignorant TWAT, why would I divulge their identity NOW. No….his name will be revealed at the appointed moment…and NOT a second earlier.

An I-Phone slides out of the interior of his jacket.

Frankie: Now I must be excused so I can make sure the Board of Directors is watching, so they can see the fruits of their investment pay of.

Frankie makes his exit, dialing a number on his phone that will put him in direct communication with the board he is so desperate to please.

Comeau: There you have it, Frankie’s much hyped signee expected to make their debut in tonight’s Rumble match….Hold up…speak of the devil.

A car slowly pulls into the interior of the Amway Center, stopping mere feet from Comeau.

Comeau: We might not even have to wait till the Rumble to find out WHO that signee is.

The car of much scrutiny is raced towards.

Comeau: Could this be the individual Frankie was eluding too?

Short answer….no…longer answer….Cassidy Haze.

The driver’s door pops open and out steps Haze…the maniacal protégé of Brittany Lohan. The sight of the pale and mascara drenched features of Haze brings Mark to an immediate stop, inhaling his testicles up into his larynx.

Haze: Hi Marky-Mark…have you missed me?

Comeau loosens the collar of his shirt.

Comeau: Erm…not particularly.

Haze: Awwww….but I thought we had such a SPECIAL relationship.

Comeau: Only in my nightmares.

Haze: Now Mark…

The collar of Mark’s shirt is removed from his grips and finds its way into Cassidy’s hands as she straightens it and brushes aside any lint.

Haze; You might want to be a bit nicer to me considering that I have a major scoop for you…One that will be like a symphony to the ears of the entire IWC roster.

Comeau: Oh?

Haze: Indeed..for I am here to inform you, Marky-Mark, that in spite of her coveted spot as the final entrant in the Rumble this evening, that after the debacle that was the horrid officiating in her N.H.B Title match at NewAge..my precious Bosslady….Brittany Lohan…for the unenlightened….. has lost so much faith in the IWC that she has decided NOT to compete here tonight.

Mark’s head snaps back like a sassy black lass on the verge of unleashing a ‘no you didn’t.’

Comeau: So Brittany Lohan isn’t going to be here tonight?

Haze: Nope….

Comeau: But….but….

Haze is dragging her luggage out of the trunk of the car, lowering it to the ground and beginning to roll it along behind her.

Haze: Sorry Marky-Mark, that’s all you get for now.

A pat is given to the top of Mark’s head before Haze takes off with bag in hand.

The footage from the parking lot is transferred directly to the monitor that Alana Starr feasts her eyes upon. She is watching with keen interest as Cassidy makes the revelation about Lohan. Her chest is heaving and her skin is losing its normal color, transforming to a brighter and brighter shade of red. The frustration finally takes control, her foot leaving the floor and connecting with the television that shatters across the floor.

Taylor Chase: What drives you?

The World Heavyweight Title….the motivation of many…..and that’s what is presently reflected in the right eye of Taylor Chase. The camera finds itself zoomed in and fixated upon the face of the title bearer….a face as empty of expression as it is void of color. One eye continues to display the World Heavyweight Title, while the other depicts a number of the moments that brought her the belt. The TKO soars into the cheek of Aaron Harrison, and Rose Savior…culminating to her standing on the turnbuckle, arms repeatedly jutting out above her head as the crowd joins her in a chant of ‘I DID IT!’

Brittany Lohan: Pain.

Somehow the Blue Eyed Devil manages to display intensity even while stoically gazing forth into the camera which has drawn entirely too close on her face. The blue eyes that she is synonymous with mirror a crowbar, while the other depicts her wanton chaos. Images ranging from Brittany bashing in the skull of Sebastian Knight with her handy weapon to driving it repeatedly into the body and brain of Legion.

Yvonne Knight: Competition.

Another close up….this time of Yvonne’s features, with a black and white filter. The only color inhabits her eyes, one depicting a clinched fist, the other showcasing the Unity member delivering the Jinxed on Harrison and delivering the shining wizard on Lohan alongside her protégé and stable-mate.

Katelyn Buehler: Redemption.

The whore turned hero is the camera’s fixation, staring forth apathetically. The only signs of life in her face are the vivid highlights encapsulated within her eyes. While one shows off a steel plated elbow-pad, the other reminisces in regards to her delivery of the KTFO….the roaring elbow….to the face of Kordelia Price amongst others, eventually leading to her standing mono-a-mono with Tay-Tay as she holds the one thing that will give Buehler fulfillment….the World Heavyweight Title.

Andre Jordan: Opportunity.

It’s Andre Jordan’s face striped of pigment and his eyes emblazoned with images, one iris depicting a flapjack…..the other flashing with scenes of the recently signed combatant standing beside Alana Starr, and then Tabitha Silverstone, before concluding with an ominous stare-down between himself and Brittany Lohan.

Alana Starr: Retribution.

Alana’s face….full of consternation….and her eyes showing a tire-iron….with the other reliving past transgressions committed against her by Lohan. The gruesome Final Solution upon the hood of a car is depicted before cutting to some of her own violent acts….delivered upon the very woman who cost her so many months of her career.

Aaron Harrison: Carnage.

Another close up on another emotionless face….Harrison’s…..the infamous Blacklist recruit. There is a kendo-stick in one eye, and his other pupil reflects his use of the weapon against the skull of Orlando Cruze, bludgeoning the Icon until he is at last shuffle side kicked into an open grave.

Ba’al: Justice.

The judge, jury and executioner….Ba’al…..Prince of Sin gazes lifelessly forth into the camera and within his orbs are scenes of a gavel and its use across the skull of Katelyn Buehler.

Mika Kozlov: Family.

Never has such a term of endearment sounded so venomous as it is now when spoken with a hint of a Russian accent. There is clear venom in her eyes, as one reflects a Singapore cane, and the other depicts her acts of depravity since IWC’s rebirth. Acts filmed by her I-Phone….such as hanging Denile Partis and burning Kellen Jeffries.

Gary Matt: Honor.

The normally pensive face of Gary Matt is barren of feeling or emotion, but his eyes are demonstrative of the Maniac’s weapon of choice, a steel chain, and the lengths he’s went to in order to perverse his integrity. There’s Gary delivering the Brian Damage on Rain and Matt holding up a bat on the verge of driving it into the skull of Aaron Harrison only to have Mika providing herself as a human shield for her Blacklist compatriot.

Mr. Gaunt: Fear.

The cane that hides a sheathed blade consumes one eye, and the other follows Mr. Gaunt’s unleashing of phantasmagorical horrors……rather it be maggots or blood cascading from the rafters.

Taylor Chase: All your ambition….motivation….inspiration….all ends right here….

The World Heavyweight Title glistens in both of Taylor’s eyes.

Taylor Chase: If you can survive…..if you can be the LAST…..PERSON….STANDING.

The eyes close and the buzzer sounds.

The Amway Center unleashes a raucous response in conjunction with all the pomp and pizzazz, the pyros whipping the masses into a frenzy. Signs are held high and adrenaline is at its zenith in anticipation of tonight’s events. The opening highlighted by the playing of “Warrior’s Way” by Volbeat.

Johnny Dollar: We are GO!

Cameras zoom over the hodgepodge of chaotic imagery but intentionally remain away from the vicinity of the ring.

Susie Moore: We’re in Florida peeps….the land of sunshine and murders galore….

Dollar: Thanks for painting such a wonderful picture of Florida, Susie.

Susie: You’re welcome…

Dollar: History on the verge of being made tonight…..as the roster prepares to engage in full-scale open warfare to crown the inaugural Weapons-Are-Legal Rumble winner…..who will capture the glory of main eventing Invictus to challenge for the World Heavyweight Championship?

Susie: And speaking of the World Title.

The reason cameras intentionally steered clear of the ring becomes obvious….shock factor….cause now they cut to the steel cage surrounding the squared circle….surprised? Yippee.

Thomas Boll: Lady and gentlefolk, main-event time of evening, Word Title on-line.

Even Thomas’ broken West-German accent cannot take the fans out of the moment.

Thomas Boll: Title to defend in cage of steel!

There couldn’t be anymore excitement and anticipation….thanks to the sugar rush elicited from the 64 ounce big gulps discounted for tonight’s event.

Thomas Boll: Introduce first, title challenger, he Blacklist member, he Lukas Montgomery.

That excitement just got screwed worse than Ving Rhames in a Pulp Fiction movie. ENEMIES plays over the PA system and leads to a crushing blow to any glee felt from the masses.

Dollar: I said tonight was going to be historic, and I meant it. For the first time ever, the World Heavyweight Title to be defended in our opening match of the evening as Taylor Chase goes one on one with Lukas Montgomery inside of the Steel Cage.

Susie: How could there possibly be a bigger match than this to start off a pay-per-view?

Dollar: Okay, people have already bought the pay-per-view, no need to keep selling it at this point.

No one needs to be sold on the magnitude of this moment, especially the Blacklist….who arrive in mass. Lukas Montgomery leads the way, flanked on both sides by Aaron Harrison and Mika Kozlov. The trinity has shown up to a rather unflattering welcoming. Hate is spewed in their direction, as Montgomery and company feasts upon the emotion just like they’ll feast upon the carrion.

TAYLOR CHASE (c) vs. LUKAS MONTGOMERY

Dollar: Montgomery on the verge of challenging for the World Title this evening…in a match that is big for a number of reasons.

Susie: We’ve seen the chaos and carnage these three have unleashed in the past….and heck…I’ve even felt it….so just imagine what Lukas is going to be capable of when inside of a cage.

Dollar: Especially now that the passions of the Blacklist are free to be unleashed on Taylor Chase. Mika Kozlov has seemingly given up on the notion of reconnecting the familial ties between herself and Taylor….meaning Lukas is free to do whatever it takes to beat Taylor for the title tonight.

Susie: Don’t know how accurate you are there, Sweet D., because we saw some footage earlier this week from the Chase and Kozlov camps that might imply that Mika STILL wants Taylor to be her sister. Anyway, this gonna be GUHD!

The cage is already being tested, Lukas shaking the mesh walls to ensure there is little give. He then leans forward and rubs his forehead against the steel, getting very use to the feeling.

Boll: Introduce next….she is World Champion…she is Scarlet Socialite….she is Taylor Chase!

BOSS’S DAUGHTER….streams through the speakers.

Dollar: And here she comes….World Champion….Taylor Chase….a woman who has overcome so many incredible obstacles in order to keep the gold in her possession.

Susie: Yeah….but Chase versus Lukas inside of a cage? That might be one obstacle she cannot rise above. Especially when you’ve got Mika Kozlov and Aaron Harrison at ringside.

Obviously Taylor thought about that….she actually thinks of everything….hence why she’s brought along her own entourage. As the Champion takes her spot on the stage, shoulder bogged down by the weight of the World Heavyweight Title….she finds her backside well protected by Kathryn Pearson and Yvonne Knight.

Dollar: Which is why Taylor Chase does not come alone…..the World Heavyweight Champion joined by Yvonne Knight and Kathryn Pearson…Unity in full force this evening to counter-balance the numbers of the Blacklist.

Mika sneers and Aaron reassuringly rubs her shoulders, confirming that their plans will not be altered even with the presence of Chase’s teammates. Kathryn and Ivy weren’t about to even consider letting Tay come to the ring on her own tonight, steadfastly resolved to accompany her to the cage. The door is opened and Lukas Montgomery stands back, gesturing for her to enter.

Montgomery: Come on Tay….there’s no escaping it now….you will embrace the true Taylor….otherwise you will NOT be leaving with that title.

The words do no dissuade nor disrupt Taylor from either entering the cage or abandoning strategy, she stomps up each step and through the door. She then reaches back, grabs said door and swings it shut behind her.

Taylor: You’re right, Lukas….I’m not leaving just with the title….I’m leaving with so much more….your blood on MY hands….and absolution from the Blacklist.

The World Title that was brought to the ring was handed off just before she entered the cage and is now raised aloft by the official OUTSIDE of the steel barrier. Fitzpatrick holds up the Championship to a spike of adrenaline from the fans. The referee within the mesh, Alex Ingelson, turns and signals for the bell to officially begin the first of hopefully few cage matches in IWC’s illustrious history.

Susie: Lukas and Taylor in the cage and the bell has rung….I’m so incredibly excited that I wish I had a penis just so I could get aroused.

Dollar: This match long in the making….Taylor has been plagued by the Blacklist for months….

Susie: Try years, Johnny D.

Dollar: Good point. Taylor and Mika have an incredibly long history together….and that’s part of the reason the Blacklist have been targeting her since their IWC debut.

Susie: Yes….I think Mika is incredibly jealous of all the favoritism and accolades lauded upon Taylor over the years….being head cheerleader in high-school….and World Champion here in the IWC….she feels like those accomplishments, that adulation, should have been shown to her.

Dollar: All stemming from never really being an accepted member of the Chase family…..what with being adopted and all. Hence why she’s used that whole ‘family’ shtick against Tay-Tay these past few months, and why tonight, and when Chase AGAIN denied her….it brought us to this….the steel cage bout between Lukas and the World Champion.

The time for talk has come to a conclusion and now Taylor stares down Lukas, who is chomping at the bit to see Chase’s ruination. The giant smirk plastered on his face only widens when Lukas drops to the canvas in front of Taylor, crossing his arms behind his head and turning them into a makeshift pillow.

Montgomery: Here you go, Taylor….go ahead, this is how you win all your big matches isn’t it?

Chase pauses and gnaws at her lower lip.

Montgomery: This is how the TRUE Taylor Chase gets the job done, right? No lows you won’t stoop to?

Taylor backs away from Lukas instead of stepping forward to take the easy pin.

Montgomery: Come on Tay….do it….stop trying to be little Mrs. Popularity and be yourself…..the woman of no moral fiber….a woman without honor….take your championship the way you won it in the first place.

The smile is fading from Lukas’ face the longer Chase debates her options.

Montgomery: This is your last chance, Tay….your last opportunity to make amends with Mika by embracing the truth….the REAL Chase we all know is just yearning to get out. This is a one-time opportunity, either you accept it or this cage match happens….and believe me….that’s the last thing you want.

Chase continues to dilly-doddle before finally being swayed to a clear and defined course of action.

Taylor: You’re right, Lukas.

Montgomery’s smile returns…..a grin mirrored by his stable-mates.

Taylor: It’s time for me to embrace the REAL Taylor Chase….

Lukas drops back and prepares to be pinned by the encroaching Taylor.

Susie: Is she actually going to accept the win like this.

Taylor: Maybe this is the true Taylor Chase.

Susie: The Blackliast and Brittany Lohan were right about her all along. There is a monster inside that yearns to be unleashed.

Neither Yvonne or Kathryn can bring themselves to watch, truly disheartened to witness Taylor’s darker desires indulged….having no qualms about accepting an easy win in spite of the ruination to her credibility and her character. She stoops down to go for the…..LEG? Yep….she grabs Lukas’ ankle and lifts it, rolling him over backwards right onto his feet then grabbing him by the back of the head.

It’s no longer his hands that test the durability of the cage wall, but his face, Chase charging across the ring and throwing him head first into the mesh wiring.

Dollar: THERE’S the true Taylor Chase we’ve come to respect.

Susie: Lukas and the Blacklist thought wrong.

Dollar: Chase doesn’t want an easy win…she wants to end this with the Blacklist right here, right now, definitively. She’s not out to repair any relationship….she’s out to severe the ties with the Trinity once and for all.

Chase’s response leaves a lasting impression on the Blacklist and an indelible blemish on Montgomery’s face. The steel isn’t the only thing that reverberates, so too does Lukas’ brain about the confines of his skull. He stumbles back, swaying arms in a desperate attempt to stay upright, but ultimately he does go down, his knees grabbed and his legs pulled right out from under him. He collapses to his back and soon finds himself catapulted back to his feet, launching forehead first into the wall of steel wiring.

Dollar: Into the CAGE AGAIN!

Susie: I hope Lukas isn’t like Nicolas Cage in Kiss of Death, hating the taste of steel in his mouth.

Dollar: Oh….you mean back when Cage was an actual actor….as opposed to a compilation of crazy faces and even crazier hair styles?

Susie: EXXXACTLY

Lukas bounces off the steel and staggers right back into the waiting arms of Chase, who goes airborne catches him around the shoulders and drives both of her knees into his upper back. The back cracker connects and sends Lukas ricocheting off unto his feet. Just as he turns around grabbing at his injured spinal column. In the process he entirely exposes his skull to yet another blow though, this one in the form of not an impact with the cage but the canvas. Chase leaps to her feet and then into the air, catching Lukas around the neck then dropping back into the leaping downward spiral. She falls to the canvas spine first but doesn’t drag Lukas along for the ride, he reaches back and grabs the top rope, preventing his destruction. 0\

He then reaches down, grabs Taylor’s knees and drops back into a catapult, launching Tay-Tay right into the cage….NO….instead she lands on the top rope and grabs the wall just before she could collide with it.

A flabbergasted Montgomery spins around and then rushes right at Chase, who leaps from the top rope and delivers a double stomp to the back of Lukas skull as he goes rushing under her. As a result, Lukas is doubled over and his momentum sends him sailing through the ropes with the top of his head colliding with the cage wall.

He bounces off then staggers back right into Chase who dashes forward and leaps high into the TKO. This match IS going to end quickly, but not in the way the Blacklist had envisioned…or maybe it will, because Lukas sidesteps the knee at the last second and pushes Chase along, using her own momentum to send her sailing over the ropes. Her knee does connect, but it’s with the mesh wiring. It bounces right off the steel and her body then goes plummeting directly to the canvas.

Dollar: OOOOHH….Chase into the cage….and that wall had little give.

Susie: That might have broken her leg.

Dollar: May have? That’s a definite probability considering the multiple injuries that knee has sustained in the past.

A unusual sound emanates from Chase, a loud screech as she rolls around on the canvas both hands wrapped about her knee and face twisting with anguish. She tries to get up but can’t put any pressure on her bum wheel. Finally she does find her way to the ropes, utilizing them to get her legs beneath her only to have her knee clipped from behind by a Lukas shoulder block.

Another piercing roar from Taylor and another audible gasp from the crowd. Yvonne and Kathryn emote great concern from the outside of the ring, watching as Taylor stubbornly tries to get back to her feet. She stands up just as Lukas rushes in behind her and delivers a swift kick to the crease of the knee, sending Taylor flipping completely over backwards before landing on her face and stomach.

Dollar: And now like a shark, Lukas honing in on the blood.

Susie: Is it that time of the month already?

Dollar: Not THAT type of blood….Okay….consider Taylor the injured gazelle and Lukas the tiger waiting in the bush.

Susie: Bush?

Dollar: Not that type of bush…Okay….consider Taylor….

It doesn’t matter what species of predator Lukas represents, he is an animal silently stalking his prey…..standing and watching as Chase desperately drags herself up with the aid of the ropes. She gets one knee beneath her and grimaces upon placing pressure on it. Lukas then swings in behind her and for another clip to the knee. It brings Chase down to the canvas and into the turnbuckle, she falls against the corner and slowly starts towards her feet, albeit with her knee continuously buckling beneath her. Lukas then steps in, grabs the leg and lifts it into the air, placing it over the middle rope.

Montgomery backs to the center of the ring and then gets a big running start before delivering a running boot to the trapped knee. Taylor cannot stifle her scream, tumbling to her side with her leg still hooked around the middle rope.

Across the ring dashes Montgomery, moving to the middle of the ring so he can get a running start behind a front dropkick. Both boots nail Taylor’s knee, resulting in even more groans from the masses.

Dollar: And the knee remains Lukas’ focus. And I can’t fault that strategy.

Susie: That knee did take such a nasty impact with the cage.

It takes Lukas to unhinge Taylor’s leg from the ropes, using it in order to drag her to the center of the ring. She then drops an elbow right to the side of the knee brace. He gets back to his feet and drops a knee right across the leg as well.

Lukas raises the leg aloft and then uses it to pull Chase over to her stomach. With a guttural roar Lukas heaves the leg into the air by the ankle, on the verge of driving her down knee first into the canvas. However, Chase uses the momentum of this lift in order to flip forward, slipping her leg free and then landing on her feet……or more accurately her ‘foot.’

A surprised Lukas scrambles to regain control, rushing in behind Taylor, grabbing her leg and folding it up. He uses the folded leg to heave Taylor up into the into the air in order to drop her leg across his raised knee only to have Chase transition in mid-air. She turns just as she reaches Lukas’ shoulder and slips over it as well as down Montgomery’s back, catching him around the waist in the process.

She pulls Lukas down into a sunset flip.

Montgomery rolls over backwards out of the pin and then grabs the legs of his adversary. He lifts the legs into the air and tucks them under his pits, trying to roll her to her stomach in order to apply the liontamer. Again Chase is fighting….fighting to prevent this submission from being established and further punishment done to her leg….punishment enough to cost her the World Heavyweight Title.

She bends her knees, in spite of the agony that flows through her leg, bringing Montgomery in towards her. He gets within arms-length, Taylor taking full advantage of this by catching Lukas by the back of the head and dragging him down into the small package.

Dollar: Tay-Tay’s got him!

Susie: No she doesn’t.

The roll-up, no matter how unexpected does not thwart Lukas’ ambitions this evening. He rolls right along to his feet while Taylor limps to her own. But she stands up only to be taken back down as Lukas swoops in and grabs the creases of her knees, bound and determined to destroy her leg. However, Chase then reaches down, grabs both of Lukas’ arms and then spins him around. She drops to her knees and manages to back slide Lukas down to the canvas into another pinning predicament.

Dollar: Another stunning pin attempt…

And another kick out from Lukas keeping this match going. Mika and Aaron sigh with relief, realizing that the opportunity to destroy Chase is still on the table. Taylor however, doesn’t make this task easy, staggering to her feet just as Lukas swoops in and tries to decapitate her with a lariat. Chase ducks it and then gets a running start into the ropes, finally putting some pressure on her banged up leg. She bounces off and comes back in at Lukas, who turns and bends forward, going for a back drop.

Just before Chase can be the fly that falls into the spiders web, she stops just short of Lukas and delivers a swift kick to his chest. Montgomery stands up straight looking dazed while Taylor delivers a step up enzugari to the back of his skull.

Dollar: Taylor rebuilding momentum….She still believes.

Susie: DON’T STOP…..BELLLLIIEEEVING!

Her opponent might be dazed but Taylor is mystified to see that he’s stil standing. So Taylor does something to change that. She limps….albeit rather quickly into the ropes, ricocheting off the far ropes and coming back in at Lukas. It seems she will finally put Montgomery’s ass to canvas, only to have Lukas duck down and dive forward, shoulder clipping Chase’s inbound knee. Taylor flips up and over top of Lukas, ultimately collapsing across the canvas and reaching for her knee which is in dire straits.

Dollar: Into the knee again!

Susie: Blacklist bent on snapping that leg….injuring the knee….

Dollar: If Tay-Tay isn’t going to show her true colors, then they’re going to annihilate her within the cage.

The pugnacious Lukas rushes towards the elevated leg of Chase, grabbing hold of it and trying to apply a submission. But Chase lifts her other leg into the air and wedges it to Lukas’ shoulder, kicking him off and sending him spiraling across the ring. Montgomery steps to the middle and Taylor rolls back to her feet, ending up with her spine to the ropes.

Lukas then comes barreling in like the ferocious predator he was described as earlier, leaping towards Chase only to have her duck down out of the way. She low bridges the ropes with the intent of causing Lukas to fly over and slam into the mesh wiring. However, Lukas catches the cage with his palms, blocking his head from hitting the wall.

Apparently Chase even saw this possibility playing out, getting into position quickly and leaping into the air, wedging her knees to Lukas’ spine for another back stabber. When it seems that the Blacklist rep is about to be in serious need of a chiropractor appointment, Montgomery spins around and catches the legs just before they can wedge to his spine. He then folds up Chase’s knee, turns and throws her over the ropes, with her compressed leg slamming against the mesh wiring. Taylor bellows in pain as she bounces off the steel and then collapses into the thin space between the wall and the ropes.

Dollar: A devastating counter by Lukas! Knee into the cage once again.

Susie: I don’t think Chase is going to bounce back from this one.

Chase falls to her back across the apron, elevating her leg and rubbing the knee that has been so systematically targeted…and continues to be targeted. Lukas reaches through the ropes and grabs her leg, elevating it into the air and the wedging it against the mesh wall. He backs up and then gets a running start before diving feet first through the cables into a basement dropkick on the knee, sandwiching it between his boots and the wall.

Susie: Lukas is on that leg like dry macaroni noodles on the birthday card I just made for you, Johnny.

Dollar: As if I wasn’t dreading my next birthday enough.

Lukas drags the injured leg of Chase away from the wall and to the center of the ring. The leg remains Montgomery’s focus, spinning around it while keeping it elevated and outstretched and then dropping rear-end first right across the side of her knee.

Chase is forced to cover her face with her palms, falling to her back and finding the pain to be almost impossible to block from her mind. Hands slap the cage wall, Yvonne and Kathryn trying to motivate the World Champion. They are also rallying the crowd in support of Taylor, who at this point finds herself subjected to the figure four leg lock.

Lukas drops to his seat and continues to exert enough pressure to snap the leg. That crackle and pop would be like a musical to his ears. Those are two sounds Lukas could potentially hear, but what he definitely won’t be hearing is the sound of Chase chiming the words ‘I Quit.’ She would rather pass out than tap out, falling to her back and clinching her fists as the official gets into position, checking as to rather or not her shoulders are down.

Chase sits back up and steadfastly refuses to be pinned either, sitting up just before she could fall prey to the unorthodox cover. She swings her fists at Lukas’ face, but her knuckles fall short of his smile.

Dollar: Taylor…I hate to say it….but you might want to tap out in order to fight another day.

Susie: She’s too stubborn for that.

Dollar: Just like most ladies.

The resolve and resiliency of the World Champion is definitely being tested here tonight and it looks like Chase is about to fail that examination. She is falling into unconsciousness, Lukas putting an unbelievable amount of pressure on her intertwined legs.

Mika: Give in Malishka…..give in!

She slaps the cage wall with both palms and then shakes it….adding intensity to her words. Taylor may be able to discern Mika’s comments from the thousands being directed at the cage by the fans, but instead of tearing her down it seems to motivate her. She actually feeds off of Mika’s negativity, wedging her palms to the canvas and trying to drag Montgomery along into the ropes.

Lukas isn’t going anywhere…thanks in large part to his unscrupulous behavior, reaching back while the referee’s attention is elsewhere and grabbing the ropes himself. This gives him added leverage AND it cuts off any avenue of escape for the World Champion. She falls to her back once again as the official makes ANOTHER three count.

Susie: Sit-up Tay-Tay, sit-up!

The fans echo Susie’s pleas.

Chase was moments from succumbing to unconsciousness, but she launches herself up to her seat, face twisting with intensity. Kathryn has moved up the steps and is now stomping on the stairs….rallying the fans in support behind Chase….who is hanging tough….She balls up her fists, and shakes them out to her sides, building even more support.

Adrenaline is once again spiking, in both the stands and in the cage as Taylor begins to twist her body from side to side, trying to pull Lukas over onto his stomach.

Dollar: Chase is TRYING to roll over and reverse the pressure.

Susie: But that knee has been so twisted by the cage. How is she possibly going to overcome everything her leg has already been put through?

Dollar: It’s like we talked about before the match began, Chase has made a career of defying odds…just look at what she did at Upping the Ante.

Chase is surging with passion….with energy….with determination….hell-bent on reversing the pressure and making Montgomery feel what she’s endured throughout this match. And it seems Montgomery is on the verge of reflecting Chase’s trauma, just about to be turned over to his stomach.

That’s when Lukas reaches out and grabs the bottom rope with both hands, preventing being turned over…..He then uses the cables to push himself to his back, putting Chase right back where she started…..suffering the ill-effects of the figure four leg-lock with hope rapidly evaporating.

Dollar: Lukas’ hands all over the ropes!

Susie: He’s taking full advantage of this no disqualification rule.

The referee is powerless to do anything about Lukas using the ropes to his advantage. The maniacal Montgomery keeps hold of the bottom cable, giving Chase absolutely NO chance of breaking this figure four. But this doesn’t stop Tay-Tay from trying. She begins to rock her body from side to side, intent on availing herself of this plight and refusing to relinquish the World Title to the Blacklist.

Montgomery breaks his grip on the bottom rope in order to exert even more pressure on the hold….and the moment he does this, Chase takes immediate advantage.

She finds her second wind, pushing herself backwards across the ring and dragging Lukas along with her. She then drops to her side and rolls Lukas over to his stomach, reversing the pressure on the Blacklist member. Montgomery pushes himself up onto his knuckles and unleashes a loud growl in response to the pain coursing through his lower extremities.

Dollar: Taylor has reversed it…she’s reversed the figure four onto Lukas!

Susie: Can’t believe she had the leg strength to do that.

Dollar: Taylor is a freak in terms of conditioning and strength training…..Yvonne really taking her under her wing in those regards….So it’s no surprise to me there.

The pain rushing through Lukas’ limbs is excruciating and prompts him to do the unthinkable, lifting a palm into the air on the cusp of submitting. Chase bobs her head, trying to use anything she can….any area of her body to help intensify the pressure on this hold.

Just when it seems the submission is about to do the trick, Lukas clinches his hand instead of swinging it into the canvas. His knuckles wedge to the ring and he begins to crawl across the ring, dragging Chase behind him palm over palm. At last Lukas reaches out and grabs the bottom rope only to be informed by the official that there are no rope breaks in a match void of rules.

Dollar: Sorry Lukas, it looks like the ropes aren’t going to save you.

A groaning Lukas uses the cables to begin pulling himself upward, elevating Taylor’s legs into the air as she keeps them wrapped around Montgomery’s.

The fans watch with dropped jaws as Lukas gets all the way to his feet and reverses the inverted figure four into a sharpshooter.

Susie: You were saying?

Dollar: Da fudge? I’ve never seen that done before!

Susie: First the figure four was reversed by Tay-Tay and then Montgomery manages to reverse that reversal into a sharpshooter thanks to the aid of the ropes. KARAZAY!

Taylor DIDN’T see this one coming, wedging palms to the canvas and shoving herself up with her jaw all the way to her stomach, unleashing a howl of pain.

Dollar: And now Lukas might just have it….there’s really no avenue of escape for Taylor Chase.

Susie: There’s gotta be something she can do. Quick….someone drop an avil on Lukas’ head.

Dollar: This isn’t Looney Tunes, Susie, this is drama at its peak.

Chase cannot help but to indulge that thought in the back of her head, one that implores her to tap out as a means of saving herself. That’s why her shaking hand extends out over the canvas.

Dollar: Don’t give up Taylor, don’t give the Blacklist the World Title on top of the Evolution Championship.

Chase’s vibrating fingers are dangerously close to coming down to the canvas to symbolically submit to the sharpshooter. But the screams of her new family, Unity, and the pleas of the fans inspire her to fight through this plight. She slaps the canvas, but only to push herself up into a crawling base, instinctively dragging herself and Lukas across the ring towards the ropes which seem to be so incredibly far away.

Dollar: Taylor has the right idea….just at the wrong time. She’s going for the ropes, but even if she reaches them Lukas doesn’t have to relinquish the hold.

Susie: I don’t think she realizes that in her current state of mind.

Taylor pulls herself across the ring and drags Lukas along behind her, the crowd intently watching. It takes what seems to be an eternity with the crowd’s emotions being toyed with before Chase’s hand latches onto the bottom rope.

Dollar: She got to the ropes…she got to them…

Susie: But it’s like you just said, the ref can’t make Lukas break the hold.

Dollar: Dammit….you’re right…how quick you are to forget when so swept up in the moment.

Though Johnny clearly has short-term memory issues, Taylor doesn’t….she knew getting to the ropes wouldn’t lead to the ref breaking the hold….but it allows her to. She begins to ascend the cables, causing Lukas to bend over further and further as he desperately tries to maintain the grip on the sharpshooter. Now Chase has surpassed the ropes and grabbed the cage wall, starting to use it to get higher and higher.

Finally Lukas is forced to break the sharpshooter, but keeps hold of Tay-Tay’s ankles. He spins around holding onto the legs of his opponent, looking up at Chase continuing to climb the cage even with her legs gripped by the challenger.

Dollar: Look at this…Taylor sneaking through the back door and she might be on the verge of escaping the cage.

It is a dream that Lukas tries to turn into a nightmare. But Chase manages to keep the dream alive, she manages to pull one foot out of Lukas hands and begins to kick at his sternum with it repeatedly while she is still elevated above the ring clasping onto the cage wall.

Lukas’ grasp on the one leg is about to be broken…..just then he pulls the leg under his armpit and drags her down off the cage and to the canvas with a dragon screw leg whip.

Dollar: OH WOW!

Susie: That was insane.

Dollar: I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I’ve never seen a dragon screw leg whip hit from that position before.

Susie: And on that injured limb to boot.

The crowd watches with baited breaths as Lukas kneels on the canvas, breathing heavy and trying to regain his focus. Harrison whispers some encouraging words to Lukas, who stands up and pounces on the grimacing Taylor, who has pulled her leg up to her chest, cradling it in her hands. Lukas lifts her legs and swings around into the figure four leg…..noooo…..Chase lifts her free leg, wedges it to Montgomery’s posterior and shoves him off. Lukas flies forward, through the ropes and skull first into the cage wall.

Susie: Lukie into the cage AGAIN!

Dollar: Taylor SOMEHOW fighting off the figure four even after that gruesome dragon screw leg whip off the cage wall.

Susie: So the cage comes back to haunt her at the same time that it comes back to help her. What an untrustworthy little bastard.

Dollar: Don’t even….we’ve personified way too many inanimate objects in the IWC already…..Yourself amongst them.

Lukas staggers back away from the cage wall, eyes rolling to the back of his head, then his shoulders being rolled to the canvas. Taylor catches him around the thigh and goes for the school girl. The second his back hits the canvas though, Lukas rolls completely over and out of the pin. He then stands up in front of Taylor and then rushes forward, twisting into the Quieter directed right into Chase’s face.

She ducks under the inbound arm though, causing it to sail right into the wall of the cage. The arm bounces off and Lukas roars in pain, the mesh allowing very little give and perhaps fracturing Montgomery’s arm on impact.

He turns and doubles over the arm that is cradled to his stomach, his face twisting with pain. Chase then limps in, grabs Lukas’ wrist and drags it forward to her chest, going for a divorce court arm breaker. She drops back only to have Lukas reach in reverse and grab the cage wall, using it as a preventative tool to keep his shoulder and elbow from being dislocated.

Chase drops hard to her back…..once again having nothing to show for her troubles. Lukas then reaches down to grab her legs and pick up where he left off only to have Taylor catch him by the wrist, twist her body and drag Lukas to the canvas as she counters into a fujiwara arm-bar. The building erupts in waves of elation as Chase has Montgomery trapped in the stylized arm-bar that has her opponent roaring in agony.

Dollar: And now Chase has got the arm-bar….she’s got it…she’s got it…..she’s GOT IT locked in tight!

Susie: The shoe is on the other glove….or wait….can you wear a shoe on your hand….or a glove on your foot?

Dollar: Here Susie….play with this abacus that I carry along with me for no other reason but to have an excuse to say the word abacus.

Never did Lukas think he’d find himself in this position, with roles definitely reversed. He lifts his hand into the air, so close….on the brink….on the verge…..seconds from submitting to the pain coursing through his possibly fractured arm. But much like Taylor, Montgomery refuses to give her the honor of holding a submission win over him.

Mika shouts some encouraging words….well…encouraging to her at least.

Mika: You had better not tap out….!

These words DO inspire Lukas, who demonstrates his strength by pushing himself upwards….ascending to his feet with Chase still leaning back into the fujiwara. Taylor can’t believe it when she feels her grip breaking on the arm that draws back and wraps around her waist. Lukas heaves her up into the air and goes for the side slam only to have Chase flip up and over the shoulder of her challenger. She lands on her feet behind Lukas then steps forward and grabs the arm, trying to drag him down into the fujiwara for a second time.

Susie: Lukie counters…but Tay-Tay going back to the Mr. Fuji.

Dollar: I’ll let that one slide on the basis that your commentary has been somewhat intelligible these past few weeks.

The crowd is on its feet watching this struggle persist…and it’s a struggle that Lukas seems to surprisingly get the better of. He swings right around out of the fujiwara attempt and sends Chase into a spin as well. Taylor turns completely around to face Lukas, who then spins around into the Quieter….but his arm is caught and Chase snaps back into the divorce court arm breaker to an enormous response.

Dollar: ARM-BREAKER!

Susie: Finally she hit it.

Dollar; And look at this transition.

Chase transitions out of the arm-breaker straight into the fuji….scratch that….straight into the EPICrossface….using Lukas’ own submission predicament against him.

Dollar: Crossface! Crossface locked in! That’s one of Lukas’ most potent submission holds and now it’s being used against him!

Susie: It might cost him the title.

Mika is beside her and Aaron rubs his eyes as if suffering a migraine. Kathryn and Yvonne look as excited as the fans sound as Lukas finds himself trapped in a hold that threatens to snap his arm and his neck.

Dollar: Is Lukas gonna tap….is he going to submit for the first time in his career?

Susie: This could be ground breaking stuff.

A ‘tap’ chant can be heard from the masses, who are watching with saucer sized eyes as Lukas lifts a palm to quit. He then brings that palm up to the hands interlocked in front of his jaw. Chase’s face twists into a picture of shock as Montgomery actually pries the hands away from his jaw and then uses his trapped arm to hook Taylor’s injured leg. He pushes himself back and towards Chase, forcing her onto her shoulders with Lukas stretched across her stomach, hooking the leg for the pin.

But it’s not a pin he’s going for. He keeps the leg hooked while rolling towards Taylor’s chest and right over top of her. As a result Lukas ends up on his knees with Taylor lifted up and onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry position. The fans are absolutely stunned, having never seen the crossface countered like this before. He then stands up with Chase still stretched across his shoulders, on the verge of delivering God only knows what. He then takes off across the ring, rushing backwards and then throwing Chase off of his shoulders and into the cage wall. She bounces off the steel and then ricochets off and lands back on top of Montgomery’s shoulders.

Lukas then throws her off of his shoulders, over his head and catches her across his chest. To the absolute shock of the fans Montgomery drops back and delivers a fallaway slam that throws Chase over the ropes spine first into the cage wall.

Dollar: DEVASTATING combination of moves there employing the cage wall!

Susie: All after the most amazing counter to a crossface.

Dollar; Chase is in a bad state….a bad-bad state right now.

Susie: Come on….Florida isn’t that bad.

Dollar: That’s….never-mind.

Chase collapses to the apron between the cage and the ropes, her body going totally limp. Both Unity members watch with heads shaking and skin turning white. They are in sheer disbelief over what they just saw happen to Taylor, who still hasn’t shown any signs of life after the two slams against the cage.

The lack of movement from Taylor inspires Lukas to both smile and to make his way towards the turnbuckle. He begins to scale it, eyes diverting from the ropes before him to the top of the cage high above. He draws himself closer and closer to the edge of the cage roof, mere moments from stepping over it and becoming the World Champion.

Dollar: Lukas climbing the cage wall….he’s about to step over….and there is absolutely nothing that Taylor can do about it….She’s BADLY banged up….she’s pretty much comatose after those multiple impacts with the cage.

Susie: We might see a new champion, Johnny….a new champion! Though the belt might need to have another notch or two added to it since it’s been shrunken down to fit Taylor’s waist.

The fans watch with a collective wail as Lukas reaches the top rope and begins to step off of it in order to find his footing in the cage wall. Just then Taylor crawls out from under the far ropes, and somehow finds her own footing. Even while on an injured leg she is able to jaunt over the turnbuckle beneath Lukas and reach up, grabbing his leg. Lukas is having some difficulty holding onto the cage wall given the injury sustained to his elbow, making it easier for Chase to cut him off at the pass.

She climbs up the turnbuckle beneath Lukas, throwing forearms into his upper back several times. Chase gets to the top rope right beside Lukas, who delivers a blow of his own. The aggravated Montgomery drills Chase under the jaw with an elbow, and then spins around with a fist directed straight to her face. But Chase catches the inbound arm and to the shock of everyone, delivers an arm drag off the top rope.

Susie: OOOOOH GOLLLY!

Lukas flips off the top rope and comes crashing down from a great height across his back, reaching for his spine while Taylor falls to her elbows.

Dollar: Unreal! Arm-drag off the top rope by Tay-Tay.

Susie: Payback for that dragon screw earlier on….hehehehe….dragon screw.

Dollar: Don’t even.

The fans watch with hands on top of their heads and eye bugging from their sockets after that last move which has put Lukas down….but not out. He gets to his feet clutching at the arm that has been destroyed by Chase’s offense. Nevertheless he tries to shake out the kinks and then rushes right at the recovering Taylor, bending down to grab at her leg. But Tay side steps him and delivers a swift punt kick right to her opponent’s face.

Montgomery stands up, swinging his one good arm to remain upright. Taylor then reaches out and grabs his injured limb, trying to drag him down into the fujiwara once again. Lukas wedges his free hand to Tay-Tay’s spine though, and pushes her off. But the Champion uses the momentum of the push to send her into a spin, turning to face Lukas’ back then leaping into the air, wedging her knees to Montgomery’s spine before dropping down into the double knees back-breaker. The back stabber connects and causes Lukas to stand up straight, bellowing in agony. He then turns around just as Taylor kips up to her feet and leaves them in order to launch into the air, catch Montgomery around the neck and pull him down, spiking his face against the canvas.

Dollar: Taylor AT LAST hits that combination she’s gone for several times in this match, and it might just open the door for her to retain the World Title….

Susie: Literally….Because look….she’s going to try and make it out of the door.

A loud Chase chant is bellowing through the Amway Center as Chase’s eyes cut to the cage door, which referee Ingelson has propped open to aid in her escape. She crawls on elbows and knees towards the door, drawing closer and closer to the outside of the ring where she will retain her title. But just when she gets within inches of the door, Harrison steps around and takes hold of it, batting the official aside.

Its no longer the exterior of the ring that Chase is looking at it….its the soulless eyes of Harrison.

Dollar: Oh come on, Harrison keeping Taylor from being able to escape the cage.

It took little prompting to get the Unity to respond….taking offense to this injustice. They rush around the cage and find themselves staring down the Blacklist. Harrison’s eyes turn from Taylor in the ring to the two ladies who now pose a serious risk to his physical well-being.

Dollar: Blacklist and Unity about to come to blows OUTSIDE of the cage while they fight inside of it as well.

Susie: The fuse on this powder keg has just been lit. Which means, you know, something is gonna blow up and make Michael Bay pop a boner.

Mika decides that NOW is not the time, putting a palm to Harrison’s chest, pushing him away. Surprisingly Mika is the cooler head of the two, keeping Harrison balanced and violence from erupting at ringside. And that’s not all she’s done, as the Blacklist managed to delay Taylor’s escape, freeze her in mid-step and take her mind off the recovering Montgomery.

The challenger is on his feet….well…his foot…because one is launching in the direction of Taylor’s head. A screech from Kathyrn alerts Taylor to the pending calamity, turning and ducking the inbound boot at the last second. It goes traveling right over her skull and Chase goes rushing right into the ropes, ricocheting off then barreling towards Lukas who turns just as Chase leaps into a crossbody. A crossbody that does NOT put Lukas to the canvas….instead he catches Taylor across his chest to the despair of the masses, centers himself and then drops back into another fall-away slam, launching Chase towards the cage wall.

Tay-Tay corkscrews through the air, and instead of hitting the cage back first, she actually collides with it via her chest and stomach…but wait…hold that phone….don’t accept the charges….Chase didn’t just hit the cage, she CAUGHT hold of it. Like a spider she latches onto the wall and then turns her body, instantly scaling the cage now that Lukas has unintentionally given her quite the leg up.

Dollar: Another dreaded Fall-Away Slam into the….WAIT….

Susie: She CAUGHT hold of the cage….just like….something….that….catches things.

Dollar: BRILLIANT analogy Susie.

Susie: Thanks….really struggled with that one.

The fans are going ga-ga….just not Lady Ga-Ga….caue that would be weird. Unbeknownst to Lukas, he may have just sealed his own fate by launching Chase half way up the cage wall, one she is currently in the process of throwing a leg over. She has reached the top and is about a fourth of the way over the edge when Lukas leaps to the top rope, and manages to grab one of Chase’s ankles.

Susie: But Lukas has got her….he has hold of that ankle.

Dollar: Montgomery cutting her off at the last second, refusing to let her get out of the cage and retain the title.

Lukas just doesn’t hold onto the ankle for dear-life but uses his immense strength to pull Chase down the wall. However, she keeps an arm over the edge, gripping the other side, and kicking with her legs at Lukas’ arms. He manages to overcome the pain emanating from his banged up limb to keep a grasp on one of his adversary’s ankles. The crowd is quite alarmed at the sight of Lukas going for the dragon screw leg whip this time taking Chase almost off the TOP of the cage while he’s standing on the uppermost cable.

Dollar: Oh lord……could we be on the verge of seeing Taylor’s career ended?

Susie: Might make the Blacklist excited…..if their capable of getting excited by anything that isn’t Cannibal Holocust.

Lukas swings his arm into the crease of Taylor’s knee, bringing her down, but not to the canvas, it’s unto his shoulders she lands before twisting her body and yanking Montgomery off the top rope with a hurricarana. Lukas goes down and the fans leap up from their seats, exploding into a wave of pure elation at the sight of Chase delivering a move that defies reality.

Dollar: Chase counters….she counters…she counters into the HURRICARANA!

Susie: HOLY NICK NOLTE!

The wals of the cage actually shake in response to the crowd’s reaction. Absolutely everyone….even their grandmother with a broken hip…is responding favorably to Chase’s counter, that has put Lukas down….and done…Taylor realizes this, agonizingly crawling into the cover, hooking his leg and getting an even louder reaction with each slap of the canvas.

But noooooo! Chase HASN’T done it….HASN’T done enough….

Dollar: And Lukas kicks out….what’ll it take to put him away?

Susie: Stakes through hearts usually do the trick in cases like these.

Lukas may have kicked out, but he has nothing left to put up a fight, nor to stop Chase from once again crawling towards the cage-door….deciding that if she can’t get the pin….that she’ll instead escape. The referee swoops in to open the cage-door for her once more, this time with Yvonne and Kathryn assuming the roles of sentinels, warding off anyone who would try to interfere.

Dollar: Taylor is going to escape the cage by going through the door.

Susie: Pin didn’t do it….this should.

Chase begins to rise to her feet, realizing walking makes things a bit easier than trying to crawl through the door. She is on the verge of escaping the cage when from the corner of her eye she spots Mika Kozlov climbing the wall….trying to get inside that way and affect the outcome of this match. Both Yvonne and Kathryn notice this at the same as Taylor, scrambling around the cage in order to thwart Kozlov’s dastardly ambitions. She drops to the mats the moment she finds herself surrounded by both ladies, who are slowly closing in around the Blacklist femme.

Taylor watches this all pan out while stepping towards the cage door, which continues to be held open by the official. It hurts to bend forward and slide through the ropes, but it hurts even more to find the cage door dropkicked right into her face. Harrison rushes across the mats, goes airborne and delivers a dropkick with such force to the door that it sends the steel swinging right back into Taylor’s skull.

Dollar: The Blacklist finding a way to interfere even with Yvonne and Kathryn out here at ringside!

Susie: Taylor’s face hit that cage-door….hard….REAL HARD.

Dollar: Which happens when you have it dropkicked into you by Harrison.

The sound of steel ricocheting from skull echoes throughout the arena, as do the harrowing screams of the crowd. These screeches only get louder when Tay-Tay finds herself absent mindedly staggering back to the center of the ring and turning right into the Quieter….Lukas delivers the roaring elbow with such force that it actually sends Chase flipping completely over into a corkscrew.

Dollar: The Quieter coupled with that shot from the cage door….

Susie: And did you see the way Taylor’s head bent….her neck may have snapped…snapped I say….

Many fans cannot bring themselves to watch at this point as Lukas, cradling his arm over his chest looks to ensure he’ll be cradling something else to his bosom by the end of this match….the World Heavyweight Championship. It isn’t easy overcoming the hurricarana off the top rope, but somehow Montgomery does just that….crawling into the lateral press and hooking Chase’s leg in the process.

Susie: We’re about to see a new Champion crowned, Johnny. One without boobs or anything.

Dollar: Lukas capitalizing on that shot from the cage door and the Quieter to secure himself the World Heavyweight Championship.

Susie: I can’t watch…but I’m going to anyway.

The referee slips into position and the crowd slips into sheer senility as they watch the hand hit the canvas.

Two-and-a-half….!

That’s all Lukas gets….because Taylor manages to squirm a shoulder out from under his body and symbolically shoot her arm to the heavens.

Dollar: No…it didn’t finish the job….Taylor remaining champion….

Susie: For now. At least until someone creates an evil Taylor clone to defeat her.

Hands are slapping the barricades and feet are stomping the floors, creating a rumble….pun-intended….in reaction to the World Champion’s kick-out. Lukas sits and shivers, emotions overwhelming him. Meanwhile, on the outside of the ring Aaron has reached under the ring and is now removes a kendo-stick.

Dollar: Oh lord…..as if this didn’t just go from bad to downright horrible for Taylor Chase.

Susie: Aaron bringing the cane into play….the very one that split Orlando’s wiggy a few weeks ago.

Dollar: And it’s about to do the same to Taylor.

Mika continues to distract Yvonne and Kathryn, threatening them with raised fists and derogatory shouts…..taking their focus off of Harrison as he approaches the cage door and pie faces the argumentative official down to the mats. He is seemingly on the verge of turning and introducing the weapon into the ring….but in the process of knocking down the ref….he takes his eyes off the cage door, which is pushed right into his skull….right into his skull by Orlando Cruze!

Susie: Pay-back is a mother.

Dollar: It’s Harrison’s face that gets melded with the steel.

Susie: And not a cool Vulcan mind-meld either.

Dollar: It’s the Icon….he’s interfering and getting retribution on Harrison.

Harrison drops the cane and goes staggering back into the barricade, falling against it for support….his bell rung…clock cleaned….and the bats scattering from the belfry after Orlando leaped from the crowd to get the drop on Harrison and to swing the door into his cranium. Harrison pushes himself away from the barrier just as Orlando picks up the kendo-stick…..at long last having nothing that stands between the weapon and Harrison’s skull.

Aaron slyly back-peddles from Cruze….all the while shouting at him to swing….amongst other things.

Harrison: So the monster emerges from his layer, aye? Out to masquerade himself as the hero…..while making the Blacklist look like the villains? No one is buying it anymore, Cruze….

Instead of allowing the words to phase him…..they prompt a smile to his face….and a retraction of the cane.

Orlando: I’m not the only one tired of your bullshit, Aaron, it’s time to end this the same way it started….

The stick that was swung into Orlando’s skull all those months ago when Harrison took the World Championship….finds itself moments away from crushing Aaron’s head. Finally Orlando is about to have his absolution from Harrison….his revenge, which has been eons in the making.

Cruze has no time to relish this opportunity though, pulling the cane down as quickly as he can towards the waiting, almost gleeful face of Harrison only to halt in mid-motion. His face loses all pigment when Shaun Cruze of all people throws himself between the cane and Harrison’s head.

Orlando is FORCED to stop before he shatters his own brother’s skull….stopping short of Shaun’s head by mere centimeters.

Dollar: Oh come on, Shaun!

Susie: He just stopped his brother from debilitating the man who attacked Shaun on NewAge.

Dollar: If you believe that to be the truth, you are absolutely full of doogy-doo. It was so obvious that Shaun and the Blacklist played Orlando into thinking Shaun had been taken out by the Blackist, so that Orlando would be so angry he would challenge them to that cage match.

Susie: You and Oliver Stone should get together to make a movie.

Orlando looks HIGHLY conflicted….far more conflicted than he should be…unsure what motivates his brother.

Shaun: Don’t….don’t do it, Orlando….don’t stoop to HIS level…..Let ME handle this…..I owe hi big for what he did to me on NewAge.

Shaun doesn’t just make a big request verbally, but does so physically, by reaching out and grabbing hold of the cane in Orlando’s clutches.

Shaun: Give me this and let ME end Harrison before he manages to wholly corrupt you.

The cane is pulled but Orlando obviously is not letting it out of his clutches….no matter how sincere Shaun’s words sound.

Shaun: Let me make amends to you, brother….

An ever so cheesy smile forms on Shaun’s face along with the batting of his eyes.

Shaun: Don’t you trust me?

These words are like a razor to Shaun’s wrist as he verbally commits suicide. No….Orlando does not trust him….and the only way he’s going to get hold of the cane….is when he finds it impaled in his skull. But before Shaun is forced to dig wood fragments from his skull….in races Harrison. Aaron charges up behind Shaun, who ducks just in time for Aaron’s boot to travel over his head and connect right against Orlando’s face….the shuffle side kick connecting.

Dollar: And dammit to hell and back again…

Susie: Oops Shaun did it again.

Dollar: He managed to get Orlando to drop his guard and allowed Harrison to once again get the drop on the Icon.

Harrison’s face twists into a Cheshire grin as he bends over the laid out Orlando…..once again unleashing his twisted logic

Harrison: I told you….NO ONE is buying it anymore.

Harrison’s eyes slowly drift towards Shaun….who has possession of the kendo-stick at this point. But instead of using it as a weapon….bent on the destruction of his target….(Harrison? Or more accurately….ORLANDO?)….Shaun watches….eyeing the plight of his brother. Orlando gets to his knees and in spite of having his bell rung, cries out for the weapon in Shauns hands.

Dollar: Orlando BEGGING Shaun to give him the cane so he can protect himself and Taylor from the Blacklist.

Susie: Something tells me Shaun will give him the cane, but not in the way that Orlando has envisioned.

Upon gazing into the despondent eyes of Orlando, his baby brother is at last moved to a course of action The cane is swung directly into the thin protective matting, shattering it into hundreds of little pieces. Shaun then turns and bends down in front of Orlando with the handle of the weapon still in his hand.

Shaun: I can’t let you use something like this…you might hurt yourself.

The only thing that troubles Shaun is the thought of turning away from Orlando….not turning his back on him….no-no….but removing his eyes from the plight of his own brother. However, he is hit with a sudden influx of regret, when he turns to find himself glaring into the purple eyes of Yvonne.

Yvonne: What….what…have you become?

Even before Shaun can sigh….and TRY to explain himself….a forearm nails Ivy to the back of the neck. Mika has had enough with patience, putting a forearm to Ivy’s back and dropping her to the mats. Kathryn then rushes around the cage and catches Mika by the hair, spinning her around and drilling her to the jaw with a forearm.

Dollar: All hell breaking lose outside of the cage.

Susie: And it’s not getting anymore stable inside of it either.

As war breaks out at ringside….Lukas sees a golden opportunity….literally. His ascent to his feet hurts every muscle in his body….but somehow he manages to get up and stagger towards the door of the steel cage. His knees keep buckling on him yet somehow find the strength to straighten as he gets closer to the door.

The anarchy outside of the ring provides Lukas his best chance of escape. Kathryn and Mika are still going at it as Shaun stoops down over Yvonne, tilting his head to get a more thorough examination of his former fling. Aaron speaks much of the same body language, crouching over Cruze, realizing he has the shaken Icon precisely where he wants him.

This moment of dread is short-lived….for the fans are given cause to rejoice once more when Gary Matt and Brooklyn Smith come barreling down the ramp.

Susie: Wonder Twins activate!

Dollar; Here comes the cavalry….Brooklyn Smith and Gary Matt evening up the odds!

Shaun looks up just in time to see Brooklyn coming after him, prompting Cruze to high-tail it. He rushes towards the barrier and leaps over it with Smith in hot pursuit. She jumps the barricade and carries on after Shaun through the crowd while Harrison finds himself once again back-peddling….this time away from Gary….who hasn’t come empty handed.

From his pocket he removes…..a pair of handcuffs.

Dollar: Oh no….here comes the shackles.

Susie: Those things have played such an instrumental role in the history between the Blacklist, Taylor and Orlando.

Dollar: I don’t think the symbolism is wasted on Gary.

Matt lifts the handcuffs into the air, so that Harrison can get a good view of them as he passes by the open cage door. Gary is just stepping past it as he utters words thick with emotion.

Gary: Cruze didn’t deserve to be cuffed….and neither did Taylor….only animals like yourself should be in shackles.

Harrison: I’m NOT the monster here, Gary….you know who the true devil is.

Matt pauses….listening….And it’s that pause that causes things to horribly awry….Montgomery reaches through the ropes and the open doorway to grab the cuffs out of Gary’s elevated arm.

Dollar: NO! Lukas just grabbed the cuffs….he just took them right out of Gary’s hands!

Susie: And he’s bringing them into the cage.

Stunned doesn’t even begin to describe Matt’s current disposition….spinning around to find the cage door being swung shut right in front of his face. Lukas leans back, holding the door closed while dangling the cuffs behind the mesh barrier between himself and Gary…teasing him with the shackles.

Matt TRIES to pull the door open but before he can, Harrison grabs his wrist, yanking it away from the mesh. Intensity…in the raw….consumes Matt’s face as he finds himself eyeing Harrison…Soon it’s his fists rather than his pupils that fix on Harrison, flung directly at his face. Harrison ducks one of the blows and then rushes around behind Matt. Gary spins around and keeps throwing punches even as Aaron steps back avoiding each blow.

Harrison: It doesn’t have to be this way, Gary….it doesn’t.

Harrison backs up around the ramp with Gary pursuing him….unintentionally leaving the handcuffs behind in Lukas’ clutches.

Dollar: No Gary….go back….you’re not thinking clearly…..You’ve got to stop Lukas from using those handcuffs.

Susie: The Blacklist tried to have Taylor compete in handcuffs at Upping the Ante….well now it looks like those cuffs are going to find their way on Chase’s wrists tonight.

Lukas swoops in towards his ailing opponent, Chase just getting to a crawling base before Montgomery steps over the small of her back. He folds Taylor’s arm over behind the back of her head and snaps a cuff around her wrist. The other hand is then taken as Montgomery prepares to bind her entirely….and prevent any chance of her winning the championship this evening.

But Taylor twirls the chain of the handcuff around into her palm and then takes hold of it with her other hand as well….falling forward and using the shackles to flip Lukas over her head. He tried to hold onto the other end of the cuff which led to his detriment….maybe. He rolls right along onto his feet just as Taylor gets up and reveals that the shackle wasn’t cuffed about her wrist after-all….meaning she’s free to wrap it around her knuckles.

She rushes forward and swings right at Lukas’ face with the steel cuff aiding her only to have Montgomery deliver a boot straight to her knee. Chase leaps up and down on one foot, creasing her knee and putting her hands around her leg….grimacing in pain. Lukas then reaches down and picks the cuffs off the canvas, wrapping the chain that unites them around his fist and then going for a knock-out punch. Chase suddenly leaps from her one leg into the TKO on the inbound bicep of Montgomery. Lukas unleashes a roar, twisting down to the canvas and dropping to his knees with the cuffs falling to the ring before him.

Dollar: TKO delivered…on the ARM of Montgomery….that completely shuts down his ability to hit the Quieter….

Susie: And yet….throughout this entire match Lukas was trying to take away Taylor’s ability to hit the TKO.

Dollar: It doesn’t seem to have worked out for him.

Immediately after landing on her feet and finding her knee screeching in pain, she goes falling into the ropes, leaning against them and ultimately using them to greater benefit. She climbs the cables and reaches the wall… scaling the mesh to a loud and sustained pop from the crowd. Everyone watches as Taylor gets closer and closer to the edge of the wall, reaching a hand over it at this point.

Dollar: Taylor is almost out…she’s so incredibly close to retaining the World Championship.

Susie: Overcoming the odds yet again I see.

A leg is thrown over the top of the cage wall, Taylor about to go over when Lukas….using only one arm….scales up the wall beneath her and catches her foot.

Susie: God….Lukas is like Michael Meyers….you just can’t kill him.

Dollar: Every time he’s down he gets back up…and now he’s actually climbing the cage with the use of one arm.

All eyes watch with the utmost intentness as Taylor is dragged from the top of the cage by the foot but then counters the same way she did earlier, landing on top of Lukas’ shoulders and spinning around into the hurrricarana. She drops back only to have Lukas reach out and grab the cage wall with his one good hand. He then unleashes a roar and heaves Chase up onto his shoulders to the absolute amazement of the audience and then leaps off the top rope, delivering a sit-out powerbomb.

Dollar; JESUS GAHD!

Susie: LANCE ARMSTRONG’S MISSING TESTICLE!

Dollar: Powerbomb off the top rope….powerbomb driving Taylor to the canvas….powerbomb capturing the World Title for the Blacklist!!

A seated Montgomery uses what little bits of strength he has left to lean forward into the creases of Taylor’s knees. Every bone in her body has probably been turned into powder….and there are no more synapses firing in her dead brain.

The holy shit chant that pierces through the building is then drowned out by the counting of the crowd.

And after all the hardships….after all the obstacles….after all the brutality….Taylor Chase just…..couldn’t give up….her arm launches from the canvas in an act of pure defiance.

Dollar: YOU….NO…..DID….How?

Susie: Johnny D….are you speechless?

Dollar: For good reason….Tay-Tay kicks out even after the sit-out powerbomb almost from the top of the cage.

Susie: I’m giving this a solid eight on my mind blown scale.

A ‘Taylor’ chant emanates from the audience….everyone on their feet chiming in as one and throwing their support behind the World Heavyweight Champion. Somehow she is stirring, Lukas doing the same…..as he rolls in the direction of the door realizing it presents the easiest route to securing the World Championship.

He crawls arm over arm towards the door, dragging his limp body along behind him. All use of his lower extremities has been lost….no function in his muscles and nerve-endings.

Meanwhile, outside of the ring Yvonne as well as Orlando are still recovering from the stiff blows to their skulls and Pearson and Mika are throwing fists at one another. That is until Mika side steps a blow, takes Pearson by the back of her head and launches her face into the mesh wiring. Kathryn’s head ricochets from the steel and her body twirls down to the mats.

In spite of all the pain and aggravation, Lukas reaches the cage door and begins to crawl through under the ropes. His organs and bones feel like they’ve been liquefied and shattered….but he keeps his confidence and rallies himself through the door.

Dollar: This is the closest Lukas has come….and there’s finally nothing standing between him and those mats….

Susie: Thank you spoke too soon….AGAIN.

Montgomery’s chest is pressed to the steel steps, which elevates him above the mats, and just before he can slither off the stairs to the mats, Taylor catches him by the ankle. Every last vestige of strength is employed to keep Lukas from reaching those mats. Lukas pushes forward with his all though, the two in a battle of wills…and who’s will shall triumph? The crowd bites their nails in anticipation of this answer…..many cupping their mouths as Mika now rushes around the cage, grabbing Lukas’ wrists. She falls back and TRIES to pull Lukas out of the cage.

Dollar: Look at this…..look at this garbage….Mika trying to pull Montgomery out of the cage…..

Susie: Kozlov hell-bent and determined to make sure Taylor loses the World Title tonight.

Dollar: And that is just what she’s doing right now….in the most reprehensible fashion imaginable.

Mika actually wedges her feet to the steps and pushes back as she yanks on Lukas’ wrists…She and Taylor almost splitting Montgomery in two during their tug of war. Maybe Tay could have held on and kept Lukas inside of the cage IF it were just Montgomery she was struggling with…BUT….she’s fighting against Lukas AND Mika….coupled with some extensive injuries suffered throughout this match….making it impossible to hold on.

It appears now that Lukas is right on the verge of being pulled through the door and that there is nothing that Taylor can do about it. That is until Kathryn rushes across the mats and stops at Mika’s side, grabbing her wrist, lifting her boot and dropping back, delivering the Cool It, Bitch. The move knocks Kozlov to the mats and breaks her grasp on Lukas’ wrists.

Dollar: Kathryn intervenes….she takes out Kozlov before she can pull Montgomery out of the cage and screw Chase out of the championship.

Susie: This is eighty shades of psychotic.

Kozlov is down and grasping her jaw while Taylor grabs hold of something else, Lukas’ waistband. Just before Montgomery can be pulled back into the cage he looks up and spots Pearson standing over Kozlov….his mouth dropping.

Montgomery: WHY?

Suddenly Lukas is pulled back into the cage and Taylor is dropping at his side, grabbing his arm and applying the fujiwara. The fans are acting rabid….frothing at the mouths as Chase rears back on the arm and Montgomery lifts his free palm into the air…going from the highest of highs to the deepest of depths. Just when it seemed he was about to win the title…he now finds himself on the verge of submitting to lose it.

Dollar: Is he gonna tap…..is Montgomery going to submit? If it were ever going to happen, it would be here…it would be now….That arm suffered the TKO for shit kittens sakes….

Susie: But he’s still not giving up….look at him fighting through this agony.

Indeed, the pain coursing through Montgomery’s arm is crippling, bringing his other hand into the air….ready to finally submit and bring this war to an end. Taylor wrenches back as far on the arm as possible until she can almost hear the shoulder snap out of its socket…..but Lukas still won’t give up. He actually begins to drag himself towards the cage door…

Dollar: There is no way….NO WAY…..Lukas pulling Taylor towards the door….about to escape even with Taylor holding onto the fujiwara.

Susie: This guy is a total and absolute freak.

On the outside of the ring Kathryn has helped Yvonne to her feet, helping her teammate up the ramp. Clearly the blow to the back of the head has done some damage…rendering Knight almost incapable of even walking.

Lukas puts an arm through the door and grabs at the steps, trying to use them to pull himself through. It’s at that moment, when Taylor is losing hope that her foot hits the handcuffs introduced earlier into the match. With quick thinking she stands up, grabs the cuffs and breaks the fujiwara in favor of cuffing one of Lukas’ wrists, she then tries to put the other end of the shackles around the bottom rope.

Dollar; Taylor is going to handcuff Lukas to the ropes!

Susie: Pretty resourceful move.

Dollar: It’s the only move she has left at this point.

The cuff is about to shackle and seal Lukas’ fate, coming back to hinder as opposed to help him. Just as Taylor is on the verge of snapping the cuff in place around the top rope, Lukas rears back on the shackle, pulling Chase towards him. He catches her by the waist-band and drags Chase down through the ropes, face first right into the wall of the cage.

Dollar: But Lukas stops Taylor just before she could cuff him to those cables.

Susie: And drives Taylor’s head into the cage wall in the process.

By instinct Chase begins to drag herself to her feet, legs and body feeling like their weighed down by bowling balls. She stumbles right back into Lukas, who takes her shoulder, spins her around, delivers the boot to her gut, heaves her up onto his shoulders and sets for the running powerbomb. He gets about half way across the ring before his arms gives out on him, allowing Chase to push herself up and over his head, leap frogging it. As she comes down behind Lukas, she twists her body and lands facing her opponent’s back. She wedges hands to his spine and shoves him along into the cage wall. Lukas’ momentum sends him flying over the cage wall and his skull ricocheting off the mesh.

A skull now softened up for the final blow….Tay-Tay slapping her knee, which may be killing her but will provide the ultimate solace. The fans are red-hot in anticipation of this final and decisive blow, that Taylor leaps right into, her knee sailing OVER Lukas’ head. How? Montgomery ducks the inbound knee and then catches Chase’s legs over his shoulders before rushing across the ring and throwing her via a release running powerbomb right into the cage wall. Tay-Tay’s body ricochets from the cage and then goes crumbing down between the apron and the steel.

Dollar: AAAAAHH…..POWERBOMB….

Susie: And right into the cage no less!

Dollar: These two have absolutely destroyed one another over the title.

Susie: And their STILL fighting.

The ‘holy shit’ chant rings throughout the Amway Center at the sight of Chase’s body imploding against the cage and now lying comatose between it and the cables. Lukas is in no better shape than Taylor, his arm enflamed by pain as he staggers into the ropes, grabs them and climbs over to the cage wall.

Dollar: Pin-falls didn’t work….going through the cage door didn’t work….submissions didn’t work…..the only avenue left is to climb over the wall and escape the old fashioned way.

Again it seems that Taylor has been soundly incapacitated…..her body so mangled by the multiple collisions with the cage that she literally has no function in her body left….let alone any ability to stop Montgomery from reaching the top of the cage and crossing over. Montgomery, body ailing, muscles contracted, at last reaches the top edge of the wall….albeit it with one arm. He throws a leg over and now straddles the edge, relishing in the despair of the masses.

Dollar: And all the planning….all the plotting….all the destruction finally culminates to Montgomery winning the World Heavyweight Title.

Suise: Can’t believe we’re about to see the Blacklist holding two of our most prestigious championships.

Lukas grimaces as he begins to pull his other leg over the cage wall. Suddenly Chase seems to spring to life, responding to the pleas of the masses. She crawls across the ring…..muscles ailing as she falls into the ropes, using them to drag herself up….in spite of having no use of her legs. She employs her arms and her arms alone to pull herself up the mesh wiring.

Dollar: Taylor going after Lukas….but it might be too late.

Susie: Montgomery is almost out of the cage already.

Actually he IS out of the cage, hanging over the wall and peering down at the outside mats, wondering how much it’ll hurt to just let go and collapse from this height. Before he can make that decision, Chase reaches over the edge and grabs him by the bangs. She then drags his face right into the steel beam coursing through the ledge. Lukas almost going fall back down to the mats….which would be crippling…..but also award him the World Heavyweight Title. But Chase grabs hold of his wrist and begins to mess with it while she straddles the ledge of the cage.

Dollar: Somehow Taylor managed to catch up to Lukas……but now these two are in a very precarious position.

Susie: Who’s going to make it down to those mats….who’s going to take the spill to the title?

Taylor throws her other leg over the ledge and finds herself dangling over the mats just like her opposition. She begins to climb down the wall to secure her World Championship only to have Lukas reach out and surprise her by grabbing the locks of her hair. Chase lets go of the cage and drops to the outside to the cheers of the crowd only to have that applause transform into screeches when they see Taylor’s feet dangling and kicking above the mats without ever touching them.

Lukas is holding Chase up by a handful of hair while his other hand grips the ledge of the cage.

Dollar: Chase was about to drop to the mats and retain the title….but….but….are we seeing this?

Susie: Yes….Taylor is being held by the hair and kept from reaching the mats.

Taylor actually tries to pull her own hair out if that’s what it takes to retain the championship, but Lukas has hold of the very roots. With another primal roar Montgomery heaves Taylor up into the air and back to his side so that she is forced to grab the cage wall. He then pulls back on her face and drives it against the mesh. Taylor bounces off and almost takes a dive to the mats but Lukas keeps a grip on the back of her skull, refusing to let go. Suddenly Chase delivers an elbow right to Lukas’ bicep, aggravating the multiple strikes it’s sustained. Chase then throws a knife edge chop across Lukas’ chest before grabbing the back of his head and ramming his face against the wall.

Lukas shakes off the blow to his cranium then takes Chase’s head into her palm, rearing back and driving it against the wall.

Susie: Who is going to get the advantage? Who-who-WHO!?!

Dollar: Lukas and Chase batting it out on top of the cage with one of them about to take a spill to the outside and win the title.

Taylor grabs Lukas and Lukas grabs Taylor, both simultaneously driving one another’s faces into the cage wall. Their skulls bounce off and once the pain becomes too much for either of them to withstand….they do something else simultaneously, deciding to just let go. Lukas and Taylor release the cage wall and go tumbling to the outside….but only one set of feet hit the mats…..because unbeknownst to Lukas, Taylor shackled the other end of the cuffs around the ledge of the cage. He finds himself swinging from his wrist and watching with stunned eyes as Chase lands across the mats….and by virtue retains her World Heavyweight Championship.

Dollar: Lukas is shackled to the cage…..Taylor retains….Taylor retains!!

Susie: Holy spumoni!

The crowd is about to faint as all the oxygen leaves their lungs, unleashing one of the loudest and most sustained reactions that has ever been heard. Ear drums almost pop as the fans continue to elate in response to Chase’s stunning win…..

Dollar: Again….in spite of overwhelming obstacles….Taylor Chase retains the World Heavyweight Championship….and she did it by using the Blacklist’s own tactics against them.

Susie: She managed to handcuff Lukas’ wrist to the ledge of the cage and kept him from falling at the same time she did…

Dollar: And as a result Chase has managed to once again do the inconceivable….she emerges from the cage STILL the World Heavyweight Champion.

It takes a lot of motivation but Taylor at last gets her knees under her and manages to raise an arm in victory. Lukas on the other hand can’t even lower his own arm….it’s stuck above him, handcuffed to the cage and supporting his hanging body. Even as he swings high above the mats, shoulder almost dislocating and wrist chaffing from the cuff, he manages to unload verbally on the World Champion.

Lukas anger intensifies when Chase gets to her feet and is handed the World Heavyweight Title….one that she raises high above her head.

Dollar; Here it comes…..

Susie: Prepare yourselves.

Chase draws in a deep breath then unloads.

Tay-Tay: I DID IT! I IDID IT!

Everyone in attendance is chanting along.

Tay-Tay: I DID IT! I DID…

Suddenly ANOTHER kendo-stick, retrieved from beneath the ring, SLAMS against Taylor’s upper back and sends her spiraling into the barricade. Mika stands behind her sister, face twisting into an expression of animosity….FINALLY putting her hands on Chase…..or more accurately….a weapon.

Dollar: And the buzz has just been killed….Mika Kozlov attacking Taylor Chase with the cane!

Susie: Until this moment Mika and Taylor have not attacked one another in a physical capacity….but Kozlov has finally lost her cool….She’s snapped after seeing Taylor overcome the Blacklist yet again to retain the World Championship.

Dollar: Mika is absolutely OUT….OF….CON…TROL!

Susie: Did you just call Mika a troll?

Dollar: Absolutely not.

Montgomery: Get her Mika…get her!

All Lukas can do is watch and shout as he hangs from his shackled wrists from the top of the cage…and Mika is doing just as instructed. She swings the cane right into Taylor’s ribs, doubling over the already battle tested and weary World Champion. Another shot from the kendo-stick to the spine reverberates through Chase’s body. She almost trips over her own feet while staggering towards the cage door, instinctively rolling into the steel abomination under the ropes. Kozlov slides in after her and then reaches back slamming the door shut.

Susie: Mika trapping herself and Taylor inside of the cage….this is going to end….and it’s going to end with Chase’s annihilation!

Dollar: The mind-games are over….it’s time for the brutality to begin. Mika has been waiting for this opportunity a long…long time….all their lives Kozlov has been trying to remove Taylor and assume her role as the most beloved daughter of the Chase clan….she might just accomplish that goal finally right here tonight.

Kozlov’s eyes….her serpent like…..soulless pupils turn from the door to the mangled body of her ‘sister.’ It’s obvious after enduring one of the most physical matches of her career that Chase has absolutely nothing left to defend herself against this onslaught. Kozlov swings the cane around her hand several times before forming a tight grip on the weapon. Drool actually oozes from the corner of her mouth, salivating at the thought of crushing Taylor.

Susie: This is the moment Mika has been building towards. Taylor has repeatedly thwarted Mika’s attempts to destroy her spirit and her mind….but tonight….she will not deny Kozlov the opportunity to destroy her body.

Taylor somehow wills herself up to her feet, but unfortunately her back is to Kozlov….Mika taking immediate advantage of this. She rushes in and swings the cane right into her upper spine, knocking Taylor down to the canvas.

Mika: This is all your fault, Malishka!

Another shot from the cane.

Mika: You turned me into this!

A third strike from the cane over the upper back, Chase only held up by being propped against the middle rope, her legs absent of feeling.

Mika: You’re family destroyed mine!

Yet another caning.

Mika: And then you got them all to turn against me!

A fifth fatal blow.

Mika: You loved me once!

And a sixth.

Mika: And you will love me again.

Then a seventh.

Mika: I sacrificed everything….EVERYTHING

An eighth blow leaves a welt across Taylor’s flesh.

Mika: For you….

Kozlov lines up for the ninth debilitating strike.

Mika: I’m through being your guardian….Either come back to me, or I’ll do to you what I did to that other whore!

She starts to step in and swing the cane while referencing the brutality unleashed on Mika’s own mother.

The cane nails her in the upper back and Chase at last collapses from the ropes to the canvas. It takes all of her strength to get up….but for some reason that’s just what she’s doing….putting a knee under her. Mika steps back, gripping the handle of the cane with such friction that blisters are forming on her palms. She now has a free…unrestricted shot to the head.

Mika: We will be sisters again Taylor….you will cooperate….You will accept me….You will LOVE ME!

A moment is taken to stare into the glazed eyes of Taylor as she bobs from one side to the other, teetering between her knees.

Mika: I am the monster you made me….But even monsters deserve love.

Mika lifts the cane above her head and steps in, about to shatter the staff right across Taylor’s face when the World Champion surprisingly leaves the canvas…..knee launching into the air and drilling Kozlov right under the jaw. The TKO connects and keeps Kozlov from delivering the tenth and most destructive blow from the cane.

The weapon collapses to the canvas and Mika follows it…..landing on her elbows and knees. There is drool pouring from the crack of her mouth for an entirely different reason now….going absolutely brain-dead after that last shot from the TKO.

Dollar: TKO from Taylor…..NAILS Mika right to the jaw!

Susie: She had enough of those shots from the cane….and that spiteful rhetoric from Kozlov.

Taylor can barely stand, but finds the strength to approach Mika….AFTER….picking the cane up off the canvas.

Dollar: Uh-oh.

Susie: This is not good for Mika at all.

Lukas desperately pulls on the cuff, trying to break it so he can come to the aid of Mika, but there is no shattering the cuff…..in spite of all the strength….what little remains….exerted upon it.

The fans are now the ones drooling….all in anticipation of seeing Taylor achieve vindication upon the woman crawling away from her. Chase looks between the Singapore Cane in her hands and the target that is Mika’s back.

Taylor: You were never….and will never….be MY sister.

Just as Mika staggers to her feet, Chase rushes in and collapses her spine with a shot so stiff from the cane that it breaks the staff in two. Kozlov then goes stumbling into the ropes, spiraling through them as well as the cage door. It bursts open as Mika spills through it and collapses lifelessly across the mats. The handle of the cane is thrown to the canvas with Taylor’s eyes maliciously focused on the Blacklist member ailing across the mats. She then reaches down and grabs the World Title that she dropped upon rolling into the ring, lifting her gold high above her head.

Dollar: Taylor stands triumphant tonight….perhaps removing the Blacklist from her life for good.

Susie: Feel good moment for Tay-Tay….because although the Blacklist has only been effecting her career here in the IWC for several months now….Mika has been plaguing Taylor for years!

Dollar: Vindication for Taylor.

Chase continues to hold the World Heavyweight Title high above her head, receiving a standing ovation from the fans, and from her recovered fiancée at ringside. Orlando regains footing outside of the ring and claps proudly for his love….his champion. The intense Taylor turns, blowing Cruze a kiss which touches him on so many levels.

Dollar: What a way to kick off Last Stand….Taylor Chase once again emerges victorious and with the World Heavyweight Championship….in the process putting the Blacklist in her past.

Susie: Amazing….feel-good moment here on pay-per-view.

The tumbler which will decide the fate of so many combatants this evening sits in the office of Orlando Cruze….however….he is neither on hand…or capable of drawing the balls…stop laughing…out that shall provide structure…and give the Rumble participants their number of entry. This is of no matter to either P Clarence Whitman III, Katelyn Buehler, or the man who has deemed himself befitting of replacing Orlando for this occasion. Leeland Gaunt.

Mr. Gaunt: Mr. Whitman….Mrs. Buehler…my sincerest gratitude must be extended for joining me here this evening.

Katelyn: No problem, Mr. Gaunt.

Whitman: Ah, to be entirely earnest….

Whitman says while peeking out from behind Buehler’s back, employing her as a human shield.

Whitman:….I was….ah….misinformed. I was told to come here to pick my number for this glorious ‘rumble’ tonight. I actually had no idea YOU….kind fellow….would….ah….be here to help in the picking process.

Mr. Gaunt: The misinformation was quite intentional.

Whitman: Oh….um….I see.

Mr. Gaunt: I highly doubt that you would have shown up had you been privy to the knowledge that I’d also be present. But you Buehler, you had no qualms about adhering to my invitation.

Katelyn: Are you kidding me, Leeland? I owe you everything…..I owe you….the WORLD!

Mr. Gaunt: How wondrously sentimental.

Katelyn: Seriously…..Mr. Gaunt….if it wasn’t for you forcing me to face and conquer my fears, I never would find myself in the position I am now….ready to compete in the Rumble and convinced that I actually have a chance to win it.

Mr. Gaunt: Superb.

Attention turns to Whitman….everyone anticipating his own brand of ass-kissing.

Whitman: Ah….yes….well….I suppose, that I should ah say that I’m thankful you convinced me to shag myself out of the X-Class Championship.

Mr. Gaunt: Hmmmm….you may have lost the title, Mr. Whitman….but in the process your honorable and dare I say, heroic, actions inspired the Black Crusade. And that dear boy, may be a greater accomplishment than retaining any championship. For it takes quite a bit of doing to give the Black Crusade proper inspiration.

Whitman: Ah….well….splendid then. May I take my leave?

Mr. Gaunt I have something that must be said first.

Whitman continues to utilize Katelyn as a physical barrier between himself and Gaunt, his heart beating a mile a minute.

Mr. Gaunt: It’s obvious that the two of you comprise a rare-lot. No one else on the roster has taken to heart our tutelage and have largely misjudged our intentions. So in order to show our appreciation for your ability to learn from the Black Crusade’s methods, and your valiant attempts to rise above your fears, I am here to inform you both that you can count on my consortium of crusaders to watch your backsides in the Rumble this evening.

Whitman: Ah….well…thank you.

Katelyn: No need, Mr. Gaunt, if I’m going to win this Rumble tonight, I’m doing it on my own.

Mr. Gaunt: Tis not an option I’m presenting you with here, my Dear. Groups like the Blacklist and the Coalition have made it clear that victory cannot be achieved by merit of one’s skill alone. I’m merely stating that the likes of Mr. Hush and Silence will ensure that there is no tomfoolery and treachery involved in this rumble when time comes for your participation.

Whitman: If you insist.

Katelyn: But Mr. Gaunt….

Mr. Gaunt: No, Mrs. Buehler….please do not argue this Black Crusade decree. It is but a small token of our appreciation for the two of you rallying us to a greater cause….the salvation of this federation. And you, Mrs. Buehler….you are the embodiment of that salvation. Our actions spared you from a life of drug abuse and a spiral into utter oblivion….through forcing you to conquer fear, you transformed from a meek, all together pathetic jobber, to one of the most coveted athletes on this roster. You are redemption, Buehler, in its purest form….and you are the very backbone of the Black Crusade’s campaign to imbue this company with spirit. We will not stand idle as forces such as Blacklist and Coalition threaten to corrupt and crush that spirit.

Katelyn: But I can handle them.

Mr. Gaunt: Truly? Is that why you’ve fallen to them TWICE in recent weeks?

Katelyn feels the knot that has yet to fade from the back of her head, resulting from the shot with the gavel.

Mr. Gaunt: Their numbers present an insurmountable obstacle….so I plead with you…with you BOTH….to accept the assistance of the Black Crusade this evening.

Whitman: As long as Silence steers clear of my mustache I’m sure we can all get along fabulously.

Mr. Gaunt: I’m surprised you are so willing to accept assistance from the Black Crusade, Mr. Whitman, given your stubborn resistance in the past.

Whitman: Ah well….I’m truly a changed man.

Mr. Gaunt: As much was evident on the last edition of Riot!

Katelyn: Alright…FINE….if the Black Crusade wants to watch my back to prevent Ba’al from doing anything….kooky….I guess I’ll accept your offer on that basis and that basis alone.

Mr. Gaunt: Excellent.

Katelyn: Now can I PLEASE draw my number?

The tumbler that has sat idle through this entire conjecture is at last referenced.

Mr. Gaunt: By all means.

Gaunt steps aside and opens his palm while gesturing to the tumbler

Mr. Gaunt: It is another reason we’ve all gathered here, is it not?

At first Buehler nods and reaches in to extract her number before her hand stops cold, and her eyes twist confusingly to the maniacal Mr. Gaunt.

Katelyn: Did I hear you correctly?

Mr. Gaunt: Pardon?

Katelyn: Did you just imply that YOU’RE entering the Rumble tonight?

Mr. Gaunt: Hahahaha….oh my dear, I IMPLIED nothing.

Before Buehler can take hold of a ball….resisting so hard to insert a joke here….Leeland reaches into the tumbler instead and takes a number. Upon examining it Mr. Gaunt does the inconceivable, he smiles.

Whitman: You look…..pleased.

There is no response save for the smile on Leeland’s face.

Whitman: My turn….

Katelyn: No cutting in line.

Whitman is shoved back just as he tried to maneuver around Buehler…..who refuses to allow anything to stand between herself and the tumbler. Finally her hand reaches through the ever so tiny door and removes her number. All eyes are on the number…except for Buehler’s.

Whitman: So dear….how did you do?

She begins to open her fingers to reveal her entry number but then balls up her fist before she can even get a peek at it.

Katelyn: Why ruin the surprise?

Whitman: Ah….well that’s….okay.

Mr. Gaunt remains silent as Katelyn gives the pair a nod and proceeds towards the door. Now that Whitman is without his human shield, there being no buffer between he and Gaunt….the former X-Class Champion stews uncomfortably. He fixes the knot in his tie, and then does so again and again.

Mr. Gaunt: I believe it now IS your turn.

It doesn’t take Mr. Gaunt to remind him…..Whitman well aware that he’s supposed to be plucking his number from the tumbler, but he hesitates. As usual Clarence is worried….fearful that he’ll pick a truly unenviable position…considering his only luck is of the bad variety.

He steps up the metaphorical plate, but instead of swinging a bat, he cracks his knuckles. Fingers then twiddle out to his sides and apprehensively draw in near the tumbler. He is about to take out one of the balls before suddenly drawing his hands back to his jaw, rubbing it contemplatively.

Mr. Gaunt: Would you just pick one already!?!

An uncharacteristic outburst from Mr. Gaunt that goes against his normal calm and docile demeanor causes Whitman’s heart to not just jump into his throat, but almost leap straight from his mouth. After much prompting, Whitman finds the courage to reach into the tumbler, remove his number and tentatively examine it. Unlike Mr. Gaunt, there is no smile….there is nothing…..nothing but a look of perpetual dread.

Whitman: Ah….

The door has just finished closing behind Katelyn Buehler’s back before she’s instantly pounced upon by Greyson Lovejoy and the veracious Sparkles.

Sparkles: Hey tight-jeans….if you’re gonna walk away…do it a little slower would you?

This is not the time……nor is it the place….Buehler wants to maintain her focus on one thing, and it isn’t the creepy come-ons of a puppet.

Greyson: Hello Katelyn….please do your best to excuse Sparkles….

Sparkles: Yeah….I didn’t have a chance to rub one out before the pay-per-view started….Wasn’t anything good on…..except for Jumpin Jack Flash, and no matter how hard I squinted I just couldn’t make Whoopi Goldberg boner worthy.

Katelyn: Are either of you going to ask a question soon? Because believe it or not, there are other places I’d like to be.

Greyson: Oh yes…of course….You see, Katelyn, we’ve been positioned here to capture the reactions of those competing in the Rumble match tonight…as it relates to the discovery of their entry order.

Sparkles: Though there are other numbers you can hit us with too….like your measurements for instance.

Katelyn: I think I’ll pass.

Greyson: So how is your confidence effected knowing what number you’ll be entering at tonight?

Katelyn: Well that’s just it….I don’t know….

Greyson looks down and Sparkles looks up, the two awkwardly making eye contact.

Sparkles: Oooookay.

Greyson: So even after you picked your number you still don’t know what….

Katelyn: No….I don’t….is it so strange to not want to know….at least up until the start-time for the Rumble?

Sparkles: Yeah, but don’t feel bad, all the bitches around here are crazy if they can resist my swagger.

Greyson: Guess that takes some kahonies on you’re part.

Sparkles: And hey, if you DO have kahonies don’t worry….I can work around that. I ain’t picky.

It’s Buehler’s turn to stare between the faces of ventriloquist and puppet, looking confused and somewhat slack jawed.

Katelyn: It’s not bravery I’m attempting to show…it’s just I don’t want to get myself too psyched out is all…I just do….

Howdy Katie!

The familiar tone of Rachel Foxx puts an instant end to the conversation and Buehler’s fists into a defensive position…..too late…..The moment she turns to engage the speaker…in something that will undoubtedly NOT be words….a gavel connects directly against her cheek. Buehler is toppled to the floor….knocked completely unconscious by this swift…..unexpected blow. As she collapses to the concrete, Sparkles and Greyson flee from the two individuals who take their place. Rachel drops down to her knees while Ba’al falls to his seat and takes Katelyn’s head into his arms, placing the back of her skull across his lap and stroking her hair ever so gently.

Ba’al: So you believe in this notion of redemption? That the damned can be brought back from the brink….that the sinful can be saved? Well Katelyn…I’m afraid you’ve been misinformed. This misguided ideal you harbor in that tiny little brain of yours that you can reinvent yourself and become something more than a mere whore….is a delusion and nothing more. You will never rise above your station, and your sins will never be forgiven.

Rachel: Sorry Katelyn….but you’re nothing more than a loser and a whore.

Ba’al: I’ve defeated you twice already, Katelyn, that should more than demonstrate that you are a nothing….Not a champion….not an athlete of merit…..and not the spirit of this company. You are not redeemed…..for there is no true redemption…..

Rachel: The wicked can’t be redeemed….they can only be punished. Time to suffer a whore’s fate.

It seems like it takes mere seconds for Buehler’s hand to be placed over the concrete floor and for Rachel to smash her fingers with the gavel….but the pain is long and persistent. Even the tough, durable Buehler cannot help but to cry out in total agony. She draws her broken fingers to her stomach and rolls around bellowing in agony. Rachel steps around her body but Ba’al is on all fours, slithering in reverse while keeping his face elevated above Buehler’s contracted features.

Alana: Where is she….WHERE IS THAT BLUE EYED BITCH!?!

Not only are we privy to the screeching voice of Alana Starr, but the sound of her fists drilling a downed Cassidy Haze to her forehead.

Alana: Tell me where she is….Tell me where she’s hiding!

Another punch…then another….Alana’s knuckles bruising against Cassidy’s face. She kneels at the side of the laid out Haze, who has her side wedged to a wall….pinned to the ground with no avenue of escape.

Alana: She’s not getting out of this..not again.

Her red knuckles are retracted and Haze is held up by the bangs of her hair….her smiling face providing a tempting target. Even though her lip has been busted and blood is seeping from the corner of her mouth, Haze manages to cackle.

Cassidy: Do you honestly think I would tell you even if I DID know where Bosslady was?

Alana: Oh you’ll tell me…..I can make you talk.

There is no hesitation shown by Starr to reach right down into Haze’s corset and remove the switch blade she has hidden between her breasts. The knife is extended and pressed to Cassidy’s throat.

Alana: Where is Brittany?

Casssidy: Really?

Haze is not impressed.

Cassidy: You think that scares me?

The tip of the blade imbeds into Cassidy’s skin….blood beginning to dribble out of the gash.

Cassidy: It doesn’t, Love….But I’ll tell you what I know…which is NOTHING. I have no idea why Bosslady has gone dark.

The shaking in Starr’s body extends to every inch of her physique save for the hand clutching the blade, it is remarkably still and composed.

Alana: You know more than your saying.

The blade is forced against the carotid.

Alana: I’m not going to be denied Lohan…not again.

Andre: NO!

Into the scene dashes Jordan, intervening just before Starr can make a crucial mistake that will haunt her immediate future. He grabs Starr by the wrist and forces the knife both away from Cassidy’s throat and out of Alana’s hands. He then pulls her up to her feet by her wrist only to have Alana scream and shove him back.

Alana: What are you doing, DRE!?! Stay out of this!

Andre: No….what are YOU doing? And I can’t turn a blind eye to this shit….

The hands that keep pushing Andre back every time he steps in are finally snatched hold of….Andre restraining her wrists.

Andre: You’re totally mental….You’ve lost it Baby….

Alana: Don’t call me that….you lost the right to call me that!

Andre: Because I tried to keep you from making the biggest mistake of your life? Look at you….look at this…

He gesutres towards the downed Cassidy, who has pulled herself up and is now seated against the wall putting pressure on the small wound in her neck.

Andre: This isn’t who you are….You’re better than this garbage.

Alana: I NEED Lohan….and YOU….you NEED to stay out of my way.

Starr releases her wrists from Jordan’s grips, tearing away and storming down the corridor. All Andre can do is stand there and sigh…..his grimace more pronounced when hearing the menacing laugh of Haze.

POLLY NORAH VS. PORNO LAD

”EVERYBODY”

The Backstreet Boys serenade Porno Lad and Kordelia Price on their way to the ring. They stop on the stage with Lad thrusting his arms out to his sides while Kordy drops beside him and wraps her arms around his thigh, leaning her cheek against his pelvis. A smirking Prankster reaches down and grabs Kordelia by the hair, pulling back on her head so that her big eyes are glaring up into his face. His fingers outstretch and run down her throat before giving her a light slap on the cheek. He then uses the grip on the hair to pull Price up to her feet….the two headed to the squared circle where Lad is about to defend his chauvinistic stance.

Dollar: Chaos everywhere here tonight. Katelyn Buehler’s hand mangled by Ba’al and Rachel Foxx, and now Alana Starr attacking Cassidy Haze in search of Brittany Lohan.

Susie: Looks like the Rumble has just lost TWO entrants. Buehler not able to compete with a presumably fractured hand, and Brittany Lohan apparently not going to be here tonight.

Dollar: Indeed, we’ve heard nothing from the Lohan camp these past few weeks and Cassidy all but confirmed that she’s not going to be competing this evening.

Susie: Well one person we KNOW is about to compete is Porno Lad….Porny to square off against one of the newest members of the IWC roster….the woman who attacked him on Riot!

RIOT!

A brief highlight video recaps the occurrences of Riot, which set up this whole bout tonight. The scenes pertain to Katelyn Buehler and Kordelia Price going one on one before Porno Lad TRIES to intervene, leaping to the apron and shouting directly at his long time on again off again flame.

Dollar: As you can see, Katelyn Buehler challenged Kordelia Price to an impromptu match on Riot!, after Kordelia made an ass of the entire women’s roster by shaking her ass…

Susie: Yeah, Porny had some choice words for Buehler…..before…..

We see the largely unknown Polly Norah leap the barricade before the fans can get hold of her and grab Porno Lad’s ankle, dragging him down off the apron.

Susie: Polly Norah, who as we understand it, is the sister of Josh Hudson of SCW fame, intervened, dragging Lad off the apron, fed up with Porno Lad’s disgusting and vile thoughts on woman.

Susie: But it didn’t end there.

Once security finally gets hold of Norah, Lad swoops in and takes advantage of her restrained arms, delivering a punch to the face of the defenseless newcomer.

Susie: Porny took advantage of security’s intervention, by trying to attack Polly Norah when she couldn’t put up a fight.

Dollar: And then on NewAge we found out that Katelyn managed to get Polly signed to a contract here in the IWC, and that her first match will be against the very man who has disrespected her, and all female wrestlers.

Upon entering the ring Porno Lad and Kordelia continue to engage in somewhat lustful and lascivious behavior. Price slides through the ropes before Porno Lad rises to the apron and extends his hand, snapping his fingers. Kordy looks confused before Lad points to the middle rope.

Porno Lad: Do it right this time.

Kordy: Oh….sorrys.

As requested Price throws her leg through the ropes, straddling the middle cable. A judgmental Porno Lad watches as Kordelia grinds her crotch against the cable.

Kordy: Is Kordy doing good?

Porno Lad: Hmmm….hike up your tights a little further into the crack of your ass.

New intro lyrics interrupt the objectification of Price…..Polly Norah has seen enough, stepping to the stage and racing down the ramp, eager to get her hands on the Original Prankster, with or without Katelyn being there to have her back. She slides in to finally shut the loud mouthed Porno Lad up only to have her target lift a palm into the air while brushing Price around behind his back. This surprising act of chivalry, Lad actually protecting Price, who he backs up into a corner behind him, has shocked Polly enough to hesitate. This gives Porno Lad enough time to remove the microphone from his waist band.

Porno Lad: Listen here, hussy….

Eyes the world over are batting, unsure when it was the last time they heard the word ‘hussy’ used as an insult.

Porno Lad: If you think I’m going to face you tonight….think again.

Polly grimaces while Kordy fiddles with something in the corner behind Lad’s back.

Porno Lad: I’m afraid I can’t let this match happen. Porno Lad is not about to face an unproven rookie….even if you happen to be related to a long-time associate of mine, Josh Hudson. Actually, given your relationship with Hudson, one would think you’d be a bit smarter than to challenge me to a match….but….I guess you are a woman.

Polly may not be the last lady who leaps a barricade to get their hands on Porno Lad.

Porno Lad: I suppose you’re thinking that by facing me, you’re going to get that big superstar rub, and your career will be given instant credibility. But my time is better spent elsewhere, like winning the Rumble tonight and becoming the World Champion that all these fans can truly adore and worship. A champion with a cock!

No one endorses this notion, save for Kordelia, who is still fidgeting with something on the turnbuckle.

Porno Lad: I’m going on to have my PERFECT Invictus moment, just like I did back at Paranoia where I won the World Heavyweight Championship. History has a funny way of repeating itself….much to the benefit of all these Porno-maniacs in attendance here tonight!

There are no such Porno-Maniacs comprising the near feral audience.

Porno Lad: But considering that you ARE a member of Hudson’s fabled family….I’m going to go against my better judgment and give you an opportunity, Polly. I’m willing to take another protégé under my wings and teach you what it takes to become a star in this company in spite of the curse of a vagina. So take a deep breath, calm your nerves, and then graciously accept my invitation to join the Haram!

As if Polly would actually consider this option, which Porno Lad presents as a truly career-defining, star-making opportunity.

Porno Lad: This is your chance, Polly. The chance of a lifetime. You want to be a star….I’ll make you a star….Just like Kordelia….So go ahead, drop to your knees and express your gratitude the only way you know how.

The microphone is suddenly ripped right out of Porno Lad’s palm, who steps back dropped jaw over this audacious display.

Polly: Me….being part of your ‘Haram’….I don’t think so.

Defiance displayed both in the stealing of the microphone and the shaking of her head.

Polly: You can take your offer and you can shove it right up your ass….though you’re probably no stranger to having things up your poop shoot.

Porno Lad: HEY….HEY-HEY-HEY!!

The microphone is taken from Norah just as audaciously as it was snatched from his own hand. The Original Prankster is absolutely flipping his lid in response to these WILD accusations.

Porno Lad: How dare you….There are children here tonight…children who buy my t-shirts and giant foam fingers….children who can NOT be exposed to such non-PG insults like the one that just came from your cum sucking lips!

Oh the hypocrisy….OOOOOH the HYPOCRISY.

Porno Lad: Everything out of your mouth is such filth…..I can’t stand it….I WON’T stand it…..And being a woman, you don’t know what’s good for you, so I’m taking the choice of your hands. Tonight, you’re gonna face Kordelia Price, and if you beat her, then maybe I’ll pull double duty and whip your derriere before I go on to compete in the Rumble. But if you lose to her….then you have to join my Haram. Agreed?

The options are debated, until Polly resolves herself to the fact that this is truly the only method of ensuring a one on one match against Porno Lad. She reaches for the microphone, but Lad pulls back, refusing to hear her speak. So all she can do to confirm her participation in this match is to nod.

Porno Lad: Congratulations, you just made the smartest decision of your life. You’re gonna love being a member of my Haram.

The microphone lowers from Lad’s lips, which HAVE been running way too much. But this is followed by another run….of the literal variety. As the microphone lowers all the way to the canvas, his hand grabs the back of Polly’s head, her face ran right into the turnbuckle Kordelia had taken refuge in. All becomes clear when Kordelia steps out of the way and reveals that Porno Lad wasn’t being chivalrous at all in protecting Price, but actually putting her in position so she could discreetly untie the top turnbuckle pad.

Porno Lad flings Polly face first into the exposed steel bolt.

Dollar: WAIT!

Suise: Porno Lad and Kordelia Price just set Polly Norah up.

Dollar; We thought Porno Lad was protecting Price from Norah, but he wa actually putting her in position to expose that turnbuckle bolt.

Susie: And now Polly has just got a forehead full of it.

Norah staggers back right into the waiting arms of Price, who rolls her up into a school girl. The fans plead with referee Stuart Wright NOT to make the count…..as he had been standing idly in the corner this whole time chatting it up with underage girls in the front row. When he hears the wails of the fans and sees the pin being made, Wright finally assumes the position.

Porno Lad is already celebrating at ringside.

Dollar: I can’t believe Polly Norah is about to become a member of the Haram.

The hand comes down and the celebration….ENDS…..because Norah gets her shoulder up from the canvas a mere fraction of a second before the three count.

Susie: Hey-hey-hey….she just got a shoulder up.

Dollar: Polly Norah kicks out…..she somehow manages to get a shoulder up even after her face collides with that exposed turnbuckle bolt.

Susie: Porno Lad’s best laid plans have just gone horribly awry.

Dollar: Polly proving that she’s a bit more capable than that idiot Porno Lad has suggested…..But again, I’m not even going to begin to defend the wrestling abilities of the women on this roster, they’ve already shown their far more capable than Porno Lad is willing to give them credit for.

Susie: Awww….thank you, Johnny D.

Dollar: Well all save for one.

It infuriates Porno Lad that Polly kicked out….making him look weak considering it was his mighty hands that introduced her face to the turnbuckle bolt….a move that damages his reputation as a Mega-Face. He looks pensively at the crowd then shouts towards the ring at Kordelia.

Porno Lad: How dare you take off that turnbuckle pad….Bad Kordy…BAD!

If only he had a rolled up newspaper to slap her on the nose. This scolding gives Price a complex.

Kordy: But….but….you told Kordy too.

Porno Lad: I did no such thing, now stay on top of her!

In spite of her misgivings over her inability to please Porno Lad, Kordy TRIES to do exactly as instructed. She drops down beside the laid out Polly, who has a hematoma forming on her forehead, and begins to grind her face back and forth across the canvas.

Kordy: Yeah….yeah…..eat that canvas……

Price then transitions straight into an arm-bar, pushing down hard on the shoulder while heaving the bicep into the air, bending the arm at an awkward angle.

Porno Lad: What do you think you’re doing?

All color fades from Kordy’s face, going white as her eyes widen and turn towards the disgruntled Prankster.

Kordy: Oh.

Kordelia immediately breaks the submission hold, stands up and begins to swing her backside through the air, twerking.

Porno Lad: Better….much better.

The twerking continues right up until Price delivers a hip check to Polly’s cheek and temple. Norah rolls along into the turnbuckle, falling against it, and ending up propped against the very corner featuring the steel bolt that bludgeoned her skull.

Dollar: This is just stupid…absolutely stupid.

Susie: Price went for a hold but decided a twerk served her better.

Dollar: No, Porno Lad demanded she break the submission and twerk instead…all in an act to undermine women as wrestlers. It’s just plain stupid.

Susie: And Kordelia is gonna continue to use that rump.

At the behest of Porno Lad, Price finally hikes up her trunks, turning them into a G-string while backing her rump towards Polly’s face. The ladies go cheek to cheek. Kordelia’s ass cheeks wedged to Polly’s face cheeks. She grinds her rear-end against Polly’s lovely face while laughing towards the audience.

Kordy: You love this, don’t you boys? And you love your Kordy….

Some male fans agree, but the vast majority of the smarter less casual wresting demographic are no fans of Kordelia or her act.

Dollar: STUPID!

Price then turns around and makes a ‘suck it’ gesture with her hands before rushing at Polly and leaping into the air. Instead of her ass being rubbed against Polly’s face, it’s now her crotch, delivering the bronco buster.

Dollar: STUPID!

Susie: Kordelia continuing to objectify both herself and Polly.

Dollar: This is downright intolerable. How can Porno Lad manipulate Price, who was a technical wizard on the independent circuit into behaving like this?

Susie: Porny has her convinced that this is the only way to make her a star.

Dollar: That is BEYOND ridiculous….Did Price not just see Taylor Chase’s performance inside of the steel cage against Lukas Montgomery? Chase showed how you make yourself a star with truly gutsy performances like those…..not with bronco busters and stink faces.

Susie: Well Porno Lad is a very manipulative individual.

Dollar: Don’t I know it….He had me and everyone else convinced that he was actually a hero…one worth emulating.

Speaking of Porno Lad, he’s in the process of fanning himself off, acting like he’s getting all hot at the sight of Kordelia rubbing her junk in Polly’s face. This actually builds Price’s confidence, realizing that she’s actually excited her mentor. Therefore she decides to intensify her efforts, stepping to the center of the ring and doing a little twirl, continuing to thrust out her hip several times in the process. She does get a few cat-calls, but even more heckles.

Kordelia: That’s right, Kordy gonna be a star.

All the hip checking and rump gyrating ends when Prince refocuses her assault on Polly, rushing into another bronco buster. The crotch connects, with Polly’s raised foot.

Dollar: Polly blocking the bronco buster!

Kordelia collapses to the canvas with hands cradling her wounded vagina….in so much pain she can’t even cry out. Her anguish is reduced to nothing more than contortions of her anguished face as she rolls around on the canvas. Polly doesn’t roll….she flips…grabbing the top rope and using her incredible upper body strength to pull herself up and onto the turnbuckle. She then stands up and watches impatiently as Kordy gets to her feet.

It would be wise for Kordy to stay down..but she’s not exactly a bastion of wisdom. Her legs finally find the strength to support her body just as Polly flies off the turnbuckle, flips over her head, catches her around the neck and delivers the blockbuster. The flip over neck-breaker connects with enough force to give Price a stinger coupled with a splitting migraine.

Susie: Big move out of the corner by Price.

Dollar: And that’s how you make yourself a star.

Susie: Maybe Porno Lad has Kordelia thinking that making yourself INFAMOUS is easier than making yourself famous.

Dollar: That’s one lesson Porno Lad is actually qualified to teach.

A palm slithers down Porno Lad’s face, ending up at his mouth, cupping it to keep himself quiet, restraining any curse words that would paint him as anything but PG. He can ill afford to lose any endorsement deals stemming from being too controversial, which doesn’t happen from insulting women…or engaging in acts of violence…but four letter words….that’s a big no-no.

Her head may be pounding after being driven into the exposed steel bolt, but Polly manages to still use her brain to regain function of her body. She stands up just as Kordy swoops in in front of her, taking hold of Norah’s head.

A hair-mare connects, flipping Polly over….right onto her feet. A surprised Kordy charges in and gets clocked under the jaw with a leaping back heel kick. The shot knocks Price to the canvas and sends her rolling across the ring, surprisingly back to her feet. The second she gets up, Polly rushes in and nails a lariat to her throat. Kordy rolls over and gets back up only to suffer the same fate, driven to the canvas with a clothesline.

Price scrambles to get back up just as Polly leaps in, hitting another lariat that takes them both down to the canvas, Norah landing beside her hyper sexualized opponent. She then kicks back her hair and unleashes a feral glare in the direction of the screeching crowd.

Susie: Polly Norah has got momentum on her side.

Dollar: I hope Kordelia is learning from this….Polly showing Kordy how to truly make an impression. She’s on the verge of defeating Price, and ultimately wins are what get you recognition, no matter how much you shake your ass before losing.

Indeed, Polly is getting closer and closer to the win. She slithers backwards across the ring, rump raised, claws dug into the canvas, looking like a lioness about to pounce from the brush. Price may be aching as a result of these numerous strikes coming at her from every angle, but she still stands up, right in time for Polly to come barreling in with a spear. It connects, lifting Price up off of her feet and almost splitting her in half like a twig.

Dollar: The SPEAR…..Norah cutting Price in two.

Susie: So Kordelia was just two midgets standing on top of each other’s shoulders this whole time? Brilliant.

Norah may still be suffering the ill-effects of that collision with the turnbuckle bolt….hence why she’s repeatedly shaking her head and trying to clean the bats from her belfry. She stands up at long last and hunches down into position. This isn’t just about a win….this is about making a statement to Porno Lad and any man who endorses his ridiculous rhetoric.

She extends her arms out to her sides, twiddling fingers, looking for God only knows what at this point…but it’s bound to be pretty damn destructive. Like a lamb, Kordelia is leading herself right along into the slaughter. She stands up, but almost loses her footing several times, knees about to give out on her as she turns into a kick to the gut, putting her head right into Polly’s clutches. Norah catches her around the neck and then swings her free arm around into what looks like a twist of fate. However, she stops in mid-swing when she sees Porno Lad leaping up onto the apron in front of her.

Polly’s attention is derailed….releasing Kordy and then rushing at the braggart. But before she can get to him, someone else who has a vested interest in Porno Lad’s punishment, grabs him by the ankle and drags him down from the apron. The Original Prankster lands on his feet and for the second week in a row finds himself caught off guard unsuspectingly….this time by a baseball bat wielding TPKid.

Dollar: TPKid and BMW coming out here to keep Porno Lad from interfering in this match…..I never thought I’d be so thankful to see Kid.

Susie: You’re still jealous over his riding lawnmower, aren’t you?

Dollar: Who wouldn’t be? I guess I can finally relate to this guy though, he too was played by Porno Lad into believing Ethan is something that he’s not.

Porno Lad backs right up into the chest of BMW, finding himself the meat in a sandwich he for once has no interest in participating in. TPKid steps towards him still clutching the bat.

TPKid: You want back your tag team title, huh? Then face me for it mother-fucker.

BMW: Yeah…face him for it and end this once and for all, bitch!

A slap is delivered to the back of Porno Lad’s head.

Porno Lad: Are you both out of your minds? NO!

The idea is shot down right then and right there.

Porno Lad: We’re gonna make this work….we can make this Free-Bird rules work….you….me….Gavin….we can all be the Tag Team Champions. I can make you and Gavin….STARS!

TPKid: You fucking coward….the only stars you’re about to see are the ones floating around your head.

Kid pulls back the bat and swings it right at Porno Lad’s face….and it connects…right against the skull of BMW. Just as the bat careens towards his face, Porno Lad reaches back, grabs BMW’s wrist and drags her into the way of the bat which bounces right off of her skull.

Dollar: NOOOO! Oh God…oh dammit.

Susie: Baseball bat to the head….of the Black Magic Woman!

Dollar: Because Porno Lad….that son of a bitch…that cold hearted mother….

Susie: Easy now, Johnny.

Dollar: I’m sorry, but this is just reprehensible.

Immediately after taking out his lover, Kid drops the bat and falls to his knees at BMW’s side, looking absolutely grief stricken. All the while Porno Lad is rushing up the ramp to the backstage area.

TPKid: What….what did I do?

TPKid begins his own mad-dash to the back with BMW stretched over his arms, carting her body to the backstage area where she can retrieve medical help. Polly watches all of this with a predictably stunned expression…which of course causes her to drop her guard against Kordy, who rushes in behind her with a one handed bulldog. She catches Polly by the back of the head and then dives forward only to have Norah shove her off and right into the ropes. Price hits the cables and begins to rush back in towards Polly, who is swinging around into a roaring elbow. This time Kordelia wraps her arms around the top rope and prevents herself from charging back into the same move that cost her a win against Buehler.

Norah then charges in only for Price to dive through the ropes and put some distance between herself and her adversary. But the cables aren’t going to stop Polly, she reaches right through them in order to get her hands on Kordelia’s hair. She snatches a bundle of it into her grasp and yanks back only to have her face caved in by a baseball bat. Price manages to get hold of the weapon and plow it right into Price’s skull, knocking her flat on her ass.

Dollar: And now the bat being used by Kordelia as well.

Susie: She’s learning quite a bit from Porno Lad.

Dollar: All the wrong lessons…

Wright is out of position to see the use of the bat, standing on the apron and flirting it up with a female fan….of the teenage variety, planted in the front row. He doesn’t even look back in time to spot Kordelia sliding into the ring, grabbing a near unconscious Polly by the hair and charging her along face first into the exposed steel turnbuckle bolt. Her head bounces back and her body tumbles limply to the canvas.

Dollar: And into the bolt as well!

Susie: Overkill!

Dollar: It can’t end like this…it can’t…..dammit ref get your head out of a pair of tits and into the damned match!

Kordelia quickly slides into the lateral press, grinding her forearm against Polly’s face repeatedly in the process. At last Wright turns around and spots the pin being made, prompting him to act. He drops to the canvas and slaps the ring to total and extreme repulsion from every onlooker in attendance.

Dollar: Kick-out…PLEASE kick-out Polly….

Susie: I think that ship has sailed.

All the harrowing screams…all the pleas….they fall on deaf….no…unconscious ears.

Dollar: Damn!

Susie: Polly Norah has just been….she’s just been….

Dollar: She’s been pinned by Kordelia Price….this is disgusting!

Polly remains laid out and motionless while Kordelia leaps excitedly around the ring, making sure to shake her rump in the process.

Kordelia: KORDY DID IT! KORDY WINS!!

Stomachs the world over feel as if they’ve just been hit with a case of food poisoning as Kordy continues to embrace the win in a true celebratory fashion.

Dollar: I think I’m going to need a barf-bag.

Susie: Kordelia Price wins the match which means….

Dollar: Polly Norah now has to become a member of the Haram.

Unfortunately Polly eventually wakes up, her eyes opening to mere slits as the sounds of Kordy’s entrance music pipes through the PA system. A hand moves to the hematoma forming in her scalp as it just begins to dawn on her the fate that has now befallen the femme. It’s unclear what is worse, the pounding migraine, or the fact that she is now to be subjugated and controlled by the misogynistic Porno lad.

Dollar: This is just….just….terrible on so many levels.

Susie: It goes BEYOND terrible for Polly Norah.

Kordy is so all consumed by her page-turning performance that she doesn’t even notice Lilly Lyman sliding into the ring behind her. Lilly crawls towards Polly and tries to calm Norah down….tries to make her see the light through the clouds.

Dollar: And Lilly Lyman, who has been adamant in her hatred for Porno Lad’s and Kordelia Price’s DISGUSTING rhetoric towards woman….is out here to try and council Polly Norah.

Susie: Showed up a second too late to prevent Kordy from using that bat and the turnbuckle bolt to her advantage.

Dollar: I don’t think anything Lilly says to Polly right now is going to put her at ease in regards to joining the Haram.

Polly is totally vacant of emotion at the moment, in a perpetual state of shock. She is unable to come to grips with what just happened, or hear the reassuring words of Lyman. But what she does hear, what she is FORCED to hear, are the words of Kordy, who stoops over the pair of conversing ladies and interrupts their dialogue.

Kordy: You’re so lucky, Polly, you’re gonna be a STAR, just like Kordy. Oh, and Lil…

A disgruntled Lyman drags her eyes from the ailing face of Norah, to the smiling face of Kordy.

Kordy: There might be a spot for you too….But first you’re gonna have to show a bit more cleavage.

Suddenly Lilly lunges to her feet and shoves Price down right on her ass.

Dollar: I think that’s a ‘no’ from Lyman.

A betrayed Price scoots back across her bottom as Lilly gives her the glare of death.

Frankie Paradise: He’s here….he’s here….OMG….OH MY GAWD!

Never before has Frankie looked so nervous, pacing back and forth in the parking lot, IPhone clutched to his ear. Why is he so excited though, especially with his pants on and no type of striper pole in the vicinity?

Frankie: You guys are going to be BEYOND thrilled with this latest acquisition….

He’s STILL sucking up to the Board, on the other end of the phone presumably hanging on his every word.

Mr. D: I’m sure we will be, Franklin.

The voice of the Chairman can be heard through the speaker.

Frankie: Prepare to be BLOWN…..away. If there was ever ANY doubt that I deserved this job, you’re about to slap yourselves with baby powdered palms….

Mr. D: Like I ever COULD challenge your standing as Advisor to the President.

Confused….

But Frankie’s follow up quest for clarity will have to wait till later. Paradise is illuminated by the headlights that belong to the stretch limousine pulling into the Amway Center’s enclosed parking facility.

Frankie: HEHE! Heeeeee’s heeeeeerrreeee.

Frankie actually leaves his feet, leaping into the air and clicking his heels together before rushing along to the car.

Frankie: Prepare yourselves for the BIGGEST moment in IWC history….

The chauffer is passed without even a second glance, although the husky gentleman is trying to say something Paradise gives him not one second of attention, focused entirely on the back door to the limo. Only occasionally does he turn to acknowledge the camera that follows.

Frankie: Try to remember where you were on this night….when Frankie Paradise revealed the biggest free agent signing EVAH…..

The door handle is grabbed.

Frankie: Take a seat peeps, and remove your socks, cause you’re about to get weak kneed and your leggings are about to be blown off….

The suspense ends as Paradise swings the door open.

Frankie: Everyone welcome the individual I personally signed….they ARE…..shit.

There is NO ONE in the backseat….the limo is completely empty….The fully stocked bar hasn’t been touched, and there are no ass grooves worked into the leather cushions.

Frankie: Da’ fuck?

Finally the chauffer is given Frankie’s attention.

Frankie: Where is he?

Clearly the hefty fella is taking too long to answer, hence why his collar is grabbed and his back is slammed against the door….Paradise losing it….especially when he has the Board tuning in, following his every movement.

Chauffer: I’m….I’m sorry….but he didn’t want the limo.

Frankie: What do you mean you porky son of a bitch!?! Did you tell him there were free booze and Cheetos waiting for him inside?

Chauffer: Yes….YES SIR….but he still wouldn’t get in the limo….said something about it being too small.

Frankie: Too small….Too FRACKN SMALL!?! It’s the biggest one I could get…I had to totes dig into the Board of Directors’ expense account just so I could afford it.

Chauffer: He said he thought he deserved better, that it should have been a stretch Humvee or something like that…..So he hailed a taxi and told me to tell you that he’ll get here when he gets here.

Frankie: WHAT? Why that prima donna!

The collar and tie of the chauffer is released as Frankie throws an absolute hissy fit.

Frankie: I spared no expense for his arrival tonight and THIS is how I’m repaid? Has he any idea how long I had to work at manipulating that group of ass-hats known as the Board of Directors into signing him?…

Mr. D: Ahem?

Frankie’s face suddenly loses all pigment….going from fiery red to whiter than snowflakes. Reluctantly his eyes turn to the I-Phone still in his palm and still providing a line of communication between himself and the Board of Directors.

Frankie: Oh balls.

The phone finally hangs up…but not of Frankie’s own volition.

WHERE IS SHE!?!

The phone slips from Frankie’s palm and bursts on the floor….but it might not be the last thing that is busted…considering that Alana Starr presently has her hands around Paradise’s throat and is forcing him spine first into the backdoor of the car.

Alana: Where are you hiding Brittany?

Frankie is almost too petrified to even speak….eyes wider than serving trays.

Frankie: Hey…take your hands off my swag.

The leather jacket is not released but instead used to pull Paradise in closer….until he feels the heat of her breath beating down his neck….a neck that could be seconds away from being snapped like a pencil.

Alana: You’ve been protecting Brittany for weeks now….constantly finding ways to keep me away from her….but not anymore….NOT ANYMORE….I will go through the entire roster to get to Lohan….not you…or anyone else is going to keep me from eliminating her….

Frankie: Fair enough…

Alana: But she’s got to be in the match first….I’ve got to make sure she can’t run away again…..And you’re gonna make sure that happens.

Frankie: Listen swee….

Alana: No….YOU listen….I’m NOT about to wait any longer…Lohan will be mine….and no one is going to protect her….especially not YOU.

Attention turns from the grimacing mug of Paradise to the limo.

Alana: Is that where you’re hiding her, huh?

It takes a moment for Frankie to realize that the limo is being referenced.

Frankie: The limo? That’s crazy talk….

Alana: It be just like the two of you to conspire to have Lohan hiding in the parking lot waiting to get her hands on me again….But I’m not falling for it….not this time….COME ON LOHAN!

Frankie would normally be relieved to be shoved aside and out of harm’s way….but instead he’s more horrified than ever when he sees Alana approaching the limo, moving straight to the trunk.

Alana: Is this where he’s keeping you?

The unlocked trunk is popped open and nothing but a tire iron and a spare is revealed inside….no calculating Lohan waiting to pounce on unsuspecting prey.

Alana: Are you enjoying yourself, Lohan? Kicking back in the lap of luxury? Maybe your limo needs to be a bit better ventilated.

The tire iron is removed from the trunk which Starr climbs on top of.

Frankie: She’s not in there, Alana, I swear…..

She doesn’t listen to anything other than the furious voices in her head as she straddles the rear windshield and pulls back the tire iron.

Frankie: No….don’t do it….I had to rent that limo from the Board’s expense account….NO!

There is no room for reason, the tire iron swinging down right into the windshield and bursting it into hundreds of fragments.

Frankie: What are you doing!?!

Alana: Come on Lohan…get out of there.

The sunroof is shattered, raining down glass on the empty backseat.

Frankie: Stop….for the love of God….STOP!

Starr steps across the roof of the limo and begins to shatter the front windshield…repeatedly slamming the tire iron against it.

Alana: Where is she….where is she!?!

Kathryn: Best butt….

Ivy: Hmmmm….that’s a toughie….I’m gonna ssaaaaayyy….Gavin Taylor…

Kathryn: Really?

Ivy: What? He’s got a great booty.

Kathryn: I’m going with Andre Jordan on this one.

In spite of the tremendous pain coursing through Yvonne’s neck she survives….with the use of the warm towel draped over her shoulders….and with the aid of Kathryn keeping her mind off her present ailments.

Kathryn: Best hair?

The two stroke their jaws in contemplation and exchange a drawn out stare…faced with a truly tough decision this time.

Kathyrn: Marcus Mayfield has a terrific fro.

Ivy: Yeah….but come on…the answer for this one is actually pretty obvious once you think about it.

Kathryn: Huh?

Ivy: How can you possibly look past Bob’s tremendous wiggy?

Kathryn: Good point….alright….best eyes?

Yvonne stops pacing the claustrophobic confines of the dressing room in order to stop and think this one over.

Ivy: Hurse…..that one eye is gorgeous.

Kathryn: I’m going with Marcus on this one again…..he’s just got a perfect everything.

Ivy: Katie and Marcus sitting in a tree…..F-U-C-….

Kathryn: Don’t eeeeeveeeen….

Hey girls…

No make-up….no elaborate hair preparation….no fashionable attire….Dawn Lohan has been stripped of it all….not camera-ready in her hoodie and sweat pants. She lingers in the doorway, peeking in on the two before daring to enter.

Kathryn: DAWN!

Across the room dashes Pearson, taking Dawn’s wrist and leading her in inside.

Kathryn: I didn’t think you were going to be here.

Dawn: I really didn’t want to be….but I thought I’d come and try to talk you out of this match against Sophia tonight.

Kathryn: Dawn….she hurt you….and vicariously she hurt us too.

Ivy: You know we’ve got your back.

Pain and anguish are not unfamiliar feelings for Lohan….enduring more than her fair share of heartache and humiliation. It’s kind of her life story…but somehow she’s maintained a somewhat cautiously optimistic demeanor…..up until this point. Not even her best friends can seemingly dredge her from her despair.

Dawn: I just don’t want you girls to have to fight my battles for me.

Ivy: This isn’t just YOUR battle though.

Kathryn: Like I said, when you’re hurting, we’re hurting. And it’s not like Sophie has exactly endeared herself to me over Twitter. We had some pretty choice words for one another….and I’m going to show Sophie that she can’t hide behind her I-Phone.

Dawn: I really appreciate you all standing by me and everything….

Ivy: Like there was ever any doubt, hon.

Kathryn: We’d never abandon you when you need us the most.

Dawn: Don’t feel bad if you do….pretty much everyone else in my life has.

Ivy: We’re not going anywhere, Hon.

One of Dawn’s hands are latched onto by Yvonne, and the other is latched onto by Kathryn. The three showing unity…..pun perhaps intended.

Kathryn: Yeah, who else is going to wake us up at 7AM for coffee? And really now, Dawn, who is going to make us a nice home-cooked meal? You can’t subject me to Yvonne’s baking.

Ivy: Yeah…wait….HEEEEY!

A grinning Pearson takes Yvonne’s hand at this point and pats her on the knuckles.

Kathryn: Only kidding, dear.

When Yvonne turns away, Kathryn mouths the words ‘no I’m not’ to a smiling Lohan. Yes….somehow the pair has managed to bring a grin to Dawn’s face even after all the hardships she’s faced in recent weeks. But that grin waivers when a knock comes at a door and Amanda Blayze enters without invitation.

Blayze: Ladies.

In she steps with no worry of retaliation. The audacity of her bold entrance leaves Kathryn and Dawn more than a little frazzled.

Kathryn: Ummm….excuse me….But just what in the hell do you think you’re doing here?

Ivy: Relax Doll…I invited her.

Kathryn: YOU WHAT?

Normally Pearson would wholly trust her BFF and mentor….but even she has to question Knight’s logic here.

Kathryn: Are you forgetting what she did to Ashley these past few weeks?

Ivy: And that’s exactly why I called her….so we can get all that cleared up.

Kathryn: What is there to clear up? The bitch almost broke Ashley’s nose.

Blayze: Back up….

Amanda requests Kathryn do this both literally and metaphorically…actually putting a palm dangerously close to the chest of the encroaching Pearson….uncomfortable with the violation of her personal space.

Blayze: I didn’t put a finger on Ashley at NewAge….

Ivy: Amanda, I hate to think the worse of someone, and I’d really like to believe you’re genuine, but we did find THIS….

From her bag a cellular phone is removed….Yvonne showing the incriminating evidence that was discovered within the room where ‘someone’ waited to pounce upon an unsuspecting Chase.

Blayze: MY PHONE!

With eagerness the phone is taken away from Yvonne, Amanda scrolling through the text messages to see how many have accumulated.

Blayze: Thanks for keeping it charged for me.

Kathryn: So you don’t even deny that it’s yours?

Blayze: No….why would I?

Ivy: Because we did kind of find it at the scene of the crime.

Blayze: Oh….well then let me put your minds at ease….my phone was stolen back on Riot!

Kathryn: How convenient.

The last thing they were anticipating was a yawn in response to these damning accusations.

Blayze: Listen girls….I’m really starting to get bored with all of this….and it’s taking my focus off what’s important, winning the Rumble tonight and moving on to challenge your gal-pal, Taylor Chase for the World Heavyweight Championship. I mean….why should I even care what you all think of me?

In spite of having no idea what’s going on, Dawn has apparently been thrown in with the lot. This entices her to shrug and point towards Pearson and Knight, insinuating that she has NOTHING do with any of this.

Kathryn: Because this WOMAN….

A hand finds its way to Yvonne’s shoulder.

Kathryn:..went out on a limb for you. She’s been buttering you up for weeks now, telling Taylor and I why we should take a gamble and accept you into Unity.

Blayze: Did I ever ask her to do that? NO. And did I ever once say that I wanted to be part of Unity? NO.

Yvonne holds Pearson back…about to fight another battle on behalf of her wounded friends.

Blayze: I’ve made my desires pretty damn clear….I want to be champion….and 2014 will see me holding the gold….and it could very well be at the expense of your friend, Taylor Chase. So I don’t think Amanda Blayze being part of Unity, jives very well with my ambitions.

Kathryn: Good….because you’ve definitely shown that you’re NOT Unity material. We don’t go around attacking people from behind and ambushing them when their guard is down.

Ivy: Be fair Katie….our evidence is purely circumstantial….we can’t condemn her based on nothing but a cell-phone.

Kathryn: Well it sounds to me like she’s trying to use Ashley to get into Taylor’s head.

Not a yawn….but a sigh this time….Amanda getting more and more annoyed with every second that passes.

Blayze: You know…this isn’t the first time I’ve been wrongfully accused….Brittany Lohan and Cassidy Haze have been pulling people’s strings left and right….playing us like puppets. Who’s to say they weren’t responsible for this? I mean….my phone DID go missing right after Cassidy attacked me while I was on commentary….it was sitting right there on the announce table prime for the picking.

Ivy: That could be true, Kate…

Kathryn: Yeah….it COULD….but why take any chances believing this…

Blayze: You want to be very careful with what you say to me.

Now its Amanda who steps a little too close for Kathryn’s comfort.

Ivy: Ladies PLEASE!

Yvonne plays buffer….stepping between the two before things can explode into violence.

Ivy: If Dark Legacy really is behind this….then you two are doing exactly what they want.

Clearly Amanda and Kathryn need to take a second and let cooler heads prevail before they become just what Blayze insinuated they were being played as…puppets.

Amanda: You know what….I’m done with this….I’ve got bigger things to worry about rather than making the popular clique happy. Yvonne….

She turns to Ivy.

Amanda: I appreciate you believing in me….BUT….it’s obvious that there’s no way I can coexist with your friends….If we can’t have trust….then there’s no way we can have Unity.

Words are directed to Ivy, but her eyes are locked solely upon Pearson.

Amanda: I look forward to seeing you in the ring tonight, Yvonne. The two of us could tear the house down if we cross paths in the Rumble.

Ivy: Yeah.

The room is exited by Blayze, who NEVER takes her eyes off of Kathryn even as she leaves.

Kathryn: Honestly Ivy….you wanted THAT to be in our group?

Ivy: She’s got some good virtues….

Kathryn: Ivy….baby….I think you’re a pretty lousy judge of character.

Ivy: Maybe you’re right….would explain why we’re friends.

Kathryn: Exactl…..HEEEEY!

Gunner Bryant: What are the odds?

Layla: This couldn’t have worked out any better for us if we had planned it.

It seems to be shit on Gunner and Layla month….after having faced several weeks of misfortunes….they’ve been presented with some extremely bad news

Gunner: Number 9 and 10…..Seriously?

They overlook the numbers they selected from the very tumbler that is still present in the room just behind Gunner’s back.

Layla: Could work out to our advantage.

Gunner: Ya’ think?

Smiles form on their faces. But one individual who doesn’t have a grin is Greyson….realizing that he and Sparkles are tasked with interviewing these two young up and comers. They stand back as Greyson tries to find the courage to let Sparkles speak to another human being….especially when one of those human beings happens to possess breasts.

Greyson: Can you PLEASE try to behave yourself this time?

Sparkles: I make no promises.

Greyson: I’m begging you.

Sparkes: Alright…alright….you’re pathetic when you grovel. I’ll be cool….but only if that chick over there can keep from throwing herself at me like all the ladies on this roster do.

A condescending eye-roll.

Greyson: SUUURREE Sparkles….SUURRREEE!

Sparkles: Blame yourself, you’re the one who made me this damned sexy.

The two finally move in to question Layla and Gunner regarding their participation in tonight’s main event….probably the last main event they’ll ever be involved in….But only get a step or two before Greyson finds his wrist grabbed from behind. He is then spun around and the puppet is torn right off of his hand.

Sparkles: OOOOH FUCKS TO THE NO!

Sparkles finds himself dangling limply from the microphone taped to his hand and presently gripped within the palm of Mika Kozlov.

Mika: Camera….on me….NOW!

Greyson desperately steps in to help his puppet caught in this precarious predicament only to receive a kick right to the belly. The shot doubles the correspondent over and eventually puts him down to his knees….Sparkles now hangs there with no salvation in sight…..But Kozlov can care less about the plight of the puppet or his ventriloquist….addressing the camera and the camera alone.

Mika: Taylor….do you think this is over…..NO!….It’ll never be over, not until you’re broken body lies at my feet, full of fractured bones and shattered dreams. Dreams not unlike my own that that you’ve managed to turn into nightmares all of our lives. But now….I’m YOUR nightmare, Taylor….and you’re in a dream you will NEVER wake up from.

Kozlov flashes a truly uncharacteristic display of anger in its rawest and most natural form.

Mika: You stole all of my dreams, Taylor….dreams of having a family….dreams of being a beloved daughter….dreams of being adored by all….well I’m not about to let you keep killing my dreams…I will see my greatest fantasy become reality….The Blacklist will have their vengeance….and it’ll happen in two weeks on Riot.

A shocking revelation that is given little time to gestate.

Mika: I’ll win the Rumble tonight, yes, and then go on to take that World Championship away from you….but in two weeks it won’t be about the title….it’ll be about ME hurting YOU….in a Singapore Canes Are Legal Match! Prepare yourself, Malishka….for your whole world is about to burn!

The crowd is understandably stunned to hear that they’re finally going to see it one way or another…..Taylor Chase versus Mika Kozlov….Singapore Canes Are Legal….in one of the biggest grudge matches in IWC history.

After making this statement the microphone is spiked…with the largely ignored Sparkles going down along with it….Thankfully Greyson makes a diving catch from his knees, Sparkles landing right in his open palms. Though his gut is hurting him, Greyson manages to pull the puppet in and find himself truly thankful that no harm befell Sparkles.

Greyson: Sparkles…Sparkles….are you okay? Talk to me….talk to me.

Sparkles doesn’t say anything, prompting Greyson to do mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Greyson: Please Sparkles! I swear….she’s gonna pay if she hurt you….She’s gonna PAY!

KATHRYN PEARSON VS SOPHIE JAMES

Dollar: Sparkles and Greyson constantly getting themselves into trouble.

Susie: If It’s not paternity suits it’s something else.

Dollar: Up next folks is a grudge match that I believe came about due to arguments on twitter, between Kathryn Pearson, who was of course crowned the new X-Class Champion two weeks ago on Riot, and a former employee of Aires Allocco backed company Majestic Wrestling, a young woman called Sophie James

Susie: A woman who until recently was sleeping with SCW employee Dawn Lohan, who has been sleeping with Kathryn Pearson if Sophie’s blog from earlier is to be believed… so many women sleeping with one another Johnny, it’s enough to send a girl crosseyed.

Dollar: So many female orgasm jokes… but lets keep this professional for now folks!

We cut from the commentary table to the entrance way as the lights in the arena cut completely and “It’s A Fight” by Three 6 Mafia hits the speaker system. Strobe lights on the stage flicker as images of the city of Detroit flashes up on the screen. As the song kicks in, smoke begins to spill out from the side of the stage, the arena’s lights rising back up as the a few small pyro’s explode.

“We gon hit em wit da left, hit em wit da right
We gon hit em wit da left, hit em wit da right
It’s a fight it’s a fight head bust ’em head bust ’em
It’s a fight it’s a fight head bust ’em head bust ’em”

As the lights hit, the crowd realise Sophie James is now stood on the stage. Sophie throws the hood of her hooded top back before throwing her arms out wide and the crowd begin to boo a little, most of whom have read her words about Kathryn Pearson earlier in the day.

Thomas Boll: Lady and Gentlfolk, from Detroit of Motor City in state of Michigan, at 54.8847 kilos of weight! She The Motor City Bitch…SOPHIE JAMES!!!!”

With a smirk, Sophie suddenly bursts down the ramp, jumping up and sliding leg first under the bottom rope before leaping up and ascending the turnbuckles and once again throwing her arms out on both sides. Hopping down, Sophie does the same on the opposite side of the ring before dropping down again and sitting in the corner, her arms draped across the bottom rope on either side of her as she waits for the start of the match.

Susie: Ooh, she’s a hottie!

Dollar: And a pretty good wrestler from the stats I managed to pull from google before we went on air. Not exactly a long history, but she has ten wins to her name with only three losses, and you could argue that she’s the more experienced here tonight…

Susie: But Kathryn has a shiny belt, what’s Sophie James got?

Dollar: A shiny belt too Susie. It says here that she retired from Majestic undefeated as Heritage champion, so I guess this is champion versus champion tonight. Unofficially of course…

Susie: Oh… then hooray for equality!

As Sophie settles back in the ring, the cameras cut back to the stage just in time for the arena’s houselights to cut as purple spot lights begin to flicker on and off around the stage and the opening chords of “Rip Out The Wings of a Butterfly” by H.I.M hits the speaker system. As the drums kick in, the fans realise that the slender figure of a woman stands on the stage in the middle of the flickering spotlights with her back to the crowd. As the song kicks in properly the figure turns around, bends and slaps the floor before shooting upright and throwing her arms out wide as sparks fall from the rafters above. The house lights raise slightly to reveal the woman as Kathryn Pearson. Kathryn has a huge smile on her face because of the cheering from the fans before turning her attention to the ring, the smile disappearing as she glares at Sophie.

Thomas Boll: On way to ring, by way of Malibu, California and now fighting from–

The ring announcer doesn’t get to finish as Kath literally bolts for the bottom of the ramp, sliding into the ring and immediately hopping back to her feet to charge at Sophie, but the redhead quickly gets the hell out of dodge quicker than a jackrabbit down a hole. Kathryn tries to kick out at the ropes but the kick doesn’t even come anywhere near as Kathryn looks down at her on the outside, smirking.

Dollar: Kathryn Pearson wasting NO time here and we may just have a real catfight on our hands here folks!

Susie: Ooh, I like cats. Have you seen that video with the cat playing a keyboard? That’s my favourite!

Dollar: Wrong kind of cats Susie.

Susie: Oh. Were you talking about a woman’s pus–

Dollar: “Anyway folks, it looks like our official Ms. Blacker is trying to gain control of this one, so lets take a look shall we?

In the ring, the referee Blacker has positioned herself between Kathryn and the ropes and has ordered Kathryn to back up. She does so grudgingly, allowed Blacker to turn her attention to Sophie on the outside, ordering her to climb back into the ring. Sophie simply smirks before continue to wander around at ringside, ignoring the official, who’s powerless to do anything about it as the match hasn’t even officially started.

Dollar: Sophie James refusing to climb into the ring and this may not even get started unless the official can the Motor City Bitch back in there.”

Susie: But she’s a fire crotch Johnny; they’re naturally feisty! She’ll climb back in there, you better believe she will!

The crowd get on Sophie’s back, booing as she continues to pace at ringside smirking as Kathryn yells at her to bring it on. Sophie walks towards the ring finally, jumping up as if to enter before dropping back down and laughing to herself as she paces around the ring again, getting a fresh wave of boos from the crowd. Eventually however, Blacker grows frustrated and leans over the ropes, shouting at Sophie.

Blacker: You’d better get back into this ring right now or I’ll disqualify you from this match, so make a damn decision!

Ironically, it’s Kathryn who begins to complain almost straight away, telling the referee that she can’t throw the match out. The referee ignores her pleading and simply looks at Sophie, who rolls her eyes and waves away the claim before continuing on around the ring to the bottom of the ramp where she starts to walk back towards the stage. The crowd continue to boo like made only to cheer as Kathryn slides out of the ring and chases after Sophie, grabbing her by the neck and turning her back towards the ring, half dragging half throwing her back in before following after her and Blacker immediately calls for the bell as Kathryn climbs on Sophie and starts hitting her with a series of rights and lefts, the crowd jumping up to their feet cheering as Kath just continues to unleash on the redhead, who does her best to cover up.

Dollar: And Kathryn Pearson just UNLEASHING on Sophie James here folks, letting out some SERIOUS frustration!

Susie: If she keeps this up, Sophie’s face is going to be as red as her hair! From the blood!

In the ring, the Blacker pulls Kathryn off of Sophie and orders her to the corner, leaving Sophie to scrabble away to try and regain her composure. Blacker gives Kathryn a stern look before moving over to check on Sophie, who’s frantically checking for signs of blood on her face with the back of her hand. The official checks on Sophie for signs of blood and is happy that there is none, but before she can even take a step back to let the match continue, Sophie pushes her out of the way and flys across the ring, spearing Kathryn down to the canvas and the two women start rolling around in the ring throwing punches, clawing at one another and generally just trying to kill the other! The crowd are on their feet as the women continue to trade who’s winning the canfight in the middle of the ring before Sophie managed to get the upper hand by rolling onto Kathryn and grabbing her head with both hands before lifting it and slamming it back down into the canvas. Rolling to her feet, Sophie reaches down and grabs Kathryn by the hair, lifting her up and whipping her into turnbuckles chest first before spinning her round and pushing her back into the corner as she unleashing a series of hard rights.

Dollar: And Kathryn Pearson now taking one hell of a beating here in a complete reversal from how we began tonight!

Susie: Yay! The fire-crotch is taking this right to the X-Class champion now and she’s on fire… not literally of course, she’s just a ginger!

Back in the ring, Kathryn sags in the corner a little as Sophie throws the final punch before turning around and raising her arms in the air, drawing a round of boos from the crowd. The cheers pick up again however when Kathryn steps back up, grabbing hold of Sophie and tossing HER back into the corner before unleashing a series of vicious knife edge chops right to Sophie’s chest, each one lifting her off her feet a little. After the fifth knife edge, Blacker steps in and orders Kathryn to bring it out of the corner and the brunette does just that by hooking under Sophie’s arm, lifting her up and over with a hiptoss that leaves Sophie in the middle of the ring. Kathryn takes a step back and waits, wiggling her fingers as she yells at Sophie to get back up. Sophie rolls to her knees before pushing up and turning, only to stumble right into Kathryn, who places her in a side headlock, synching in the hold. Kathryn does her best to apply pressure, but Sophie manages to get her weight behind her, pushing Kathryn off and into the ropes. Kathryn bounces off the ropes but keeps it together and runs back at Sophie, taking her down with a quick clothesline. Kathryn turns and runs at the ropes and as she bounces off, Sophie rolls onto her front causing Kath to jump over her and run at the ropes on the far side of the ring. As Kathryn bounces off, Sophie quickly jumps up and attempts to use Kath’s momentum to lift her up and over with a hiptoss of her own, but Kathryn slams on the brakes. Sophie tries again to lift her, having about as much luck as Sparkles trying to lift Bob so she swaps tactics and looks to spin around with a discuss clothesline only for Kathryn to duck the move and quickly roll Sophie up.

One…

Tw–NO!

Dollar: First pin attempt goes to our X-Class champion but she doesn’t even manage a two count here against the former Majestic Heritage champion.

Susie: Come on Sophie! GO Sophie!

Sophie kicks out with authority and both women quickly roll to their feet. Sophie turns around, only for Kathryn to grab her and take her over with an arm drag, keeping pressure on the arm as she applies an armbar, Blacker dropping down to check on her, looking for signs of submission. Kathryn pulls Sophie to her feet, keeping the armbar locked in, twisting underneath the arm to apply yet more pressure but as she straightens up again, Sophie twists her arm free and grabs Kathryn’s arm in turn, twisting under the arm to apply an armbar before twisting under it a second time and yanking, forcing Kathryn to almost double over under the pressure on the arm. Just when things are looking up for Sophie though, Kathryn rolls forward and through the hold before kipping up to her feet. Kathryn grabs Sophie’s arm and applies another armbar, twisting under it once, twice, three times before hitting a hard elbow to the shoulder followed by a second. The third elbow drives Sophie to her knees but Kathryn quickly twists under the arm again before dropping down to the canvas to jar the arm once again.

Dollar: Kathryn Pearson has come far under the tutelage of her tag partner Yvonne Knight, something of a technical wrestling specialist. Working away at Sophie’s arm like she is will cause the Detroit-born redhead problems later in the match!

Susie: All she’s doing is the same move over and over Johnny… booooooooring! COME ON SOPHIE!

Kathryn keeps hold of the wrist and pulls Sophie to her feet, pushing Sophie back into the ropes before looking for an Irish whip, but Sophie manages to reverse the whip, sending Kathryn crashing into the ropes instead and as she bounces back off them, Sophie takes her down with a drop toe hold that drives Kathryn face-first into the canvas. Kathryn rolls over, holding her face in pain as Sophie gets back up to her feet, slipping her knees on either side of Kathryn’s body before throwing punch after punch to the back of Kath’s head. The referee steps in, trying to get Sophie to stop but she ignores her, so Blacker begins a five count.

1…

2…

3…

4…

Sophie lets up JUST before the five, swinging one leg back off Kathryn before dragging her up using her hair once again. Pulling her head back from behind by her hair, Sophie steps through the ropes so she’s on the outside, with Kath’s back pressed against the ropes in front of her. Sophie lifts her hand up before bringing it down open palmed hard onto Kathryn’s chest. Kath stumbles forward, trying to catch her breath as Sophie climbs back through the ropes and grabs hold of Kath, trying to send her across the ring, but Kathryn counters and sends Sophie across instead. Bouncing off the ropes, Sophie runs back at Kathryn, who goes for a clothesline to take the redhead down but Sophie ducks under, grabbing the arm head and dropping Kathryn with a running neckbreaker, floating over for the pin attempt.

1…

2…

Kickout!!!

Dollar: Sophie James managing a two count but it’s not enough to put Kathryn away here.

Susie: Come on Sophie, hit her again!

Sophie slaps the canvas in frustration before grabbing a hand full of hair, lifting Kathryn back to her feet again. Sophie grabs Kathryn by the air, lifting it and twisting underneath it before slipping an arm around her shoulder and hooking the leg with her own foot, falling back with a Russian leg sweep, rolling over to look for the pin again.

1…

2…

NO!

Kathryn fires the shoulder up with authority at two, frustrating Sophie James no end! Blacker holds up two fingers showing it was a two count, and the crowd start to get behind Pearson. Sophie doesn’t react well and again reaches down to grab a hand full of Kathryn’s hair, pulling her up to her feet. Keeping hold of her hair with one hand, Sophie grabs Kathryn’s shoulder with the other and runs her into the turnbuckles. Keeping hold, she turns around and runs the brunette into the corner on the other side of the ring before pulling her around and stomping away at Kathryn’s stomach. The referee runs over and tries to order Sophie away as the redhead continues to stomp away at Kathryn’s midsection, leaving Blacker no choice but to start counting again.

1…

2…

3…

4…

Sophie pulls away at four and grabs Kathryn’s wrist, launching her across the ring into the far corner before stepping back and pushing off the ropes to gain extra momentum as she runs at Kathryn, jumping up looking for a big splash but there’s nobody home as Kathryn ducks out of the way and Sophie crashes chest first into the turnbuckles. Kathryn reaches up and grabs Sophie, rolling her up looking for the pin and Blacker drops down to make the count.

1…

2…NO!

Susie: Yes! Sophie James still in this thing Johnny; boy I hope somebody signs this woman to a permanent contract here, she’s fun!

Dollar: Kathryn Pearson with a close two count but still nowhere near close enough to end this thing.

Both Kathryn and Sophie roll to their knees before pushing up. Sophie goes for a clothesline, but Kathryn ducks and looks for a backslide, managing to lift Sophie up and over but the minute her shoulders touch the canvas, she rolls through and Blacker doesn’t even make it down to her knees before Sophie is back up, running at Kathryn as she gets back up, taking her down with spinning heel kick. Sophie rolls straight over and knees across Kathryn, hammering away with the right hands again. The referee warns her off before starting to count yet again.

1…

2…

3…

At three, Sophie raises her hands, showing the official she’s given up before stepping up and grabbing a fistful of hair again, lifting Kathryn and dragging her over to the corner. Sophie forces Kathryn’s throat down onto the middle rope and pressed her weight down against the back of Kath’s head as the official starts another count.

1…

2…

3…

Sophie actually starts jumping up and down for extra momentum before released Kath at four. Grabbing her hair, Sophie stands behind Kathryn and wraps an arm around her throat before backing up into the corner and climbing up to sit on the top turnbuckle before pulling back, lifting Kathryn off of her feet as she chokes her once again. And just like last time, Blacker begins another count.

1…

2…

3…

4…

Sophie releases the hold, innocently holding her hands up once again stopping the referee mid count. The minute Blacker stops counting though, Sophie grabs hold of Kathryn and goes back to choking her once again, only to let go before Blacker can even start to count a further time. The referee warns Sophie about disqualification as Sophie stands up and grabs hold of Kathryn’s head before jumping forward and slamming Kathryn down with a bulldog from the second rope. Sophie rolls over and makes the cover.

1…

2…

3…NO!

Dollar: Kathryn Pearson shooting the shoulder up JUST before the three count and this isn’t over yet folks!

Susie: I wonder if Kathryn will feel as foolish as the semi-shaved head makes her look when she wakes up tomorrow having lost her first singles match to someone who doesn’t even work in this company, Johnny?

Dollar: That’s if she loses, Susie.

Susie: If? IF?! Are we even watching the same match?! Ugh…

Frustrated, Sophie grabs Kathryn and lifts her up again. Sophie launches Kathryn into the ropes, standing in the middle of the ring as she waits for Kathryn to come back from them. Kathryn bounces off and Sophie looks for a clothesline but Kath ducks under the arm and bounces off the ropes on the other side. Running back to the middle, Kathryn leaps up, taking Sophie down with a crossbody. Kathryn rolls to her knees and stands back waiting for Sophie to get to her feet before swinging her leg around, catching Sophie with a spinning heel kick as Sophie runs right at her. Kathryn drops down and goes for the cover.

1…

2…

NO!

Sophie shoots the shoulder up and Kathryn looks a little dejected as she rolls away but doesn’t let up, immediately pulling Sophie up to her feet. Kathryn looks for the irish whip but Sophie reverses it, whipping Kathryn into the ropes instead. Sophie doubles over waiting for Kathryn to bounce back from the ropes, but as Kathryn comes back, she rolls over Sophie’s back before hooking the head and drilling her with a ddt, spiking her head straight down into the canvas!

Dollar: Floatover ddt! That’s one of Kathryn Pearson’s signature moves folks and this could be over!

Susie: NO! No no no no NO!!!

Rolling Sophie over onto her back, Kathryn hooks the leg.

1…

2…

3…NO!!!

Sophie manages to kick out once again, JUST before the three, leaving Kathryn particularly shocked as she rolls to a knee, pushing her hair out of her face as she kneels there breathing heavily. Sophie rolls over, holding her head in pain before pushing up to all fours. Kathryn leaps up, runs past Sophie and jumps onto the middle rope, pushing off and turning around midair to stomp both feet down onto Sophie’s back, pushing Sophie back down to the canvas as she rolls forward and back to her feet. Jumping up, Kathryn grabs Sophie and lifts her up. Grabbing her by the head, she throws the redhead down with a snapmare that leaves Sophie sat up straight on the canvas. With no hesitation, Kathryn nails Sophie in the back with a stiff kick that leaves the former Majestic star arching his back in pain as Kathryn forces her down to go for the pin again.

1…

2…Kickout!!!

Dollar: Just a two count this time folks; Sophie James showing quite a bit of determination here!

Susie: That’s because she has the power of the fire-crotch Johnny! All hail the ginger!

Kathryn gets to her feet, stumbling a little before turning to see Sophie getting up. Kathryn steps forward only for Sophie to punch her square in the midsection. Kathryn doubles up as Sophie climbs to her feet, grabbing Kathryn by the hair before walking over towards the ropes. With Kath still winded, Sophie grabs two fists full of hair before literally jumping through the middle and top ropes to the outside, pulling Kath down neck first onto the middle rope as she half drags her through them when exiting the ring. Sophie lets go just before she lands on the outside, and Kath collapses to the canvas, holding her throat. Blacker leans over the ropes and begins to lecture Sophie, telling her to get back in the ring but Sophie just waves her orders away with the flick of her wrist before reaching under the ropes and grabbing Kathryn by the hair, pulling her to the outside. The referee Blacker starts yelling at Sophie to bring it back inside but Sophie ignores her, lifting Kathryn from her knees and whipping her into the barricade in one swift motion. The crowd begin to boo loudly as Sophie smirks, turning and putting the boots to Kathryn for good measure. The referee starts counting in the ring as Sophie continues to put the boots to Kathryn, but as she nears the 8 count, Sophie steps over to the ring and slides half way into the ring before sliding back out again to break the count. Walking back over to Kathryn, she lifts her to her feet before turning and throwing her into the side of the ring back first, her body arching in pain as she falls to one knee. The referee has started counting again but Sophie breaks the count yet again before lifting Kathryn and dragging her, before throwing her into the steps, sending Kath shoulder first into the side of them, knocking them away from the ring.

Dollar: Sophie James is going to town on our X-Class champion right now, and looking at her I’m not sure she can take much more of this…

Susie: Someone should come out and throw in the towel for her… or maybe a brick? Yeah, that works!

Sophie smiles as she turns her back on Kath, walking past a few of the jeering fans on the front before turning and running at Kathryn, presumedly looking for a knee to the skull, but Kath somehow jumps up and manages to hit a drop toe hold, driving Sophie face first into the lower half of the steel steps. The referee looks at the carnage, both women down, and goes back to counting once again.

1…

2…

3…

Kathryn begins to stir and a second later, as the referee reached 4, Sophie does too. She pushes up to her knees and crawls towards the ring apron, while Sophie uses the lower half of the steel steps to push up to her knees and she too starts crawling towards the ring.

5…

6…

7…

Kathryn manages to pull herself up to her feet, holding onto the bottom rope to steady herself as she heaves herself up and into the ring. Sophie meanwhile, is clinging to the ringpost, still trying to shake off the effects of the steel steps.

8…

9…

Sophie finally manages to get her feet up underneath her and she drags herself into the ring JUST in time to break up the 10 count, leaving both women down on the canvas. Just as the referee is about to start counting again though, Kathryn rolls over and throws an arm over Sophie’s chest.

1…

2…

3…NO!!!

Susie: Yay! Sophie managing to kick out in the nick of time here guys and holy smokes is this proving to be one hell of a match!

Dollar: I have to give Kathryn her dues, she very nearly came through the other side of that onslaught with the pinfall, Sophie JUST kicking out before the three.

Back in the ring, both women are somehow up to their knees, Sophie clinging to the turnbuckles to pull herself up while Kathryn holds onto the ropes doing the same. Kathryn pushes herself up from the ring and stumbles backwards and it almost looks like she’s about to fall over, but she maintains her balance and turns back towards the ropes, only to find her face on the end of Sophie’s foot as the Motor City Bitch nails her with the “4-Seb” superkick!!!

Dollar: OH! That’s the 4-Seb! Out of nowhere, Sophie James with the superkick and this just HAS to be all over folks! There’s no kicking out from a kick like that!

Susie: YES! Woo! Go team Fire-crotch!!!

Sophie drops down on top of Kathryn in a heap, exhausted but expecting the victory. The referee Blacker drops down to make the count.

1…

2…

3!!!

Sophie rolls over onto her back, breathing heavily, but clearly pleased as punch. After a while though, she realises her music isn’t playing and as she looks up, she sees the referee shaking her head and pointing towards the ropes. Only then do we see that Kathryn has her foot under the ropes and Sophie can’t believe it! Slamming the canvas with both hands in frustration, she rolls to her knees, clearly possessing a second wind as she pushes up to her feet and grabs Kathryn by the hair to drag her up too. She grabs Kathryn and goes to set her up for the Motor City Meltdown but from nowhere, Kathryn pushes her arms away and manages to underhook her arm to lift her up and over with the New Jersey Neckbreaker! The crowd go absolutely insane as Sophie falls to the canvas limp from the impact and Kathryn rolls over and makes the pin attempt.

1…

2…

3!!!

Susie: NO!

Dollar: She did it! Kathryn Pearson beat Sophie James and picked up the victory here and wow, what a match!

“Bullet with Butterfly Wings” hits the speakers again as Kathryn rolls off of Sophie James and onto her back. She’s breathing heavily, but has a huge smile on her face as Blacker helps her up to her feet. The crowd cheer like mad as the referee Blacker raises her hand in victory.

Dollar: Well, there’s your winner folks and what a great match we’ve just witnessed here tonight! I’d say it’s a safe bet to assume Sophie James has learned her lesson too, about who she picks fights with and–WOAH!

Dollar’s words are interrupted by Sophie James who has found her feet and clubbed Kathryn Pearson in the back of her head to take her down. The crowd boo like crazy as Kathryn collapses into a mess in the middle of the ring. Sophie smirks as she puts the boot in a couple of times before rolling out of the ring, smirking to herself as she rests back against the guardrail. In the ring, the referee is checking on Kathryn, who’s holding her head in pain a little, but the attention soon turns back to ringside where someone has rushed down the ramp!

Dollar: Holy hell, is that… is that Dawn Lohan?!

Susie: Wait, Lohan? Sister of BRITTANY Lohan?!

Dollar: Yep, and ex-girlfriend of Sophie James! What the hell is she doing here?!

<POn the outside of the ring, Dawn is now standing there ready as Sophie continues to smirk, looking into the ring. As Sophie turns around though, Dawn spears her RIGHT into the guardrails, much to the amusement of the crowd, who cheer Dawn on. Dawn throws a few right hands to Sophie’s head before pushing up and waiting for Sophie to get to one knee before drilling her in the head with the Through The Looking Glass superkick, which gets a huge pop from the IWC fans! Dawn doesn’t seem finished though, as she walks back to the barricade and asks one of the fans for a chair. One of them willingly obliges and hands Dawn a chair, which she takes before walking right over to Sophie.

Dollar: Wait, this is Dawn Lohan! What on earth is she doing, this isn’t LIKE her!

Susie: She’s going to hurt Sophie, Johnny! This isn’t fair!

Just as Susie said, it’s obvious Dawn is intent on doing some serious damage to the Motor City Bitch. She doesn’t just settle for placing the chair underneath Sophie’s head, but instead sandwiches it between the chair, opening it slightly and fitting it around her. Standing behind her, Dawn grabs both of Sophie’s arms and pulls her back, just about ready to drill her face with a curb stomp, the move she calls ‘Bitch, Please’ when Kathryn bursts out under the bottom rope and grabs Dawn, tearing her away.

Dollar: Oh thank god for that. As much as I may want to see Sophie James get what she deserves, murder isn’t the answer!

On the outside, we see Kathryn holding Dawn back, stopping her from getting to Sophie. The referee Blacker quickly moves over to remove the chair from Sophie’s head as we hear Kathryn speaking to Dawn.

Kathryn: It’s not worth it sweetie, she isn’t worth it!

Dawn suddenly realizes how far she almost went and shock hits her system all at once and she quickly pulls away from Kathryn before bolting away up the stage to the back, leaving Kathryn to look back at Sophie, simply shaking her head. Her entrance music once again plays over the PA system as Pearson staggers forward into the ropes and falls against them, looking absolutely disgusted. Her back is to the entry way at this point as Dawn pulls open the curtains and steps through them. As the curtains draw shut a figure can just be seen rushing through the gorilla position right at Dawn’s exposed back. What happens next remains a mystery thanks to the curtains coming to a complete close.

The grueling bout has ended and now Kathryn is free to celebrate. Her body is traumatized by the physicality of this brutal performance, but she manages to get her arms up above her head, overcoming physical trauma in order to celebrate the occasion.

Dollar: That match far more intense than I thought it be,

Susie: Let that be a lesson to all the trolls out there….don’t fuck with someone over Twitter.

Dollar: Kathryn making a statement on Dawn’s behalf…..getting revenge for one of her best friends.

Susie; It’s very sweet on Kathryn’s part to stand up for her friends.

Dollar: I guess that’s just the type of person that Kathryn is….she’s got a huge heart.

Susie: And huge tits to house it.

Dollar: Great point.

Susie: But what was up with Dawn Lohan’s actions after the match?

Pearson had trouble lifting her arms, so just imagine how much it bothers her to actually walk towards the ropes.

Dollar: Kathryn celebrating a….wait….what’s this all about?

Susie: Candid Camera?

The video on the screen does not relate to any type of prank…..though Pearson probably wishes she was seeing some sort of trickery over the images presently being piped into the interior of the Amway Center.

Alana: I know YOU can tell me where she is….

With tire iron in hand Alana follows her latest prey…..and no matter how fast her target manages to drag her mangled body palm over palm across the concrete…Dawn Lohan cannot escape the wrath of Alana Starr.

Alana: It doesn’t have to be this way….Dawn…..all you have to do is tell me where Brittany is.

Dawn wasn’t camera-ready earlier….but now it’s more than a lack of make-up and unfashionable attire she has to worry about….it’s the fact that she’s paying penance for her sister’s sins. She finally ends up at the edge of a flight of steps, desperately reaching up for the bannister to employ as a crutch.

Alana: Please Dawn…..just tell me….just tell me and it’ll all be over.

The only thing Dawn is concerned with, is getting away from Starr, not providing her with answers. Starr had no qualms about brutalizing Cassidy, about destroying the limo, but attacking Dawn seems to plague her, just not enough to stop. A handful of Dawn’s hair is used to lead her up to her feet.

Alana: I don’t want to hurt you….but Brittany hasn’t left me any other option. Just tell me where she is so I can end this once and for all.

Dawn: Take your hands off me!

Dawn swings around and pries her hair out of Alana’s hands in the process, but as a result she finds herself teetering on the edge of the stairwell. Arms are swung as Dawn desperately tries to maintain her footing with Alana dashing in to HELP. Eventually Dawn loses her footing though and goes tumbling down, hitting every step as she rolls to the base with a sickening thud.

Dollar: Oh no….oh God….Dawn just fell down the steps….

Susie: Did she fall….or did Alana push her?

Dollar: What does that matter? Someone get help back there…someone get help back there now!

A frozen Alana just stands there with a paralyzed expression, watching Dawn writhe at the bottom of the stairs.

Alana: Brittany…..Brittany….BRITTANY!!

Hands course through Alana’s hair, on the verge of ripping it out of her scalp.

In a hurry Kathryn rushes straight up the ramp to the backstage area….face twisted with an expression of pure terror.

Dollar: Pearson running backstage to help her friend….but Dawn is going to need much more assistance than that.

Susie: She needs medical assistance….and I don’t know if Kathryn is a trained medic or not.

Dollar: I’d let her play Doctor on me any day of the week….but that’s beside the point right now.

Pearson can’t get backstage fast enough, almost tripping over her feet in the process.

Dawn isn’t the only woman in need of medical assistance….considering the state of Katelyn Buehler’s hand. She sits on a cot in the trainer’s room….as the agitated medic puts layer upon layer of tape around her fractured fingers. The anger that Buehler feels manages to distract her from the pain.

Trainer: I’d tell you not to go out there and compete with this type of injury, but I get the feeling you’re just gonna give me one of those ‘nothing is gonna stop me from wresting’ lines I hear just about every other week.

Katelyn: You assumed correctly.

Trainer: Why do I even bother? I’m only paid thousands of dollars for my medical opinion….but nooooo….

He may be bitching, but he’s still doing his job….applying more tape to Katelyn’s swollen hand.

Hurse: You know this never would have happened….

The last thing Buehler wants is a lecture but that’s precisely what she’s getting from the eye patch wearing Hurse presently planted at her side. How he snuck up on her is a total and complete mystery to Katelyn….who probably was so immersed in revenge plots that she lost sight of everything else.

Katelyn: Ugh….hiiiii Steven.

Her greeting couldn’t be anymore thick with cynicism.

Hurse: Like I was saying….

Steven goes on with his statement undeterred by Buehler’s agitated tone.

Hurse: This wouldn’t have happened if you had accepted my offer. If you had joined Brooks and I….we could have protected you from the Coalition.

An arm extends and slides over Katelyn’s shoulders, trying to comfort her.

Hurse: But you pushed me away….

An abrupt step back and thrusting of Hurse’s arms out to his sides.

Hurse: You denied the help of the one’s who love and care about you the most. But why? What have we done to make you distrust us? Have we not always been there for you? Have we not always protected you?

Katelyn: You and I just don’t agree with your modus operandi, Steven…..you want to keep me from the World Title….I’m hell-bent on winning it….See, our priorities don’t mesh very well.

A contemplative posture is exuded by Hurse.

Hurse: I merely didn’t want you to fight for the title and fail, Katelyn….I know the effect that would have on you….and failure WOULD happen without the aid of Brooks and I? Dark Legacy and Unity would undoubtedly make sure Taylor walks away with the World Title still in her possession should you face her without help.

Katelyn: I don’t believe that….I can’t believe that….

Hurse; Believe it or don’t believe it. It’ll still happen. You will still lose to Chase…..If you choose to go down this road by yourself.

Now Katelyn is coerced into giving this ‘offer’ thought.

Hurse: But don’t worry, my friend, even if you do refuse us….Brooks and I will remain loyal to the very end. We will be there for you…..in the future….both in the long run and in the immediate.

His one eye winks in Buehler’s direction, making the implication that Buehler will not be entering the Rumble tonight without back-up…..as if she already didn’t have enough aid promised from the Black Crusade.

Porno Lad: Oh God….Katie….are you okay?

In rushes both Porno Lad AND Kordelia Price….and before Buehler can defend herself, she’s grabbed and dragged off the cot into a huge hug.

Porno Lad: Poor baby.

The squeeze is broken so that Porno Lad can take the wrist of her presumably fractured hand and overlook it.

Porno Lad: What did they do to you?

Katelyn: Take your hands off of me.

Buehler pulls her wrist right out of Porno Lad’s clutches and steps back from his embracing arms.

Porno Lad: What gives, Baby-Cakes?

Katelyn: What gives? WHAT GIVES!?!

The question leaves her literally beside herself.

Katelyn: Ethan….have you forgotten everything you said to me these past few weeks? How you’ve treated me and everyone else on this roster? How you’ve promised to cost me my dream of becoming a World Heavyweight Champion, simply because WOMAN aren’t capable of holding gold?

Porno Lad: No….I haven’t forgotten….

He becomes far less emotional and far more stoic.

Porno Lad: But I hope you CAN forgive.

The undamaged hand is taken and pulled to Porno Lad’s lips, kissing her knuckles.

Porno Lad: I don’t admit it very often….but I….I….was wrong.

Kordelia almost has a heart attack when hearing this.

Kordy: But….

Porno Lad: No Kordy….I was wrong about Katelyn….She deserves the World Heavyweight Championship.

Now it’s Buehler who almost suffers a massive coronary.

Porno Lad: I had my perfect Paranoia moment, so it’s only fair that you should have your perfect Invictus moment. So tonight, Katelyn, Kordy and I will be there for you.

Katelyn: Why the change of heart?

Porno Lad: Let’s just say that my eyes have been opened….I’ve seen your amazing performances these past few weeks, including in that seven on seven elimination tag.

Katelyn: I’m glad you see things that way, Ethan…..I can’t tell you how good that makes me feel to know I have your support.

Porno Lad: You can always count on me.

Katelyn: Really? Never felt I could before.

Lad goes to explain but Katelyn cuts him off.

Katelyn: Ethan….just don’t…..Again, I appreciate that you’re seeing things my way for once….but tonight isn’t about us, it’s about the World Heavyweight Championship. Months ago I looked at my reflection in that gold as it sat over the shoulder of Taylor Chase, and I knew then, right there at THAT moment, I was destined to hold the title….

Once more Lad goes to speak before Buehler shuts him up.

Katelyn: I haven’t trained this hard, I haven’t worked through so many obstacles…

The scars on her scalp and the cast being placed over her hand are all acknowledged.

Katelyn: Just to fail now….just to lose when I FINALLY have my shot. I HAVE to win the Rumble tonight, Ethan, and with or without you by my side, I HAVE to go to Invictus…otherwise everything I’ve went through, everything I’ve endured, everything I’ve overcome, all this evolution will have been absolutely MEANINGLESS!

It seems Porno Lad is legitimately touched by this passionate speech.

Porno Lad: You’ve turned the page, and now you’re time has come, for you to truly be redeemed.

Lad and Kordy depart.

Finally Buehler is left alone as her mind becomes consumed with thoughts, and her hand is enveloped in a cast, her other palm slowly begins to open to reveal the ball planted within….finally learning her number.

Jackson: Alright….here goes nothing.

Fingers are cracked, a head is rotated to stretch the neck, every muscle is limbered up in preparation for the biggest move Jackson Adams has ever made.

Under the watchful gaze of the security staff, Jackson reaches into the tumbler and extracts his number. Yet much like Katelyn Buehler earlier in the night, there is no rush to see rather fate worked to his benefit or has conspired to his ruination. His palm hesitantly opens, but his eyes remain closed. Tentatively his right eye begins to creep open, just enough to glance at his number. Instantly he sighs….with despair

Jackson: MOTHER FUCKS! Seriously? Can I call a mulligan and draw again?

A unanimous head-shaking from security.

Jackson: You DICKS! What the hell am I supposed to do with this….number 12….I’m totally boned!

The ball is tossed into the air and caught in Jackson’s palm.

Jackson: Number twelve….number fucking twelve….UNREAL!

Rain: So the cat is out of the bag, huh?

Adams groans at the sound of the all too familiar voice of Rain….who made a stealthy entrance into the room….only making his presence known when it suited him.

Jackson: Rain….Rain….go away….come back another day.

Adams says in a sing-song voice.

Rain: You really do think your cute, don’t you?

Jackson: I think….NOTHING.

Rain: You want to know what’s gonna be cuter? When I take you, and throw you over the top rope tonight before Brandy and I put you through a table.

Jackson: Really? Is that how it’s gonna happen? Fat chance, Bub. I don’t think you realize how a Rumble actually works. So let me remind you. There’s about a thousand people competing in tonight’s match. MEANING, the likelihood that we’ll even cross paths with one another….is ZILCH…NADDA….You’re gonna be eliminated WAY before we ever square off. So don’t go getting your hopes up thinking you’re going to keep me from fulfilling my one unfulfilled goal here in the IWC, winning the Rumble….and then the World Heavyweight Championship in the MAIN EVENT of Invictus.

Rain: So you think we won’t be seeing each other in the Rumble tonight?

The smirk on Rain’s face would indicate otherwise.

Rain: Where there’s a will….there’s a way Adams.

Jackson: So spunky….yet so wrong. See….I have experience in past Rumble matches….and In spite of this new caveat about weapons being thrown into the mix, I still have a pretty big leg up over guys like you, who to date have yet to participate in an IWC Rumble. See, so many advantages to being a long time member of this roster, instead of yet another new comer who thinks his shit don’t stink and has this false sense of entitlement. And if you think I’m gonna let another newbie…no matter how much history I have with them….win the Rumble over me….a man who has been aspiring to win this baby since the day of its inception….you’re out of your fudging mind. I HAVE to win tonight….because with guys like you being shoved down our throats, it might be my last opportunity to fulfill my dream of main eventing Invictus for the World Championship.

Adams walks away, leaving Rain behind on the verge of selecting his number….but the tumbler is the least of his concerns.

Rain: Keep on believing that Adams…you’re going over that top rope tonight, and you’re going through that table.

This distraction allows him to be cut in line by not one….but two individuals. The camera turns to find both Ashley-Marie Chase and Brooklyn Smith standing beside the tumbler.

Brooklyn: Well, I hope this goes better than Gary’s selection earlier tonight.

Ashley: Yeah, you kinda hinted that he didn’t fair too well.

Brooklyn: That’s an understatement. I’m really worried about him…I mean…he shouldn’t even be in the Rumble tonight with his concussion issues, let alone going into it so early on.

Ashley: He’ll be okay, you know Gary can rise above pretty much anything. The guy is a brick wall, nothing hurts him.

Brooklyn: Not so much anymore.

Ashley: Erm….not to change the subject, but….

She debates how to get to another tangent without transitioning too awkwardly.

Ashley: ….have ya given any thought to…..ya’know?

Brooklyn: Oh….well….

Smith breaths funny…..uncomfortably.

Brooklyn:….Haven’t made up my mind just yet, Ash.

Ashley: If you really think about it though, it’s like a totally perfect fit.

Brooklyn: That might be true….but I’ve already got so much going on with Gary, plus all this stuff with the Blacklist and the Coalition….

Ashley: Don’t you think I know that, Brook? That’s what makes this so perfect. We can help lighten the load….take some of the pressure off.

Smith can’t help to contemplate the offer….her best friend making quite the sales-pitch.

Brooklyn: I just don’t know if I have the right mentality to fit in with Unity.

Ashley: Are you kidding me? You’re a PERFECT fit! You embody everything that Yvonne, Taylor and Kathryn have been preaching about….honor and all that respect stuff.

Brooklyn: True…..

Ashley: You girls are cut from the same cloth. So what do you say? Want me to tell Tay-Tay that we’re interested in joining up?

Brooklyn: I just don’t know.

Kathryn is clearly open to the idea, but her indecisiveness is equally as evident.

Brooklyn: I’ve got a lot to think about, Ash, so how about we just concentrate on getting through the Rumble tonight, and then we can talk about this.

Ashley is a little disappointed but tries not to show it.

Ashley: Okay…..totally respect that.

Attention returns to the tumbler.

Ashley: You want to pick first?

Brooklyn: Sure….I’ll dive in there.

The tiny door is reached through and Brooklyn secures her number….eagerly looking it over.

Brooklyn: Wow….not bad…not bad at all.

A smile forms on Ashley’s face, mirroring Brooklyn’s. It makes her feel good that Smith has found but a modicum of happiness given recent events.

Ashley: I guess it’s my turn. Wish me luck….

Brooklyn: Like you need it.

As Ashley finds herself in the process of drawing a number, Rain is currently dialing one. His phone is wedged to his ear while he paces the room.

Rain: Brandy, listen….We’ve got to find a way to make sure we enter the Rumble early….I know….I know….it would mean sacrificing that great number you selected…..BUUUUT….the sacrifice will be worth it if we get the chance to eliminate Adams.

He listens as Brandy airs her grievances.

Rain: We need to find a way to enter at around numbers ten and eleven.

The phone is pulled away from his ear as Brandy screeches into it.

Rain: Calm down….I’m telling you it’ll be worth it.

He hangs up and then turns just in time to spot Brooklyn consoling a stunned Ashley, who looks like she was just told her puppy has aids.

Ashley: I told you to wish me luck.

Brooklyn: Sorry….but your normally the luckiest woman I know.

Rain: Awww…..

Smith and Chase look towards the smile on Rain’s face and instantly want to remove it.

Rain: Have you two fallen on hard times? How sad.

He pantomimes brushing away tears.

Brookyn: No….actually….because tonight, Rain….the Rumble gives me an opportunity to finish what Gary started on Riot!

Rain: And how is your cousin doing? Well I hope. I mean, he didn’t look too good after that 4 on 1 handicapped match.

Brooklyn: Well he’s not going to be on his own tonight.

Rain: Really? Because as much as I hate to admit it, Jackson had a valid point. I heard you say that Gary drew a low number tonight….and your odds were a bit more favorable. So how do you intend to protect Gary, when he’s going to be trapped in the ring with the End Effect for a very long duration of time before you even enter the Rumble?

Obviously Brooklyn hadn’t even been considering this….not until now at least. And he gives her even more to dwell upon…well…her AND Ashley.

Rain: And It seems to me that you all fail to realize that it’s everyone….for….themselves.

Rain has TRIED to sow the seeds of dissent….but the roots have not taken hold and nothing has grown. Just the opposite in fact, evident as Brooklyn sacrifices herself to Chase’s benefit.

She grabs the ball right out of Ashley’s hand and forces her own into the palm of the young Chase.

Ashley: What are you doing?

Brooklyn: No tradies backsies.

Frankie: How in the hell do you work these things?

Frankie looks at the landline table-top phone like it were a totally foreign object. Nervously he runs his hand over the back of his bumpy head before reaching over the desk and lifting the receiver.

Frankie: Huh…..so I guess you lift this….and then what? When does the keyboard pop up?

The loss of his I-Phone forces Frankie to go as low tech as humanly possible….actually, he feels like a monkey learning to use tools for the first time.

Frankie: How do you fucking text message with this thing?

Eyes scan the surface of the desk he’s seated behind, lifting folders and tossing papers around.

Frankie: Where’s the instruction manual?

Harrison: Need some help there, Frank?

Paradise reclines back in his chair once he spots Aaron Harrison entering the office….but Aaron doesn’t come alone….he has a little friend….the kendo-stick resting across his shoulders.

Frankie: Aaron….to what do I owe the honor?

It takes his all to look casual….when on the inside, Frankie’s guts are twisting into sailor’s knots.

Harrison: You look nervous, Frank.

The beads of sweat streaming down Frankie’s skin are pretty hard not to notice.

Harrison: Anything the Blacklist can help you with?

Frankie: Unless you can smooth things over between the Board and I….I don’t think so?

Harrison: Heh….

The chuckle from Harrison strikes Paradise as particularly vexing.

Frankie: Is there a reason you’re so glib?

Harrison: Frank, the only thing you need to worry about right now is Mika’s challenge to Taylor Chase…

As if Paradise could endure any further aggravation…he’s already lost his I-Phone tonight….his I-Phone….that’s the equivalent of someone punching the false-teeth out of his grandmother’s mouth.

Frankie: Aaron, Bud, I’ve got a lot to deal with right now.

Harrison: Oh?

Frankie: That big free agent I signed didn’t even show up in spite of all the promises I made to the Board, plus the limo I put on their expense account got destroyed, I’ve got a bunch of crazy bitches running around here throwing one another down steps and threatening each other with switch blades….I’ve got ladies getting knocked out with baseball bats…it’s been total anarchy….

Harrison: Don’t worry, I’m sure the Board of Directors knows who’s responsible for all of this ‘madness’….Orlando Cruze….

No arguments from Frankie there.

Harrison: So let me deal with him.

Paradise feigns enthusiasm, though he’s more than a little tentative to conspire with the Blacklist.

Harrison: Mika’s taking care of Taylor on Riot!, so allow me to finally end Orlando on that very same night. Give the Blacklist a chance to take them all out in one fell swoop.

Frankie: Ummmm….

Harrison: Give the Blacklist closure, Frank….and I tell you what….I’ll even sweeten the pot for you.

Into his back pocket a set of handcuffs are removed and thrown onto the surface of the desk.

Harrison: Orlando will have to compete with his hands cuffed behind his back.

Frankie: Ummm….well….I don’t know….lemme take it under consideration.

Harrison: Heh.

Another glib reaction.

Harrison: Frank…..BUD….

The use of Frankie’s informal phrasal verb is not intended to show commonality between the pair, but is spoken in more of a threatening as opposed to friendly tone.

Harrison:….I think you have the wrong idea here.

Frankie: Huh?

Harrison: It’s not like I’m giving you a choice in the matter.

Frankie: Oh.

Jackson Adams can put his umbrella away….because there is no more concern of Rain….the clouds have parted and the metaphorical sun is beating down upon his shoulders. He feels like he’s walking in the light of day, even doing a two-step on his way down the corridor that is filled with a litany of potential weapons. Everywhere his eyes turn he spots another object, another potential device of destruction that can prove instrumental in the elimination of his adversaries.

Jackson: Let’s see…

A 2×4 is picked up.

Jackson: Nah….too Hacksaw.

The board is indiscriminately tossed aside in favor of another weapon. He plucks a pair of scissors off a nearby crate.

Jackson: No….too Brutus Beefcake.

The area continues to be surveyed for weapons before he comes across P Clarence Whitman peevishly glaring down at a table that bares a large assortment of blunt objects. Whitman appears just as overwhelmed by all the choices, and Simon is about to put even more options on the table….just not literally.

Simon: Hey-Hey P-Wiggy.

Whitman looks up and relishes in doing so when he spots the two ladies on Simon’s arms. The scantily clad ladies hang upon Cagero while obnoxiously chewing bubble-gum and fixing the sunglasses on the bridges of their noses.

Simon: Sooooo…..are you into Mexican or Chinese?

Whitman is so distracted by all the skin that he is in a state of momentary paralysis.

Whitman: Ah….pardon?

Simon: Mexican or Chinese?

Whitman: Oh….well….I thought we would have predictably American and antiquated English cuisine for the wedding reception….nothing too outlandish.

Simon: Cuisine? Who the fuck said anything about cuisine? I was talking about the strippers for the bachelor party.

Cagero pulls the glasses off one of the lady’s faces, revealing her Asian features.

Simon: Ling….or…

Another set of glasses is removed on the other woman’s face.

Simon:…Mariah?

Whitman: Ah….oh my….tough decision….WAIT….no….

A handkerchief is used to dab the saliva collected across his jaw.

Whitman: I’m afraid I mustn’t engage in such unspeakably indecent acts. If Lois….or my word…my MOTHER….discovered I was participating in such behavior, it would be quite the peril.

Simon: I’ll put you down for both.

Whitman: I don’t think you’re following me here, Mr. Cagero….there can be no bachelor party.

Simon: Relax, P-Wiggy.

A sigh.

Simon: Like I said, I’ll keep things tame. It’ll be like a birthday party at Chuckie Cheese.

Whitman: Ah….will there be tokens?

Simon: Maybe.

Whitman: Splendid.

Mariah: He’s a cute one….Simon.

Ling: Can we give him a free-be?

Whitman opens his mouth to protest but cannot bring himself to do so once he sees the enormous bust closing in upon him. Temptation….Cagero more than aware of the carrot he dangles before the horse’s mouth.

Simon: Nah….

The percolating nipples are pulled back and away from Whitman’s leering eyes.

Simon: The anticipation makes the payoff so much better. Oh….and P-Wiggy….

Whitman is too enchanted by the cleavage to speak.

Simon: How’s Mom doing?

Whitman: Mother? AH….ah yes….it’s still going to take some doing to get her to come around to the wedding.

Simon: Sorry to hear that.

He goes back to overlooking all of the weapons dispersed over the table surface. Fingers move towards a baseball bat before retracting back to his side. Fingers then approach the hammer but stop just short before hovering over a chain.

Simon: Would you just pick already!?!

Heart in throat.

Back to Jackson, the self-proclaimed Legend holding a rock-hammer.

Jackson: Nah….too Andy Dufresne.

Excuse me….Jackson….is it?

Attention shifts from the rock-hammer to the face of newcomer Arthur Cross. In spite of Jackson’s passion for brutalizing those most recent additions to the roster, Arthur shows a surprising lack of trepidation in approaching this inherently biased individual.

Jackson: Who the fuck are you, and why should I care?

Arthur Cross: My name is Mr. Cross….but you can feel free to call me, Arthur.

Jackson: There’s quite a few things I’d much rather call you.

A grin stretches across Arthur’s face.

Arthur: I heard you were quite the impetuous individual.

Jackson: Did you now?

Arthur: And a man of immense talents.

Jackson: Then you heard correctly.

Arthur: I also heard that you are not very kind to new signees.

Jackson: Yep….you’re clearly well informed.

Arthur: It appears that you have a negative stigma of ‘new-guys.’

Jackson: ERRRRRR….wrong.

The sound of a buzzing siren is imitated.

Jackson: And you were doing so good too…..

Arthur: Oh….am I mistaken?

Jackson: It’s no stigma ole timer….All you newbies are the same. You come here expecting to be spoon fed victories, and pushed over top of guys who built this house you’re performing in…..guys like me who busted their asses just to give you a place to call home. Guys like you, and Rain, think that just because they won a title in XPCWAGOFUCKYASELF…..that it entitles them to instant championship opportunities and so on and so for….

Arthur: I’m afraid that’s where YOU’RE mistaken, Jackson.

Adams at last shuts up, intrigued.

Jackson: You gonna try to correct me?

Arthur: I believe actions speak louder than words, Mr. Adams. Which is why my client….the most recent addition to the IWC roster, has a request.

Jackson: Wait-wait-wait….YOU….want something from ME? Why am I not surprised? More of this entitlement bullshit.

Arthur: Well….this proposition actually would be quite advantageous to you. Ya’see, Mr. Adams, my client wishes to make a major statement this evening to show what he’s capable of…..that he deserves to stand amongst the elite here in the IWC. Unfortunately, the number he selected for the Rumble tonight might make that a bit….difficult.

Jackson: What? Did he draw a number on the low end of the spectrum? Worried you’re client isn’t going to win the Rumble and go on to get a title shot…see….it’s the same old….

Arthur: No….just the opposite I’m afraid….He picked a number that was TOO favorable….One that fails to give him an opportunity to display his dominance…..For him to truly make a statement….So to show his incredible endurance, his innate longevity and stamina, he needs a number on the lower end of said spectrum. And you can help us with that.

Adams really wishes he hadn’t put down the rock-hammer.

Jackson: Does the term bat-shit crazy mean anything to you? What kind of idiot would WANT a low number in the Rumble?

Arthur: My client…..for reasons far more intellectual than you seem capable of wrapping your mind around.

Jackson: Well you’re barking up the wrong tree here, Sport-O. I’m through bending over backwards to help bright eyed, bushy tailed asshats that comprise this latest crop of ‘talent.’ So why don’t you look else….

This response is being made as he turns to take his leave….yet finds his departure compromised by the impact of his nose with a huge sternum…..a sternum that belongs to Tyson Galloway….Jackson’s jaw drops as his eyes slowly move from the chest all the way up…..way-way up to the face of this giant.

Jackson: On second thought….

Adams turns back towards Mr. Cross, ‘surprisingly’ having a change of heart.

Jackson:….maybe we CAN talk.

EMT: Where is that back-board at God dammit!?!

EMTS are in mass around the body of Dawn Lohan, who lies on her side grimacing from the pain in every muscle and presumably from some broken bones. Kathyrn Pearson kneels at Dawn’s side while Yvonne hovers, trying to stay out of the way at the same time that she offers reassuring platitudes to Dawn.

Ivy: You’re gonna be okay hon….just try not to move.

Dawn: You’re all overreacting….I’m fine…I’ve taken much worse than this in the past.

Kathryn: Just let them look you over….please Doll.

Dawn tries to sit up only to feel an excruciating pain flow through her lower back, prompting her to listen to the pleas of her friend.

Dawn: Alright fine…just get it over with.

She lies back down at the base of the stairs and listens to the EMTS run over her list of potential injuries. All the while Orlando Cruze is surveying this scene and predictably shaken by this imagery.

Orlando: How come you guys haven’t transported her yet? This is ridiculous.

EMT: Mr. Cruze, please calm down, we had to ensure she was stable first….and I have no idea where the other medics are with the back-board.

ivy: How ya feeling Dawn?

Dawn: Like crap.

Just before Orlando can finish trying to direct traffic and expedite this process, a figure impedes the progress.

Gary: Orlando, can we talk?

Gary Matt looks down on the situation from his vantage point at the top of the stairs, leaning over the bannister to get a closer look.

Orlando: Gary….this is not the time.

Gary: I……

Matt’s eyes move over the ladies at the base of the stairs and stop on the ailing Dawn.

Gary:….understand. It’s just…

He debates rather he should say anything more given the volatile situation.

Gary: I think we REALLY need to talk, Orlando….No….I HAVE to talk to you…..about Taylor….

Orlando: This is NOT the time Gary….

Gary: I’m sorry for what happened out there earlier…And I promise to make up for it..

Orlando: I can’t worry about that right now Gary!

The sincerity in Matt’s eyes is transforming into a totally different emotion.

Gary: You can’t worry….about my wif….you’re fiancée? Listen…listen…

Once again his tune changes.

Gary: Brittany isn’t going to be here tonight….so how about you make ME the final entrant in the Rumble….That way you can be sure I can eliminate the Blacklist should they still be around at that point, and take from them any opportunity to challenge Chase again for the World Championship.

Orlando: Gary…PLEASE… I’ve got my hands full at the moment….And besides…I’ve already been in contact with a replacement for Lohan….It’s already taken care of.

Gary: But….

Orlando: Dammit Gary…NOT NOW!

Gary: I see…..I see.

Matt hesitantly backs away from the bannister, watching Orlando at the bottom of the steps fawning over the injured Dawn.

Gary: I see.

Headlights hit the interior of the Amway Center’s enclosed parking facility, reflecting from the mutilated surface of a limo. These lights belong to a far less lavish vehicle….a stereotypical yellow taxi-cab, which slows to a stop.

Dollar: Who is this arriving to the Amway Center so fashionably late?

Susie: Ummm….I think I can figure this out.

Dollar: No Susie, it’s not Dr. Samuel Beckett!

Susie: Damn…what about Al Cavalacci?

Dollar: I’m fairly confident it’s not him either. This might just be….HIM….the major free agent that Frankie Paradise has been talking about for weeks now.

Susie Oh….so it’s not Sam….

Dollar; NO!

The camera zooms towards the backseat, trying to catch a glimpse of the passenger. Trying and failing.

WEAPONS ARE LEGAL RUMBLE MATCH

Focus shifts from the Taxi to the ring, which is once again occupied by Thomas Boll.

Boll: Lady and gentlefolk, follow match is over-top-rope Rumble, and winner go to challenge Champion of World at Invictus.

Suddenly the introductory tunes belonging to Taylor Chase blare through the speakers, eliciting an orgasmic reception from the fans. Everyone is on their feet as the World Champion graces us all with her presence yet again. With title not only in tow but raised above head, Chase steps to the stage and basks in the adulation.

Dollar: The time is indeed here for the Last Stand Rumble….but before the festivities begin, we’re being joined by the World Heavyweight Champion, Taylor Chase.

Susie: Who will be on hand to watch this match from the best seat in the house. AND she’s got something to say.

That seat just so happens to be a lavish throne situated just off to the side of the entrance tunnel….one that is about to be occupied by the World Heavyweight Champion…..but not until after she’s got something off her chest.

Taylor: COMPETITION….

Literally every single inch of Taylor Chase’s body is hurting. Even the tips of her bangs ache….hell….her eye lashes are throbbing….her ear-lobes are in agony….Yet there she is….STANDING…no….not just standing…. But holding her title high above her head. At the same time she points the gold towards the massive Invictus banner hanging from the scaffolding.

Taylor: That’s always what it has been about….Competition over THIS…

She draws the belt back in so that she can hit the edge of the microphone against the plate.

The gold falls over her forearm as Taylor introspectively gazes down upon it.

Taylor: And tonight I find out who my greatest challenge to date shall be as so many battle in that ring to determine who will fight me for the biggest championship, in the biggest match, at the biggest venue this industry has to offer.

The belt is situated so that it’s accentuated upon Taylor’s shoulder.

Taylor: THIS belt compels people to uncharacteristic feats….so just imagine what this entire roster will do in order to have the opportunity to not just capture it….but to capture it in the main event at Invictus.

It’s Taylor’s eyes that are now accentuated, becoming the camera’s focus.

Taylor: I’m sending a message to the entire roster. I’m watching…watching you all….and the eyes of the entire world are watching too…just as eager as me to find out who rises to the top, holds strong….and is the last person standing in the ring….moving on to make history….history at INVICTUS.

The World Title lowers to her aching shoulder and Chase moves to the throne, planting herself upon it and trying to get relaxed in spite of her nagging injuries

Dollar: Taylor taking a seat in that throne of power…ready to preside over the events and learn who her challenger will be at Invictus for the World Heavyweight Championship. Let’s break down this match for the viewing audience at home.

Susie: Okay, you do that, and I’ll sit here playing with my cabbage patch doll.

Dollar: Susie….that’s literally a head of moldy cabbage.

Susie: Don’t stifle my imagination!

Dollar: This match will start off with two combatants, and then after every two minutes another will enter the fray….but they won’t be coming alone, as Orlando Cruze added the wrinkle that every participant in the Rumble is expected to bring along a weapon of their choosing. Eliminations will occur only via being tossed over the top rope with both feet hitting the floor…let me emphasize that….BOTH feet hitting the floor.

Susie: And whoever is the last person standing in the ring will become the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship at Invictus.

Dollar: Huge….HUGE stakes on this match tonight.

Back to Boll in the ring ready to do his first introduction.

Boll: Introduce first….woman that draw number one…..Starr Chylde….ALANA STARR!

Born 2 Run by 7Lion draws another deafening roar from the fans. In spite of her attack on Dawn Lohan….the crowd is still enamored with the spunky lass….wait….that spunk is gone….gone far away. Intensity is all that remains….well that….and the tire iron hanging from her palm.

Dollar: And we start off the match with a woman who has more than just one goal tonight….

Suise: This match was ‘supposed’ to give her closure against Brittany Lohan.

Dollar: It’s a very likely possibility that will not happen now given the fact that all has gone quiet on the Brittany front….but wow has Alana ever been making waves tonight.

Susie: She attacked Cassidy Haze, she assaulted Dawn Lohan, and she destroyed that limo backstage searching for Lohan.

Dollar; She is so incredibly hell-bent on getting her hands on Brittany, and I think she still believes that Brittany will be part of this match in some capacity.

Susie: I guess we’ll have to wait all the way until the final entry in this match to find out if Lohan is going to show up or not.

Alana paces in the ring thumping the tire iron against her free palm and mouthing a string of obscenities to herself as she waits for the first obstacle standing between her and Lohan.

Boll: Introduce fella who draw number 2…..

All eyes are focused on the entry way, including Alana’s….including Taylor’s….

“We Own It” elicits a massive uproar from the audience and leads Andre Jordan to the ring with a flapjack in hand.

Dollar: Andre Jordan is number two!?! Are you fracking kidding me?

Susie: Holy cannoli.

Dollar As if things couldn’t get any worse for these star crossed brawlers.

Susie: Andre Jordan and Alana Starr have the most rotten luck imaginable.

After taking a very deep DEEP breath, Andre begins towards the ring. Every step a hesitant one….his shoulders and back buckling under the tremendous pressure weighing him down. And the look from Alana, that chilling, spirit crippling gaze, isn’t helping matters at all.

Dollar: I don’t think this is how either Andre Jordan or Alana Starr thought this Rumble would turn out. Alana FORCED into that number one spot, and Andre drawing number two….This is….this is horrible given their long standing relationship.

Susie As if that relationship wasn’t strained enough already.

Dollar: This might just be the breaking point.

The tension in the air is beyond palpable….Andre now standing across his beloved Alana, who hasn’t stopped pacing even as Jordan made his reluctant entrance.

Alana: Out here to keep me away from Brittany again, huh?

Suddenly the flapjack in Andre’s hand hits the canvas and Jordan turns his back on Starr, arms stretching to his sides.

Jordan: Do it baby….just do it….I’m not about to stand in the way of you getting Lohan. This is your night….this is your chance…..Just eliminate me.

The unstable Alana brings the tire iron up and stretches it between her palms in anticipation of delivering a fatal blow. Before this night, before this issue with Lohan ever began, clearly Starr NEVER would have even considered harming those she cares about the most. But this is not the same Alana that was attacked in the parking lot at that GDW show all those months ago. The cocoon has shattered, and what has emerged is a vastly different animal, one who will take out anyone she cares about in her pursuit for revenge.

Jordan: Do it! Come on…You don’t care about anyone, right? The whole world is out to keep you away from Lohan? Might as well as throw me in with the rest of that lot. This is your chance. Take out one more obstacle. Make me pay for stopping you from signing that contract. Let’s go….do it….eliminate me. I’m just another obstacle dammit. That’s all I am to you anymore right? That’s all ANYONE is to you anymore.

Alana is trembling when presented with this opportunity…..actually yearning to cave in Andre’s skull with the tire-iron….but something….some part of the real Alana is still there, buried deep, repressed beneath all the rage and all the hostility. It’s this part of her that quells her hands, that makes her ask why she is even debating taking the tire-iron to Andre’s head.

Jordan: What’s wrong, Alana? I’m a horrible, deceitful individual right? Which is why I tore up a contract that would force you out of wrestling forever if you had signed it….all for what….one match?

I’m a bastard….Alana…..I’m nothing but a jerk who betrayed your trust….That’s the only reason I signed with Silverstone….because she’s obviously out to lie to you too…which is why she spent so much time looking over those contracts….diligently reading all the fine print, searching out every single loophole and looking through all the legal jargon just so Brittany couldn’t spring a trap on you. But what’s it matter, because Tabitha and I, we’re just conspiring against you, right? We’re just horrible….HORRIBLE people. So take me out….eliminate me….and go down this road alone….that’s what you want right? Because you can’t afford to trust anyone else….you can’t believe anyone else is there to help you…..

Dollar: Decisions, decisions.

Susie: Alana Starr faced with a very difficult choice here tonight. Does she take this opportunity to eliminate Andre Jordan? Or does she come to her senses?

Dollar: This is a tough one to say the least.

The decision isn’t as hard as the commentators seem to believe, as the tire iron at last descends to Alana’s sides. For a moment there, Andre was legitimately worried, but now unleashes a sigh of relief as he turns towards his love.

Andre: You’ve done some pretty horrible stuff tonight, but it’s not too late….You can still go back, Jellybean.

The magnitude of her actions sinks in, and hits Alana like a shotgun spray directly to the gut.

Alana: Dre.

For the first time in weeks, Andre sees the REAL Alana in the misty eyes staring back at him. Without hesitation Andre reaches out, sliding his hand around Alana’s cheek.

Andre: Hi….

The feel good vibe doesn’t last long….giving way to even more chaos. Andre’s expression changes in a flash, once he spots the switchblade traveling towards the back of Alana’s head. Thinking quickly, Jordan uses the grip on the side of Starr’s face to shove her aside, sending her staggering into the ropes and spilling over them….He then side steps the blade that Cassidy Haze intended to embed in the back of Alana’s skull.

Dollar: Did Andre just eliminate Alana!

Susie: No, but Cassidy sure tried to.

Jordan manages to swat aside the blade, step around behind Cassidy and use her own momentum to throw her through the ropes to the outside of the ring. The second Haze disappears from the fray, Alana manages to stand up on the apron, and turn back to the action within the ring. If it hadn’t been for her grabbing the middle rope just as she flipped over to the apron, she surely would have been eliminated, and by of all people, Andre Jordan.

Andre spins around to check on her now that he’s sure Cassidy has been taken out….but he turns to find something more dangerous than a switchblade, Alana’s fury.

Alana: Why Andre?

Andre: What….wait….NO!

He tries to point to Cassidy on the outside of the ring but Alana is through listening to the lies and deceit…or what she’s been manipulated into believing are deceptive acts from Jordan.

Andre steps in to explain himself but Alana does the unthinkable, she flips over the top rope, lands on his shoulders and snaps off into a hurricarana. Andre now goes flying forward into the ropes, hitting the top one and just barely wrapping himself around it in time to prevent his elimination.

Dollar: Wait….does Alana think Andre tried to throw her over the ropes?

Susie: I’m pretty sure that was the misconception here. Starr had no idea that Cassidy Haze tried to stab her with the switchblade and that Andre was only trying to pull her out of the way and protect her.

Dollar: Looks like Andre’s chivalry and adulation for Starr came back to haunt him again.

Alana: I trusted you Andre….I trusted you!

She steps in and wraps arms around Andre’s leg, trying to lift up n it and eliminate him. As Jordan holds fast and continues to try and talk sense to the emotionally wrought, Starr, the countdown clock appears in the bottom corner of the screen, indicating that entrant number three is about to make their arrival.

Dollar: Who is going to be the next entrant into the Rumble?

Susie: God I hope it’s Oscar the Grouch, that would be the most wicked thing in the history of wickedness.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3….

Alana is still fighting to get Andre over the ropes and he is still fighting to connect with her….

Andre: I was trying to help.

Alana: You’re a liar…you’re a damned liar!

….2, 1!

The second the buzzer sounds, Cassidy Haze is rolling back into the ring with the blade back in her clutches.

Dollar: Looks like Cassidy Haze, Brittany Lohan’s protégé might be the next entrant in this Rumble.

Susie: Even if she isn’t, I don’t think anyone is going to try and stop her when she’s got that switchblade in her hand.

Cassidy wasn’t waiting for the countdown to conclude before going back on the attack, she only hesitated in the hopes that Starr would eliminate Andre. When it became apparent that Jordan wasn’t about to let go and had resolved himself to clinging to the cables like a Garfield suction cup on a car window, she realized it was time to act. She grabs Alana by the hair, pulling back her head and making sure she will NEVER challenge Lohan by lifting the blade to her throat.

But before the crowd can witness a homicide in the center of the ring, Alana drops back, launching a shin into the air and drilling Cassidy to the face with a kick. The strike knocks Haze loopy, but not down. She somehow catches herself, planting her feet just as Alana gets to her own and steps in to brutalize the Wild Card.

She only gets within a few feet before Cassidy starts to swing the knife wildly around herself, indiscriminately slicing at anything that moves.

In the process of dodging these blows, Alana falls back first against the turnbuckle, and then dives out of the way just as Cassidy swings the blade down her chest. The knife becomes embedded in the turnbuckle pad, and in spite of all Haze’s best efforts, she cannot tear her weapon loose.

Susie: Cassidy an absolute psychopath going after Alana with that knife.

Dollar; Thank God it got stuck in the turnbuckle pad….otherwise who knows what Cassidy would have done with it.

Haze keeps pulling but cannot free the blade….the distraction allowing Starr to come racing in behind her rival. But a back elbow to the temple keeps Alana from getting any advantage. Starr then goes twisting to the center of the ring, grabbing at her wounded cranium as Haze rushes in behind her. The back of Alana’s head and tights are taken hold of and now Haze is rushing her straight towards the ropes, intent on throwing her over.

She only gets about half way across the ring though before rushing right into a shot to the top of the head with the flapjack. Andre intervenes in the nick of time to save his girlfriend, who collapses to the canvas beside him totally unaware of his intervention.

Dollar: The flapjack resoundingly connecting to Cassidy’s head!

Suise: He just whooped that trick!

Dollar: And he came to Alana’s aid in the process.

Cassidy collapses to the canvas and then rolls across it into the ropes, employing them to begin reaching her feet. Andre then turns towards Alana, trying to help her up only to have his arms swatted aside.

Alana: I don’t need you!

Distance is put between them via a big shove from Alana, sending Andre staggering into Cassidy who stands just in time to catch him with a back drop that sends him sailing over the ropes. Luckily Andre grabbed the top cable though and floats over, instead of crashing to the mats he lands on the apron. He then waits for Haze to spin around before catching her with a punch straight to the jaw.

Cassidy spins away and stumbles towards the center of the ring just as Starr comes barreling in with a spear to her ribs.

Somehow Cassidy sidesteps though and uses Alana’s own momentum to push her along right into Andre. Somehow Alana manages to stop just before he connects with Jordan who is still standing on the apron and would undoubtedly be sent down to the mats, eliminated from this bout. Upon the two coming face to face Alana retracts her fist, about to throw it right into Jordan’s jaw and knock him from the apron.

Andre: Jellybean…you know me.

Alana: No…I THOUGHT I knew you.

10, 9, 8…

Dollar: Someone else about to come out here and join what has already been a wild Rumble.

Susie: But Andre’s not about to find out who it is…

Why?

Cause Cassidy is rushing in behind Alana, wedging hands to her spine and pushing her straight into Andre so the two will bump heads and Jordan will undoubtedly be eliminated. However, Andre sees this coming, prompting him to drop to his seat on the apron and baseball slide through the legs of the inbound Starr. He then sits up on the canvas just as Cassidy steps in and delivers a devastating kick square to his forehead.

Right after delivering the kick, Cassidy rushes right into Alana, who turns around and gets clocked beneath the jaw with a step up knee strike. The stiff blow sends Starr flipping up and over the top rope. The crowd squeals with eyes widening as Starr ALMOST takes a dive to the outside mats…..ALMOST….landing across the apron and wrapping an around the bottom rope. Haze sticks her foot through the ropes, pushing on Alana’s shoulder, trying to kick her off and to the outside.

Dollar: Alana holding on…but Cassidy is hell-bent on eliminating her both in retribution for that attack earlier tonight, and to remove ANY possibility that Alana will cross paths with Brittany….

Susie: Who isn’t even here tonight.

…4, 3, 2…1!

Dollar: Well we’re about to find out who IS here tonight, and who will be the fourth entrant in the 2014 Rumble.

The buzzer sounds throughout the arena followed by….Rammstien’s “Feurer Frei.”

Dollar: Who….who is this?

Susie: Oh my god….Oh my god I’m getting excited, you can totally see my nipples poking through my dress right now.

Dollar: Yes, yes I did notice that.

All becomes clear when the curtains part like the red sea and through them steps a figure of near biblical lore in the IWC…..former World Heavyweight Champion and Hall of Famer, Hellkat! Exclamation point and all.

Susie: YES! YES OH YES!

Dollar: Did you just turn into Meg Ryan faking an orgasm.

Susie: No faking about it…that’s Hellkat…that’s the very first ULW World Heavyweight Champion….THUNDERCATS HOOOOOO!

Dollar: We speculated that there would be quite a few surprises this evening, and this is the first, Hellkat, former World Champion is here….we haven’t seen her in years.

And Hellkat doesn’t come empty handed, revealing to the palpitating crowd her weapon of choice, a long rope.

Dollar: It’s going to be very interesting to see what Hellkat does here tonight, she’s produced so many legendary moments in both ULW and IWC lore. Who can forget her win in the first Weapon’s Lair, where she won the World Title adorned in full battle armor.

Susie: I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it….I think….I think…I think I just might like it.

Dollar: Yeah, you’re signing just totally killed the vibe.

Susie: Sorry, but I wonder what’s with the rope in Hellkat’s hands?

She slides right into the ring dragging the excessively long weapon behind her…which seems to possess hooks on both ends. A rather stunned Cassidy races in to get the advantage on her before Hellkat can get to her feet. But Hellkat’s speed is too much, quickly crawling right through Haze’s legs and ending up behind her. She then stands and yanks up on the rope, ramming it into Cassidy’s crotch and flipping her over.

Andre is in the process of helping Alana through the ropes only to be shoved back, Starr still refusing his help.

And Andre is shoved back right into the kneeling Hellkat, who reaches into her trunks and retrieves a Shark-Boy mask. She slide sit over her head and immediately sinks her teeth right into Jordan’s rear-end. Andre is in so much pain he can’t even make it audible. He just begins to leap up and down and race in circles around the ring with Hellkat following behind her on her knees, still sinking teeth into his derriere.

Dollar: Classic Hellkat and Desolation inspired antics here.

Susie: So much the butt that Unity was raving about earlier.

Andre finally breaks away and rolls under the ropes to the outside of the ring to give time for his rear-end to recover. Hellkat then stands up and grabs the rope just as Alana rushes in. The cable is stretched out between Hellkat’s arms and rammed right into Starr’s throat, knocking her to the canvas where she gasps for air.

With all of her opponents down Hellkat works quickly, taking one end of the rope and hooking it around the top rope. She then stretches the cable out as far as it will go, all the way across the center of the ring and hooks the other end on the top rope running parallel to the one she already hooked. To a rapacious response, the fans now see that Hellkat has made a makeshift top rope that cuts right through the middle of the ring.

Cassidy can care less what Hellkat is doing though, intent only upon inflicting damage. She scrambles across the ring at this point just as Hellkat turns around, catches the inbound knees of her opponent and back drops her right over the top rope…..the one SHE put in place. Haze flies over the cable and crashes down on the canvas upon the opposite side.

The Shark-Boy mask is tossed aside at this point so that referee Ingelson can see the sincerity in her eyes….as she insists that Haze has been eliminated via going over the top rope.

Dollar: Oh wow….GENIUS!

Susie: Genius? This would give Piddle & Plop a run for their money in terms of sheer unbridled brilliance!

Dollar: Hellkat has made a makeshift top rope in the center of the ring that she just tossed Haze over…so technically, doesn’t that count as eliminating her?

Hellkat is proud of herself for this one, but that pride comes before the fall. The part of dream killer is played by Ingelson this evening, as he gets hyper technical and states that Cassidy’s feet have to hit the MATS, and not the canvas in order to count as an elimination.

As Hellkat argues synmantics with Ingelson, Haze sneaks under the make-shift top rope, grabs the waistband of her opponent and drags her down. Hellkat’s momentum carries her throat first into the rope she just set up, which possesses a surprising amount of tension, just enough to apply significant friction and pressure on her esophagus. The impact with the rope snaps Hellkat’s head back and sends her body rolling across the canvas.

Cassidy then rises slowly to her feet, having no idea that Alana is racing in behind her. Starr then grabs the top rope put in place by Hellkat, leaps over it, lands right on top of Cassidy’s shoulders and then turns her body so that she delivers a huge hurricarana.

Dollar: Now everyone using the NEW top rope to their advantage.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Susie: It looks like we’re about to have ANOTHER entrant in the Rumble.

Dollar: Who can possibly top Hellkat?

6, 5, 4, 3…..

Alana approaches Hellkat and leads her up to her feet before pushing her along into the ropes and then trying to force her over. The former World Champion wraps her body around the top cable, refusing to be eliminated in the early goings of this bout.

2, 1….

“The Ginger Song” by Hale & Pace plays throughout the PA system and the fans go mild….having absolutely no idea what they’re listening to and what they’re seeing as a walk jar of mayo makes his way to the stage. The pigment deprived Raging Ginger steps to the stage and thumps his fist to his chest in a stereotypical, ‘I’m a big muscle bound gorilla, piss your pants now,’ type gesture. The man featuring a head of flaming red hair then bolts straight towards the ring.

Dollar: And here is one of the more unknown entities in the Last Stand Rumble tonight….

Susie: Oh God, my eyes! I shouldn’t have looked directly at his skin.

Dollar: Yeah, I wouldn’t advice that without the use of sunglasses.

Susie: I’m blind Johnny, really, I can’t see a thing….it’s like I looked at an eclipse.

The fans are rather fickle as the Raging Ginger slides into the ring holding a barber’s pole….why….because it’s white and red….get it….ah to hell with it.

The barber’s pole is swung into the upper back of Alana, ricocheting off her spine. This blow to the spinal column of Starr results in the wrath of the man who will not give up on her, Andre rushing across the ring and taking the Ginger by the shoulder. The red headed behemoth spins around and throws a big fist at Jordan’s face only to have him duck and then rush into the cables in order to build some momentum. However, Hellkat stands up on the opposite side of these ropes and leaps into the air, driving her shin over the top rope into Andre’s inbound face.

The kick sends Jordan twisting into the grips of the Raging Ginger, who takes him by the wrist and shoots him off across the ring. Just before he can be sent into the cables though, Andre turns, stops cold and reverses the whip by pulling Ginger into a short arm spinning powerslam.

The fire up Andre works his way to his knees and then spots what must have fallen out of Hellkat’s full body tights when she yanked into the ropes. The Shark-Boy mask, which he eagerly snatches up. Just as the Raging Ginger gets to his feet, Andre takes the mask and slides it over the big man’s head, but backwards so that the eye slots are behind Ginger’s head, leaving him totally blind.

Raging Ginger throws fists wildly, having absolutely no eye sight at this point. His swinging fists spin him around right into the barber pole that is swung by Andre directly into his gargantuan opponent’s ribs.

The blow doubles the Ginger over, putting him in perfect position for the scissors kick from Alana, connecting right against the back of the massive hoss. The Raging One goes down to the ring just as Andre spins around with the barber pole still in his hand, the weapon unintentionally finding itself mere inches from Alana’s face. She was kneeling on the canvas before looking up and seeing the barber pole flying traveling towards his skull.

Andre stops cold and immediately throws aside the weapon before trying to explain himself….insinuating that he was NOT going to use it on Alana.

Starr still isn’t buying it….and has no desire for explanations….just physicality. She snatches hold of Andre’s wrist and pulls him forward into a forearm to the jaw, followed by another and then another. It kind of makes it hard to talk since into Starr when Andre’s mouth is being repeatedly shut by these stiff strikes.

Dollar: Alana is just so distrusting of everyone…Andre included.

Susie: She thinks everyone is out to keep her away from Brittany Lohan.

10, 9, 8 7….

Dollar: Well….with the exception of Andre, everyone IS out to keep her and Lohan apart, because everyone is out to eliminate everyone else…including whomever had the misfortune of drawing number 5.

6, 5….

Inside of the ring Cassidy Haze is rushing across the ring and diving shoulder first through the ropes in an attempt to nail Hellkat in the ribs and knock her off the apron. This attempt is sidestepped, Hellkat moving out of the way as Cassidy head ends up sticking through the ropes, one of which is given a kick from the former World Champion. The punt kick sends the middle cable straight up into Cassidy’s throat, sending her staggering back gasping for air. She turns her back to Hellkat, who slides into the ring, wedges her hands to Haze’s kidneys and shoves her esophagus first into the make-shift top cable.

Cassidy’s larynx snaps off the rope and she collapses to her spine, trying desperately to catch her breathe.

…2, 1….BUUUUZZZZ!

Dollar: Who’s it gonna be?

The lights go out as “In Ashes They Shall Reap” by Hatebreed begins to play throughout the arena.

Born to bleed
Fighting to succeed
Built to endure what this world throws at me
Born to bleed
Fighting to succeed
Built to endure what this world throws at me

There is no pep in the step of one Gary Matt, who methodically makes his way to the ring, giving more than enough time for his opponents to inflict damage on each other, marginally increasing his odds. He stops right at the ringside area with a chain wrapped around his fist.

Dollar: “The Maniac” Gary Matt is our next entrant…..the luck of the draw didn’t favor him too well tonight.

Susie: Luck hasn’t been on his side at all lately.

Dollar: He’s looking to change that luck here tonight by punching his ticket to Invictus where he will have a one way trip to the World title match.

The thought of facing Taylor for the title isn’t wasted on either Gary or the World Champion. Chase watches uncomfortably as Matt’s eyes make contact with her own. Just then he seems to have an epiphany. He throws the chain into the ring and then reaches down and grabs one of the ringside mats, ripping it away from the concrete beneath.

Susie: Is Gary an interior decorator?

Dollar: Gary, you don’t have to take the ring apart, the jobbers will do that after the show.

The ringside mat is slid into the ring and ends up right at the feet of the Raging Ginger. The freckled behemoth tries to pick up the mat and throw it to the outside when another Matt, slides into the ring and grabs the other end of the mat…Someone, somewhere just went cross-eyed.

Gary and The Raging Ginger fight over ownership of the mat, getting in a tug of war over it. They extend it out over their hands as they continue to grapple for ownership. That’s when Hellkat comes rushing and shows remarkable agility….cat like agility….thank you…thank you….by leaping into the air, landing on the mat outstretched between their hands and then back flipping into a moonsault right across the laid out ribs of Haze.

Dollar: Wow…that was abasolutely AMAZING!

Susie: Go Thundera GO!

Dollar: Hellkat back flipping off that mat stretched between the arms of Gary and the Raging Ginger….but why did Gary bring that thing into this match to begin with?

Susie: To soften his landing?

The battle for the mat continues while Hellkat gets to her feet and looks to intervene. She doesn’t make it very far, because Starr bolts across the ring, goes airborne, lands on the mat stretched between the arms of her opponents and lunges off into a forward flipping plancha. She connects spine first with Hellkat’s shoulder, the two collapsing to the canvas.

Dollar: Thank God these woman have been laying off the cheese burgers and extra-large fries.

Susie: If these ladies weren’t so trim, they’re fat asses would never have been able to go springing off that mat like this.

Monkey see….monkey do….Now Cassidy waits in anticipation of both Alana and Hellkat getting to their feet. They start to stand up while exchanging shots only for Haze to swoop in, leap into the air and spring off the mat outstretched between the hands of Ginger and Gary. The moment her feet hit the mat though, Gary and Ginger let go and cause Cassidy and the mat to go tumbling right down to the canvas.

The fans cheer and laugh as Haze lands on her rear-end then rolls around screeching in agony. There are no screeches from either Gary or Ginger though, who are swiping their palms against one another like they just dumped a load of trash.

Dollar: Nope…sorry Cassidy….I don’t think you’re as well liked as you’re opponents.

The Raging Ginger grins becomes slightly less homicidal, forgetting the anger elicited from his pale and freckled flesh and extending the olive branch of camaraderie. Gary, who was stooped for some reason, stands back up and reciprocates the handshake only to swing around with his free fist that has been covered by a steel chain.

Dollar: Chain to the jaw!

Susie: As if the Raging Ginger needed anymore help looking disfigured.

The unexpected blow from the chain sends Ginger rolling across the ring and under the rope Hellkat set in place. Gary then rushes in, grabs a hand full of red hair, leads his opponent up to his feet and then tosses him over the make-shift top cable, causing Ginger to crash down across the outside mat that the Maniac brought into the ring.

Gary then spins around, grabs the official by the jersey and points to the rope as well as the mat.

Gary: You said they had to go over the top rope and that their feet HAD to hit the mats….Sooo.

Yep…..Gary’s right, technically the rules have been followed to the letter, prompting Ingelson to inform the Raging Ginger that he is the first man eliminated from the Rumble.

Dollar: Well now….this just as unorthodox as they come.

Susie: Yep….Gary and Hellkat set it up so that people can actually be eliminated without even having to be tossed to the outside of the ring.

Dollar: Because they’ve gotten way too technical with the rules, and it’s cost the Raging Ginger a possible World Title opportunity.

Susie: Goodbye Raging Ginger we barely knew thee.

For the first time in weeks Gary actually has cause to smirk, watching as the Raging Ginger rolls under the ropes at the official’s behest. But the eliminated combatant isn’t the only thing tossed from the ring, so too is the mat. Ingelson then goes a step further by beginning to take down the top rope Hellkat put in place.

Gary watches all of this, losing focus….which could be quite costly as he drops his guard to Andre, who rushes in behind him, catches Matt by the back of the head and throws him over the ropes. However, Gary wraps his arms around the top cable just before he can go over it, cradling the cable to his stomach. Andre then steps in and grabs the feet of his opponent that are elevated from the canvas, lifting up on them in a valiant attempt to force him over.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Alana Starr and Hellkat are surprisingly working together in an attempt to eliminate Haze. They have her backed into the ropes and are crouched under the creases of her knees, elevating them in order to send her flipping in reverse over the cables. Cassidy wraps her arms around the top rope, leaning back into it but refusing to go over it.

4, 3, 2, 1….

Dollar: Ingelson finally taking down that rope and removing the mat from the ring just in time for us to find out who our next entrant is going to be.

Susie: How many people do we already have out here?

Dollar: I believe this will be our seventh entrant in the 2014 Last Stand Rumble.

Susie: Who’s next….come on….come on…COME ON!

“EVERYBODY!”

Never have the lyrics provided by the Backstreet Boys been cause for such aggravation. They generate such unrest because now this song is being associated with the man presently taking center-stage, the Original Prankster. Porno Lad stands on the stage pantomiming a title belt in Taylor’s direction. Kordelia is presently sliding through his legs and flipping over to her back before giving a come-hither gesture with her finger. Porno Lad drops down to his knees and crawls on top of Kordelia before looking up towards the heckling fans with puckered lips and his tongue slowly protruding from the corner of his mouth.

Dollar: Well….there goes the legitimacy of the Rumble.

Susie: Porno Lad about to put on a dazzling performance.

Dollar: Are you kidding me? If he does to the Rumble what he’s done to women’s wrestling God help us all.

The dry humping on the stage ends when Porno Lad extracts a microphone from his back pocket and in the process drags Kordelia to her feet by way of her wrist.

Dollar: Ah shit….and he’s got something to say too?

Susie: You act like that’s a bad thing.

Dollar: It is..everything that comes out of this man’s mouth is horse-shit.

Porno Lad: Ladies and that precious 5-12 year old demographic that purchase my merchandize, the winner of the 2014 Rumble is here!

Stomachs the world over churn like butter in a ye’ ole mixing barrel.

Porno Lad: And although my talents are extraordinary enough to win this Rumble without the use of weapons….because, let’s face it, I am a Mega-Face, and I could return from a debilitating injury three months before I’m scheduled to in order to make a bunch of wrestlers who have been competing at the top of their games, look weak losing to a man with preexisting injuries by tossing them effortlessly over the top rope…..far be it from me not to play by the rules. We’re supposed to bring weapons to this match…FINE….my weapon….just to make a statement about the objectification of woman in wrestling….Kordelia Price!

Kordelia shakes her ass excitedly to an overwhelming roar of disapproval from the fans.

Dollar: WHAT!?!

Porno Lad: Porno-Price…ACTIVATE!

Kordy turns herself into a makeshift back-pack, leaping over Porno Lad’s spine and wrapping arms around his neck as he rushes down the ramp.

Dollar: Porno Lad continuing to make women look so inferior, transforming Kordelia into nothing but a weapon instead of a human being.

Susie: So he’s not even letting Kordelia compete in the Rumble as an entrant?

Dollar: NO! She’s just in there to be his weapon and nothing more. He won’t allow her to be her own autonomous being.

Into the ring rolls Porno Lad with Kordelia still wrapped around his back, the grip with her arms and legs unbreakable. He turns and rushes right into Andre, ramming Kordy into his chest and then sandwiching her between them. Jordan crashes into the corner with the weight of both Porno Lad and Kordelia ramming into him.

All the air is knocked out of Andre’s body as he begins to slide down the turnbuckle looking a bit worse for wear. Alana has no qualms going after the Original Prankster, about to do something regarding his disgusting disposition towards women. Instead she does not take a stand for woman….actually, she gets knocked straight on her ass. Porno Lad pulls Kordelia up onto his shoulders, and goes into an airplane spin, causing Price’s heels to nail Starr right in the temple.

Gary then steps away from the ropes and gets clocked in the jaw with Price’s boots, almost knocking him over the cables. Somehow he manages to catch himself just before going over.

Although Hellkat is equally as repulsed by the disdain expressed by Porno Lad regarding female athletes, she is presently too busy trying to get Cassidy over the ropes. Mission accomplished. She pushes Haze to the exterior of the cables…but now her mission becomes forcing her to the outside mats….which Haze is complicated given her tight grip on the middle rope. The moment Haze comes down to the apron she wraps her arms and her legs tightly around the bottom cable as tight as a noose around a neck. Hellkat stomps away at Haze’s body but can’t get her to break the grip.

Dollar: Haze so close to going over…

Susie: But look at the other side of the ring…look at Porno Lad!

Dollar: Do I really have to?

Porno Lad heaves Kordy up onto his palms and now gorilla presses the very diminutive figure right into Gary’s chest. The press almost sends Gary flipping backwards over the ropes, but then he shits his weight back towards his legs. Thankfully, for Matt’s sakes, he lands back on his feet with Kordy still stretched across his sternum. He then tosses Kordelia up onto his shoulders and throws her into a running release powerbomb right into the back of an unsuspecting Porno Lad.

The collision sends Porno Lad spiraling forward into the ropes and eventually spilling through them to the apron.

Susie: Porno Lad is out!

Dollar: No..he went through the ropes….dammit.

Porno Lad utilizes the ropes to reach his feet, standing on the apron just as Gary grabs him by the jaw and pulls back. He also throws Porno Lad’s arms back to entirely expose his chest to a series of clubbing forearms…..one another and another. Andre Jordan staggers past Gary and slides through the ropes to the apron, standing at Porno Lad’s side while delivering repeated knife edge chops across his chest.

Dollar: Porno Lad hasn’t endeared himself to any of the men on this roster either given that superstar mentality he carries around backstage. No one likes someone with a big chip on their shoulder and an ego.

Susie: Really Johnny….really?

Although shes hurting Kordelia cannot help but to take advantage of having the spotlight, swiveling her hips and turning in circles.

Kordy: Ya love Kordy. Ya really love Kordy.

Obviously the heat she’s generating she mistakes for hype from the fans. The rump gyrating ends when Kordy turns right into the waiting arms of Starr. She scoops Kordy up and carries her towards the ropes, trying to throw her over into a scoop slam across the mats. But Price reaches out and grabs the cable with both hands, refusing to go over.

Once again Hellkat finds her way working in tandem with Starr, giving up on Cassidy in order to help out in the potential elimination of Price.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Dollar: Price and Porno Lad both on the verge of elimination….and I don’t think whomever is coming out here next is going to offer them much in the way of aid.

Susie: PLLLLEEASE let it be anyone from Quantum Leap….anyone! It would at last give my life meaning.

Chops and forearms continue to connect with Porno Lad’s wounded flesh while Price grips the top rope trying to avoid being tossed by the two ladies who are now holding her in simultaneous fireman carries. Starr and Hellkat are back to back with Kordelia stretched over the shoulders, trying their hardest to get Kordelia over….but she will not budge in spite of their best efforts.

3, 2, 1….

BUUUUUUZZZZ

Dollar: Who steps up the plate next?

Susie: There’s seven people in there already and only one elimination thus far.

Dollar: Actually there’s only six people in there Susie, and Porno Lad’s weapon.

Susie: Oh yeah, thanks for the correction.

Dollar: I really wish I didn’t have to make that correction.

Hopefully people have taken Frankie’s earlier advice and managed to strap their socks on given the intro music that is currently blaring through the PA system…entrance tunes that belong to Katelyn Buehler.

Dollar: To steal a line from a rather legendary commentator….Business is about to pick up.

There is incredible hype followed by a thunderous reception once Katelyn makes her down out of the entrance tunnel. She stands on the stage soaking in the elation, feeling the butterflies forming in her stomach as she prepares to compete in the single biggest match of her career….a match that could very well seal her destiny.

Dollar: Katelyn Buehler….hand in a plaster cast and all is about step into that ring….finally given the opportunity of opportunities….the chance to become number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship.

Susie: She’s made no bones about it for months now….her one goal…her only aspiration is to win the title to redeem herself and validate her career.

Dollar: This is that chance, this is that opportunity.

Buehler doesn’t even pay attention to the cast over her fractured hand or the combatants brawling in the ring. Her focus is on the World Title that is currently being raised up high by the woman seated a few feet away from her, the champion herself, Taylor Chase.

Taylor: Bring it honey….just bring it.

Though the odds are definitely not in her favor….Katelyn nevertheless rushes down the ramp, not worrying about using up her stamina….She’s fired up and absolutely nothing, not starting at number 8, not coming to the ring with an injured arm, not all the naysaying from the Coalition, is going to stop her from winning this Rumble. She slides into the ring across her stomach, leaps to her feet and reveals her weapon of choice….the plaster cast over her arm…..which she drives over the back of Gary Matt. She then rushes across the ring and goes all Bob Orton on Hellkat, ramming her cast into the legend’s ribs.

These blows delivered by Buehler, who turns inury to her advantage, saves both Porno Lad and Kordelia Price.

Dollar: Katelyn saving the two she made peace with earlier tonight….I can’t believe she’s bought into all the crap that Lad and Prince were shoving down her throat…..wait…wait…don’t even make a sexist joke here, Susie.

Susie: Hey now…you’re the one who opened the door here. But no….I’m not going to say anything, I’ll bite my tongue and be good, mostly because I happen to be a big Buehler fan too.

Dollar: She’s certainly making good use of that big awkward cast on her arm.

A smile forms on Porno Lad’s face as he turns and watches Buehler going to any lengths in order to win the Rumble tonight. Katelyn now ducks an attempted a lariat from Alana, who’s momentum sends her into a big spin. Buehler then delivers a step up enzugari to the back of Starr’s head, staggering her and knocking her back into the waiting shoulder of Porno Lad.

He slips through the ropes back into the ring just in time to catch the inbound Alana’s kidneys before back dropping her over the cables. Starr flips over and completely and lands on the apron, grabbing hold of the top rope to give her some stability as she comes down.

Alana just starts to straighten herself up when Porno Lad grabs Kordelia by the wrist and whips her with all his strength right into the ropes Starr is standing on the opposite side of. Price hits the cables and knocks Alana off the apron.

Dollar: NOOO! Starr is….

Susie: But wait, she’s balancing herself on the apron!

That’s right…that’s just what Alana is doing. With her arms swinging out to her sides, Alana finds herself precariously balancing herself on the arches of her feet across the edge of the apron. Eventually she tilts back and begins to fall only to have her hand caught….gripped in the palm of Andre.

Jordan rushed across the apron just in time to reach out and grab Starr’s hand, wrapping his other arm around the top rope in order to keep the two from tumbling to the outside. Alana’s feet grip the apron, but are so close to slipping off and sending her collapsing to the mats. A wounded, tired Cassidy then steps in, reaches over the ropes and digs her fingers right into Andre’s eyes, beginning to tear at the retinas.

Jordan doesn’t have a free hand to stave off being blinded by the excessively long nails of Haze, for one is wrapped around Alana’s wrist, and the other is gripping the top rope to keep her from being eliminated.

Dollar: Look at this, Andre won’t even let go of Alana even as his eyes are being raked by Cassidy.

Susie: Now THAT’s devotion.

Dollar: You aren’t kidding.

The battle of wills persists with Andre showing incredible will-power by holding strong to Alana’s wrist and refraining from breaking that grasp in order to save his eyes. And his persistence is rewarded with a drastic reversal in Alana’s attitude. The anger in her heart is replaced with remorse for her distrust. Haze has had enough of this….breaking away from Jordan’s eyes to split his skull by way of the tire-iron. She plucks it from the canvas then moves in while Alana makes a move of her own.

Her arm is yanked with all the strength Andre can muster, pulling Alana back up to the apron and towards the ropes she flips over. Connecting with a shoulder block to Cassidy’s throat, knocking her down to the canvas the tire-iron out of her hand.

Dollar: Alana SAVED by Andre.

Susie: I think her eyes were opened.

Dollar: While Andres were just torn right out of his skull.

The fired up Starr turns and finds herself eyeing the man she mistrusted, Andre, and grieving over her behavior towards him these past few weeks. At the same time Porno Lad and Katelyn Buehler are making eye contact as the former World Champion takes the good hand of his lover and kisses the knuckles once again.

Porno Lad: This is your moment….let’s make it happen.

Porno Lad and Buehler then turn with interlocked hands and charge straight at Hellkat going for a stereo lariat to knock her over the rope. However, Hellkat drops into a baseball slide under the arms which instead go traveling right into the throat of Kordelia. The lariat sends Price spilling back and through the ropes.

Dollar: And Kordelia Price is gone.

Susie: Erm….question…

Dollar: This better not be about My Little Pony.

Susie: Never-mind then.

Dollar: Well wait, I think Kordy went THROUGH the ropes and not over them.

Both Porno Lad AND Buehler look towards one another and SHRUG in response to their unintentional blow on Price….who is actually celebrating at ringside.

Kordy: That was soooo cool….that was soooo awesome.

The simultaneous shrugging concludes once Buehler and Lad turn into a simultaneous front dropkick from Hellkat. Both boots hit both chests, sending both combatants staggering back and spilling over the ropes.

Dollar: Did Hellkat just eliminate both Lad and Buehler at once?

Nope….they managed to grab the ropes, Porno Lad doing so with BOTH hands, while Buehler is handicapped to just utilizing one. They float over and land on the apron, starting to stand up while Hellkat moves in and throws a forearm over the ropes into Porno Lad’s jaw, rattling his teeth. At the same time Gary is moving across the canvas, making a quick jaunt in Buehler’s direction only for her to swing her cast covered hand over the ropes right into the inbound jaw of her opponent.

Matt turns away and staggers right into Alana, who catches him by the back of the head and charges him towards the ropes….ropes that Andre has dropped down and is now low bridging. Starr throws him over but Gary grabs the top cable on the way over and finds his legs precariously dangling over the mats.

Dollar: Andre and Alana trying to eliminate Gary, but he’s holding on…he’s hanging in there.

On the other side of the ring Porno Lad has turned his back on Hellkat and grabbed her around the neck, dropping to his seat across the apron and delivering a variant on the stunner that snaps his opponent’s chin back off the top rope.

She goes tumbling to the canvas while Porno Lad rolls into the ring, finding himself standing across from Buehler.

Andre rolls into the ring, finding himself standing across from Alana.

Porno Lad gets to his feet and tentatively approaches Buehler.

Andre gets to his feet and tentatively approaches Starr.

Porno Lad opens his arms and Buehler walks right into them, the two embracing in a hug.

Andre opens his arms and Starr walks right into them, the two embracing in a hug.

An ‘awwww’ is expressed from the crowd at the sight of this simultaneous snuggle session….that doesn’t last very long.

10, 9, 8….

Buehler and Porno Lad turn and glare across the ring at Andre and Alana. As the match has pretty much come down too these two reunited couples.

Dollar: We’ve got another entrant on their way to the ring, but before we get to that, it looks like these star crossed lovers are on the verge of fighting it out.

Susie: Maybe they’re going to fight over who has the most emotional love affair.

Dollar: I’m on Team Starr.

Susie: Well I’m on Team Buehler.

The four rush to the center of the ring and begin exchanging rights and lefts with one another to a loud reaction from the crowd. Starr’s forearm repeatedly drills Porno Lad under the jaw, shutting his disgusting mouth….while Buehler and Jordan are now exchanging knife edge chops across each other’s sternums. Buehler then whips around with her arm brace only for Andre to duck it, grab the back of her skull and push her along into the ropes. Katelyn bounces off and spins around into the KTFO only to have Jordan duck the roaring elbow aided by the arm cast.

At the same time Starr gets a rake of the eyes, making her feel Andre’s pain as she staggers back, putting enough distance between the pair for Porno Lad to spin around into the Epic Fail. But Starr does a crab-walk posture, arching completely over backwards the boot sails over her face and connects with the braced hand of Buehler just as she was swinging around into the roaring elbow.

Dollar: Hahahahaa, yes….YES!

Susie: I don’t know who got the worse on that one.

Dollar: Epic Fail and KTFO connecting…with EACH OTHER!

The kick almost shatters the plaster and causes Buehler to double over, screeching in agony as she reaches for her arm. At the same time Porno Lad is leaping up and down on one foot, his other aching horribly, toes possibly broken after the kick to the plaster. Alana then bounces off the ropes to build momentum while Andre is doing the same on the opposite side of the ring. The two go airborne, flying with cross-bodies at their respective targets…..

Just then Kordelia slides into the ring, grabs both Porno Lad’s and Buehler’s ankles and trips them forward so that Alana and Andre can go sailing over their opponents and end up crashing into each other instead.

Susie: DOUBLE IMPACT! Just not of the awesome Van Damme variety.

Dollar: That was a nasty bump from both Andre and Alana…and what the hell is Kordelia doing in there still?

Suise: I’m pretty sure she’s not an actual participant in this Rumble, Johnny, she’s a weapon, remember.

…..3, 2, 1….BUUUUUZZZZZ!

As the many athletes in the ring look to regain their functions someone else looks to take advantage of their predicament. But that person will not be revealed until after cameras have shifted to the backstage area, capturing the chaos in the gorilla position as opposed to in the ring.

Cameras capture both Gunner Bryant and Layla Storm in a position they’ve grown quite accustomed to….lying flat on their asses….bodies being brutalized by stomping blows. And who are the latest individuals to transform these two newcomers into punching bags? Why….it just so happens to be Rain and Brandy Danielle, who are pulverizing the pair. With a chair in hand Rain repeatedly swings steel over the back of Gunner until he is no longer moving and the ball he had gripped in his hand is released, rolling to Brandy’s feet.

Brandy: I’ll take that.

She grabs Gunner’s number while Rain pries Layla’s fingers apart and takes her number as well. He then drags her by that same hand to her feet and then whips her skull first into the plaster wall, cracking it around her head.

Rain: And I believe this now belongs to me.

He grips the ball in on hand a chair in the other.

Brandy: You should run along sweetheart, your audience is waiting.

The two step in and their lips connect over the mangled bodies of both Gunner and Layla.

Dollar: What did we just see?

Susie: Looks to me like End Effect have just stolen Gunner Bryant’s and Layla Storm’s Rumble spots.

Dollar: Why in the hell would they want to do that…..their spots aren’t very favorable.

Porno Lad and Katelyn Buehler are fighting their way to their feet in the center of the ring at the same time that Andre Jordan and Alana Starr are. Just then Gary swoops in and takes Andre and Alana by their necks, while Hellkat moves in and applies a simultaneous front chancery on the heads of Lad and Katelyn.

Kordelia and Cassidy race in to break up whatever Gary and Hellkat have in mind. But Kat bends down and catches Kordy with a back drop while at the same time Gary ducks his head and hits a back drop on Cassidy. He then drops into a stereo DDT while Hellkat does the same, the two laying out four opponents.

KICK IN THE TEETH

….Effectively kills the vibe as it plays over the PA system. Rain emerges from the back gripping hold of a steel chair that has already done significant damage, but will now inflict even more.

Dollar: Apparently this is going to be permitted…we’re supposed to be seeing Layla Storm right now, but instead its Rain….with a steel chair.

Susie: Meh….are you surprised? They pretty much let anyone do whatever the hell they want around here.

Dollar: Valid point.

Rain’s chair is destined for ONE head….a potentially concussed one at that. Gary stands up just as the chair swings right into his skull, the steel bouncing right off of his cranium. Rain then lines up and rushes right at Hellkat with the chair, smacking her in the back of the skull with it and knocking her into the ropes. She turns and falls against the cables while Rain sets up the chair and then rushes into the opposite cables. He bounces off, gets a running start and turns the chair into a launching pad, leaping right into a leg lariat to the throat of a shaken Hellkat. Both athletes go flipping over the top rope yet manage to grab the cable simultaneously. They then end up landing on the apron with Hellkat barely holding onto the rope to prevent an elimination.

She then gets up just as Rain steps in and begins to pummel her to the forehead with jab after jab, determined to knock her off…both literally and metaphorically….because the second she falls to the mats she’s eliminated.

Dollar: Hellkat holding on for dear life.

Susie: She’s the embodiment of that poster I have on my wall at home, with the cat hanging on the wire.

Cassidy and Kordy have reached their feet, the protégés working in tandem to eliminate the Alana. They have honed in on their target and have seized her by the hair, dragging her into the ropes and trying to push her over. Much like Hellkat, Starr clings to the ropes for dear life, wrapping her whole body around the top cable, every limb gripping tightly.

A limping Porno Lad spots Gary lying on the canvas, eyes awkwardly blinking, that concussion perhaps aggravated AGAIN after a shot to the skull from the chair. This opportunity is one Lad cannot possibly pass up, swooping in and grabbing Gary by the hair, then methodically dragging him up to his feet.

Porno Lad: Nothing personal….Gar-Bear.

Surprisingly Lad doesn’t go for the elimination, instead he runs across the ring and leaps into the air, dropping Gary skull first across the seat of the steel chair.

Dollar: If Gary wasn’t concussed before…now he DEFINITELY is!

But Lad still isn’t done….wanting to make his participation in this Rumble truly memorable…via the total destruction of Gary Matt. He drags him up and then rushes in for another bulldog into the chair. Porno Lad’s feet leave the canvas, but to his dismay it’s not of his own accord. Matt heaves Lad up into the air onto his shoulder and then throws him across the ring, where he lands spine first across the chair. The steel collapses under Porno Lad’s body that then goes writhing across the canvas.

Dollar: Looks like Gary is a bit better off than he earlier appeared.

Susie: He’s a good actor….I would of thought for sure that he was still concussed.

Dollar: Yes….a very good actor.

Rain gives up eliminating Hellkat and now slides into the ring snatching up the chair from beneath the mutilated body of Porno Lad. He pulls the chair up and just begins to rush at Gary only to have a big boot connect with the opposite side of the steel, driving it right back into Rain’s masked face.

Dollar: CHAIR to Rain’s face….getting just a taste of what he’s been dishing out.

Rain collapses to his back clutching his skull after Gary AGAIN makes him regret introducing a chair into their match….at least this time he didn’t go through one via the Brain Damage though….one tender mercy.

After delivering the boot Gary goes twisting into the ropes, falling onto them for support. Meanwhile behind his back Andre is taking hold of the chair and is rushing towards his prone opposition. Gary looks up just in time to see the steel careening towards his skull, prompting him to step aside at the last second. The chair bonces off the top rope as a result and then comes flying back right into Andre’s face. Jordan looks staggered but hasn’t released the chair…a crucial mistake on his part. Gary steps in, delivers a boot to Jordan’s stomach and then drops back spiking Andre with a DDT right onto the steel he was still clutching in his palms.

Dollar: DDT onto the chair!

Susie: Gary managing to avoid everyone trying to take that chair to his head….staving off a potential concussion.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6….

Alana continues to cling to the ropes for dear life while Cassidy and Kordy struggle with all their worth to eliminate her. Surprisingly Katelyn steps in, grabs the top rope and wedges a boot to the side of Alana’s face, trying to push her over as well.

Dollar; And now Buehler is trying to help eliminate Starr as well.

Susie: She’s already been in there for a while….exhaustion is probably taking its effect at this point.

Dollar: She and Andre BOTH have been in this match since the beginning…..but Starr won’t be in there for much longer….And neither will ANDRE!

Jordan is back on his feet….thanks to Gary, who coerces him to an upright base as he now tries to force him over the cables. Much like Starr, Jordan is holding onto the top rope with all of his appendages, even wrapping his toes around the cable if that’s what it takes to keep from being eliminated. Hellkat watches all of this before having an epiphany, eyes shooting towards the ring rope she brought into the match earlier. She slides across the ring and begins to gather it up while the timer ticks down to zero.

BUUUUZZZ

The alarm sounds and KICK IN THE TEETH pipes through the speakers AGAIN! Instead of seeing Gunner Bryant, we feast our eyes upon Brandy Danielle, who is having little difficulty carrying a table down the ramp with her.

Dollar: And there was no mystery to the next entrant….Brandy Danielle on her way to the ring AND she’s bringing a table along with her.

Susie: Just like the table that Adams put YOU through….

Dollar: And Jackson put Rain through it as well….hahahahaha.

Susie: Think those table spots are gonna come back to haunt Adams.

The table is situated directly and symbolically at ringside, the same area where it was positioned for the destruction of both Rain and Dollar. She then slides into the ring and races to Rain’s side, bending down and slapping his cheek several times, trying to get him to regain his focus after that big boot to the chair.

All the while Hellkat has discreetly made her way over to the turnbuckle, sliding through the ropes to the apron. She begins to wrap the rope around and around and around the turnbuckle as well as around her own body. Once the rope has been wrapped about her stomach several times she ties it to make sure there is no way she can be eliminated.

Dollar: Oh wow…this is brilliant strategy on Hellkat’s part, she’s TYING herself to the turnbuckle.

Susie: You can’t get eliminated if your tied to the ring.

A Hellkat chant has started as she crosses her arms as she assumes the role of spectactor. Somehow else intently watching this action is Taylor Chase, who stirs in her throne, unaware of what’s going to happen next…..left in a state of perpetual suspense.

And what could happen next are the simultaneous eliminations of both number and number two, Alana and Andre, who desperately cling to the ropes like embedded ticks. Gary seems to be on the verge of forcing Jordan over only to have Porno Lad crawl in behind him and deliver a blatant low blow right to his crotch. Gary grimaces in pain before curling to the canvas around his damaged junk.

Dollar: Did you see that!?! A BLATANT low blow from the ‘Mega-Face.’

Susie: Nothing else has stopped Gary tonight, might as well as stoop to new lows.

Brandy aids Rain to his feet and the two immediately take notice of the ailing Matt, diabolical grins forming on their faces. They swoop in and begin to deliver stomps and forearms to his body.

Dollar: And now this pack of hyenas are feasting on the scraps.

Susie: The issues between Gary Matt and the End Effect have been ongoing for ages now, and they’re looking to take him out while they have such a golden opportunity.

Rain: STAND HIM UP!

Danielle takes Gary’s arm and uses it to lead him to an upright base just as Rain steps in, takes him around the neck then snaps back into the Drowning Current. Gary’s face collides with the canvas and his body goes totally limp at this point, his concussion issues once again resurfacing.

Brandy: Let’s get rid of this trash!

Rain and Brandy grab Gary by the arms, lead him up to his feet and then simultaneously rush him towards the ropes, throwing him over. Once again Gary wraps hands around the ropes though and then comes down on the apron as opposed to the outside mats….staving off elimination once more.

Dollar: How in the hell is Gary still doing this?

Susie: The same way he did in that four on one handicapped match on the last Riot!…..

Dollar: Where he picked up the win in spite of a potential concussion.

Rain and Brandy have already turned their sights to another target. They rush in behind Porno Lad, snatch hold of his shoulders, spin him around and deliver a double leaping back heel kick to his jaw that sends him staggering into and then spilling through the ropes. Rain turns and notices Andre holding onto the ropes with his arms and his legs tightly intertwined about the cable. He rushes in and delivers a basement dropkick right to Jordan’s temple, knocking him off the rope and down onto the apron, coming incredibly close to losing his grip. He maintains a clutch on the top rope while his legs kick above the mats…..JUST managing to hang in there.

Buehler takes notice of End Effect working together and now looks to disrupt their plans. She rushes in and delivers a big leaping heel kick to a recovering Rain’s face, taking him right back down to the canvas. At the same time Danielle rushes in and Buehler ducks whatever she had in mind…that being a double axehandle. Instead Kordelia turns and gets smashed in the face by the interlocked hands of Danielle, who spins around just as Buehler snatches hold of the ever so mangled steel chair.

She picks it up and throws it with all her might right at Brandy’s face. But she ducks, the chair traveling straight into Cassidy’s head instead. Haze turns just in time to get a mouthful of steel that knocks her down into the ropes.

The one person who benefits from this is, Alana, who manages to slide down onto the apron and continue holding onto the ropes. Just then Buehler comes barreling towards Brandy, bending forward for a spear only to get a knee to the jaw that stands her back up. Danielle then steps back, slapping her leg before closing the gap with a superick right to Buehler’s jaw, knocking her down and knocking her out.

10, 9, 8….

Dollar: End Effect clearing the ring….and with good timing to boot.

Susie: Yes, because we all know who randomly drew number 12.

Alana steadies herself on the apron and then springs to the top rope and comes flying off towards Brandy. Just as she is about to have her head caved in with a flying double axehandle, Rain rushes in and shoves Danielle out of the way so that he can catch the inbound Starr around the neck. He then snaps back into the Drowning Current.

Dollar: And there goes Starr….falling prey to the Drowning Current as well.

….5, 4, 3, 2….

After taking out everyone in the ring, Hellkat withstanding, Rain and Brandy get to their feet and stand in the middle of the ring, bent forward in anticipation of Jackson Adams’ arrival.

Rain: Come on Jackson….face the consequences for your actions.

Brandy: These ‘newbies’ are going to prove why we’re the most feared athletes in all of professional wrestling.

1….BUUUUZZZ

Dollar: Rain and Brandy have both literally and metaphorically set the table for Jackson’s arrival. They’ve knocked out everyone in the ring, meaning it’s just gonna be the two of them and Adams.

Susie: Revenge on Rain’s part for going through that table.

Anticipation is building as the camera cuts from the table to the anxious faces of Danielle and Rain, who lay in wait to spring their trap.

Rain: I told you, Jackson, where there’s a will, there’s a way. We made sure you’d face our wrath tonight.

Brandy: Stop waiting Adams and get your ass out here!

Music finally hits the PA systems and instantly removes the smiles from both faces of the End Effect members. They go quite pale when the curtains part and through them steps a seven foot, three hundred pound goliath.

Dollar: THAT is NOT Jackson Adams.

Susie: No it isn’t.

Dollar: That’s newcomer Tyson Galloway.

Susie: But…but….I thought Jackson has number 12.

Dollar: Me thinks some type of bargain was struck in the eleventh hour. Adams had to know that Rain and Brandy would pull some type of trickery to make sure they got hold of Jackson.

Susie: So he set them up? Brilliant.

Arthur Cross moves out behind his client with a giant smirk on his face as he follows his silent big man towards the ring. Brandy and Rain are arguing with one another, wondering what the hell happened….how they managed to be outsmarted by the conniving Adams. They have little time to resolve their issues as the behemoth known as Galloway climbs up onto the apron and steps over the top rope.

Dollar: Jesus….this man is HUGE.

Susie: And it’s that size that’ll make him an odds on favorite to win tonight’s Rumble.

Dollar: He might be new….which would normally put you at a disadvantage in your first match, but not in the Rumble….and not with this type of size.

The gargantuan Montgomery is just entering the ring when Rain and Brandt pounce upon him, getting over their frustrations in order to take out their frustrations on the big man. A wild barrage of punches and kicks are connecting with Kyle, backing him up into the ropes while both of his attackers bend down and each hook a leg, trying to force him up and over cables.

Tyson thwarts this attempt, reaching down and palming the head of Danielle then throwing her back like she were nothing. He manages get BOTH palms around Rain’s skull, squeezing it until it almost implodes, then dragging him into a devastating headbutt. The masked man collapses to the ring while Brandy rises to her feet. She then comes rushing right into the foot of Galloway, getting his boot right up into the bridge of her nose, knocking her to the canvas amidst a huge reaction from the crowd.

Rain then takes his shot at Tyson, rushing in to take advantage of his turned back. With shocking speed and grace, Tyson spins around and leaps shoulder first into Rain’s ribs with a gut busting spear.

Dollar: What a spear by this giant of a man.

Susie: Do you think he can fit in a Toyota Yaris, or would have to stick his head out through the sunroof?

Dollar: One of your many quandaries I have absolutely no interest in answering.

Though they barely know Galloway, the fans are already cheering him on, as he instantly turns heads here in his debut. The shockingly quick giant gets to his feet just as Porno Lad and Kordy charge in behind him, delivering forearms and kicks to his back and the creases of his knees. Porno Lad manages to bring Tyson down with a big double axehandle to the shoulder blades and then pushes him along into the turnbuckle, Galloway twisting as he falls to his seat against the corner. Porno Lad immediately grabs HIS weapon, the wrist of Price and shouts instructions into her ear.

Porno Lad: Now really put your crotch into it this time.

Kordy: Yes Master!

Kordy is shot right into a blockbuster, leaping into the air and doing as instructed, throwing her crotch right into Tyson’s face. But before she can even connect with the blockbuster Galloway reaches up and catches her around the waist. He then stands up from a seated position with a stunned Kordy loaded right on top of his shoulders. He then puts is hands to her hips and pushes her over into a moonsault. An obnoxious Porno Lad is spinning in circles bragging endlessly.

Porno Lad: See what happens when you follow my direction?

He finds out EXACTY what happens, turning just as Price crashes down into his shoulder, the two of them going down to the canvas.

Galloway steps over the two with fists to his hips and his head shaking. Eyes then turn towards his agent, who slides a baton from his back pocket and flicks it so that the weapon extends completely.

Dollar: Oh man…he actually DOES have a weapon?

Susie: I thought Galloway was a weapon in and of himself…a weapon who probably can’t even make it through a doorway without doing the limbo.

Galloway approaches the weapon being slid into him, but in the process exposes his spine to a chair wielding Jordan. Andre steps in and swings the steel directly into Galloway’s kidneys. The big man stands up and then turns towards Jordan, swinging around with his boot only to have Andre duck in the nick of time.

The momentum of the missed kick sends Galloway spinning completely around right into the swinging fist of Gary Matt, who has a chain wrapped about his knuckles. But Tyson not only dodges, but pushes Matt’s arm along by the elbow so that his fist nails Andre between the eyes.

Jordan staggers back into the ropes and hits them just as Galloway grabs the back of Gary’s head and rushes him towards the ropes, throwing him over at the same time that he delivers a lariat to Jordan’s throat. Both men go flying over the cables but NEITHER is eliminated.

Hearts jump into throats, and people leave their seats expecting to see a double elimination, but they don’t as Gary and Andre find a way to grab hold of the ropes.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6…

Dollar: Galloway is taking everyone out right now!

Susie: I wonder if whomever is coming out here next knows what they’re getting themselves into.

5, 4….

Galloway isn’t through with his destruction, turning towards Alana and Cassidy, who are delivering chops and punches to one another’s already worn bodies. Galloway steps in, takes them BOTH around the back of their heads and drives his own skull into their craniums. The simultaneous headbutt puts both Starr and Haze to the canvas.

Susie: This guy is just unstoppable.

Dollar: He hasn’t even had to make use of that weapon he was provided by his agent Arthur Cross, who really discovered a gem here.

Indeed, Arthur has brought in a true blue chipper, one he watches with a giant smirk on his face as he systematically decimates everyone in the ring. There doesn’t seem to be anyone capable of stopping him as he turns his snarling face in circles to survey the damage done before finally setting eyes on the entry way.

…2, 1….. BUUUUZZZZ.

Dollar: Who’s gonna be the next guy to come out here and face Galloway’s wrath?

Susie: I pitty the fuhl, who’s gonna step into the ring with this guy.

The arena lights suddenly seem to go out, the mournful tolling of a bell, backed by a strange, faintly discordant sound echo throughout the blackened emptiness. The bell, and the sounds of stringed instruments that nearly sound like the bussing of some sort of hellish insect, sound once again. And again. And again. A proper melody ensues, faint at first, but with each repetition, each tolling of the bell the shriek grows louder. And louder. And louder.

With each new cycle of sound light returns to the IWC arena, hideous, red-orange light. The Jumobtron sheds its own darkness, a burning circle of flame appearing, each toll of the bell drawing more and more symbols, sigils, and geometric signs.

And then suddenly electric guitars join the melody as the Fictional Infernal Megamix of Slayer’s “South of Heaven” kicks into high gear, columns of flame exploding upon the entry ramp. The detonation seems to have cleared the summoning symbols from the Jumbotron.

An unforseen future nestled somewhere in time
Unsuspecting victims no warnings, no signs.
Judgment day the second coming arrives.
Before you see the light you must die.

Just as the lyrics kick in, something emerges from the Jumbotron. The blade of a massive sword has pierced the projection screen, gouging open a hole. Backlit by infernal light, mist and smoke seethes through the gash as the blade retreats. Taloned fingers reach through the gap, tearing open an entrance into the world as the Anthropomorphic Personification of Hatred, Legion, is summoned into being once again.

He steps out onto Jumbotron’s scaffolding, covered in plate mail from head to toe, the hideous style the same as the gauntlet normally worn on his left hand. The inhuman wrecking machine called fully into being, the likes of which have not been seen since his debut.

Cameras zoom in on the powerhouse of the Black Crusade as he grips his blade in both hands, pointing it downward. He raises the hilt over his head and steps forward. The massive zweihander plunges through the stage, the arena almost seeming to shake as another detonation of flame erupts on the sides of the stage.

SATAN! (SATAN!)
BEELZEBUB! (BEELZEBUB!)
LEVIATHAN! (LEVIATHAN!)
ASMODEUS! (ASMODEUS!)
ABADDON! (ABADDON!)

Legion draws himself up from his kneeling position, his hateful, glowing red eyes slowly surveying the arena before him as he stands stock still, taking on the pose seen so commonly in displayed armor, allowing the cameras to zoom in and catch every detail of his monstrous appearance. Each dark hued plate seems more like chitin, an insectoid carapace, instead of metal or plastic.

He draws up his sword with one hand, resting it upon his shoulder as he walks to the ring, sliding his weapon into the ring before rolling in after it. Legion stands in the middle of the ring, his sword in his left hand as he raises the massive weapon over his head. The exact same motion he makes every time he enters the ring, right down to the tilting motions of his head.

Dollar: You were saying?

Susie: Its Legion….it’s the beast of the deep….the scariest thing to happen to planet earth since Lady Gaga opened her mouth.

Dollar: And he’s bringing a gigantic sword to the ring with him as his weapon.

Susie: Their not gonna let him use that are they?

Dollar: It might be the only thing that can cut Tyson down to size.

The enormous Galloway glares across the ring into the red orbs of Legion’s eyes. The crowd is positively frothing at their mouths in anticipation of seeing monster versus monster.

Dollar: Good lord, this is going to be like Godzilla versus King Kong….

Susie: Its gonna be like Roseanne Barr versus Gabourey Sidibe.

Dollar: The two biggest men on this roster about to collide.

The huge sword lowers to Legion’s side before ultimately finding its way down to the canvas. It appears that he brought it along as a mere intimidation tactic, which worked to momentarily stun Galloway. But now that it’s out of the way, Tyson summons the courage to take a few fateful steps towards the epitome of fear. The overwhelming surge of excitement continues to build as Legion and Tyson come face to face, eye to eye, nose to nose, neither man saying a word considering its their actions that will do all the speaking on their behalf.

Knuckles clinch and this brawl between giant brutes is about to happen when the entirety of the other Rumble combatants leap into the fray. Rain, Brandy, Gary, Andre, Alana, Cassidy and Price all leap upon the two men….while Hellkat watches….still tied to the ropes, and Buehler observes these occurrences from the corner…refusing to participate in this attack on Legion.

Dollar: Right idea here….everyone jumping the two biggest men in this Rumble match.

Susie: Yep….get them out of the ring first and then go back to working on each other.

Clubbing blows rain down on the bodies of both Legion and Galloway, bringing the behemoths to their knees. Their opponents then reach down to seize hold of every available limb in order to pull the two up when suddenly Tyson and Legion lunge to their feet and throw aside everyone who was victimizing them.

Alana, Andre, Porno Lad, Price….they all go flying across the ring, flung into corners, ropes and canvas, bodies tossed in all directions. The snarling Galloway then steps back up into the masked face of the N.H.B Champion. And without further delay Tyson throws the first punch, stumbling Legion, who collects himself just in time to nail an uppercut strike of his own.

Galloway stumbles back, plants his feet and then rushes in with a big boot that Legion catches. He throws the foot aside and then steps in with a shuffle side kick that Tyson catches right before it nails him to the jaw. He pushes it down as well, sending Legion into a spin, turning back to face the palm of Galloway that wraps directly around his throat.

Dollar: Tyson actually about to CHOKESLAM Legion.

Susie: Unreal.

No chokeslam connects because Legion manages to get his own palm up and wrap it around Tysons larynx. The fans are going absolutely nuts at the sight of both Legion and Galloway fighting for dominance.

Dollar: But now Legion is going for the chokeslam!

Susie: My goodness, I hope they provided extra support for the ring tonight.

Legion and Galloway manage to do nothing but strangle one another as they fight to unleash the chokeslam. But suddenly a chain wrapped fist connects with the back of Legion’s head, swung by Porno Lad, while a steel chair bounces off the upper back of Galloway..a blow delivered by a recovered Andre.

Dollar: Looks like we’re not going to find out which man is the most dominant.

Susie: The rest of the roster interfering before we could find out who’s the best biggee…that has to shop in the big and tall section at Kohls.

Dollar: Yeah, I hardly think Legion shops at Kohls….Funky Fusion maybe, but definitely not Kohls.

A smirking Porno Lad backs up and points to the chain on his fist while shouting towards the crowd.

Porno Lad: The only time I’ll ever use a weapon to my advantage people, and only because I’m playing by the rules and wish to entertain you….my loyal….ardent IWC faithful…..

The bragging concludes the moment Lad finally notices that Legion was not felled by the blow to the back of his skull. In fact, it only seems to have enraged the N.H.B Champion, who turns his soulless eyes to the Original Prankster. Porno Lad looks like he just shat a kitten, the chain sliding off of his fist to the canvas, and then promptly kicked aside. His palms extend towards Legion, trying to explain himself.

10, 9, 8…

Susie: Another entrant already?

Dollar: Welll to be fair, Legion’s entrance did take u about a minute and a half of the Rumble.

Susie: But WHAT an entrance.

Porno Lad makes a feeble attempt at saving his life as Legion menacingly encroaches upon his personal space. Now the Prankster turns and shouts towards Buehler, who has been silently watching from the corner.

Porno Lad: Kate…PLEASE!

It takes much prompting before Buehler sighs and shockingly puts herself between Lad and Legion. To an even more stunning response, she puts her palms on Legion’s chest, trying to PHYSICALLY restrain the N.H.B Champion.

Buehler: PLEASE forgive him, Legion….he’s an idiot.

Porno Lad: Yeah!

He finds the strength to speak…albeit from behind Buehler’s back.

Porno Lad: What SHE said….you big FREAK!

No amount of coercion will spare Porno Lad from the wrath of Legion at this point. The mastodon moves in to crush his prey only to have Lad SHOVE Buehler into the massive pecs of the N.H.B Champion and then high tail it from the ring.

Dollar: Another DISGUTING act from Porno Lad….he may put woman down so often, but he sure has no qualms about using them as forms of protection.

Susie: Just like earlier, when he pulled BMW into the way of that baseball bat.

Dollar: Don’t even remind me about that absolutely SICKENING act.

…7, 6, 5…..

The countdown continues while the action escalates within the ring. Galloway is seated on the middle rope with Andre repeatedly driving he top edge of the chair into his ribs and into his jaw. Currently Alana is trying to force Cassidy out of the ring, their paths crossing once again. She has Haze loaded on her shoulders and leans back into the ropes, trying her best to push her over out of the fireman’s carry into an elimination. At the same time Gary has hold of Rain, trying to force him over the ropes by way of wrapping his arms around the End Effect member’s thigh, hoisting up on it while the masked man wraps his arms around the top cable, clinging tight.

….4, 3, 2….

Legion tilts his head and glares down at Buehler, and then towards the exterior of the ring at Porno Lad.

Buehler: I know…I know….he’s an insufferable ass.

…1….BUUUUZZZ.

The crowd is BEYOND excited as Deine Lakaien’s “Song for a mad Choir Singer” plays through the speakers, unleashing, too much ballyhoo, Banjo Playing Ron upon the world. He steps out strumming the banjo, which serves a simultaneous purpose, both providing a wonderfully enchanting melody and serving as a weapon. One that he puts to immediate use once he reaches the end of the ramp, grabs a smirking Porno Lad by the shoulder, spins him around and smashes the banjo directly over his head.

Shards of wood fly in all different directions, dispersing around the skull of a now unconscious Prankster.

Dollar: Banjo Playing Ron making his entrance and BOY was it ever a grand one.

Susie: Awww….that banjo produced a wonderful tune…especially when it wrapped around Ethan’s noggin.

Dollar: Music to my ears.

The crowd is mesmerized by the tune as well…..elating at the sight of the banjo…or what’s left of it….hanging around Lad’s neck as he sits absent mindedly on the mats. Ron then rolls into the ring and instantly rushes towards Alana, trying to help her force Haze out of the ring.

As Ron enters, Kordelia exits, looking horrified at the plight of Porno Lad, who she tries to fan off via the towel in her hands.

Dollar: I don’t think that’s going to help him, Kordy.

Susie: Then what will?

Dollar: A massive lobotomy for one.

Kordy laments over the destruction of Porno Lad, desperately trying to lend aid to her benefactor. He’s not the only one in need of aid, considering Legion has finally broken away from Buehler, turning in time to spot Rain and Brandy charging in, the End Effect trying to get the better of him.

But Legion suddenly reaches out with both hands, catching Brandy and Rain with simultaneous Five Finger Crawls. Their heads feel like their skulls are about to explode in the grips of the massive N.H.B Champion. But his task is not completed thanks to Galloway, who rushes in and delivers the Cannon Shot Spear, taking Legion off of his feet and breaking the simultaneous submission hold.

Dollar: There’s that IMPRESSIVE spear from Galloway!

Susie; And it actually took Legion down….I thought only a Sherman tank was capable of that.

There is quite the uproar in response to this devastating spear from Galloway, who stands up thumping his fist against his chest. That fist then finds its way into the jaw of Buehler, who steps in to step up for Legion. The shot sends Katelyn twisting into the corner while Rain and Brandy show their appreciation of Galloway’s help by attacking him when is back is turned. Forearms to the spine send Galloway staggering towards the ropes and falling against them.

After bludgeoning the man who makes the term ‘big’ quite the understatement, the End Effect turn their attention towards Banjo Playing Ron…or more accurately, Ron turns their focus to him. He spins Brandy around and drills her to the jaw with a right hand, then spins around, does some juking and jiving, then nails Rain to his cheek. More juking and jiving, with the Charleston actually mixed in, serves as an interlude between a bionic elbow to Rain’s skull and a European Uppercut to the Danielle’s chest.

Dollar; BPR has got the End Effect reeling.

Susie: And he’s doing it with such style….I wish I could dance half as good as this guy….but whenever I TRY….I end up looking like an epileptic suffering a seizure.

A right hand is thrown in defense by Brandy, but is ducked by Ron. Danielle then spins around and gets clocked to the forehead after Ron does the splits before leaping back to his feet. The shot sends Brandy stumbling back and getting caught in the arms of Rain, who desperately tries to hold her up.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Dollar: And we’re about to have ANOTHER entrant, even though there’s only been ONE elimination thus far.

Susie: What is the weight capacity for that ring? Because I think it’s about to be exceeded.

With Brandy’s back to Rain’s ribs, the two charge out of the ropes at Ron, who baseball slides between both sets of legs and causes the two to go rushing into a big boot from Galloway that connects with the faces of the End Effect members.

Dollar: That boot big enough to catch both faces of the End Effect.

Immediately after delivering the big boot Galloway turns right into an attempted lariat from Gary Matt. But the giant shows a surprising adeptness for technical wrestling, by bending down and catching the back of Matt’s knee, ripping the leg out from beneath him. Gary collapses to his back with his leg still caught in the arm of Galloway, who is about to turn him over into a Crab. But Katelyn tries to interfere, rushing in and grabbing Tyson around the neck before snapping back into a DDT, that fails to connect, Galloway rooting his feet to the canvas. He then reaches down and hooks the crease of Buehler’s leg before turning both of his opponents over into simultaneous leg crabs.

Dollar: And Tyson showing that he has the ability to technical wrestle as…AAAHHH.

A HUGE shuffle side kick from Legion nails Galloway directly on the temple, knocking the behemoth to the canvas.

Susie: A little tit for tat there….Though I can’t imagine very many woman have tats on their tits….would just look weird.

Dollar: Could that kick have been anymore sickening?

Susie: I don’t see how.

The brain rattling blow proved effective for the N.H.B Champion.

3, 2, 1….BUUUUZZZ.

The crowd reacts excitedly at the tunes of the Beejees. The disco ball has lowered into position and now That Disco Ninja is dancing his way down the ramp right past Porno Lad and the amateur medic, Kordelia.

Dollar: Oh lord….the masked Disco Ninja making his/her way to the ring.

Susie: Prepare for a Pants Off Dance Off.

Actually that might be JUST what the fans receive as That Disco Ninja gyrates right up behind Ron and removes one of his rubber weapons….this one of the Chinese star variety. He flings it into the back of BPR….but the shot seems to be intended to get Ron’s attention as opposed to inflicting grave physical harm upon him. The Banjo Player swings around and before throwing a blow hesitates in order to hear Disco communicate through interpretive dance. The hired gun steps back and is apparently challenging Ron to a dance off right here….right now.

Dollar: Oh no…not a dance off…not in the middle of the Rumble!

Susie: Anything can happen in the Rumble, Johnny…anything.

Dollar: Yeah, we’re beginning to learn that.

Disco begins to do a series of hip shakes, cartwheels, and Bunny Slopes to the tunes of the Stayin’ Alive, which are now being belted through the PA system. At the same time, Ron is doing his own version of the ‘Russians Are Coming’ stooping down and kicking his legs. The fans are delighted by this dance off that only ends when Andre Jordan rushes in to throw a fist to Disco’s face. But Ninja leaps back and causes Jordan to hesitate, just like Ron.

Jordan’s fist lowers to his side before thrusting into the air. He now begins to moonwalk to a huge reaction from the crowd, participating simultaneously in the Rumble AND the dance off.

Dollar: Oh God…now Andre Jordan is dancing too?

Susie: Not just dancing…he’s JIVING ya turkey.

Ron goes back to doing the Charleston, while Disco Ninja is doing some pirouettes and Jordan proceeds with his moonwalk. A fired up Gary Matt dashes in towards Ron, on the verge of delivering a lariat only to have the Banjo Player lunge back and lift palms defensively. It takes a moment but Gary drops his fist and then falls to the canvas, doing the WORM to a massive reaction from the crowd.

Dollar: Now GARY too!

Susie: White boy ain’t got no rhythm.

Dollar: He really must be concussed if he thinks he can dance.

As Gary does the worm, Ron does the Charleston, Andre does the moonwalk and several other Michael Jackson inspired dance-steps, and Ninja discos away as ‘The Hustle’ pipes through the loud speakers. A recovered Katelyn Buehler assumes the role of killjoy, bringing an end to this rhythmic display as she rushes in with her cast to cave in Disco Ninja’s face. Or at least that’s what it looks like, because she transitions from swing into the Funky Chicken.

Dollar: Words….cannot…..even.

Susie: Forget the Rumble….winning the Dance Off is the ultimate prize.

The crowd is positively mystified at the sight of so many, dancing so horribly. Never has such a lack of rhythm been allowed on airwaves since the inaugural airing of Dancing With the Stars. The Worm, the Funky Chicken, the Charleston, the Hustle, the Moonwalk, all contained to the middle of the ring. And it doesn’t end there, considering that Kordelia Price is currently outside of the ring unable to resist an opportunity to Twerk.

Susie: Old school mixing with new school.

The fans are clapping and joining in with some of their own dance routines, as is Taylor Chase on the stage, who is currently doing the Elaine….of Seinfeld lore….The dance wars continue, with Ron now turning the Charleston into the….guitar shot from Porno Lad….The arm of the banjo is driven right into Ron’s ribs, doubling him over. Porno Lad then grabs him by the back of the head and furiously throws him towards the End Effect. Both Rain and Brandy catch the inbound Ron and back drop him over the ropes to the mats.

Susie: AWWWWW….why Lad….WHY?

Dollar: That son of a bastard! Leave it to him to kill the vibe.

Susie: Well…no one was paying attention to him….which is unacceptable.

The dancing does end after Ron’s elimination and now the fight is back on. Rain and Brandy stand up and knuckle bump in celebration of taking out Ron and then turn just as Disco Ninja moves in and blasts them both to their jaws with hard lefts.

Dollar: And Disco Ninja avenging Ron, taking it to the End Effect.

Punch after punch rifles off on both individual’s faces, before Ninja spins around and throws a lariat only to be caught around the neck by Rain, who is going for the Drowning Current. But Ninja delivers a back elbow to the skull of Rain, breaking up the attempt.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6…

Ninja then spins around, grabs the back of Rain’s head and begins to charge him across the ring only to run right into the Epic Fail. The spinning superkick drills Disco Ninja right to the jaw, and knocks his teeth directly into his brain.

Somehow Ninja turns absent mindedly right into the waiting arms of Rain, who places him in a front chancery. Danielle steps in and mirrors her partner’s hold. The two then vertical suplex Disco Ninja over the top rope, sending him flipping over and crashing onto the shoulder of a recovered Ron, both men hitting the mats.

Dollar: And Disco Ninja is gone too.

Susie: The eliminations are starting to pile up. Everyone probably exhausted themselves via that Dance Off.

Rain and Brandy then step away from the ropes just as Gary races into the cables behind them, bouncing off to build some momentum. Both Brandy and Rain turn around as Gary leaps into a stereo lariat. They both manage to duck the clothesline that carries Gary directly into the waiting shoulders of Porno Lad. He stands up and then flips Gary over into the FU….the fireman’s carry slam DRIIVNG Gary down hard to the canvas and knocking all the air from his body.

….2, 1…..BUUUUZZZ.

”People Like Us” entices a loud response from the crowd as Lilly Lyman rushes out from the back and races down the ramp, clobbering Kordy with a bar of soap wrapped in a towel. She swings the bar as hard as he can, with skull cracking force over Price’s head.

Dollar: Lilly Lyman the next entrant, and she’s going RIGHT after Kordelia Price.

Price collapses to the canvas as Lil steals a scene straight out of Full Metal Jacket, repeatedly swinging the bar of soap into the kidneys and upper back of the woman who has disrespected female wrestlers the world over.

Within the ring the End Effect is closing in on the next prone victim, the Maniac.

Dollar: And it looks like Gary is going to be next victim of the buzzkill alliance.

Brandy and Rain grab the ankles of Matt and lift them into the air, rolling him over backwards onto his feet. They then snatch him by the back of his head, point simultaneously to the ropes and wave at the individual seated behind them. Taylor bemoans Gary’s plight, watching with mixed emotions as he’s charged into the ropes and thrown over.

But wait….no…Brandy and Rain run right into a simultaneous roaring elbow from Buehler, and a shuffle side kick from Legion.

Susie: Double Impact…just not the Van Damme….

Dollar: Yes….yes….you used that one already.

Susie: This is a long match…you can’t expect me to keep up with original material.

The shuffle side kick sends Rain spinning across the ring and getting caught right around the neck by Andre…while Brandy stumbles spine first into the shoulder of Gary. At basically the same time, Matt heaves Danielle into the air and back drops her over the ropes while Andre vertical suplexes Rain to the outside. Both Brandy AND Rain crash to the floor amidst a massive outpouring of cheers from the crowd.

Dollar: End Effect simultaneously eliminated……AAAAHHH YEAH!

Susie: Why must you take so much glee in the misfortune of the End Effect.

Dollar: Ummm, let’s see, maybe because they take such satisfaction in the misfortunes of others?

At ringside Lyman has stretched the towel out between her hands and is now placing it across the throat of Price, strangling the life out of her. The asphyxiation continue outside of the ring while within it, Alana has given up eliminating Cassidy, who just wouldn’t let go of the ropes and now rushes towards Kyle, swinging fists into his jaw. Foolishly Galloway used the ropes to reach his feet and leans further and further back against them with each blow and chop delivered by Starr.

But these strikes are not enough, prompting her to turn around and look for a weapon. One that is provided by Jordan. He throws the very flapjack that he brought into this match directly to Starr, who turns and prepares to use it as a weapon. She swings but has her wrist caught in the clutches of Galloway, the giant employing his strength to pull her into a devastating short arm clothesline.

Andre then rushes in to aid his girlfriend only to be caught under Galloway’s arm and side slammed right on top of Alana’s body. Arthur couldn’t be any happier with this dominant display from his client, smirking from ear to ear as Tyson now races to his feet and shows speed by charging into the ropes. He turns to ricochet off but suddenly finds himself flipping over them when both Brandy and Rain reach up from the outside of the ring and low bridge the giant.

Tyson flips completely over and lands on his feet….unfortunately he lands on the mats….meaning the End Effect have managed to eliminate him even after they themselves were tossed.

Susie: Hell hath no fury like the End Effect scorned!

Dollar: They just managed to eliminate newcomer Tyson Galloway, who ruined their plans of getting their hands on Jackson Adams tonight. What a bunch of cowardly sore losers these two are.

Susie: Yeah, but I think they just dug themselves into a deep grave.

Indeed…for they have brought down the fury of a near seven footer upon them. Galloway’s face twists into a mask of rage as he rushes forward and almost beheads both Rain and Brandy via a stereo lariat. He then begins to put boots and fists into anything that moves. Security rushes to ringside and TRIES to separate them yet have no such luck.

Tyson actually grabs one of the guards under the armpits and throws him high into the air, right over the barricade and into the sea of humanity.

Dollar: Chaos breaking out here at ringside. Galloway insinched over his elimination and he’s taking it out on anything that moves.

As the brawl continues at ringside with security powerless to stop it, another squabble continues between Lyman and Kordelia, who has slid into the ring into an attempt to escape Lilly’s wrath. She crawls across the ring with Lilly continuing to swing the bar of soap into her lower back and legs. But the brawl continues along right into the waiting arms of Porno Lad, who rushes in behind Lyman and grabs her by the hair. He then spins her around and shouts into her ear.

Porno Lad: Mind you’re business WOMAN!

He rushes Lyman along into the ropes and tosses her right over to the despair of the watching audience. But Lyman grabs the top rope as she flies to the outside, floating over and landing upon the apron. Porno Lad realizes this, grabbing Kordy by her wrist and whipping her towards Lyman in an attempt to knock her right down from the apron.

10, 9, 8. 7, 6….

The crowd is chanting along as the countdown ciphers to zero….even as Lyman is leaping over the top rope into a twisting corkscrew into the inbound ribs of Price knocking the two down to the canvas. Lyman then rolls along to her stomach as an annoyed Porno Lad steps in and yanks hold of her hair, shouting furiously into her face.

Porno Lad: Why don’t you little whores learn your place!?!

Katelyn, who was presently trying to force Alana over the top rope hears this and spins around with an outraged expression on her face. Lad catches her glimpse from the corner of his eye and scrambles to change his tune.

Porno Lad: And that’s just what these misogynistic jerks around here think…..but not me, I have Katy Perry’s ‘Roar’ on my IPod.

He winks towards Buehler, who’s face twists into an expression of distrust. This distraction allows Lyman to reach up and grab Lad’s wrist, dragging him down and wrapping her legs around Ethan’s neck, applying a triangle choke to a loud reaction from the crowd.

At the same time Gary is throwing a series of big haymakers into the forehead of Legion, backing the N.H.B Champion across the ring. He then scoops up the steel chain and balls it up around his fist before swinging around into a knock out shot that is caught right in Legion’s palm. He squeezes until the chain begins to embed in Gary’s knuckles. The N.H.B Champion then delivers a shot from his gauntlet covered fist right into Gary’s temple.

The shot has Matt staggered, almost losing his footing as he’s now grabbed by the throat, Legion grabbing him by the belt and about to chokeslam him to the outside of the ring.

….2, 1…..BUUUZZZ.

The fans twinge with excitement as “Born For This” by Paramore hits the PA system and down the ramp rushes an energetic Brooklyn Smith….clearly on a mission at this point.

Dollar: Here comes Brooklyn….who, as we understood, drew an earlier number just so she could have her cousin’s back.

Susie: And what a back it is….

Dollar; Looks like Gary could use his cousin’s help right now.

Brooklyn races down the ramp right as Rain falls to the mats in front of her, being given a huge headbutt from a vengeful Galloway. Brooklyn leaps into the air, puts a foot to the back of Rain’s head and shoves him down face first into the mats with a stomping face-buster.

A smirks forms on her face after exacting some revenge on Rain….but she’s all business once her attention turns to the ring where Legion is about to chokeslam Gary over the ropes to his elimination. She then leaps into the air, jumps onto the table situated at ringside by the End Effect and then lunges to the apron and springing to the top rope. She flies off right into the waiting palm of the N.H.B Champion. Legion catches her by the throat with Brooklyn landing on her feet in front of him.

Her plan obviously backfired and has led to the potential downfall of Gary and Brooklyn as Legion heaves them simultaneously into the air via a double chokeslam over the ropes. In mid-air though, the two reverse, catching Legion around his neck with stereo front chanceries then drop back over the ropes. The crowd squeals as the two land on the apron and have Legion bent over the top rope, still trapped in two front chanceries that threaten to bring the N.H.B Champion over the cables to his elimination.

Dollar: Gary and Brooklyn, they could be…they could be….on the verge of actually eliminating Legion!

Susie: The biggest threat in the IWC could be neutralized by these cousins.

Though the two are winded, both Alana and Andre step in and lend aid, grabbing Legion’s legs and lifting them into the air, about to eliminate him from the Rumble. At the same time Porno Lad continues to suffer from the triangle choke, actually lifting a palm on the verge of tapping out. Katelyn has Cassidy in one of the corners, subjecting her to repeated boots to the ribs, and now backs up and gets a running start for a lariat that is ducked. She hits the ropes and now Haze grabs her by the ankle, lifting up on it and sending her flipping up and over the cables. She grabs the top rope on the way down though and lands on her rump across the apron.

Cassidy then turns around and spots Legion’s plight, prompting her to rush across the ring, step off the back of the stooped over ailing Porno Lad and leap into a big crossbody on the upper back of Legion. This impact finally starts to knock the Black Crusade member over the top rope with every working in consortium to see his elimination.

Just as it looks like Legion is about to fall victim to these numbers, salvation comes in unlikely form….Katelyn rushes across the ring and rams her cast over the backs of both Andre and Alana.

Dollar: It looks like Buehler is saving Legion.

Susie: Black Crusade vowed to have her back….I think she’s returning that favor.

Katelyn then grabs Kordelia and uses HER as the weapon, dragging her along to her feet and then throwing her shoulder directly into Alana’s ribs, taking her back into the turnbuckle with a spear. She then turns and finds herself subjected to a running STO from Andre, taking her down to the canvas the hard way….and directly on top of the mangled steel chair.

Legion then stands up with both Gary and Brooklyn still holding him in a front chancery and manages to flip them both up and into the ring. They collapse across their spines while the N.H.B Champion spins around and rushes in to deliver a fatal blow. Fortunately for Smith, she ended up landing on the steel pipe, snatching it up and swinging it right into the knee of Legion. The blow doubles him over and puts him in position for Gary, who still has the chain wrapped around his fist, swinging it directly into the temple of this embodiment of fear.

Dollar: Looks like Gary and Brooklyn have made it their mission to eliminate Legion.

Susie: He would be an unbelievable threat to Taylor Chase and her World Title.

Dollar: A threat she’d probably be very gunho to take on.

10, 9, 8….

With the fans chanting along Gary and Brooklyn back up and pick the barber pole off the canvas. They stretch it out between their hands and then rush forward in order to drive the weapon into Legion’s throat to take him over the ropes. But Legion suddenly lifts his foot and delivers a shuffle side kick right to the barber pole, shattering it right down the middle. A stunned Gary spins around, holding the fragmented section of the pole which now features a jagged edge, one he looks to use to his advantage. He rushes in about to stab Legion only to have his wrist grabbed by Brooklyn.

Brooklyn: What are you doing?

Gary stares down at the makeshift shiv in his hands and then up into the condemning eyes of his cousin.

Gary: Whatever it takes.

He pulls away and lunges right at Legion, who turns and then catches Matt, scooping him up across the chest. Though Smith is conflicted, she charges in too, leaping into the air for her a crossbody block. But Legion catches her across chest as well before back flipping into a moonsault fallaway slam on BOTH of his opponents.

Dollar: WOW!

Susie: What incredible strength from the most frightening thing since Barbara Streisand’s nose.

Dollar: Or since the world was introduced to Ashton Kutcher.

….4, 3…

Cassidy has Alana back up on her feet and pushed spine first against the ropes, lifting up on the crease of her knee, trying her best for her over, but she will not budge. Andre has Buehler up and is trying to push her over the cables on the opposite end of the ring but Katelyn has a firm grasp on the top cable with both palms, kicking her legs all the while.

…2, 1….BUUUUZZZ.

Dollar: Who’s entering next?

Helkat intently watches from the apron, yet does so without concern, given the fact that she remains tied to the turnbuckle. An intro track was anticipated….but not the one currently overheard by the masses. ‘Outsider’ pipes through the speakers and the fans leave their feet in reaction to Pat Evans’ arrival.

Dollar: Nooooo way….

Susie: It’s Oscar the Grouch’s evil twin.

Dollar: Patrick James Evans…..former IWC Submission Champion, and a man who main evented Paranoia, is here! We haven’t seen him in ages….AGES!

Susie: Yet here he is, greasing up the Rumble.

The crowd is amazed at the sight of the man who has had several major feuds in IWC lore….ranging from battles with Axl Evermore to wars with Nathan Creed. Now he heads to the ring prepared for a much different battle….the Rumble. Pat overlooks the crowd rather stoically but with an arched eyebrow as he slides his hand into his pocket and withdrawals a steel chain he was quite proficient at using during his IWC tenure. He wraps said chain around his knuckles and swings it into his opposite fist.

Dollar: And he’s got the chain too.

Susie: He used that A LOT back in the olden days of IWC lore.

The chain sporting Evans climbs the steps and takes his dear time in entering the ring.

With a grimace and a growl Porno Lad stands up, heaving the body of Lilly into the air as she tries to hold onto the triangle choke. The submission remains established as Lad actually carries her the length of the ring and is on the verge of eliminating her. That is before a fist wrapped by a chain swings directly into his ribs. The blow causes Evans to drop Lilly down to the canvas and double over, clutching at his ribs. Evans then steps around in front of Lad, bends down and gets eye to eye with the former World Champion.

Evans: Hey there Lad….remember me?

Yes….yes he does…..but if he didn’t, the sting of the chain to his flesh is an instant reminder. What’s worse though, might by the blow from the chain to his face. Evans steps back and swings the steel right at Lad’s skull only to have Lad duck it. He then steps around behind Pat and waits for him to turn. Just as Evans faces his fate, Porno Lad swings around into the Epic Fail. The grin is instantly removed his features though, once his foot is grabbed…or more accurately…his ankle.

Pat twists the leg and brings Lad to the canvas, applying the ankle lock to a HUGE response from the fans.

Dollar: YEAH….the ankle lock….the ankle lock on Porno Lad! Break it…snap that leg.

Susie: He used this hold quite a bit in the past.

That might very well be Evans’ intent, permanently debilitating Lad, who extends his palm on the verge of another submission. He balls up his fist and begins to chew on it though, eyes widening as they shoot towards Buehler, who has managed to fight her way back down to the canvas. She then nails Cassidy several times in the chest with a knee before turning to notice Lad’s plight.

Porno Lad: Do something…do something PLEASE!

The tune is altered.

Porno Lad: I….I love you!

The statement along with a cheesy grin leads to a groan from Buehler, who rushes across the ring and dives with a Lou Thez Press right into Evans. Pat collapses to his back with Katelyn on top, delivering right hand after right to the forehead of the former Tag and Submission Champion.

In the meanwhile Andre and Alana spot Legion getting to his knees after delivering that destructive double moonsault fallaway slam. The two rush in front opposite sides of the ring and deliver stereo basement dropkicks to both sides of Legion’s head, doing unspeakable amounts of damage. Legion collapses to his back while Andre and Alana struggle to their feet, fatigue definitely setting in at this point.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Cassidy rushes in behind Alana and grabs her by the hair, throwing her against the top rope and wedging a shoulder to her ribs, heaving her up into the air. From a running powerslam position Haze tries to force Alana forward and over the ropes. A double axehandle to Cassidy’s back from Andre breaks up that attempt though, causing Cassidy to fall to the canvas where she’s stomped to the spine several times.

Then Price races in behind Andre, takes him by the skull and tries to toss him over. Now it’s Andre clinging to the cables for dear life.

Though she’s fatigued, Brooklyn manages to step in and actually assists Kordy in her attempt to eliminate Jordan. She then looks back as Gary takes hold of the tire iron that was introduced into this match By Alana. He lifts it into the air and brings it down over the ribs of Legion, and then into his chest. The N.H.B rolls away as Gary continues to swing the weapon into any mobile portion of his body. He steps over Legion’s back and places the iron across his throat, wrenching back and strangling the life out of him.

Brooklyn cannot believe what she’s seeing, crying out towards Gary once more.

Brooklyn: No Gar….you’re….

Gary: LEAVE ME BE!

He rears back on the tire iron, really doing damage to the larynx of Legion.

Buehler is throwing fists repeatedly into the forehead and cheek of Evans, who smiles in response to each blow, relishing in the fact that he’s once again feeling the wrath of an opponent…having gone far too long without the sensation of pain. All the while Porno Lad is watching, watching his girlfriend do his dirty work. A smirk forms on Lad’s face….confidence building.

…2, 1….BUUUUZZZ.

That smile on Porno Lad’s face suddenly changes when….

BOB! BOB! BOB! BOB!

The Bob anthem plays throughout the speakers and before Lad can fully respond he turns around and has a giant ham thrown right into his gut. The greasy ham has deflated Lad’s lungs and has doubled him over in front of the vengeful Bob.

Bob: Porno Ham made Bob turn back on best friend. Porno Ham made Bob betray HAM!

Bob turns and bends down, swinging his massive glutes right into Porno Lad’s face. The collision sends Ethan spinning across the ring right into a big running spinning heel kick by Lyman. The forceful kick sends Porno Lad twisting down to his knees and turning as he falls face first right into the crack of Bob’s bottom.

Susie: Ohhhh….some people are so lucky.

Dollar: God I hope Bob had White Castles this morning.

Lad swings arms wildly as he tries to free his face from the bum of the massive Bob….sweet, sweet vengeance.

Dollar: Bob at last getting some payback for the drugging at the End of the Year Special.

Evans is dragged along to his feet and rushes towards the ropes by Buehler…..who has help provided to her by Cassidy as the two try to eliminate Pat.

Alana steps across the ring and saves Jordan from a potential elimination, snatching up a flapjack and nailing Kordy to her back with the weapon. It then drills Brooklyn to the back of her skull, forcing her to release Jordan.

In the meanwhile Bob has now whipped Porno Lad into the corner and is charging in, going fo r abig splash. Lad slides out of the way in the nick of time though, causing Bob to engulf the corner with the folds of his fat. The big man turns away and almost falls out of the corner but finds himself stooped over the giant ham instead.

Porno Lad then spins around and lifts his leg into the air with the Epic Fail only to have Bob throw the ham into his inbound boot. The ham suffers the spinning superkick and goes flying from the ring as Bob then rushes forward at the rival currently standing on one foot.

Bob: EEEEE!

The log roll connects with Lad’s ankle, tripping him forward so that he collapses directly on his face.

Legion has managed to grab the tire iron wedged to his throat, perhaps turning his face blue…..which is hard to tell given the mask that covers it. He then bends down, yanking on the iron and sending Gary flipping over him and down to the canvas. Matt rolls forward across the canvas onto his feet with the weapon still in his hand.

He rushes right at the N.H.B Champion, who catches Gary coming in, throws him up into the air and catches him coming down with a gauntlet covered fist to the jaw. The Guiding Hand connects and sends Gary spiraling into the ropes and falling right over them. He then bounces off the apron and threatens to collapse to the outside mats only to reach out and grab the cable that is tied around Hellkat’s body. He leans back off the apron with nothing but the back of his heels still resting on its surface, refusing to let them go down to the mats, even as the rope begins to unravel from around Hellkat’s body.

Therefore Gary’s body keeps inching closer and closer to the mats, leaning down to the point where his shoulder blades are almost touching the floor, yet the back of his heels remain on top of the apron and his hands remain wrapped around the rope.

As much as it pains her, Hellkat has to reach out and grab the rope, pulling back on it to keep from having it entirely unraveled from around her body.

Dollar: Am I seeing this? Hellkat has to actually keep Gary from being eliminated, otherwise he’s going to pull that rope right off of her.

Susie: Hold on Hellkat….hold strong.

Hellkat pulls back on the ropes and begins to pull Gary back up towards the ring, keeping him alive in this match.

One person who is about to face an execution is Porno Lad, who lies on the canas beneath Bob who is ascending the turnbuckle, getting to the middle rope. He gingerly bobs….no pun intended….on the middle rope about to deliver the Vader Bomb. Just then Porno Lad looks up and screams towards Buehler.

Porno Lad: Buehler….help me….my love!

Buehler may be on the verge of helping to eliminate Evans….but groans as she realizes that Lad once again needs her help. So she breaks away from Evans and rushes up behind Bob, grabbing him around his massive thigh. Bob drops down to the canvas, to his feet as opposed to the Vader Bomb. He then back elbows Buehler with his flabby bicep, knocking her to the canvas. Just then a baton is swung right into the back of Bob’s head, driven into his cranium by Porno Lad. The weapon Galloway brought into the ring is put to good use, hitting Bob with just enough force to knock him into the ropes.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6….

Lad steps in, grabs Bob around the thigh and lifts while Kordelia is rushing in and grabbing the other leg. The two heave simultaneously, flipping Bob up and over the ropes down to the mats.

Susie: NOOOOOO!!

Dollar: Porno Lad once again playing Katelyn Buehler so that he and Price could eliminate Bob.

Susie: My reason for living is gone….is Dr. Kevorkian still around?

A despondent Bob languishes at ringside, overwhelmed with dread concerning his elimination. That is until he spots the ham lying on the mats, plucking it up and sinking his teeth into it.

Bob: Bob can never stay mad at ham.

The gelatinous Bob makes his way up the ramp as the countdown continues and Porno Lad high fives Price.

5, 4, 3, 2….

Porno Lad: Now ya’ see dear, that’s how it’s done… Play a little bit of politics, do a little manipulation, and it goes a long…loooong way.

Kordy: Okay.

Porno Lad: But most importantly, in the end….you still have to look tough, bare a stiff upper lip, buck out your chest, and stiffen your spine…You can’t afford to look weak….or fallible….EVER!

1…BUUUUZZZ.

“Intro” by DMX hits the PA system to an uproarious response from the crowd. With baseball bat in hand and BMW no longer at his side, because of the very weapon IN his hand, TPKid barrels down the ramp.

Dollar: And Porno Lad’s misfortune continues…I love it!

Susie: Jeez….does Porno Lad have ANY friends?

Kid slides into the ring and rushes immediately at Porno Lad, who unleashes a high pitched squeal and drags Price between himself and the inbound Kid, who removed his tag team title belt and dropped it to the canvas on his way into the ring.

But it’s the bat in Kid’s possession that takes precedence over his belt. He swings the weapon but stops once Kordy has been turned into a human shield.

Dollar: And Porno Lad does it AGAIN!

Susie: But this time TPKid stopped before he could bash in another woman’s skull.

A trembling TPKid would enjoy nothing more than fighting right through Prince, but can’t bring himself to bludgeon yet another woman with his weapon. The manipulative tactic seems to be working, as it causes the trailer park denizen to lower his guard just long enough for Price to step forward and go for a kick straight to his lower extremities. However, the bat drops just like the tag belt and Kid catches the inbound foot. Kordy hops up and down, begging off as Kid then pushes on the boot, swinging it around so that it nails a chucking Porno Lad right in his crotch.

The pain is too extreme for Porno Lad to even express it aloud. His eyes widen and his jaw drops to his knees. Before he has a chance to truly respond to the pain though, Kid grabs the back of Kordelia’s head, bends her down and launches the top of her head directly into Porno Lad’s crotch.

Dollar: Everyone using Kordelia as a weapon….TPKid included.

Susie: And I’m sure Kordy is no stranger to having her face introduced to that part of Porno Lad’s anatomy.

Lad bends down reaching for his crotch as he turns and finds himself staring down into the boot of Lyman that delivers a punt kick right to his face. Porno Lad stands up tall, looking knocked silly just as Evans steps in and creams him to the cheek with a chain wrapped fist.

Dollar: YES! Hahahahaha YES! Everyone is getting a piece of Porno Lad.

Susie: Their beating his ass down to China Town.

Lad spins around in a perpetual haze just as TPKid snatches up the tag belt as opposed to the bat.

TPKid: You want it back…here ya go!

The gold plate of the championship is swung directly into Porno Lad’s forehead…..

Susie: And not only does he take the chain….he takes the title belt to the head too!

Dollar: This is great….the greatest thing ever.

Kid sits down on top of Lad’s chest with the belt still in hand, grinding the plate of the championship across his forehead….a forehead that has been lacerated.

TPKid: THIS is your life, huh? Titles….the spotlight….fame…fortune! None of that shit matters to me….The only thing that matters to TPKid….is make yo bitch-ass suffa!

As Porno Lad’s doom plays out, Gary’s salvation transpires on the other side of the ring, Hellkat dragging him back up to the apron so that she can keep her rope in place. Matt then turns and spots Haze rushing in to throw a forearm over the ropes to try and knock him off the apron. Gary ducks down and sticks his head through the ropes, putting them under Cassidy’s seat. He then stands up and back drops Haze right over the cables, on the verge of eliminating her. Just as she sails over, Haze grabs the top rope and ends up twisting her body so that she lands feet first on the apron.

A back elbow then nails her to the lips, stumbling her back. Gary then turns back towards the ring just as Alana comes racing towards him. He bends down, sticks his head under the ropes, puts it under Starr’s rump and stands up, back dropping her over the cables.

However, we seem to be seeing an instant replay as Alana floats over and lands on her feet beside Gary. She and Cassidy form the buns in a sandwich with Gary serving as the meat. They then rush forward simultaneously and throw forearms that connect….with each other’s jaws. Gary ducked the inbound blows and DOVE into the ring, dropping into a forward roll across the canvas. He then charges in and goes for a stereo lariat on the throats of both adversaries who bend forward simultaneously and catch him coming in. They each grab a leg through the ropes and heave him up into the air for a stereo back drop over the ropes that will surely eliminate him….if Brooklyn hadn’t intervened. She grabs Gary by the ankle and pulls him back down feet first to the canvas instead of tumbling to the outside.

She then delivers a step up enzugari to the back of Cassidy’s head, ALMOST discombobulating her enough to collapse to the outside mats.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Dollar: So much action all around the ring it’s almost impossible to keep track of it all, and yet we’re having another entrant in just a few moments.

Legion has grown weary with standing back, rushing in and wedging hands to the back of Pat’s skull, charging him towards the cables. He throws him over the cables only to have Evans grab the top rope and float over, landing on the apron. He then stands up just as Andre rushes in to try and take advantage of his positioning only to be drilled to the cheek with a bone fracturing shot from the chain wrapped fist.

Dollar: Evans refusing to take that chain off his fist.

Susie: And why would he?

Dollar: It’s proving quite effective.

Evans then races across the apron, scales the nearest turnbuckle, getting to the top rope and eventually launching himself off into an aerial shoulder block to the chest of the monstrous Legion. The collision sends the big man staggering back into the cables.

Dollar: Evans going high risk!

Susie: I don’t think we EVER saw him do that in the olden days.

Dollar: He not only hasn’t missed a step in his time away from the ring, he’s improved.

TPKid approaches the baseball bat at this point, snatching it off of the canvas. He turns his eyes methodically towards the blood spurting out of Porno Lad’s scalp and trickling down his face. Like a shark that smells blood, Kid takes his dear time, stepping in and relishing this opportunity. The bat slowly rises above his head and there is nothing that a pleading Lad, or a fighting Kordy can do about it, as she finds herself wedged against a corner being subjected to punch after punch from Lyman.

Lad is totally at the mercy of TPKid, and there will be no such mercy. The bat is slowly raised above the head of the man he’s been holding the tag team titles alongside of for months…ironically the man about to ensure his destruction.

…5, 4….

The bat finally begins to swing down and exact revenge on BMW’s behalf only for it to slide right out of his hands. Before TPKId can turn around and spot the individual who took his bat…..that person being Katelyn Buehler….Lad launches his foot into the air, driving it directly into TPKid’s crotch.

Dollar: No Katelyn….don’t you realize what you’ve done!?!

Susie: Buehler saving Porno Lad again.

Dollar: And it opened the door for him to deliver that sickening low blow to TPKid.

The shot to the crotch has TPKid dropping to his knees, hands wrapping around his swollen testicles. An aggravated Lad gets to his feet, drags his tag title from the canvas and wedges it to the cheek of his adversary.

Porno Lad: You NEVER earned this….You were never good enough to be a star…..You could cut your hair, you can wear my shirt, you can use all the sparklers you want in your entrance, but nothing will make you a star….you’ll only ever be trailer park trash….And I’m not intimidated by trash…I’m not intimidated by anyone.

…2, 1…BUUUUZZZZ!

Lad steps back and heaves the Tag Championship into the air, on the verge of driving it down into the back of TPKid’s skull. “Strength of a Thousand Men” suddenly blasts through the speakers and from the backstage area appears the monstrous red haired demon, Robert. An absolute implosion of diverging reactions are heard from the Amway Center crowd as from the backstage area steps the gigantic abdomination….the twisted multiple personality of Bob.

Susie: Oh no…oh no…someone check my panties.

Dollar: If you were wearing any….maybe I would.

Porno Lad stops in mid-swing, his face going paler than a sheet in a snowstorm. The gold slowly lowers to his side as he eyes the man who mauled his face on the last Riot! Robert descends upon the ring with a pair of giant mnoose antlers in his hand. He lowers the weapon to the apron and begins to enter the ring just as Lad prepares for war. That’s when a forearm launches from Kid right into Porno Lad’s crotch.

The crowd absolutely erupts as Robert slides into the ring and roars.

Robert: GAAARR!

A log roll connects with Lad’s shins, flipping him completely over and onto his back.

Dollar: Everyone getting a piece of Porno Lad tonight.

Susie: It’s beat up on Porno Lad night. This is funner than Happy Hour.

Lad lies on the canvas reaching for his ankles just as Robert ricochets off the ropes and leaps into the air, crashing down with a butt first splash across his chest.

No one is coming to his aid at this point, with Lyman heaving Price’s legs up onto her shoulders and trying to twist her over ropes while she keeps her back wedged to the turnbuckle. Price lifts her heel into the air and drives it down on top of Lilly’s head several times, trying to stave off the elimination.

In the meanwhile Legion finds himself again being ganged up on. The panting Alana and Andre, who are beyond exhausted at this point given the fact that they’ve been in there since numbers one and two respectively, are now lifting up on Legion’s legs, trying to push him backwards over the ropes. All the while Gary has slide through the ropes to the apron and is repeatedly driving elbows down into the masked face of the N.H.B Champion.

And Evans has slid to the outside on the opposite side of Legion’s head, delivering repeatedly punt kicks to the back of his skull. All four combatants, Alana, Andre, Matt and Evans are doing everything in their power to weaken Legion to the point of elimination.

Dollar: Legion could be on the verge of elimination….everyone ganging up on him.

Susie: Yet they just can’t get that powerhouse out of the Rumble….no force on earth can eliminate this man….with the exception of a massive coronary maybe.

Robert accepts aid for the first and perhaps final time in his life, as he and TPKid try to push Porno Lad over the ropes, wedging his back to the top cable and lifting up on his legs. Somehow Lad manages to hold on despite all the punishment he’s taken in this match thus far.

Dollar: Wait…don’t eliminate him just yet guys…pretty please.

Susie: I thought you WANTED him eliminated!

Dollar: I do….just not yet.

An exhausted Katelyn reaches her feet, eyes cutting towards Porno Lad who cries out for help, and then towards Legion, who stoically faces the prospect of elimination. Her eyes keep cutting back between the two men on the verge of being eliminated.

Dollar: Katelyn faced with a very tough decision here. Does she come to the aid of her lover….or the group that she has developed a bizarre allegiance to in the form of the Black Crusade.

Susie: One dragged her out of the gutter, and the other gave her a spiritual rebirth by forcing her to face her fears.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Buehler makes her decision, dashing across the ring and leaping into the air, hitting a big splash to the upper back of Jordan. Andre drops Legion’s leg, and so does Alana as she goes rushing at Buehler, who side steps her, catches the back of her head and uses her own momentum to throw her over the top rope. But Starr catches the top rope and floats over to the apron.

….4, 3…..

In spite of holding desperately to the top rope to prevent being eliminated, Porno Lad spots Katelyn making her choice and growls in anger as a result. His thumb then finds its way right into TPKid’s eyeball, causing him to stagger back clutching at his face.

Price then breaks away from Lilly, rushes across the ring and dives on top of Robert’s back, digging her finger nails right into his eyes.

….2….

Lad snatches up the tag team title belt and rushes right up beside Robert, drilling him to the jaw with the strap. Robert falls back and lands with all his girth on the woman who was straddling his spine, crushing Kordelia beneath him.

1…BUUUUZZZ!

Susie: And the next entrant is at least someone we know isn’t an enemy of Porno Lad, considering the list has pretty much been exhausted.

Dollar: For once, I LOVE to correct you.

The curtains do not part for there is no entrance by ANY member of the IWC roster….why….isn’t it obvious at this point? It should be once the sound of Johnny Dollar’s head-set can be heard hitting the announce table, followed by Susie’s pleas.

Susie: Oh no…not again Johnny….don’t do this AGAIN!

Dollar stands up and removes the cervical collar from around his neck and then dashes around the announce table.

Dollar: I’ll take that.

The camera loaded on the shoulder of one the ringside crew is snatched hold of and the power cord is ripped out. Dollar then rolls into the ring and rushes right towards Porno Lad who was apprehensively watching the entry way this whole time. Lad then turns around due to the screams of the fans and finds his already bloodied face smashed with the video camera.

Susie: Johnny D has just entered the Rumble….he’s entered the Rumble!! My broadcast colleague is all over the man who caused him get driven through that table months ago.

The shattered remnants of the expensive camera collapse to the canvas while Porno Lad tumbles in a heap across the canvas. Dollar glares down upon the man who cost him so many months of his career by deluding him via manipulation. To make his attack even more pronounced, Lad spits right on top of Lad and then turns towards the ropes. He approaches them, steps over them and then drops to the outside mats, eliminating himself.

Dollar: Alright….I’m done now.

Susie: Johnny Dollar laying out Porno Lad and then eliminating himself from the Rumble….but what an emphatic statement made.

The crowd is giving an explosive roar of approval for Dollar, who is fixing his tie and his cufflinks as he moves back to the announce table. He grabs his cervical collar and puts it around his neck before ultimately returning to his seat.

Dollar: God that felt good….glad to finally get that out of my system.

Susie: Good for you, I was getting tired of hearing you bitch about Porno Lad.

A ‘Johnny Dollar’ chant continues from the Florida crowd as the effects of his BRIEF participation in this Rumble remain evident via the blood soaked features of Porno Lad.

10, 9, 8….

Legion spins around and reaches over the ropes, grabbing the two men who have been victimizing him by placing them both in front chanceries. Neither Evans nor Gary can fight it as they are simultaneously vertical suplexed into the ring. But wait….they aren’t dropped quite so quickly, Legion actually holding them in a stalling vertical suplex position. He steps backwards across the ring, making a full rotation with both men held upside down for what seems like an eternity before he finally drops back into stereo suplexes.

Dollar: That was almost as amazing as what I just did to Porno Lad.

Cassidy rushes across the ring and goes after Legion, lunging into a crossbody that the N.H.B Champion ducks. Haze flies over his head as a result right into the KTFO. Buehler spins around and drives her arm braced wrist directly into the airborne mush of Haze’s mouth.

Dollar: AHHHHH KTFO on the airborne Haze!

Susie: That was INSANE!

….4, 3, 2, 1….BUUUUZZZ!

The curtains suddenly part, and through them without delay, without much build up, without prolonged hype steps a man NO ONE was expecting to see here tonight….a man synonymous with the letters I….W….C. A hall of famer…a former World Heavyweight Champion….and the leader of the infamous Empire….Johnny Kingdom.

Dollar: HOOOOLLLY CHRIST!

Susie: It’s….it’s….it’s….it’s…it’s….

A slap is given to the back of Susie’s head.

Susie: It’s Johnny Kingdom!

Dollar: You ain’t kidding…we haven’t seen the Career Killer, the Team Leader….in God….AGES!

Susie: Did I just drool all over myself.

Dollar: Yeah, but to be fair, when AREN’T you drooling all over yourself.

The reception in the Manhattan Center is absolutely deafening at the sight of Johnny Kingdom….the multi-time World Champion and legend making his way down the ramp with a steel pipe in the palm of his hand.

Dollar: And he’s got a weapon to boot.

Susie: One that became a fixture of his career towards the later months…the steel pipe.

Johnny slides into the ring and slithers right up beside the ailing Porno Lad, who is trying to get up. He doesn’t get very far because the Team Leader places the pipe across his jaw and rears back, applying a crossface on the man who once masqueraded himself as Mr. X, a play on Johnny’s past gimmick as the masked Xavier.

Dollar: And wisely, just like everyone else in this Rumble, Kingdom is going right after Porno Lad.

The fans are flipping their lids as Kingdom continues to wrench back on the pipe repeatedly, choking the life right out of the bloodied Porno Lad’s body. The Team Leader only stops using the weapon when he spots a recovered Pat Evans stumbling towards him. The chain lowers from his fist and hangs above the canvas while his free hand extends towards the Team Leader.

Evans: Johnny….nice to see ya again. No hard feelings for our past transgressions, aye?

Kingdom breaks the crossface aided by the steel pipe and then stands up, looking at the man outstretching his hand, the man who alongside the Conspiracy victimized he and Orlando Cruze for months, culminating in Steel Cage Elimination at Paranoia for the World Title. Johnny stares down into the outstretched palm and then grins before delivering a swift boot to Pat’s ribs. He places him in a front chancery, heaves him up and drops him down via the Exodus Finale.

Dollar: Looks like Johnny just burnt the bridge Evans was trying to build over troubled waters.

Susie: And he did it by dumping Evans on his head via the brainbuster DDT.

Johnny reaches his feet and is then grabbed by the shoulder, being spun around to face Robert.

Robert: You….are NOT on my list….

Kingdom tilts his head, eyeballing the heavyset man he is no stranger to….

Kingdom: Do something different with your hair, Bob?

Robert: It is Robert, master of the Mnoose Charter, do not sully my name good….

A kick is delivered to Robert’s ribs before Kingdom puts him in a front chancery.

Dollar: No….no way!

Kingdom looks out over the crowd with a giant smile forming on his other morose face.

Dollar: Can he do it…can he get this HUGE Robert up into the Exodus Finale?

Susie: Impossible…there’s no way.

Robert is on the verge of being heaved into the air before Johnny suddenly breaks his own front chancery and steps back, shaking his head with a condescending smirk.

Kingdom: Are you kidding me? I’m like a hundred years old, I ain’t breaking my back for this shit.

There is a chuckle from many in attendance while others bemoan….wanting to see if Kingdom was capable of delivering the brainbuster DDT on such a rotund figure.

Instead Kingdom picks up the steel pipe and charges at Gary, cracking him in the back with the weapon and sending him falling into the ropes chest first. Johnny then puts the steel pipe through Gary’s legs and lifts up on it, crotching him against the weapon and trying to push him over the cables.

In the meanwhile Porno Lad is dragged into the turnbuckle by TPKid who takes his baseball bat and places it across the throat of the Original Prankster. Lilly Lyman has hold of Kordelia and is trying to force her over the cables as well. And Legion and Buehler have both Jordan and Alana reeling from a series of left hands, backing the lovers into the ropes where they find themselves on the cusp of elimination.

Dollar: So many potential eliminations coming here.

Susie: There haven’t been very many thus far.

Dollar: At least none that have stood out as much as my own.

Kingdom finally flips Gary over the ropes but he does a headstand on the apron and eventually comes down on his side across it, hooking an elbow around the middle cable. Johnny then proceeds to stomp away at him several times. Alana and Andre simultaneously get their feet up and deliver kicks to the inbound chests of Legion and Buehler, knocking them back as well. Kingdom rushes across the ring and joins in on the assault upon Lad, allowing Gary to roll back into the squared circle, grabbing the flapjack in the process.

At this point the only one seems to be in serious jeopardy of being thrown over is Kordelia….Lilly determined to toss her. She even leans over the top rope right alongside Price, pulling down on her waistband and keeping her other hand wrapped around the uppermost cable to stave off accidentally eliminating herself.

Everyone is supporting this cause, wanting to see Lilly take out Price….especially the woman who now rushes down the ramp to the ringside area. Polly Norah crouches below Price and Lyman, cheering Lilly on.

Dollar: Polly Norah…the woman who was beaten by Kordelia earlier in the night out here to witness her misfortune.

Susie: She might not be able to get revenge, but Lilly can do it on her behalf.

Polly screams for Lilly to put some more muscle behind it. This prompts Lyman to dangerously lean even further over the top rope to push down on Price. It’s right at this point that Norah leaps to the apron, grabs Lyman’s wrist and drags down on it, pulling her over the cables and down to the mats.

Dollar: Wait…what…hold on!

Susie: Did….huh?

Stunned doesn’t even begin to describe Lyman as she sits on the mats, looking around with wide eyes and slacked jaw. Eventually her petrified eyes turn towards Polly, who backs away with a lower head and a sullen disposition.

Dollar: Polly Norah…just….just helped eliminate Lilly Lyman.

Susie: Unfathomable!

Dollar: I don’t….don’t understand this at all.

Susie: I guess that she’s fulfilling her role as a member of Porno Lad’s Haram.

Dollar: Can I re-enter the Rumble just so I can smack Porno Lad with a video camera one more time?

Rage takes the place of shock…as Lilly focuses on the woman who just screwed her out of a potential World Title opportunity. Norah backs up the ramp with a saddened expression on her face, unable to even turn back and look at what she’s done…..or more accurately what she’s been FORCED to do.

10, 9, 8, 7…

A baseball bat continues to strangle Lad in the corner, while Legion finds himself pressed against the ropes, a recovered Evans trying once again to eliminate him. Cassidy now has hold of Brooklyn, wedging a shoulder to her gut and powering her backwards across the ring into one of the turnbuckles.

Haze then backs flips and gets a running start behind a big step up knee strike. However, Smith shows raw power by catching the legs of Haze on top of her shoulders, throwing her up into powerbomb position, of the running variety. She charges right out of the ropes and snaps back only to have Brooklyn do a kip up off the top of her head directly onto her feet, avoiding any damage from the hurricarana.

She lands with cat like reflexes on her feet only to have Alana leap into the air in front of Smith, land on her shoulders then drop back into a hurricarana of her own. Brooklyn is pulled over the cable but grabs the middle rope on the way down, legs preciously hanging above the outside mats. All the while Alana lands on Brooklyn’s chest, straddling it as she grips the top cable.

Smith then launches her legs into the air, wrapping them around Alana’s waist and pushing herself up into position to deliver a sunset flip driver that would ultimately send Alana crashing to the exterior of the ring.

Dollar: This could be dangerous….Alana about to be spiked on the top of her head, but perhaps more importantly to her, she’s about to be eliminated.

Susie: Yeah, I don’t know which one matters more to her.

Alana then reaches back and wrap her hands around Brooklyn’s chin, pulling down in it and looking to deliver the Gory stretch. She then KEEPS pulling down on the chin until Brooklyn flips over her shoulder over her ropes and into the ring.

Alana then grabs the top rope and pulls herself over, twisting in mid-air, catching Brooklyn around the neck and snapping off into a hurricarana that sends Smith flipping across the ring.

…3, 2, 1….BUUUUUZZZ!

“Theatre” hits the speakers and down the ramp rushes Yvonne Knight…..sliding into the ring under the ropes and dashing shoulder first right into Starr’s ribs. She ends up right on top of Alana, pummeling her face with right hand after right hand after right hand.

Dollar: Yvonne Knight wasting no time… she’s right on top of Alana Starr!

Susie: Payback for what happened to Dawn earlier tonight.

Dollar: Accident or no accident, Yvonne showing there are consequences for Alana’s actions.

The blows continue to pummel her face before Alana throws a retaliatory shot to the jaw. Yvonne then goes rolling across the ring clutching at her face while Starr races in to deliver a punt kick to her face. Unfortunately for Starr, Yvonne reaches out catching the creases of her knees, rips them out from under her body and then steps through the legs. She rolls Alana over into the Knight Lock….resulting in an uproarious response from the fans.

Dollar: And now Knight is making Alana pay via the sharpshooter, and she’s got it ALL locked in.

Susie: Jeez, yeah, and Alana has already been in there for well over thirty minutes, her body has got to be in agony.

Andre rushes across the ring to aid his girlfriend only to be caught with a basement dropkick to the knee by Cassidy. Jordan collapses flat on his face while Haze rolls away from him and finds herself stooping over Alana, laughing directly in her face.

Haze: Here you are suffering for what? None of this brings you any closer to Bosslady….NONE OF IT!

Suddenly the cackling Cassidy finds herself rolling to her back with Andre stepping through her legs and then dropping to his back, applying a figure four to a huge reaction from the crowd. Even though Alana is in the sharpshooter, she manages to reach up and grab Cassidy’s head, wrapping an arm around it and applying the dragon sleeper.

Just then Legion manages to give Evans a big shove that sends him spiraling towards the center of the ring. He catches himself just as Legion rushes out of the cables into a shuffle side kick that is caught in the clutches of Evans.

A mixed response is heard as Evans twists Legion down to the canvas and into the ankle lock. The NHB Champion pushes himself up onto the points of his elbows, grimacing in pain from the submission hold. Johnny spots this ankle lock applied and surprisingly works in collusion with Evans to do double damage to the Black Crusade member. He leaps to Legion’s side, grabs his arm, sticks it between his knees and wrenches back into the Lesson in Leadership. The crowd is going nuts as Johnny establishes the crossface at the same time that Evans applies the ankle lock.

Dollar: Legion in a world of pain.

Susie: Up until now Legion’s been all untouchable….but tonight….the Rumble has kind of put him on equal footing.

Dollar: Kind of happens when your being targeted by two of IWC’s legends.

Katelyn spots the plight being suffered by Legion, prompting her to interfere only to be caught from behind by Gary Matt. He grabs her by the waistband and pulls her back only to have Katelyn spin around and launch into the KTFO, the cast covered wrist flies over Gary’s face and nails an unsuspecting Kordelia in the cheek.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6….

Gary then steps in behind Katelyn, grabs her by the shirt and pulls her into his shoulders, heaving her up into the Maniac Rack.

Dollar; And now Katelyn in a submission as well!

Susie: Just about everyone suffering some type of submission at the moment in a battle of attrition.

…ALMOST….more like everyone as Robert drops down on top of Kordy and begins to roll back and forth, hitting his submission move upon her, squishing her body beneath his enormous physique. Though Kordy was already anorexic, she’s now flatter than the ass cheeks of Miley Cyrus.

…3, 2, 1….

The wait for the Huntress is over….Amanda Blayze barreling down the ramp with her weapons, being the hands and legs that inflict so much damage in the bounds of the octagon…well…now in the four sided ring. She slides right under the ropes and surveys the situation before picking her spot. She rushes in behind Evans, grabs him around the neck and applies a rear naked choke.

Dollar: Amanda Blayze instantly jumping into the thick of things, locking in the rear-naked choke on Evans, who has Legion trapped in the ankle lock at the moment.

Susie: They’re all twisted up around one another. This is like an orgie gone horribly awry.

Lad manages to knock TPKid on his back and step out of the corner with blood still streaming down his face. His eyes overlook all the bodies trapped and ailing from the submission, bringing a giant smile to his face.

Porno Lad: You all call THIS submission wrestling? I’ll SHOW you TRUE technical wrestling.

Lad grabs the legs of TPKid, heaving them up and beginning to turn him over into the STF.

Porno Lad: Prepare for the unbreakable LAD LOCK!

The submission he BELIEVES netted him a win over Bob last week is about to be established when Kid suddenly bends his knees, wedges them to Lad’s chest and shoves him off. Lad turns and accidentally crashes into Robert, knocking him off the tracks that WERE Kordy. The rolling Bob then ends up connecting with the back of Amanda’s knees, causing her to break the choke and fall back, her boot launching up and into Evans’ backside in the process. Pat tumbles forward and crashes into the back of Johnny’s head, forcing him to break the crossface. At the same time as Evans tripped he elevated the leg of Legion in his arms enough to send him rolling forward, his head crashing right into Gary’s ribs once he ends up on his seat. As a result Buehler is sent flipping off of Gary’s shoulders, out of the rack and into twisting splash cross body to Yvonne’s chest. Ivy breaks the sharpshooter and falls back accidentally throwing Buehler over into a fallway slam. Buehler comes crashing down on top of Andre and Cassidy, breaking up the figure four leg lock and the dragon sleeper simultaneous.

Dollar: Domino effect.

As all the submission are broken, TPKid stands back watching in shock, realizing He set this all into motion.

TPKid: Did I do that?

Steve Urkel…eat your heart out.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5….

Lad then rushes at Kid, throwing a right hand only to have TPKid duck, snatch up his baseball bat and wait for his opponent to spin around. He then swings the top of the bat right into Porno Lad’s ribs, doubling him over.

TPKid: Still think the Freebird’s Rule is gonna work ya bitch?

Another shot from the bat to the ribs.

Legion now has both Kingdom AND Evans by their heads, backing them into the ropes and trying to push them over the cables simultaneously. Buehler is standing up and trading forearms between the jaws of both Andre and Cassidy and Robert is trying his best to toss Price over the ropes.

…2, 1….BUUUUZZZ!

Only fitting that the next man to enter the Rumble is someone synonymous with mat based offense after the technical display we just witnessed. ‘Chalk Outline’ plays and predictably leads to a response that almost blows the roof off the Amway arena.

Dollar: Nuh-uh…NUH…UUUUH!

Susie: It’s…it’s…it’s…CREED!

Dollar: How is this possible!?!

The man that was retired is now resurrected as Nathan Creed stands on his stage, back turned to the crowd and arms stretched out to his sides. He then spins around just as the reaction is at its zenith to reveal the face of Aaron Harrison.

Susie: Because it’s NOT possible!

Dollar: Aaron Harrison just played us all!

The crowd’s hearts collectively sink and now it’s their rage at its peak. A sneer forms on Harrison’s face in reaction to their outrage.

Harrison: You just got trolled…deal with it.

Harrison now reveals the kendo-stick that he points in the direction of a flabbergasted Taylor…

Harrison: And this one is for you, Honey-Bunch.

The lower lip of Chase is gnawed upon, trying to stifle her words as Harrison rushes down the ramp and slides into the ring, catching his opponents while their still ailing.

Dollar: Someone please eliminate Harrison and do it quickly…but wait…not before he hits Porno Lad….let him get in a few licks on Ethan first.

The cane does find Porno Lad, swinging right into his back as he was already ailing from the blows with the baseball bat. He then turns and rams the Singapore Cane over the shoulder of Robert, sending him blubbering into the corner. The cane bounces off of Alana’s upper back, and sends her spiraling towards the ropes. Cassidy gets to her feet and receives a shot to the ribs from the cane, doubling her over and contracting into a contortion of pain. Andre stands up only to have the cane swung directly into his patella, dropping him into a picture of anguish.

Katelyn takes residency behind Aaron then spins around into the KTFO only to have Aaron spin around and ram the cane right across her cast covered wrist. The shot from the cane sends Buehler twisting to the canvas, wrapping her body around her badly damaged arm. Then Harrison turns and swings the cane right into the crotch of a laid out Legion. The masked Crusader sits up and reaches for his testicles…although they aren’t nearly as in much pain as one would presume given his Himalayan training technique. However, that technique doesn’t extend to his head, which suffers an even more devastating shot from the cane, putting him on his back.

Harrison’s onslaught continues until he spins around and swings the cane right into….no…he stops when he spots Gary standing in front of him.

Dollar: Harrison and Gary Matt AGAIN coming face to face here tonight.

Susie: And just like earlier tonight, Harrison is refusing to attac Gary.

No, he doesn’t just refuse but actually flips the cane over and extends the handle out towards Matt.

Dollar: What is…what is Harrison doing?

Susie: Whatever makes sense in his twisted mind.

Dollar: He’s actually giving the cane to Gary? Why?

A very tentative Gary looks down into the weapon offered to him and then into the face of Harrison. Those eyes lower because Harrison drops to his knees before Gary and continues to extend the weapon to Gary.

Harrison: Unlike Taylor, I’m not here to kill your dreams.

Gary hesitantly takes the handle of the weapon, sliding it out of Harrison’s palms.

Brooklyn: Do it Gar….do it.

A kneeling Brooklyn pleads with Gary to at last end this issue with the Blacklist. She leans against the ropes, using them as a prop as she attempts to support Matt in his attempt to at last destroy Harrison.

Brooklyn: This is what we’ve been building to…this is what we’ve been waiting for….make Sun Tzu happy.

A long sigh escapes from Gary’s lungs, deflating the pressure that has been building inside of him for so long. The tension can only be relieved via one method though, lifting the cane above the head of Harrison, who closes his eyes in anticipation of receiving his own concussion. This moment is finally here, Gary’s moment of redemption. He steps in and swings only to have the cane FREEZE right above Harrison’s head.

Dollar: GARY! Hit him….this is your shot!

Susie: Why isn’t he….?

The whole body of Gary Matt trembles as the Maniac holds the cane mere inches from Harrison’s waiting skull. Something….some unseen force must be compelling him to stop. That’s when his eyes float away from Harrison’s skull to the watching eyes of Taylor.

Gary: Is this what you want?

Chase nods in the affirmative and Gary goes back to Harrison’s waiting head.

Harrison: You heard her…so continue being her tool rather than an autonomous human being.

To the shock of everyone Gary turns away from Harrison and lowers his head at the same time that he lowers his cane.

Brooklyn: Gary….this is it….don’t walk away.

She continues to plead with Matt, stepping in and grabbing his shoulder.

Brooklyn: Please…

Matt brushes her hand off.

Gary: For the last time, leave me BE!

The brush off sends Brooklyn spiraling into the ropes, falling back first against them just as Harrison rushes in and delivers a lariat to her throat, flipping her up and over the cables to the outside of the ring.

Dollar: Brooklyn eliminated! She was just tossed by Harrison.

Susie: She was trying to mettle, and it cost her big time.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Gary has no idea what just happened, palming his eyes and rubbing them as he suffers a splitting migraine. The sneering Harrison then turns just as Buehler goes for the KTFO once again, overcoming the trauma in her hand to deliver this fatal blow. Suddenly Harrison ducks, and the cast covered arm flies over his head and drills Gary right to the back of his skull. Matt is sent staggering forward into the ropes and goes spilling over them to the outside.

Dollar: And now Gary is eliminated….Both cousins are gone from the Rumble!

Susie: And Harrison set that all up.

Shock doesn’t even begin to describe Gary’s reaction to this elimination, pushing himself up onto his elbow and looking truly crestfallen.

….4, 3, 2, 1….

The crowd barely has time to catch its breath before a familiar voice echoes through the arena.

Simon: Alright fuckers….the time is here…the time is now….

The place comes unglued when Simon Cagero steps through the curtains and takes a stand on the stage.

Simon: Cagero is here bitches!

Dollar: Yes….yes he is…and I have a feeling he’s about to drop a bombshell on us.

Clearly the commentator was NOT going out on a limb in making this prognostication.

Simon: Are you all ready? Are you mother fuckers prepared as you’ll ever be to have your worlds RRROOOOOCKED?

A response in the affirmative from the fans.

Simon: Cause it’s time…time to reveal my replacement in this match…..you know him….you love him…you’d let him go anal….ROMMEEEO DAAAMMMASSSCCUUUSS!

The reception couldn’t be any louder for Romeo Damascus, who steps through the curtains and to the stage, gingerly bobbing between feet.

Dollar: Romeo…Romeo Damascus!?!

Susie: He’s Simon’s replacement tonight.

Romeo turns towards Simon who not only offers some last second words of advice, but forks over the weapon…a weapon that has served Cagero quite well in the past….the microphone. Romeo then comes barreling down the ramp, sliding into the ring and instantly finding himself looking down into boots. His eyes move up from the boots to knees, to a stomach, to a chest, to the face of Harrison.

Dollar: And Romeo immediately finds himself mono a mono with Aaron Harrison.

Susie: Uh-oh, I had mono in highschool, left me bed ridden for like a month.

Instead of attacking, Harrison lets Romeo get to his feet so that the two are truly on eye level.

Harrison: So…you’re the hero, huh?

Romeo looks out over the crowd and then mocks Harrison’s sneer before driving the microphone right into the top of his skull. Aaron goes staggering back right into a big running mafia kick from Yvonne. The shot sends Aaron into a twirl, somehow remaining on his feet just as Amanda barrels in and collapses his skull with the Yakuza kick, a shot that sends Harrison turning absent mindedly into the shuffle side kick from Legion.

Much like Mika in the earlier in the night, Harrison finds himself a drooling mess. Somehow he stays on his feet as he turns and walks directly into the Epic Fail from Porno Lad. The spinning superkick sends Harrison turning right around into a superkick of the standard variety from Romeo.

The final kick is the icing on the cake, or the cap on the pen, knocking Harrison into the cables and ALMOST falling over them. Romeo, Amanda, and Yvonne all step in and begin to lift up on Harrison’s legs, trying to push him to the outside and eliminate him from this match.

Dollar: Harrison’s about to go over….he’s going to be eliminated after all those kicks!

10, 9, 8, 7….

Alana has hold of a flapjack, swinging it into the kidneys of Buehler, causing her to spiral across the ring and fall into the ropes. Starr then bashes her in the head with the flapjack, desperately trying to eliminate her. However, Buehler puts her cast covered hand into the air, blocking the shot from the flapjack.

After delivering the shuffle side kick to Harrison, Legion steps in and does the same to a kneeling Evans, cracking him in the temple with the strike. He then turns around in time to spot Kingdom going airborne with a dropkick to the behemoth’s chest. Legion falls back into the ropes and now Kingdom rushes in, trying to lift his legs to put him over the top rope. Andre steps in and lends assistance, trying to force him over the cables as well.

….3, 2….

TPKid steps across the ring and tries to assist Romeo, Yvonne and Amanda in eliminating Harrison….all hope seemingly lost for the Blacklist member.

…1….BUUUUZZ!

And that’s just what the crowd does…BUZZ with excitement….that is until Frankie Paradise shows up to kill the vibe.

Dollar: Oh lord, is Frankie going to compete in the Rumble?

Susie: He doesn’t look dressed to compete though. He hasn’t even taken off his power tie.

Frankie is not dressed to wrestle but he has no intention to wrestle. Currently his only intent is winking in a disgusted Chase’s direction then focusing all his efforts into providing an epic introduction.

Frankie: You call THAT an introduction, Simon!?! No….THIS is an introduction.

Frankie flexes his esophageal muscles so he can provide an introduction that would make Michael Buffer envious.

Frankie: Ladies and….actually just ladies….the moment has at last arrived me to reveal the single biggest free agent signing since I was recruited into the ranks of the IWC. So prepare yourselves, take the necessary precautions, sit down, have your asthma inhalers ready, because I’m about to make an announcement that wi….

That same greasy stage-hand that has been seen on several past events scrambles to Frankie’s side, cupping hands around his mouth to whisper into his ear. Frankie is beyond perturbed by this interruption, but even more-so anguished when he hears what the youngster is feeding him.

Frankie: WHAT!?!

Paradise can no longer contain himself.

Frankie: What do you mean he wants pyrotechnics? That wasn’t agreed upon….

All the Stage-Hand can do is shrug his shoulders, leaving a pained Frankie to try and navigate turbulent waters.

Frankie: Fine….fine….I’ll get the pyros taken care of….just send out the next entrant in the meanwhile.

The Stage-Hand scrambles to the back while Frankie FORCES a smile, waves to the hecklers and steps through the curtains. Just then a figure comes charging past him, that figure being Shaun Cruze, who goes sliding into the ring.

Dollar: And things have just gone from bad to worse for Harrison.

Susie: Presumably.

Dollar: Shaun Cruze….a rather enigmatic personality….the next entrant in the 2014 Last Stand Rumble.

And Shaun’s weapon of choice, as opposed to mind-games, a mallet of the croquet variety. A weapon he puts to instant use NOT by eliminating Harrison, but by saving him. He swings the weapon into the upper back of Damascus and then drives the weapon into the back of Amanda’s knee, bringing her to the canvas. Harrison manages to flick Yvonne in her eye, breaking her away from beneath him. He comes down to his feet, thankfully in the middle of the ring as opposed to the mats he was moments from being introduced to.

Harrison: Mr. Cruze.

Shaun: Mr. Harrison.

The two mirror one another’s grins just before Harrison lifts his foot and superkicks the inbound jaw of TPKid, knocking him to the canvas. Aaron then spins around and again eyes Shaun.

Dollar: At long last Shaun’s true colors are showing.

Susie: For weeks we’ve speculated about it….but now it’s clear, Shaun is nothing but a big mean.

Dollar: A big mean with a definite association with the Blacklist.

It seems this alliance is about to be immediately tested though, when Harrison reaches down and retrieves the cane from the canvas, placing it right across the throat of a temporarily blinded Yvonne. He now lifts her up into the air with her legs dangling above the canvas, kicking with the life being deprived from her body. Shaun steps back aghast over what he’s seeing and equally as appalled by what he hears.

Harrison: Here’s your initiation Shaun….destroy this whore!

Cruze mimics the same behavior as Gary a few moments earlier, looking between the weapon in his hand and the look of pain on Yvonne’s face….pained both physically and emotionally.

Dollar: Now Harrison demanding that Shaun beat down Yvonne…

Susie: Didn’t they USE to have a thing?

Dollar: And that’s exactly why Harrison is doing this.

As much as it hurts Shaun to do it, he lifts the mallet into the air and squeezes the handle tight.

Shaun: I’m sorry Ivy….I HAVE to do this.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Dollar: Thank God someone is about to do something about this…considering Yvonne really…really needs a hero.

Susie: She needs a hero….YAY….and he’s got to be strong and he’s got to be….

Dollar: No…PLEASE stop that.

Ivy is dire need of aid, given the fact that Amanda is currently being subjected to stomps to the sternum by Cassidy, Kingdom is still preoccupied trying to eliminate Legion, Evans is too busy recuperating from that shuffle side kick, and Robert is currently barreling across the ring and big splashing, Porno Lad, Katelyn and Kordy against one of the turnbuckles all at once.

…3, 2, 1…BUUUZZ!

Taylor longingly stares towards the curtains, relieved that someone is going to come out here and interfere on Yvonne’s behalf…they have TOO. And that person, that hero, that shining knight….no pun intended…P CLARENCE WHITMAN III.

Dollar: Oh GAWD.

Susie: Bye Ivy, we barely knew thee.

With a glass of brandy in his hand, Whitman moves to the stage and looks quite peevish. He nervously pulls on the ever so restrictive collar of his shirt and then uses the sleeve to wipe away sweat on his brow.

Dollar: Whitman? P Clarence Whitman III? HE’S Yvonne’s only help?

Evidently, as Romeo also finds himself cut off, being caught by Alana, who is trying to force him over the top rope to his elimaination….as it’s in Starr’s best interest that no one saves the woman out to be her undoing. Yvonne is going blue thanks to oxygen deprivation, the cane cutting all air off from reaching her head.

Whitman at last reaches the ringside area and gets to the apron rather tentatively. From the corner of his eye Harrison spots the former X-Class Champion and again…sneers.

Harrison: Don’t worry about him, Shaun….he’s irrelevant.

It isn’t clear what motivates Whitman to do it, but he explodes, standing up and exhausting the ammunition in his weapon, the amber liquid in his glass. He throws it directly into Harrison’s face.

Dollar: Ooooh snap!

Susie: Whitman just threw his brandy in Harrison’s face.

Dollar: He just killed himself.

Harrison slowly lets go of the cane and allows a gasping Yvonne to drop to the canvas before just as slowly affixing his eyes to Whitman’s trembling flesh.

Harrison: New game-plan, Shaun…HE’S your initiation.

A smile consumes Shaun’s face as he goes rushing after Whitman, who drops to the mats and takes off running. Shaun rolls out after him and is nipping at his heels as the two run around the ringside area.

Dollar: Whitman running and Shaun giving hot pursuit.

Susie: I guess he did save Yvonne in the long run though.

Dollar: Yeah, but in the process he’s damned himself.

Shaun keeps running after Whitman, who shows his remarkable cardio vascular function by leading Cruze into several laps around the ringside area. The running only ends when Clarence finds himself ALMOST bouncing off of Harrison’s chest.

Whitman backs away from Aaron, who rolled to the outside just in time to cut off his prey.

10, 9, 8, 7….

The sight of Whitman’s quivering lip brings a bigger sneer to Harrison’s face, relishing in the fear that he feels radiating from his pending victim.

Harrison: No steel chairs to save you this time, Wiggy.

Whitman backs up right into the chest of Shaun, prompting him to spin around with wide, horrified eyes glaring into the face of Cruze.

…4, 3….

Suddenly it becomes clear what Whitman has to do….finding his only means of escape. He drops to the mats and goes scrambling under the ring, disappearing beneath the tarp. Harrison goes right after him, throwing the tarp out of his way and with cane In hand he crawls along after the man who bludgeoned him with a chair at the End of the Year Special.

Shaun is about to give pursuit as well before looking up to spot Romeo diving through the ropes into a suicide headbutt, knocking both men to the mats.

…2, 1….BUUUUUZZZ!

In spite of everything going on in the ring…focus shifts to the entry way in anticipation of the next arrival….to which there is NONE.

Dollar: Ummm…where’s our next entrant?

Susie: Somebody getting jumped backstage again?

Dollar: Who knows…everything and anything that could happen, has happened here tonight.

The buzzer again sounds but there is no reaction from the backstage area, but no one in the ring takes notice, to preoccupied with their own squabbles. After sandwiching three opponents in one corner, Robert turns around and targets three others in the opposite turnbuckle. Kingdom and Evans have again thrown aside past differences in order to try and eliminate Legion, attempting to lift his enormous legs into the air. Just then Robert barrels across the ring and engulfs all three of them with his gigantic body.

Dollar: Another big splash from Bob.

Susie: Don’t be so ignorant, that’s ROBER…he’s nowhere near as cute as Bob.

Dollar: I stand corrected.

TPKid and Porno Lad have yet again crossed paths, exchanging shots while Yvonne crawls across the ring, grabbing the ropes to aid herself to her feet. She is rubbing her bruised throat and Cassidy looks to take advantage. She manages to pull her switchblade out of the top turnbuckle pad and then rushes across the ring at Ivy.

Cassidy: Time for you to pay for manipulating my Bosslady’s best friend…so sick of all this deceit!

The blade swings towards the turning face of Yvonne, aimed right at her eye. Before one of those purple pupils can be cut away, Cassidy finds her blade swinging wrist caught, caught in the gloved hands of Amana Blayze.

Amanda spins Cassidy around and drops her with a straight punch right to the jaw. Yvonne turns completely around and spots Amanda standing over Cassidy with the knife in her hand, having pried it from Hazes palm in the process of laying her out.

Yvonne: Stop Amanda….You don’t have to take it this far.

Amanda looks confused before she glances towards the knife in her hand then down at the terror being feigned by Cassidy, who is crying out for help with palms extended towards the blade wielding Blayze.

The knife instantly falls from Amanda’s hand as her head twists into a shake and her face twists into an expression of betrayal.

Amanda: You…you can’t believe I would….

Yvonne: Clearly you are NOT the woman I thought you were.

Blayze begins to plead her case but Yvonne’s attention is elsewhere, being grabbed by the shoulder. Romeo stands up on the apron and reaches over the ropes, trying to get hold of Knight, who suddenly drops back, launching her leg into the air and nailing Damascus to the top of the head with a pele kick.

The swift shot knocks Romeo to the outside of the ring, crashing across his back.

Dollar: Romeo pays for putting his hands on Knight.

Susie: Lucky she didn’t break it off and put it up his ass…which actually sounds BEYOND kinky.

Dollar: If Romeo is like Simon, he probably would enjoy it quite a bit.

The kick has Damascus laid out and Yvonne rising to her feet with her back turned towards Amanda…but more importantly…Cassidy.

Blayze spots the inbound Robert from the corner of her eye, prompting her to spin around and drill him to the cheek with a roundhouse kick, knocking the big man back. Cassidy acts quickly with both ladies backs turned in her direction. She stands up, grabs the mangled chair and drives it as hard as she can into Yvonne’s back, knocking her not only into the ropes but over them. Just as Ivy crashes to the mats, Haze turns towards Blayze and throws her the steel chair. Blayze catches it before it can connect to her face, then lifts it to destroy Cassidy only to see her already laid out on her back.

Dollar: Ivy is eliminated thanks to that chair shot from Cass….wait….wait a minute.

Susie: Uh oh spaghetti-Os.

The reason for the change in the commentator’s tones is trigged by Yvonne rolling to her knees on the mats and wearing her own mask of betrayal as she glares into the ring at the woman holding the chair…Amanda Blayze.

Ivy: So that’s how it’s going to be?

Once again Amanda finds her eyes scrambling from the chair in her hand to the disgruntled Yvonne at ringside, then the smile plastered on the laid out features of Cassidy.

Amanda: Oh you’ve got to be shitting me.

Ivy stands up reaching for her kidneys and mouthing obscenities towards Amanda, who stooped to such unscrupulous methods to eliminate her…or at least that’s how Cassidy made it look. Haze lies on her side chucking as Amanda stands on her feet exploding into rage. She throws aside the chair and tries to plead her case to Yvonne, but in the process exposes her backside to Kordy, who rushes in, grabs the back of Blayze’s head and throws her over the ropes.

However, Amanda catches herself as she flies over, landing on the apron as opposed to the outside mats. She then looks towards Ivy at ringside as opposed to her opponents in the ring.

Ivy: This isn’t over, Amanda….This is JUST beginning.

Suddenly the screen begins to suffer some pixilation and static….

Dollar: Wait….what’s going on here?

Susie: Damn static…how many times are we going to see this?

Suddenly Harrison rolls out from under the ring and looks violently ill. Instead of having his fists covered in Whitman’s blood, he finds his stomach filled with maggots….maggots now purging themselves to the mats beneath his face. The tarp then raises as Leeland Gaunt comes crawling out from under the ring, his cane in hand and Whitman following closely behind.

Dollar: It all makes sense now.

Susie: Does it?

Dollar: Well…kinda. Mr. Gaunt was the last entrant and he managed to materialize below the ring just in time to curse Harrison with that pestilence of maggots.

The worms continue to ooze from Harrison’s mouth, as his whole body goes bright white. Mr. Gaunt steps in and bends down to speak into Harrison’s ear.

Mr. Gaunt: Let the record show that Mr. Harrison just fell into my trap, hook line and sinker.

Obviously Mr. Gaunt is drawing back to the ‘win’ the Blacklist managed to accrue over Legion a few weeks ago by way of having Executioner masquerade as the N.H.B Champion. Gaunt then goes rolling into the ring, leaving Whitman to step towards Harrison, summoning the courage to bend down and shout into his ear as well.

Whitman: And….ah….just so you know…I had NOTHING to do with any of this, good sport.

Whitman then tentatively backs towards the ring. That’s just as Robert reaches over the ropes, wraps his hands around Whitman’s head and drags him right up onto the apron. He then begins to drive his knuckle across the top of Clarence’s head.

Robert: Your wiggy has made the list fiend!

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5….

With his staff in hand Leeland rushes across the ring and drives his weapon right over the back of Kingdom, breaking him away from Legion. Evans then turns around and finds the cane cracked over his skull, knocking him back and through the ropes.

Cassidy then picks up the switchblade and swings it right down at Leeland’s cane only to have him lift it into the air, blocking the inbound weapon which finds itself impaled against Gaunt’s staff. Mr. Gaunt then swings the cane around, breaking Cassidy’s hand away from the handle of the weapon. He follows this by thrusting the cane stretched between both hands into Haze’s throat. The shot knocks Cassidy towards the ropes….ropes that Amanda is standing on the opposite side of.

Blayze reaches over the cables, grabs Cassidy by the hair, puts her in a front chancery and then heaves with all her strength. She holds Haze upside down for only a second before releasing and vertical suplexing Cassidy to the outside mats.

Dollar: And there goes Cassidy, Amanda getting a measure of revenge against her.

…3, 2, 1….BUUUZZZ!

Dollar: One leaves and then another enters.

To the stage strides Paradise, who feigns the most insincere of smiles in spite of all the aggravations he’s endured tonight.

Frankie: Alright-alright, NOW it’s time…time for the most EPIC debut in the history of EPIC debuts. I know….you’re sad, because now you won’t be seeing my glorious mug time and time again, but it’ll be okay, you’ll recover, cause you’ll get to feast your eyes on the one, the only….

That same Stage-Hand cuts off Paradise yet again.

Frankie: What now DAMMIT!?!

Another request is whispered into Frankie’s ear.

Frankie: Confetti? SERIOUSLY!?!

Another shrug from the Stage-Hand.

Frankie: Now he wants confetti? I just got done putting the dang pyros in place.

He scowls while running a palm down his face.

Frankie: Fine….FINE….let’s get a jump on this then.

The stage-hand rushes to the back.

Frankie: And while you’re at it, send the next entrant out here would you?

It’s clear that Frankie is BEYOND aggravated at this point as he embarks to the backstage area.

Dollar: Looks like Frankie STILL has not managed to make his new signee happy.

Susie: Who’s gonna come out here next then?

“Sweet Sacrifice” hits the speakers and Mark O’Brian hits the ring….and hits it with a 2×4 in hand. The second he gets to his feet, he swings around wildly and plows the 2×4 over the back of Legion. The armor provides little protection against this swift blow. O’Brian then swings for Gaunt, who ducks down out of the way. The momentum of the swing then sends Mark staggering forward into the forearm Amanda throws over the top rope into the side of his skull. O’Brian turns just as TPKid snatches up his baseball bat and comes barreling in only to be caught across the chest. Mark then flips back into the War Games…eliciting a huge pop from the crowd.

Dollar: Mark O’Brian of the tag team Total War getting physical and taking advantage of this weakened prey.

Susie: He’s stepping up big time.

Dollar: We saw he and Sophie debut on the last Riot! Brought in to help even the odds against the End Effect….but now, O’Brian is here to help himself….help himself win the Rumble and potentially become a World Heavyweight Champion.

Mark ascends to his feet before dropping down under an attempted lariat from Evans. In the process of said roll he snatches back up his 2×4. Once on his feet Mark turns and puts the 2×4 across Pat’s throat, while hooking his leg, then dropping back into the Russian leg sweep.

Katelyn is in the process of delivering knees and chops to the body of Alana, bringing her into the ropes and now trying to force her over. Porno Lad tries to step in and help only to have TPKid grab him by the back of the head and push him along into the cables, spilling over to the outside. He catches himself just before he can collapse to the mats.

TPKid then rushes in and throws a boot over the ropes into Porno Lad’s jaw, but he steps back and avoids it, causing his opponent to crotch himself over the cables. Lad then grabs the top rope and yanks up on it, sending Kid flopping into the air then landing on the apron beside the former World Champion. Porno Lad pulls his fist back on the verge of delivering a fatal blow only to have his arm caught from behind.

A bloodied Lad looks stunned as Hellkat reaches out from her tied position on the turnbuckle and catches him by the arms, pinning them behind his back. This exposes Lad to a series of open hand and knife edge chops from Kid.

Dollar: I had completely forgotten about Hellkat.

Susie: Mission accomplished.

Dollar: But Porno Lad being reminded the hard way that Hellkat is still in this Rumble.

Hellkat is tied literally, and now so is Porno Lad, unable to get an arm up to defend himself against this vicious assault from a vengeful Kid. But Lad seems to be nothing but a costly distraction for Hellkat, who is unaware that Kordy has climbed to the apron behind her and is now using the switchblade that Cassidy dropped to cut through the rope that binds the former World Champion to the turnbuckle.

Dollar: Hellkat…no…look out for Kordy.

It takes some doing but Kordy manages to cut the rope in two, freeing Hellkat. The second the rope begins to drop down around her knees, Hellkat’s face fills with distress, reaching down to grab the cable that has been instrumental in keeping her in this match. She pulls it back up trying desperately to wrap it around her body once again.

However, Lad turns around and grabs the cable, fighting for possession of it. TPKid steps in behind Lad, trying to get hands on him only to have his hair taken hold of by…Robert.

Robert: Your hair has made the list as well.

Another poorly timed wiggy twiggle takes place with Kid desperately fighting to get free.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6…

Now Lad and Hellkat are still fighting for ownership of the cable, in a serious tug of war. Lad pulls with all of his strength just about to pry it out of Hellkat’s hands, prompting her to just….let go….Lad then falls back and AMOST tumbles off the apron.

Somehow Lad manages to hook an arm around the bottom cable while half his body hangs over the mats and the other half remains on the apron.

Dollar: AH DAMMIT….Lad almost eliminate but he’s hanging in there like an infestation of crabs.

Susie: I thought he was a goner for sure.

Hellkat groans as she steps forward across the apron to grab the rope that aided her in this match. But she takes her eyes off the most important factor….the athletes in the ring, one in particular and the boot that belongs to him.

Kingdom delivers a superkick right over the top rope and right into the side of Hellkat’s face, sending her twisting to the outside mats.

Susie: Okay, now I have even less reason to want to live.

Dollar: Hellkat gone…eliminated even after her brilliant play with the ropes.

Susie: And of all the people to eliminate her….Johnny Kingdom?

Kingdom falls to his knees after the elimination, holding his head and neck given the numerous shots he’s suffered thus far.

….3, 2, 1!

“Paint it Black” leads to an ovation that is really quite startling, and for good reason. Through the curtains steps….DESOLATION.

Dollar: And it just keeps getting bigger and bigger….Another former World Heavyweight Champion, Desolation stepping into the fray.

Susie: Oh my goodness….OH MY GOODNESS…Why did I have to wear my pants tonight?

Dollar: This is BEYOND huge…but umm…uhhh…not to kill the vibe, but where’s Desolation’s weapon?

Desolation slides into the ring without anything in his hands, but who needs weapons when you’re one of the most dangerous men in professional wrestling? Then again he’s coming face to face with another man who is equally as deadly, and equally as legendary. The crowd is on its feet positively salivating as Desolation steps up into the face of Kingdom, the two gong vie a vie.

Dollar: Two of the founding fathers of the IWC coming eye to eye….Johnny Kingdom just eliminated Desolation’s wife, Hellkat, meaning there is going to be HELL to PAY.

Susie: These two have clashed in the past in a rather historic Paranoia match….and history now repeating itself here in the Rumble.

Dollar: Legend versus Legend….right here….right now…right in the midst of the Rumble.

The only thing that takes their eyes off one another is the crowd’s reaction. Kingdom and Desolation turn to the raucous crowd, who are leaping out of their seats in anticipation of seeing these two go to war.

Dollar: This is EPIC.

Kingdom and Desolation back up, put hands up and prepare for battle just as Porno Lad steps in and slaps both men on their shoulders.

Porno Lad: Isn’t this ironic? The founding fathers of the IWC all in one place?

In spite of their mutual hatred for one another, if there’s one person they despise more than one another…it’s the man bold enough to put his hands on them.

Evans: It’s almost like a homecoming tonight guys.

Now Pat is slapping the pair of World Champions on their opposite shoulders

Porno Lad: Yeah….we’re like one big happy family again. And you know what families do? THEY HUG!

A lot of things are exchanged between Kingdom, Desolation and Evans, glares amongst them….but what won’t be exchanged are hugs….evident by the clinching of their fists.

Dollar: Looks like history is on the verge of repeatedy itself, because we’re about to have a four way war between four of IWC’s founding fathers.

No we’re not…instead what we get is three out four of IWC’s legends, being toppled by three of IWC’s hottest up and comers. Andre connects with a thrust kick to the back of Kingdom’s skull, while Alana nails a spinning heel kick on the button of Evans and Amanda delivers the running Yakuza kick right on the jaw of Porno Lad. The trio drops to the canvas and leaves nothing standing between Desolation and Mr. Gaunt. Though Gaunt has no hat to tip, he pantomines as if he does…..followed by a wink.

Desolation’s reaction, a lift of his finger, pointing over Gaunt’s back. Leeland grins, as if he didn’t already know that Kordelia was closing in behind him, hence why he juts his cane through his arm into the inbound ribs of Price, doubling her over. He then spins around in a complete circle so that the butt of his cane nails Kordy in her temple, rendering her near unconscious.

Leeland then shocks the world by sticking the cane through Kordelia’s legs and using it to lift her up into a release overhead Sambo suplex.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6….

No one knows why, except for the Dark Man himself, but Desolation does not jump into the thick of things, instead hanging back and biding his time.

He observes Porno Lad being pulled along into the ropes and then ALMOST being tossed over them by Amanda. But Blayze can’t get him all the way over the cables because Robert intervenes, log rolling himself into her shins and Lad’s shins, knocking the pair down to the canvas. He then stands up and surveys both opponents, pointing to one, Amanda, and gauging the crowd’s response. The fans are vehemently opposed to him eliminating Blayze, which is why he now points to Porno Lad, who gets an overwhelming response, the fans unanimously supporting Robert in eliminating the Original Prankster.

Robert approaches him and grabs Lad by the hair, leading him up to his feet, but instead of tossing him to the outside, a side headlock is applied.

Robert: And YOU Sir, are at the TOP of the list!

The mother of all wiggy twigglings is employed on Porno Lad, as he desperately tries to fight free.

Dollar: Yeah! Twiggle that wiggy and twiggle it good!

Whitman is employing the Hellkat strategy at this point, crawling into one of the corners and wrapping his whole body around the turnbuckle post in the fetal position.

Dollar: Looks like Whitman has learned that Mr. Hush pillbug grip, wrapping himself around the turnbuckle so he can’t be eliminated.

…4, 3, 2, 1….

Susie: Who? Who next?

Dollar: Good God…I don’t know…Santa Claus?

Susie: Don’t get my hopes up, Johnny, don’t you dare get my hopes up like that.

Of all the past legends, present stars and future talent…who is the next to enter the Rumble…and to the tunes of “Paint it Black” no less?

Not the man dressed in a black leotard and ski mask….but the object he carries in an already set-up position….LADDER!

Dollar: Mind officially RAPED!

Susie: Johnny….lookie…looklie…LOOK…it’s him…it’s her…it’s IT!

Dollar: Ladder…the former Cartel Champion way back when….is the next entrant in the 2014 Rumble….yes….you just heard me correctly….LADDER is the next entrant in the 2014 Rumble….let me repeat that for all those who think they’re Zoloft isn’t kicking in….LADDER….

Susie: No matter how many times you repeat it, you just can’t make it sound epic enough.

The fans are in an absolute frenzy as Ladder is carried to ringside, but it doesn’t come empty hand….empty ‘runged?’ for wrapped around it’s center is the coveted Cartel Championship.

Dollar: And it’s even brought along a weapon….

Susie: Yep….the Cartel Title, which was also Cartel Champion at one point.

Dollar: Jeez, and people wonder why the IWC went on hiatus for so long.

Susie: Don’t even TRY to denounce the magnitude of that awesome era in wrestling.

Alana presently has dragged Kingdom into the ropes, stepping through them onto the apron and taking residency in front of the Team Leader. She grips him in a front chancery and drops back, trying to drag him down over the cables and to his elimination, but Johnny has hold of the top rope with both hands, refusing to go over.

Andre presently has TPKid in one of the corners, nailing him with a barrage of rights and lefts to his chest and stomach, doing unspeakable damage to his internal organs. But Kid can give just as good as he takes, stepping out the corner and delivering a knife edge chop to Jordan’s chest. He then rakes Jordan’s eyes, and grabs the man who has been in there since number two by the leg, trying to heave him up and over the cables. Andre again is forced to latch onto the top rope, gripping them tighter than a vice.

Katelyn is valiantly fending off the attempt of Blayze to eliminate her, but finds herself hanging completely over the top rope, placing a palm on the apron to keep herself up in a headstand. Desolation now drags Ladder into the ring and turns the former Champion into a weapon….a very potent one at that.

Kid turns just as Desolation rushes across the ring and drives Ladder directly into his face, toppling him to the canvas. He then turns, adjusts Ladder across his chest and then rushes towards Kordy who has leaped onto Robert’s back, throwing repeatedly forearms over his head to try and break his twiggy wiggle on Porno Lad.

Ladder is an equal opportunity offender, driving into the bodies of all three combatants, launching Kordy across the ring.

Dollar: Desolation proficiently using Ladder as a weapon.

Susie: Or is Ladder using Desolation as a weapon….Hmmm…just something to ponder.

Dollar: Yes, while I’m sitting on the toilet at 3AM suffering taco shits.

As Ladder and Desolation do some serious damage, Gaunt approaches Whitman, slapping him on the shoulder several times….but nothing breaks Clarence’s grip around the turnbuckle.

Mr. Gaunt: Mr. Whitman….OOOH Mr. Whitman! This is definitely not the chivalry I saw from you last week.

Whitman: Go away, I’m meditating….oh ah….yes…meditating!

Leeland sighs and looks over his shoulder towards Legion, snapping his fingers.

Mr. Gaunt: Would you be so kind?

Legion steps across the battlefield, grabs Whitman around the waist and tears him away from the corner, forcing him to stand tall with his back wedged against the turnbuckle.

Mr. Gaunt: You WILLL be a hero, Mr. Whitman….you WILL conquer fears and emerge from the other side like Buehler….a butterfly from the cocoon.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Legion heaves Whitman into the air with both hands grasping his throat and then turns, tossing him into the middle of the ring. The moment Whitman land son his feet, Desolation swings Ladder around and crashes all the rungs right into Clarence’s body. Gaunt cringes and scratches anxiously at the back of his neck.

Mr. Gaunt: Ummmm….maybe we should have thought that one out a bit clearer.

The onslaught from Ladder finally concludes when Harrison, who has purged himself of the maggots twisting his bowels, steps in behind and drills Desolation over the back with a Singapore Cane. Ladder then falls to the canvas with Desolation stooped over it. Just then Starr rushes across the ring and connects with a scissors kick to the back of the Dark Man’s head driving him down face first into the rungs of his very own weapon.

Desolation bounces off the steel and then rolls away as the countdown continues.

….2, 1….BUUUUZZ!

Dollar: Good lord I shudder to think who’s gonna come out here next.

The answer to that question isn’t anything as outlandish as a Ladder who was once champion….it’s a man of flesh and blood….Frankie Paradise.

Dollar: Oh lord…not again.

Frankie: Everything is officially sorted people. The confetti and fireworks are in place….so without further ado, it is my esteemed honor to announce that the next entrant in the 2014 Rumble, is the man I labored tirelessly to sign to an IWC contract, the man who will instantly redeem the Board’s faith in me, the man of sheer legendary sta….

Through the curtains steps not a legend, but scurries that same annoying stagehand. Almost instantly Frankie finds himself grieved.

Frankie: Don’t….don’t even….

A palm is raised before the Stagehand’s mouth.

Frankie: What does he want NOW!?!

The ever so nervous stagehand debates how to break the news delicately.

Stagehand: Cheerleaders.

Frankie: Cheerleaders? CHEERLEADERS!?! Where the hell am I supposed to find cheerleaders!?!

How does the Stagehand react….with a shrug of course.

Frankie: Dammit…dammit…DAMMIT!

He stops both feet in total aggravation.

Frankie: Just send out the next entrant while I figure this out.

To the back walks Paradise and the Stagehand, while from the back emerges…Gavin Taylor. Adam Chase follows his client, holding the Tag Team Title belt Gavin netted unintentionally. Now Taylor races down the ramp looking to capture another championship, this one entirely by merit of his choice.

Dollar: And Gavin Taylor racing to the ring….the man of many monikers looking to make another name for himself here tonight….Rumble winner.

Susie: Will he actually go on to face his own sister-in-law for the title at Invictus?

Dollar: Well now…good question…but the prospect of main eventing Invictus is a pretty strong motivator.

Susie: And challenging for the title.

Gavin pauses at ringside and turns back towards Chase….the two discussing strategy….but that pow-wow ends with a potential pow-pow….TPKid sliding towards the ropes, reaching down through them and grabbing Gavin’s ears.

TPKid: Get in here bitch!

Taylor is dragged up onto the apron before crying out towards Adam, who throws the Tag Title to his client. Gavin catches it and employs the Tag belt as his weapon, ramming it directly into Kid’s face. The shot from the Tag Title sends Kid spinning back towards the center of the ring where he receives a big running spear by Blayze, putting him down to the canvas.

Amanda then stands up just as Gavin does the same on the apron and rushes in for a SECOND spear on the man who pinned her at NewAge.

Taylor side steps the spear and puts the tag belt where he WAS standing, causing Amanda’s skull to hit the gold and for her body to go limp.

Mr. Gaunt steps over Ladder, bending down to check on the condition of Desolation….. but exposing his back to O’Brian in the process.

Mark steps over Ladder, hooks his leg around Gaunt’s, places the 2×4 across his throat and then snaps back into the Russian Leg Sweep. Mr. Gaunt’s back collides forcefully against Ladder’s surface, but so too does Mark’s, leaving both men ailing. Harrison looks over his shoulder and realizes this, seeing both men in a state of agony and prompting him to slide through the ropes to the apron. The turnbuckle is quickly scaled, the New Breed getting to the very top rope, extending arms out to his sides and then going airborne. He flies across the ring and connects with a senton bomb across the chests of BOTH Mark AND Leeland.

Dollar: Harrison killing himself to get revenge on Gaunt, with O’Brian caught as collateral damage.

A hurting Harrison rolls away, gripping at his battered body, leaving Gaunt and O’Brian exposed across Ladder’s surface. This prompts Robert to do the inconceivable, climbing the nearest turnbuckle and then throwing himself off into a big Vader bomb directed at Mark and Gaunt. The two roll out of the way of the vicious red haired behemoth, causing him to crash across Ladder’s surface and knocking all the air from his body.

Robert remains stretched over Ladder….but the crowd isn’t watching the ring, they’re watching Legion ascend the turnbuckle. Though it’s a dangerous gamble, it’s one Legion is willing to take. He gets to the top rope, which proves costly when Evans steps across the apron and reaches out, grabbing him by the ankle. He tries to lift up on the leg and trip Legion over backwards, intentionally targeting the ankle he worked over earlier with his submission hold

Dollar; Evans could be on the verge….he might be…he might be about to eliminate Legion.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6…

Evans decides to climb up the turnbuckle and get on Legion’s level, both men standing on the corner with Pat in front of the N.H.B Champion and his hand reaching down into his pocket. He slowly extracts the steel chain, wrapping it around his fist and then swinging to both the sounds of despair and delight, for Legion’s jaw. But the N.H.B Champion ducks and suddenly catches Evans across the chest, then hooks his leg, heaves him up and flips back into the moonsault fallaway slam from the top rope, putting Pat down spine first right across LADDER.

Dollar; HOLY JESUS ON ROLLER SKATES!

Susie: AHHHH-MAZIN!

Dollar: Legion just did it…I think he…I think he might have killed Pat Evans.

The crowd is so stunned by what they just witnessed that they barely even notice the timer cycling down to zero.

….2, 1….BUUUZZZ!

Kitty Buehler barely even waits for her entrance music to finish playing before she comes rushing down the ramp and straight towards the ring. She pauses only briefly at ringside to make a cross formation in front of her chest, say a little prayer to the heavens and then leap up to the apron. She grabs the top rope and prepares to dive over just as Kingdom steps in out of nowhere and blasts her directly to the jaw with a superick, knocking her out of the air and down to the apron.

Dollar: Kingdom not one for the good book apparently.

Susie: He just NAILED Kitty right to the jaw with that superkick!

Kitty collapses to the mats just as Shaun comes rushing past her, having been whipped into the steel steps by Romeo.

Damascus then turns focus back to the ring, leaping to the apron, grabbing the top rope and preparing to leap over just as Kingdom steps in and drills him to the jaw with a superkick, a fatal blow that knocks Romeo out of the air and back down to the mats.

Dollar: Kingdom is just going nuts with these superkicks!

Susie: He’s not letting anyone get back into the ring.

Dollar: Not like there’s any space left IN the ring for someone to enter.

With Tag Title in hand, Gavin crouches behind Andre at this point, waiting for the incredibly winded Jordan to spin around. A fatigued Andre turns just as Gavin rushes in and swings the belt at the face of a man he’s already dubbed ‘ugly’ in past verbal exchanges….now he literally might make him ugly. But Jordan isn’t about to get his face re-arranged, he ducks and as a result the Tag Title flies over his head cracking Robert in the jaw and sending the rotund figure staggering across the ring.

Gavin then spins around and lifts the belt above his head, about to run in and drive it into Andre’s face only to have the strap stolen right from his clutches. Gavin spins around in an outraged state when he spots the Championship being coveted by Porno Lad.

Porno Lad: Oh baby, we’ve been away for too long.

An infuriated Gavin reaches out for Porno Lad’s shoulder, grabbing him and spinning him around just as Lad launches the belt instinctively into Taylor’s face. At the last second Gavin ducks, the title flying right over his skull and into the face of Andre. Jordan collapses to the canvas with Porno Lad standing above him belt in hand and bloodied face looking on without emotion.

Porno Lad: Ah well, at least the two of us are back together again.

Lad places a kiss on the Tag Title, failing to realizing that the OTHER half of the gold has been sitting on the canvas mere feet away throughout this entire Rumble….dropped earlier on by TPKid.

Gavin now grabs Lad by the shoulder and spins him around just as Lad swings the gold at his face once again.

Porno Lad: NOTHING will keep us apart!

Lad swings once again and Gavin ducks once again, causing the belt to soar over his face and right towards Robert’s already bludgeoned skull. But suddenly Robert opens his mouth and catches the Tag Title belt in his teeth. A flabbergasted Porno Lad pulls back on the strap but can’t get it out of Robert’s jaws.

Dollar: Robert has caught the Tag belt in his mouth and he’s NOT letting go.

10, 9, 8, 7…..

A frazzled Shaun gets to his feet and grabs the top rope when he spots Mr. Gaunt crawling across the ring before him. He now goes airborne with the presumption of hitting a springboard move only to have Kingdom step in out of nowhere and blast him to the jaw with a superkick, knocking him to the outside mats.

Dollar: And now Shaun falls victim to the kick too!

Lad is still trying to get the belt out of Robert’s teeth but he just can’t…

….3, 2, 1!

Who can it be? Who can it be? Why…Ashley-Marie Chase….that’s who it be.

The well dressed socialite stops on the stage, winks to her sister and then barrels towards an already filled ring where there is barely even room to breathe.

Dollar; Ashley-Marie looking to achieve her dream of holding the World Heavyweight Title, even if it comes at the expense of her own sister.

Susie: But first she’s got to find a way into the ring….I don’t know the last time I’ve seen a ring so packed.

Ashley climbs to the apron and then begins to enter the ring before Kingdom steps in and….no….a kendo-stick connects with the back of his supporting knee, Harrison taking him out before he can interfere.

Johnny collapses to the canvas while Ashley slides into the ring and then goes right after the very man who just helped her. But Harrison shows he was not interested in aiding Ashley, he just wanted her for himself. He swings around with the cane and Ashley ducks, stepping over Ladder and then waiting for Harrison to spin around.

Aaron turns and gets a kick to the gut, both arms hooked and a PEDIGREE right on top of Ladder.

Dollar: Ashley with an emphatic statement within seconds of entering the Rumble.

In the meanwhile Robert is reaching out and grabbing Lad by the hair, mouthing words even though his teeth are clamped about the belt.

Robert: Time to eliminate the first reprobate on Robert’s list.

A horrified Lad begins to be dragged towards the ropes before screaming out towards Buehler…..Katelyn Buehler that is.

10, 9, 8, 7…..

It pains Buehler to do it, but she swings around and drills Robert under the jaw with the KTFO the moment that the red haired demon has turned focus in the direction of the ropes. The blow sends Robert twisting away from the cables but still keeping his teeth clamped about the title belt. He turns right in time to be hit with the Real Men Use Lariats from Taylor. The blow sends Robert spiraling into the ropes and falling against them just as Porno Lad spins around and connects with the Epic Fail.

To the dismay of everyone watching at home and crammed into the seats of the Amway Center, Robert flips over the top rope and tumbles with a resounding thud across the outside mats.

Susie: Thank God, evil Bob is gone….now good Bob can come back and we can all dance in the parsley patch.

Dollar: It took three individuals to do it, but they finally eliminated Robert. A man who’s size advantage should have given him a huge leg up in this Rumble.

Susie: Can Robert even lift his leg?

Dollar: Only when he’s pissing.

A blubbery Robert rolls to his elbows and knees with the tag belt still hanging from between his teeth, something that Gavin has taken instant notice of. He leans over the ropes shouting down at Robert.

Gavin: You return my belt this instant you human blob! If you so much as drool on it….I swear to God I’ll….

Suddenly TPKid rushes in behind Gavin and cracks him in the back of his skull with the OTHER Tag Team Title, sending Taylor plummeting up and over the cables to the outside of the ring.

Dollar; And Gavin Taylor eliminated right alongside Robert!

Susie: Can you blame him? He was trying to get back his bright and shinny from Robert.

Dollar: I’m guessing Robert has mistaken the belt for a chunk of ham.

….3, 2, 1…BUUUZZZ!

Ashley rushes across the ring and hits Blayze to her upper back, sending her spiraling into the turnbuckle where she’s now subjected to boot after boot to the ribs. Chase is truly vengeful….fired up to inflict punishment on the woman who ‘presumably’ almost broke her nose at NewAge.

As this chaos continues Jackson Adams comes sliding into the ring looking all fired up. With a pair of brass knucks covering his fist, he swings his right hand directly into the jaw of an ailing Harrison, knocking him flat on his back. He then catches the inbound Alana with a blow right between the eyes, knocking her flat on her ass.

Dollar; Jackson Adams yet another entrant in tonight’s Rumble, and he’s putting brass knuckles to very good use thus far.

Susie: Was wondering when Adams would finally come out here after he managed to manipulate his way out of getting caught by the End Effect earlier tonight.

Dollar: Yeah, and the table they brought out for Adams is STILL right there at ringside.

Jackson: Anymore punks want some of Adams….huh….huh!?!

Yes…quite a few actually….including Katelyn, who steps in and begins to pepper Adams with rights and lefts to the body. At the same time Damascus and Shaun are recovering at ringside, slowly working their way to their feet. They end up face to face and start to exchange right hands with one another from their kneeling base upon the mats. Their battle of attrition continues until Kitty steps in ailing from the kick to the chin and grabs BOTH men by their heads.

Kitty: You shall have your salvation, boys.

She swings their heads towards one another only to have Shaun and Romeo refuse to budge, their heads getting nowhere near close. Buehler again tries to shoe their heads against one another, but gets them no closer.

Dollar: Erm Kitty, I think this is a lost cause.

Kitty at long last realizes the futility of her actions and now backs up as both Shaun and Romeo get to their feet, gazing upon the woman who tried so unsuccessfully to inflict concussions upon them. She then rolls into the ring to prevent being destroyed by the two and rushes around behind a recovering Whitman, employing him as a human shield.

Kitty: If you protect me, Whitman, I’ll be the minister at your wedding free of charge…Whaddaya say?

Clarence thinks about it for a few moments…if he’s capable of thinking after that shot from Ladder. The state of Whitman’s body suddenly dawns on Kitty, who grabs him by the shoulders and forces him to stand fully erect.

Kitty: Come on, Whitman, accept Jesus into your heart, buck up and protect me.

The moment she stads Whitman up, Adams steps in out of nowhere and nails Clarence to the jaw with the brass knucks. Whitman’s eyes roll to the back of his head, he lifts his finger as if to say something but then does the proverbial Flair Flop to the canvas.

Kitty then steps back surveying what she just set into motion.

Kitty: Erm….uhhh…maybe I should have thought this out clearer.

She then looks towards Adams, who swings around with his brass knucks for HER jaw as well.

Kitty: WAIT!

He doesn’t know why he hesitates, but he does. Perhaps out of some morbid curiosity.

Kitty: It’s time to unveil MY weapon! The power of Christ!

Jackson’s face twists into an expression of confusion while Kitty steps back.

Kitty: Lord…SMITE this heathen!

Eyes cut to the scaffolds….Kitty expecting a lightning bolt…but getting nothing.

Kitty: Oh….well I guess the good lord only helps those who help themselves.

She rushes in with hands interlocked and raised above her head for the double axehandle only to have Jackson turn her own momentum against her, leading her along by the back of the head into the ropes which have been low bridged by BOTH Shaun AND Romeo. Buehler flies over them and collapses across the mats.

Dollar: And there goes Kitty…

Susie: Guess she wasn’t a true believer after-all.

Adams is in the process of waving goodbye to her and chuckling.

10, 9, 8…

Adams is spun around by both Mr. Gaunt and grabbed by the crease of his knee. JA collapses to his back and Mr. Gaunt tries to step through the legs in order to apply a Gordian Knot only to turn and find Harrison swinging a Singapore Cane towards his face. Gaunt side steps the cane and catches Harrison by the arm though, forcing him down to the canvas and applying a fujiwara.

No…he doesn’t get that submission locked in because an extremely addled Evans comes limping in, every part of his anatomy hurting but his foot still traveling towards Gaunt’s face. That is until Mr. Gaunt catches his foot and then stands up, delivering the dragon screw leg whip and then wrapping one around the other and turning him over to his chest with a Texas Coverleaf.

But just before Gaunt can get the hold established, Kordy rushes in behind him and catches the back of his head gong for a one handed bulldog. But Gaunt breaks the hold in favor of turning and pushing the hand away from his head then grabbing Price’s arms and wrapping them around one another, applying the Million Dollar Dream submission hold.

….3, 2, 1…

Some strange Dr. Who inspired rift plays over the PA system to a rather uproarious response. All eyes then shift from the chaos consuming the ring to the robot lowering from the rafters, that robot being, Red Dalek!

Dollar: Just when you thought we couldn’t get enough inanimate objects in the ring….

Susie: That’s no way to talk about Jackson Adams.

Dollar: Now we’re getting Red Dalek….the murder machine.

Susie: Can this Rumble get any crazier.

Dollar: You know it.

That same individual in a black leotard who brought Ladder into play detaches the support cables from Red Dalek and then exits to let the weapon do its damage. But the weapon just sits there, doing absolutely nothing, save for raising its mechanical arms every once and a while.

Dollar: Behold the power of Red Dalek.

Susie: Awesome doesn’t even begin to describe this.

Mr. Gaunt breaks the million dollar dream just Andre steps in from behind and throws a unch at the back of his head. Suddenly Leeland turns around, steps about the arm and applies the Tazzmission on Jordan.

Dollar: Gaunt showing his technical repertoire here tonight….he’s much more than a mere manager.

But that technical mastery comes to an end when Porno Lad steps in going for the Epic Fail…..wait….no it doesn’t…..Leeland breaks the Tazzmission, side steps the boot and catches Lad in the process. He hooks a leg and then the arm, and then wraps a leg around Lad’s neck, applying an octopus stretch to a massive uproar from the crowd.

Dollar: And another hold….OOOOH.

Suddenly Adams steps in and blasts Mr. Gaunt between the eyes with a pair of brass knuckles. Like a sack of potatoes Mr. Gaunt is dropped to the canvas with Legion responding just a bit too late to come to his summoner’s aid. He rushes in only to have a baseball bat swung into his inbound knee from TPKid. The blow doubles Legion over just as Evans snatches hold of a steel chain, wrapping it around his fist, he then steps in and blasts the N.H.B Champion to his jaw. The shot knocks Legion into a spiral, turning towards another shot from the other steel chain previously brought into this bout by Gary Matt, one swung by Mark O’Brian.

Legion collapses to his back right alongside Leeland.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6…

All the while Desolation is setting up Ladder and climbing up it, about to dive off into some type of stunning display. He only gets about half way up Ladder before Adams steps in and blasts him to the kidneys with a shot from the brass knuckles. He then turns his body, steps under Desolation and reaches out, hooking his arms. Adams manages to take a few steps up the rungs before dropping off Ladder and delivering a throwing crucifix bomb on Desolation.

….3, 2, 1….

Dollar: Now WHO!?!

Susie: Or what!?!

As the buzzer sounds through the building, thick smoke forms on the stage and through it stumbles a dazed looking SPIDER.

Dollar: What in the hell? Who is this drug added, Grateful Dead listening to, Seattle grunge attired loser?

Susie: I think he may have Pat Evans beat in terms of greasiest superstar.

Dollar: Speaking of which, is Evans even still alive right now?

Romeo and Shaun are now standing on the apron, exchanging fist after fist between one another’s faces just as a foot comes into play, traveling towards their cheeks. They turn just in time to cause Johnny Kingdom to stop and grin, slowly lowering his leg down to the canvas and forming a slight smirk.

Johnny: Damn…can’t fault me for trying.

Spider continues slowly down the ramp before stopping at ringside and stealing a fans’ half-eaten hotdog, taking a few nibbles of it. He then turns and spits it all right back out.

SPIDER: DAMN…that is the WORSE popsicle I’ve ever eaten.

Within the ring Alana, who looks like she’s had a bucket poured over her body due to sheer exhaustion, steps towards the fracas between Ashley and Amanda, getting involved in their affairs. She spins Ashley away from Blayze and delivers a boot to her ribs, then a swift forearm to her face. Blayze then steps out of the corner, grabs Ashley by the shoulder and spins her around so that she can drive a forearm of her own into Chase’s jaw.

Ashley turns around and Alana scoops her up, turning to throw her over the ropes and to the outside of the ring, but Chase slides off and lands on her feet behind her opponent. She then turns just as Amanda swings around into a roundhouse kick that is ducked by the fashion template.

Chase rushes across the ring, ricochets from the far ropes and then dives at both Alana and Amanda who turn in time to receive simultaneous spears to their ribs. Ashley takes out BOTH opponents to a truly orgasmic reaction from the fans.

Dollar: Ashley is all worked up here tonight, evident via that doublely dangerous spear.

Susie: And one of the women she targeted was naturally Amanda Blayze.

Shaun and Romeo are now sliding into the ring where Kingdom is waiting, all three men exchanging fists between one another. The three way brawl continues until Adams comes rushing across the ring with Ladder stretched across his chest, driving it into this trio of brawlers.

The blow from Ladder sends Cruze, Damascus and Kingdom spilling over ropes, but not to the outside mats. Somehow the three land on the apron and manage to grab the cables before they can crash to the floor.

Dollar: Adams ALMOST took out three men at the same time.

Susie: Not just three men….but three of the biggest threats in this Rumble.

Another individual who finds himself threatened with the prospect of an elimination is Harrison, who finds himself loaded up in Pat’s arms and being carried towards the ropes. Pat turns his back to the cables and drops back, trying to throw Harrison over the cables into a fallaway slam….but Aaron twists his body in mid-air, catches Evans around the neck then snaps back into a DDT….planting Pat’s skull directly into a tire iron and a microphone.

Jackson steps back and sets Ladder up in the center of the ring. Leaving it face to face with Red Dalek.

Dollar: Oh no….OOOOH no….

Susie: Move over Bret Hart versus Stone Cold, move over Hulk Hogan versus The Rock….THIS is the face off of the past two centuries….this is Red Dalek and Ladder.

SPIDER scrambles into the ring and instantly gets between Ladder and Dalek, trying to calm their fiery passions.

SPIDER: Come on guys, calm down, take it down a notch. You don’t have to do this…you don’t have to fight over me….I can love you both equally.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Dollar: How many people are left in this damned thing?

Susie: And how long have people like Andre Jordan and Alana Starr been in there now?

Dollar: Their drawing ever so closer to an hour of competition at this point, and they haven’t rested one second of it.

….3, 2, 1….

“Good Man” by Devour the Day elicits an incredibly mixed reaction…one that Hurse pays no attention to as he bolts down the ramp, heading for one individual and one individual alone….and it isn’t Shaun Cruze.

Dollar: Hurse the next entrant in the Rumble…and it looks like he’s on a mission.

With a railroad spike in hand Hurse slides into the ring right between Shaun and Kingdom, who both slowly rise to their feet. Cruze then steps in and nails Kingdom with a boot to the ribs before placing him in a front chancery. He tries to heave Johnny into the air and into a vertical suplex off the apron and to the outside mats, but Kingdom manages to wrap an arm around the middle cable.

That’s when Romeo steps in behind Shaun and wraps arms around his waist, setting up for a German suplex off the apron and to the outside mats. The crowd erupts only to see Cruze wrap his arms around the top cable, staving off elimination. Ashley-Marie then steps across the ring and grabs Shaun by the arm, holding down on it so he can’t be suplexed.

Romeo wrenches back even further on the attempted suplex now hanging over the mats, leaning back off the apron with the arches of his feet balanced on the edge of the apron. Shaun holds tight to the top rope and to the hands of Ashley-Marie, shaking his head and roaring as his arms are almost torn out of their sockets.

Ashley: Hold on Cruze..just hold on!

The friends with benefits continue to work together to keep Shaun from being eliminated. But that alliance ends when Adams leaps into the air behind Ashley and connects with a dropkick between her shoulder blades, sending her flipping up and over the ropes, spilling down through the legs of Shaun and crashing to the mats beneath him.

Dollar: Adams just eliminates Ashley-Marie Chase while she was trying to hold onto Shaun.

Susie: Her ‘feelings’ for Shaun just cost her dearly!

Jackson then gets to his feet and smiles in the direction of a distraught Taylor Chase watching from the stage.

That grin is removed though when Shaun pulls himself back to the apron and drives his shoulder through the ropes into Jackson’s ribs. The momentum of shooting himself towards the ring also causes Romeo to stand up straight and then fly over Shaun’s back, over the ropes, and over Jackson’s back, catching him by the hips and pulling him down into the sunset flip. But Adams rolls right out of the sunset flip onto his feet and then dives in with brass knuckles connecting right across Romeo’s forehead, knocking him out.

Damascus’ face bounces off the canvas and then Shaun’s face bounces off of Kingdom’s boot. Johnny delivers another superkick this time right on Cruze’s jaw, knocking him from the apron and sending him twisting to the outside mats.

Susie: SHAUN has gone bye-bye!

Dollar: Another elimination, this time thanks to a very fortuitous Kingdom superkick!

Susie: Really no surprise there, Kingdom and the Cruze family have never gotten along….NEVER.
Johnny steps through the ropes and puts himself out of a very precarious predicament…or really saves one precarious predicament for another. He enters the ring just as Jackson swings around with the brass knuckles to take out his former mentor….and just as it seems he’s going to crush Kingdom’s orbital socket with the brass, in dives Hurse.

Hurse: WHOA! Stop guys!

Jackson and Johnny look confused as they turn towards Hurse, who is removing his t-shirt to reveal an “Empire” t-shirt on beneath.

Hurse: What do you guys say? How abouts we get the band back together?

Johnny and Jackson exchange tense glances followed by groans.

Hurse; Think about it, we’ll totally run roughshod over this whole roster and chase the Chase’s out of here for good, and then bring down Orlando and rebuild the IWC in OUR im…

He suddenly gets an answer, a kick to the gut followed by the Package Piledriver from Adams. Jackson then drops back and sends Hurse rolling over top of him abscent mindedly into a front chancery, Kingdom heaving him up into the brainsbuster DDT.

Dollar: I don’t think that worked out quite the way Hurse had envisioned.

Susie: Well he only has one eye….so that kind of means he has envision problems.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Harrison picks up the Singapore cane at this point and approaches both Mr. Gaunt and Legion, while Alana and Porno Lad do the same. That’s when BOTH Gaunt and Legion SIT-UP into crab crawl positions. They then stand directly up from these odd postures and go back to back.

Dollar: Mr. Gaunt and Legion are ALIVE…they’re ALLLLLIVVE!

The crowd is so incredibly excited at the sight of the masked Legion and his mentor about to battle against the numbers. They then dive into the chaos….The battle sends Legion throwing fist after first…left handed of course, into the forehead of Harrison, who falls into the rungs of Ladder. Legion then throws a punch at his face only to have Aaron step out of the way, causing the Crusader’s arm to fly through the rungs and his shoulder to collide with one of the supports in the process.

….4, 3….

Some odd Dr. Who inspired rift starts to play through the speakers….

Dollar: OOOOH PLEASE! Anything….anyone but this! I don’t even like Doctor Who.

Susie: BLASPHEMER!

Above the chaos, hung from the rafters, we now see the motorized death machine, Red Dalek.

Susie: It’s here, Red Dalek is here to compete in the Rumble!

Marie Jones stands behind the curtains, holding a long steel pipe across her palms as she twists from one side to the other, limbering up for competition. Pressure is exerted on her muscles, providing just enough tension to make sure their ready for battle. She is just about to step into the battleground when….

Frankie: Whoa..whoa…whoa….hold up there, Red.

Marie took a step towards the entry way before freezing, her eyes cutting to the pompous smirk that approaches her. The grin sends a wave of disdain coursing throughout Marie body, making her stomach twist into knots.

Marie: What now?

She says with an obvious TONE.

Frankie: Start by taking the base out of your tone, Red….

Marie: No…you know what….I’m sick of it…SICK of being used by you.

Paradise plays the world’s smallest violin.

Marie: I didn’t come to this company….

Frankie: MY company.

Marie:….to just be your servant.

Frankie: Relax Red, I just need one more thing from you.

Marie: What part of NO, don’t you understand?

Frankie: Come on now, when a woman says ‘no,’ they really mean ‘yes.’

Marie: Are you republican or something?

Frankie: Your mission is simple tonight….

Marie: Yeah, winning the Rumble.

A long, drawn out chuckle from Paradise, who bends over holding his ribs.

Frankie: I didn’t know you were a regular Julia Louise Dryfus.

He wipes away a fake tear.

Frankie: Listen, Marie….my all-star signee is competing tonight and your mission, is making sure that THEY win the Rumble tonight.

Marie would gladly wipe away that tear right now by way of a back handed blow.

Frankie: I went through too much to get this Legend signed…so they NEED to win the Rumble so that the Board can see their investment pay off.

Marie: Sigh.

The exuberance displayed by Paradise is NOT matched by Jones, who is rubbing her temples with knuckles.

Marie: Listen Paradise….BOSS….you can take a long walk off a short cliff.

Immediately Paradise rips his sunglasses off to stare down HIS signee.

Marie: It was pretty bad having me bare false witness at NewAge just so you could help the Blacklist lure Orlando into that cage…plus, using me to deliver ‘secret’ messages to Orlando and Taylor, is JUST as ridiculous….BUT this…asking me to make sure your new signee wins the Rumble at the expense of my OWN World Title ambitions….it’s just….just ENOUGH.

If Marie had sunglasses she’d undoubtedly be tearing them off as well so her boss can get a clear unobstructed view of her eyes.

Marie: If you want to fire me…fire me….but I’m going out there tonight to win the Rumble…..so DEAL.

Marie heads to the ring, leaving Frankie behind with a twisted gleam of sheer malice in his expression.

Frankie: That ungrateful little….

Mika: Secret messages?

The spine of Paradise stiffens like a jack popping out of a box. He really hopes he’s suffering from an audial hallucination….turning tentatively to face Mika Kozlov, who was lingering in the shadows and listening.

Mika: Care to explain what she means honey bunny?

No…no he doesn’t.

“Haunted” is already playing through the speakers as the countdown clock reached zero several seconds ago and Marie Jones is finally stepping through the curtains and rushing down the ramp with steel pipe in hand.

Dollar: About time Marie Jones showed up here tonight.

Susie: Well, anticipation makes the payoff mean all that much more.

The moment Marie slides into the ring she ducks a shot from Buehler, who goes for…yet again….the KTFO….big surprise. Jones ducks the blow which sends Katelyn spinning around and falling against the ropes spine first….a bad position. Marie charges in and outstretches the bar between her hands, driving it into Katelyn’s throat, sending her up and over the ropes. She grabs the top cable just before she can go crashing to the mats though.

Marie then turns just as Blayze rushes into her with the Yakuza Kick that is ducked. The boot soars over her head and carries into the ropes. It flies over the top cable and she ends up crotching herself on the cable just as Marie leaps into the air and dropkicks her to the shoulder. She goes spilling over the ropes and to the apron, but somehow manages to grab the top rope on the way over.

Dollar: Marie ALMOST eliminating two of the biggest threats in this match within seconds of being in there.

Jackson then comes rushing towards Marie with the brass knuckles pulled back but she swings the steel pipe right into his fist. The steel bounces off of brass, and steel wins, causing Adams to roar in pain as he goes twisting into the ropes. Marie then rushes in and delivers another dropkick to Jackson’s sternum, sending him flipping up and over the cable to the apron.

He catches it while going over though and uses his undamaged fist to pull himself up to his feet.

Jackson: It’s gonna take more than that to get rid of me, bitch!

Adams begins to re-enter the ring, bending down to slip through the ropes when a figure leaps to the apron in front of him. Before Adams can react, his head is dragged under Rains seat, his arms are tucked to his sides and the masked End Effect member heaves Adams into the air. Jaws drop as Rain drags Adams off the apron and through the table at ringside with the package piledriver!

Dollar: Rain dropping Adams through the table…and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Susie: That was extreme!

Dollar: No….it was justice.

Adams lies amongst the many fragmented and broken shards of table, body quivering as Rain bends down whispering into his ear.

Rain: Respect….respect…respect.

Rain slithers away from the motionless Adams.

Meanwhile, inside of the ring Legion is slowly climbing up Ladder, the fans shocked to see his huge frame ascending the rungs, getting higher and higher. At the same time Evans has happened to stagger along into the base of Ladder, using it to begin ascending above all the competition down below….plus he has bad ideas in store for Legion….seeking revenge against the No Holds Barred Champion.

Dollar: Uh-oh, Evans AND Legion going high risk AGAIN!

Susie: This ended disaserously the last time.

Legion begins to turn around so that his back is facing Ladder’s rungs and then finds his ankle grabbed hold of by Evans. Pat is trying his best to rip the legs out from under the masked NHB Champion, bound and determined to subject him to this submission. Down below the brawl rages on amidst almost the entire roster, no one aware what’s going on high above them.

10, 9, 8….

The annoyed Legion suddenly reaches down, grabs Evans by the hair and pulls his head up and under his seat. He then bends forward and wraps arms around Pat’s waist….the fans all starting to stand up while shaking their heads.

Dollar: No….oh God…..oh GAWDY GEE!

Susie: They aren’t about to….?

It takes quite a bit of balance for him to do it but Legion heaves Evans up and onto his shoulder. He then leaps right off Ladder into the Misery II, a single shoulder powerbomb into the chokeslam….a chokeslam that sends Pat crashing into all the brawlers down below.

Dollar: Holy Howie Mandel!

The crowd is on its feet unleashing a holy shit chant as a pile of bodies lie under the mangled Pat Evans and the sprawled out Legion. The only individuals who avoided the wrath of the NHB Champion are Mr. Gaunt, who is currently leaning propped against a corner, Ladder of course, Red Dalek, and SPIDER, who is busy fanning off the machine with a towel while giving it an inspirational speech.

Dollar: That….was….WOW!

Susie: Don’t think Pat’s gonna try to go after Legion again.

An instant replay showcases Legion heaving Evans up and chokeslamming him from the top of Ladder onto the bodies down below.

….3, 2, 1….BUUUUZZZ!

”Rama Lama” plays and out rushes “The Weird One” Mr. Hush, who excitedly rushes down the ramp, slapping hands in the process. One hand he does not slap though, belongs to the huge brute standing in the front row…that huge brute being Viktor Drugov.

Dollar: Mr. Hush coming out to give the Black Crusade even greater numbers in the Rumble.

Susie: As if they didn’t already have a big enough advantage with Legion in there.

Dollar: And wait….who is….is that Countess Nevena’s bodyguard at ringside?

Yes….yes it is…and the huge figure is not just lurking at ringside, he’s leaping over the barricade, rushing towards Adams who is still sprawled amongst the chunks of shattered wood and then grabs a fragment of the table he went through. He picks it up and carries it to the barrier that Countess Nevena now stands on the opposite side of, holding open a briefcase that Viktor places the wood inside

The briefcase is closed and latched.

Inside of the ring Mr. Hush is already making his presence known on the individual who is rushing at Mr. Gaunt. Before Kingdom can get to Gaunt, he’s caught by the back of the head and driven down to the canvas with a double handed bulldog. The unorthodox Mr. Hush leaps to his feet and begins to pivot between them with arms outstretched to his sides. He then points at Mr. Gaunt, who is leaning against the ropes and supporting his servant.

Mr. Hush leaps into the air and comes down on his foot while the crowd chants ‘H.’ He then leaps again….’U’…..Another leap….’S’…..One more hop…..’HUH!?!’

Hush turns and nails Mr. Gaunt with a lariat to the throat, sending him flipping up and over the ropes to the outside of the ring.

Dollar: Mr. Hush…he just….he just….WHY!?!

Susie: Mr. Hush has eliminated Mr. Gaunt! But yeah….why?

Mr. Gaunt lands on his feet across the mats and then looks up with a predictably none too pleased expression.

Mr. Gaunt: Expla….

An explanation WON’T be necessary, cause the answer becomes clear before Mr. Gaunt can even finish the question. The mask of Mr. Hush begins to peel back just enough to bring the face of Jacob Laymon into view….His expressionless, haunting gaze glares down upon Mr. Gaunt emoting not an inkling of remorse for his actions.

Dollar: That’s NOT Mr. Hush….that’s former General Manager Jacob Laymon!

Susie: What a set-up!

Dollar: A set-up perpetrated by who else but the Prince of Sin?

Susie: Hey Johnny, I’m either hearing voices in my head, or someone telling me that something is going down backstage.

Dollar: Let’s get cameras back there pronto.

As requested cameras cut to the gorilla position where in the background Frankie Paradise is pleading with Mika Kozlov…while in the forefront Mr. Hush lies under a barrage of boots, subjected to shots from Executioner, Jaina Frost and a Silence mask wearing Jessica Wilde.

Susie: And the REAL Mr. Hush being beaten down backstage by Ba’al’s army.

Dollar: Yes….all the members of the IWC staff that he abducted and turned into these….these minions of the damned.

In spite of curling up into the pill-bug fetal position, the damage has already been inflicted on Mr. Hush, obviously left in no condition to compete in the Rumble at this point.

10, 9, 8….

Susie: Mr. Hush laid out by the Coalition backstage, which allowed Laymon to take his place…..Who knows what else is going to happen here in the Rumble as the battle-lines continue to be drawn.

Within the ring Laymon has pulled the Mr. Hush mask back down over his face and now gives Mr. Gaunt an up yours taunt from the center of the ring. All the while Johnny is being pulled along into the ropes by O’Brian, who is resolute in lifting up on Johnny’s legs and forcing him over the ropes. Harrison has hold of Marie Jones, and has her side wedged the cables, folding up her leg and lifting it high into the air, almost sending her into a cartwheel over the ropes.

Katelyn and Porno Lad have hold of Amanda, getting her over the ropes, but she hangs over to the opposite side, wrapping hands around the middle cable and kicking her legs to try and fend off her adversaries.

And Mr. Whitman…where is he during all of this….back in the turnbuckle wrapping his arms and legs around the post, securing himself to it in order to prevent any possibility of elimination.

Dollar: Whitman back to his normal self.

Susie Back to his cowardly ways.

Desolation has hold of Andre and is desperately trying to force him from the ring, but Jordan wedges his chest to the top turnbuckle pad. This doesn’t stop the Dark Man, who suddenly finds aid in an unlikely form. Hurse rushes up beside Desolation and assists in shoving Andre over the top rope to his elim….noooo…..the tag rope that customarily hangs from the turnbuckle is grabbed on the way down, Jordan holding onto it tight as he swings back and forth above the outside mats.

Dollar: Look at this..Andre is holding onto the top rope to prevent being eliminated!

Susie: He’s swashbuckling!

Neither Desolation nor Hurse are aware that Andre is still in there, both men backing up and turning to face each other. Just as they make eye contact Hurse grabs his Empire t-shirt, tears it away, throws it off and reveals the “Alpha Generation” shirt on beneath it.

Hurse: What do you say, Deso? How about we get the band back together for one night?

Desolation’s reaction to reunite his former stable with Hurse….a groan.

….3, 2, 1….BUUUUZZZ!

Executioner now has his foot wedged to the throat of Mr. Hush, growling at the Black Crusade representative. This onslaught ends when out of nowhere ‘SILENCE’ rushes in, holding two batons tucked under her forearms. She swings one into Executioner’s knee, and the other over the shoulder of Jaina Frost. Silence then drives the baton into Jessica’s chin, sending her spiraling towards the curtains.

Al: SOUNDLY VIOLATE THOSE FOLLY-FALLEN FOOT-LICKERS!

Al materializes behind Silence, supporting her in her pursuit of vengeance against the Coalition. Once the mongrels have been backed off, Al stoops beside Mr. Hush, lending what little aid he can to his brother in arms.

The shameful attempts to bribe Desolation continue, with Hurse pointing out how he can make sure the Dark Man becomes a World Champion again and promises him match number 576 against Orlando Cruze. But the sweet talking ends on a rather sour-note. Desolation pulls Hurse forward and into a drop toe hold. He then stands up, swings around behind Hurse, grabs his wrists, pulls him up to his knees, wedges a foot between his shoulder blades and connects with the Curb Stomp.

Dollar: Looks like that allegiance didn’t work out for Hurse either.

The curb stomp leaves Hurse lying and finally shuts his mouth. Attention then shifts to the entry way where the curtains part and Executioner comes staggering through them, being subjected to shots from the clubs that Silence swings. She then spins around and DRILLS Executioner with a back heel kick, turning just in time to catch Jessica rushing from the backstage area. Silence bends down, catches the inbound knees of Silence and back drops her through the air. The masked Wilde flips over and crashes into Executioner’s chest, the two hitting the ramp and then rolling right down it.

Dollar: Looks like Silence is the next entrant in the Rumble….but before she can even reach the ring she has to fight off these Black Crusade dopplegangers.

Silence goes right after the two individuals she’s bludgeoned….swinging her clubs repeatedly at their bodies. Referee Alex Ingelson finds himself distracted, watching as Amanda lies on the apron desperately clutching the bottom rope seeing as she was pushed over the top one. Porno Lad and Katelyn are kicking away at her, trying to eliminate her.

On the opposite side of the ring TPKid’s hatred for Harrison, saves Marie Jones. He and Harrison are trading blows before they go a step further. Aaron picks up the kendo-stick and TPKid picks up the baseball bat. Aaron connects with a shot on Kid and Kid connects with a shot on Aaron. Both men now begin to swing their weapons wildly and repeatedly into one another’s bodies, eliciting a loud ‘holy shit’ chant from the crowd.

Dollar: Harrison and Kid beating the absolute holy hell out of one another.

The fans are going nuts at the sight of Aaron and TPKid taking years off of one another’s lives while at ringside, Silence is looking to end both Executioner’s and Wilde’s. She lifts one of her weapons above her head only to suddenly get clocked over the back of her skull with a gavel swung by Jaina Frost.

The blow connects with such resounding force that it knocks Silence instantly out cold and to the mats.

Just then, inside of the ring Laymon finds himself backing up into the excessively huge sternum of Legion. Even though his face cannot be seen through the Mr. Hush mask, it’s obvious that terror has taken hold, his body stricken with paralysis. He slowly reaches up and feels around the face of Legion, refusing to turn around until he’s confirmed that it’s the Crusader who’s breath beats down the back of his neck.

Slowly Laymon turns and then instantly back peddles away from Legion, yet fails to get very far. The Champion takes hold of Jacob’s suit jacket, pulls him forward, heaves him up onto his palms and then throws him not only over the top rope but onto the bodies of both Executioner and Jaina Frost.

Dollar: Legion throwing out the trash!

Susie: But he didn’t get all the birds with one stone.

The statement is quite accurate for once….as Jessica has managed to slide into the ring undetected by Legion, but not by the referee. Silence crawls along towards the ring, beginning to drag herself up onto the apron just as Jessica grabs the referee by his jersey, spinning Ingelson around so that she has his full undivided attention. Wilde….still wearing the Silence mask and garb, rushes to the ropes, leaps over them and then drops to the mats, eliminating herself.

Dollar: Poor Jessica Wilde….she never had anything to do with all this Black Crusade, Coalition brouhaha until she was dragged into the middle of it….And now look at how twisted she’s become.

Susie: And look at how she’s throwing herself over the top rope.

After Jessica eliminates herself, Ingelson goes back to dealing with Romeo, who is currently trying to force Alana over the cables, but it isn’t happening.

10, 9, 8, 7….

Silence overcomes the shot from the gavel in order to roll into the ring and stagger up behind Kingdom, trying to push him over the cables and to the outside but the moment she puts her hands on the Team Leader, Alex Ingelson interferes.

Ingelson: What are you doing? You just eliminated yourself! Get out of here!

Silence’s eyes widen, looking more confused than ever.

Dollar: Oh….oh how brilliant. Jessica Wilde….dressed as Silence…eliminated herself from the Rumble right in front of the official so that Ingelson would think it WAS the Black Crusade member who voluntarily exited the match.

Susie: This is so confusing that I just went cross eyed.

The crowd bemoans the fact that the Coalition has just found ANOTHER way to eliminate a member of the Black Crusade.

Dollar: The Coalition has managed to manipulate their way into eliminating three of the four members of the Black Crusade participating in this match….unbelievable.

Susie: Legion now stands alone.

Silence protests but ultimately is overruled, which prompts her to turn, rush across the ring and dive through the ropes right into Jessica Wilde and Executioner standing outside of the ring. She crashes into them at the exact same time that Mr. Hush comes staggering down the ramp with bags of popcorn in his hands….his weapon of choice for the evening. He swings them with little effect into the body of Jaina, annoying rather injuring her. The popcorn bags fall to the mats as Hush then employs chops to wear Frost down. Silence now has both Executioner and Jessica reeling as all five individuals battle up the ramp and towards the backstage area.

…3, 2, 1….BUUUUZZZ!

”Pop Goes the Weasel” elicits a none too favorable response from the crowd as Mika Kozlov comes skipping through the curtains and stops dead on the stage. Her eyes cut towards Taylor, who is standing up on the stage and just begging her ‘former’ sister to get froggy and jump. But Kozlov instead points to the kendo-stick hanging from her hand.

Mika: Next week, Malishka, next week.

Kozlov rubs at her jaw and now rushes down the ramp and towards the ring.

Susie: As if this match wasn’t violent enough already, now here comes Mika, and she’s bringing along the cane.

Dollar: And she’s made no bones about it, she wants Taylor next week, AND at Invictus for the World Title. Can she win the Rumble and then move on to do something the rest of the Blacklist has been incapable of thus far by defeating Taylor?

Some space might be made in the ring considering that Romeo has Alana forced over the ropes doing a headstand on the apron. He then backs up and rushes across the canvas before diving into a shoulder block to her ribs. The blow connects but Alana manages to grab the middle rope and hang with feet kicking above the mats.

Meanwhile Johnny is back in peril, having O’Brian positioned under one leg and a beyond tired Andre under the other. Kingdom swings fists into the top of both men’s heads, trying to fight them off. Harrison is also in peril, finding himself straddling the top rope and wrapping his arms and his legs around them while TPKid drills him repeatedly with the baseball bat. Mika puts an end to that, nailing Kid between the kidneys with the Singapore cane and sending him spiraling back towards the center of the ring.

And Buehler….poor determined Buehler finds herself gripping the top rope with her only good hand….the rest of her body hanging over the mats on the verge of elimination. Jones has put her in this position and is now punching at the hand of Buehler wrapped around the top rope before trying to pry her fingers apart. It’s just then that Hurse rushes up behind Jones and nails her with a double axehandle to the back of her head. He then grabs Marie, spins her around and goes rushing at the ropes, stepping up them and flipping back into a modification of More Than Meets the Eye.

The Sliced Bread connects on Marie and drives the back of her head down onto the very steel bar she brought into this match.

Hurse then rolls across the canvas, reaches through the ropes and grabs Katelyn’s wrist, dragging her back into the ring.

Dollar: Hurse continuing to try and earn favor with ANYONE In this match.

Susie: Yep, but for weeks it’s been Katelyn he’s been trying to win over, which he might just do it he helps her win this Rumble tonight.

Dollar: She’s gonna need a lot of it….she’s been in this Rumble with a broken hand for over 40 minutes now.

Buehler normally would shove Hurse aside, but instead she looks up into his eye with a particular affinity. It’s then that Hurse bends down and speaks into Buehler’s ear.

Hurse: You don’t have to do this alone, Kate….you have friends….you have me.

For the first time in ages Katelyn is actually susceptible to Hurse’s guidance. She looks up and reveres rather than disdains the man standing stooped before her. It’s just then that Porno Lad rushes in behind Hurse, takes him by the back of the head and tights, then throws him over the ropes to the floor.

Dollar: Hurse eliminated by his former best friend!

Susie: And just when he was starting to talk some sense into Buehler.

A smile forms on the blood splattered face of Porno Lad as it turns to a recovering Katelyn.

Porno Lad: You’re welcome, Dear.

Katelyn bites her lower lip, wanting to say something, but can’t when Legion swoops in behind Lad, catches him by the back of the head and the pants, charges him at the ropes and throws him over. But unlike Hurse, Lad manages to grab the top rope and holds on….somehow preventing elimination.

Legion backs up and glares down at Buehler before pointing towards Porno Lad and swiping his arms through the air, indicating that she doesn’t need him. Katelyn lowers her head, finding it difficult to argue against this….or for this…logic.

Just then Aaron and Mika rush up behind Legion and slam kendo-sticks simultaneously over his back, which sends the NHB Champion staggering into the ropes then spilling over them to the apron…ALMOST going to the floor.

Dollar: Would you stop distracting people already Katelyn?

Legion slowly starts to get to his knees when Porno Lad swoops in only to be grabbed by the throat.

Dollar: Legion is going to chokeslam Lad off the apron….he’s gonna eliminate him. There is a GOD!

A desperate, horrified Lad cries out to Katelyn.

Porno Lad: Save me Kate…SAVE ME!

Buehler instantly leaps to her feet and takes a step forward to aid Lad but then stops…stops cold. All she does now is watch…watch as Porno Lad is choked by Legion. Suddenly his thumb finds its way through the slit of Legion’s mask right into his eyeball, gouging it.

Legion’s grip on Porno Lad’s throat is broken in favor of grabbing at his scraped retina. At the same time Lad is backing up and reaching into his waist-band, removing a bottle of Ketamine.

Porno Lad: Fine!

His words are directed to a conflicted, pained….emotionally and physically…Buehler.

Porno Lad: I don’t need the help from a pathetic whore anyways…I’m going to Invictus…and I will have MY moment you slut!

Katelyn’s actions become quite clear, raising her eyes to watch as Porno Lad steps towards Legion with a hand full of narcotics, about to find a way to force them down the masked man’s throat. That’s when Buehler swings around and delivers the KTFO, blasting Lad right in the jaw and knocking him to the outside mats.

Dollar: Buehler had ENOUGH…

Susie: She did it…she finally did it.

Dollar: Yes….YES…she eliminated Porno Lad….Good God almighty Porno Lad is at last out of there.

10, 9, 8….

Once he regains consciousness Lad gets to his knees at ringside, trembling from head to toe, his face turning from white to the darkest shade of red imaginable.

Porno Lad: YOOOOOOU BIIIITCH!

Lad stands up and is absolutely flipping out at ringside, he grabs a fan and pulls them over the barricade, tossing them onto the floor. He then grabs the chair they were seated on and throws it into the ring.

Dollar: Security needs to get out here and get this prima donna under control. Yeah, you were eliminated Porno Lad, deal with it.

Susie: Can’t believe he just put his hands on a fan.

An infuriated Lad steps to the ring and slaps the apron with his palms.

Porno Lad: I should be going to Invictus….me….me….ME!

…4, 3….

Katelyn backs to the center of the ring burning a hole into Porno Lad with her eyes.

Kordy: You BITCH!

Price rushes in behind Katelyn, who side steps the inbound arm of Porno Lad’s pupil, takes the back of her head and throws her over the top rope. She comes crashing down right on top of Lad, the two crashing across the mats.

Dollar: And there goes Price for equal measure. Party time, celebrate.

Lad and Price are in a state of sheer shock as they look up towards Buehler shouting down at them from the ring.

Buehler: No, Ethan…this is MY year…this is MY perfect Invictus. And not you….or anyone is standing in my way.

A furious Porno Lad stares through his blood soaked face into Katelyn’s resolute and determined expression.

…2, 1….BUUUUZZ!

The arena lights cut completely and an eerie glow emanates from the screens as the speakers burst into life with a creepy sounding version of a child’s nursery rhyme, sending shivers down the spines of those in attendance and probably those at home too.

“Ring… around… the ro…sie…
Pocket… full… of po… sies
Ash-es… Ash-es…
We all… fall… down…”

What was just said about no one standing between Buehler and Invictus?

Instead of showing fear like any normal individual would when about to encounter Ba’al…Katelyn actually relishes at the opportunity, turning with palms wedged to her knees, and stooping forward in anticipation of putting her cast to the face of the man responsible for her being forced to wear it.

Dollar: And here we go….Ba’al about to enter the Rumble….and about to come face to face with Katelyn Buehler.

Susie: These two have had so many run-ins the past few weeks, it’s only fitting they would cross paths here in the Rumble…right now.

Katelyn can’t wait, positively salivating at the prospect of getting her grips on the Price of Sin, yet he has not made his entrance….opting to make Buehler wait. Things then become a bit cloudier when Frankie Paradise steps through the curtains to the stage, looking up to the Carel-tron flashing with images of Ba’al’s destruction. Frankie looks incredibly vexed by what he’s seeing and hearing. But someone who is no longer confused is Buehler, prompting her to spin around and avoid the shot from a gavel being swung by Rachel Foxx.

Dollar: This was a set-up! Ba’al’s intro was just a set-up!

Susie: He tried to distract Katelyn so Rachel could get the drop on her.

Dollar: But Buehler saw it coming this time.

Forearm after forearm drills Rachel to the jaw, causing her to drop the gavel. Buehler then reaches down to pick it up, which results in Fox dropping to the canvas and rolling to the outside in order to escape Katelyn’s wrath. As this scene plays out, a confused Frankie lifts a microphone to his lips and watches from the stage.

Frankie: Allllriiiight, I have no idea what all that sordid ballyhoo was about….byyyyuuuut, I do know what’s coming next. Cause I think I’ve finally got it right….confetti….

From the scaffolding descends mass confetti, making visibility incredibly limited.

Frankie: Much pyrotechnics.

Explosions rock the Amyway Center, golden pyros showering down upon Paradise and those brawling within the ring.

Frankie: And cheerleaders….yes, the glorious Frankie Paradise has even managed to secure a legion of scantily clad cheerleaders on short notice.

Through the curtains rushes a group of MALE cheerleaders, all hopping around rather excitedly, but Paradise is anything but enthused. He cringes as they shake their pom-poms and use their giant megaphone to try and hype up the crowd.

Frankie: Oh lord, there must have been some type of miscommunication….oh well….we’ll make lemons out of lemonade. Anyway, all bases are covered and the appointed hour is now. Time for the introduction that trumps all other introductions, an introduction given by the almighty Paradise.

Frankie straightens up and bulks out his chest, speaking from the diaphragm.

Frankie: Underage girls and gents, I…the monument of a man, Frankie Paradise, brings to you, the newest edition to the IWC roster…a TRUE Icon who needs no such hyped introduction as he is seeing….he is a former World Champion…a master of the universe…a legend that transcends both time and sp….

The long winded introduction is abruptly cut short by a song that elicits much unrest….

“Alpha King” by Rev Theory leads to imploding lungs…..shorted out pace-makers….and heart rates accelerated to near stroke levels. Without any further anticipation, Lucas Knight steps through the curtains.

Dollar: Feel those goosebumps…feel this moment!

Susie: Lu…Lu…Lu…

Another slap to the back of the head causes Moore to stop stuttering.

Dollar: LUCAS KNIGHT! He’s in the Rumble…he’s in the IWC Rumble!!

Susie: He’s the one that Frankie signed? HE’S the huge free agent Frankie’s been alluding to?

Dollar: This is BEYOND huge.

With cricket bat in hand Lucas stops beside Frankie and gives a shake of his head. Paradise is unaware of the condescending gleam, repeatedly pointing and gesturing to Knight.

Dollar: This is an AMAZING scene ladies and gentlemen…Lucas Knight returns…

Susie: EPIC!

Dollar: Very true….VEERRRY true.

The crowd is still swet up into an absolute tidal wave of emotion as the shock washes over all. Paradise is perhaps more energetic than anyone, turning to at last acknowledge the frown on Knight’s face.

Knight: I believe I asked for Malcolm McDowell to handle my introductions.

Frankie: I couldn’t retain his services on such short notice.

Lucas turns and prepares to leave before Frankie desperately clutches at his arm. An offended Knight stares down at the hand clutching his wrist then pulls away.

Knight: FINE….but that’s another strike against you.

After an incredible amount of hype Lucas embarks down the ramp and towards the ring.

Dollar: And Lucas is finally about to compete, inconceivably in the middle of the ring.

The war wages on amongst the vast majority of the IWC roster. Alana yet again finds herself verging on an elimination as Desolation stoops under her, legs draped over shoulders.

SPIDER is currently rubbing the rungs of Ladder to work out any kinks and get it properly set for battle against the stationary Red Dalek.

Andre has Marie loaded up on his shoulders, backing her towards the ropes on the verge of throwing her over. But he doesn’t get to the cables before O’Brian steps in swinging the top edge of a chair right into Jordan’s ribs, doubling him over.

Another of IWC’s sordid legends, Johnny has finally been forced over the ropes thanks to the combined efforts of TPKid and Evans.

Dire straits are suffered by many, Legion included. He has crawled back into the ring on his knees and now finds himself subjected to a barrage of kendo-sticks. Harrison nails him in the top of the head with the staff, then Mika delivers a blow on the N.H.B Champion, then Aaron, then Mika, then Aaron, then Mika….the two absolutely obliterating the Black Crusade member.

Dollar: Blacklist targeting Legion the same way that they targeted Orlando Cruze several months ago.

Susie: Just no open graves in the area luckily.

And Katelyn is in the process of trying to eliminate yet another target….that target being Damascus. Blayze also pitches in, aiding Buehler in her attempt to eliminate Romeo.

Dollar: How many people has Katelyn eliminated here tonight.

Susie: A LOT….And that’s the closest to an actual number you’ll get from me.

Knight takes advantage of all his opponents being wrapped up in their own affairs. He slides into the ring, rushes straight towards Evans and places the cricket bat across his throat, dragging him back. The life is being strangled right out of Pat’s body. Knight then heaves Evans into the air and flings him across the ring by the throat. Evans collapses to his back and then Lucas turns just as TPKid comes in swinging with the baseball bat. But Knight gets the cricket bat up in defense, blocking the blow. He then subjects Kid to a gruesome shot over the head with his OWN bat….of the cricket variety.

Dollar: Bat to bat.

Susie: And it’s the cricket bat that wins out.

Marie lands on her feet beside O’Brian and the two throw repeated blows into the face of Andre. Mark then heaves the chair into the air just as Marie steps around behind Andre, pinning his arms behind his back. The steel comes crashing down right over top of Jordan’s skull.

Andre stumbles, staggers and finds himself now on the brink of elimination. Marie keeps the arms hooked and now drags him backwards into the ropes. She steps out of the way just as Mark rushes in and swings the chair once again at Andre’s cranium, splitting it with a shot. The blow sends Jordan spiraling into the ropes and then spilling over them. He holds onto the top cable with both hands though.

10, 9, 8, 7….

One of those hands is broken away from the cable though thanks to a shot from the chair in Mark’s hand. His grip is released….with ONE hand, the other still griping the rope for everything that he is worth.

Dollar: Jordan on the brink….he’s been in there since number two….

Susie: How much longer can he hang in there?

Dollar: Literally at this point.

The chair pulls back again, O’Brian about to bring it down over the knuckles of Andre, the one set of knuckles still clinging to the ropes. That DOESN’T happen, thanks to the intervention of Knight. He grabs the shoulder of Mark and spins him around just as O’Brian gets the chair up and into position. Just then the cricket bat is swung right into the steel, smashing chair against face and knocking Mark back into the ropes.

Marie balls up her fist and prepares to swing it into the jaw of Knight only to hear a screech from the exterior of the ring.

Frankie: Don’t you DARE!

A screeching Paradise remains at ringside, making sure his investment pays off. A disgruntled Marie pulls back her fist and then leaps into the air, connecting with a spinning back heel kick to the chair in front of Mark’s face, sending him flipping up and over the cables before ultimately spilling across the mats.

Dollar: Marie Jones wanted to go after Knight, but instead she eliminated Mark O’Brian.

Susie That’s what you get for helping Marie….Mark.

Dollar: He’s obviously not the brightest bulb in fixture.

Mark collects himself on the mats, holding his knotted forehead.

…2, 1…BUUUUZZZ!!

“Ring… around… the ro…sie…
Pocket… full… of po… sies
Ash-es… Ash-es…
We all… fall… down…”

Dollar: Ba’al finally about to enter the Rumble at a very advantageous point.

All eyes shift to the entry way in anticipation of Ba’al’s arrival, including Katelyn, who steps away from what she was doing to prepare for the arrival of the macabre and maniacal Prince of Sin.

STATIC

Ba’al: Bravo….bravo….

The Cartel-tron flashes to life with images straight from the den of depravity, the burrow of barbarity….got to love alliteration…and focuses entirely on the man who has cast the spotlight of morality upon the roster.

Ba’al: What a ‘gutsy’ performance young Buehler….and if I were inclined to wear hats, I would tip one in your direction, Legion….Oh yes, and Mr. Whitman….

Clarence looks up from the turnbuckle he’s wrapped around, looking horrified at the mention of his name.

Ba’al: ….kudos to you for managing to somehow go without being eliminated faster than the Warlord. Yes, much respect is deserved by all who have been bludgeoning and brutalizing one another in this demented display.

Suddenly Ba’al scoffs at the notion and gives a judgmental shaking of his head.

Ba’al: I’m sorry, but no….no you are NOT deserving of any special recognition…not a single one of you. For tonight you battle to satiate your greed and avarice. Look at what violent lengths you’re rapacity has driven you to….Did you not behold the blood on the face of that pernicious Lad? Do you not see the hematomas forming on the flesh of Alana Starr, or the puss oozing wounds that liter the physique of Andre Jordan?

A groan followed by a grimace.

Ba’al: You are all maiming and massacring one another in pursuit of what….a Championship? An opportunity to stand beneath the spotlight at this overhyped spectacle known as Invictus? Oh how misguided….oh how deluded.

The Prince of Sin protrudes his lower lip and makes puppy dog eyes.

Ba’al: But I do not share in this fallacy. The Prince of Sin chooses to abstain from participation in this embodiment of sin….

Katelyn doesn’t want to watch, and she damn sure doesn’t want to listen as Ba’al continues to verbally berate her participation in this bout. Legion, in spite of being bludgeoned with so many shots from the cane, steps forth and drives his fists into the faces of Harrison and Mika, driving them back. And although his attention should be on victimizing the Blacklist, they are instead focused on the ramblings of Ba’al. As have all sets of eyes, including SPIDER, who has climbed to the mid-way point of Ladder, and now watches after trying to squeeze a water bottle between its rungs to make sure its well hydrated.

Ba’al: My intentions have been well documented since the day I set foot in…..

Suddenly SPIDER finds himself being led away from Ladder, charged across the ring mounted upon the shoulders of Ba’al and then being thrown via a running powerbomb into the turnbuckle.

Dollar: it’s a set-up!

Susie: How is Ba’al in two places at once? If they touch will they turn into a Ron Silver-esque goo pile?

Dollar: That footage obviously pre-recorded, but I don’t think anyone has taken notice.

Susie: I think SPIDER has.

The powerbomb upon the corner leaves SPIDER aching, or at least it would if he hadn’t indulged in some pre-match narcotics.

Ba’al: Has no one learned? Title ambitions, increased pay-grades, and spotlight mongering are not what compel me. It is a pursuit….a pursuit for righteousness….

Dollar: And Ba’al continues to play off his distraction.

Ba’al: There are no righteous souls who remain on this roster. This federation is truly a bastion of impropriety….

With Ladder loaded on his shoulder, Ba’al now rushes up behind Legion and cracks him in the back of the skull, the blow knocking him up and OVER the cables, yet somehow the N.H.B Champ manages to hold onto the top rope.

Katelyn suddenly realizes what’s happening….but it’s too late for her to do anything about it, she gets caught around the neck and driven into the canvas via the Totalis. Ba’al then rushes to his feet and before Lucas has an opportunity to catch wind of what’s going on, he gets dumped on the back of his skull via the Totalis as well.

Ba’al You all….each of you….you lack vision…you lack principles….

Dollar: Ba’al set this into motion PERFECTLY! And now he’s taking out ALL of the biggest threats in this match.

Ba’al slides his hands into his pocket, grabbing a gavel. He rushes up behind Desolation and cracks him over the skull with it. Just as Kingdom turns around he finds his jaw smashed with the gavel that sends him spiraling through the ropes and to the apron. TPKid soon finds himself victimized as well, given a fatal strike from the gavel right on the temple, a concussing blow. And Andre, in spite of his multiple injuries, manages to crawl back into the ring where he’s struck several times with the gavel.

Ba’al: You have failed this federation…you have failed this industry….and now that the judgment has been rendered….

10, 9, 8, 7….

Marie who had her hands preoccupied with Amanda, is spun around and drilled in the face with the gavel. Blayze then steps out of the corner and has the gavel swung into her ribs as well, and the weapon ends up coming down across the back of her cranium as well for equal measure.

Ba’al:…the convicted shall be mercilessly prosecuted….

The footage cuts as Ba’al steps to the center of the ring with EVERYONE laid out beneath him. He tosses the gavel into the air, flipping it over and catching it in his palm.

Ba’al: All in a hard day’s work.

Eyes are cast over the pile of bodies strewn across the canvas. The purveyor of justice has managed to thwart the ambitions of many….save for two….Mika Kozlov and Aaron Harrison, canes in hand step up behind the Prince of Sin. Ba’al doesn’t even turn to acknowledge them.

Ba’al: Go….play.

That same sneer returns to Aaron’s face as he rushes up behind a crawling Alana and cracks her over the back with a cane. Mika then rushes across the ring and kicks the crawling Buehler as hard as she can to the ribcage. Another swift blow is delivered by Harrison, this time to the spinal column of Blayze.

Dollar: And now the Blacklist is feasting upon the carrion.

Susie: I hope it tastes better than it sounds.

Ba’al sits Indian style in the middle of the ring as Harrison and Kozlov continue to deliver blows to absolutely anything they see squirming.

…3, 2….

Dollar: Ba’al has managed to lay out everyone in the Rumble while they were watching that footage on the screen….Except for our final entrant.

Susie: Good lord, you mean to tell me we’ve finally…FINALLY come to the end of this madness!?!

Dollar: Yes….and God what an exhausting effort this has been.

….1….BUUUUZZZ!

Susie: I feel such pity for whomever is about to step into this Rumble to battle THESE odds.

Dollar: The Blacklist and Ba’al waiting on the arrival of our final entrant…who was scheduled to be Brittany Lohan…but for some reason, known only to Lohan, she isn’t here tonight.

Susie: So who is it going to be? Who….who…..WHO!?!

The anticipation builds, and builds, and builds, Frankie Paradise, still at ringside watches…Taylor Chase watches….and every eye in attendance is fixed upon the entrance tunnel….just as “BLACK ROSE” filters through the speakers and those watching eyes almost pop from skulls at the sight of Rose Savior. The first World Champion in IWC’s rebirth emerges to the stage and gets a reaction that bursts ear drums and shakes the walls of the Amway Center.

Dollar: WHAT….THE….FUCK!?!

Susie: R….R….Ros….

Another swift slap to the back of the head.

Susie: Rose Savior….it’s…it’s Rose SAVIOR!

Dollar: We haven’t seen her in weeks, not since she and Christian left the IWC after Upping the Ante.

There is a methodical gait to Rose’s step, slowly descending down the ramp and briefly turning eyes to Taylor Chase. The Scarlet Socialite glares right back at the Queen of Thorns.

Dollar So much history between these two…Rose Savior AND Taylor Chase.

Susie: It was Taylor who defeated Rose for the title….And it was the Blacklist presently in the ring who were instrumental in the title changing hands.

The tension in the air is undeniably thick…as will be the blood that gushes from the faces of the Blacklist once Rose is through with them. Even with her eyes still on Taylor, Rose rushes down the ramp, slides into the ring and instantly stands stiff as a board as she comes face to face with the trio in the ring. Ba’al remains seated, tilting his head and watching Rose glare back at the Blacklist standing over his shoulders. Harrison and Mika wave towards Rose, and then the New Breed comes out swinging.

The cane in his hands almost connects with Rose’s head before she ducks down into a forward roll and then leaps right out of it into an unexpected spear to Mika’s ribcage. Kozlov is taken down hard and Rose is kipping back to her feet…just in time to avoid another shot from the cane. The attempted blow sends Harrison spinning completely around to face Rose’s back only to find himself caught around the neck and hit with the Black Rose.

The diamond cutter sends Aaron flipping over to his spine while a vengeful Rose races to her feet. Ba’al finally is compelled to act, rushing in with an attempt to slam the gavel against Savior’s face, but this time she bends back into a near matrix style pose.

Ba’al’s momentum causes him to spin completely around just as Rose stands up straight, catches the Prince of Sin around the neck and goes for the cutter. But Ba’al shoves her off, sending her spiraling to the center of the ring.

Rose then looks to close the gap between them, charging towards her adversary….

Just as she is about to take out the Coalition once and for all, Ba’al manages to leap frog her. Savior races under him as Ba’al comes down on his feet just in time to be cracked in the face with the KTFO.

Buehler nails every bit of the roaring elbow that rattles Ba’al’s brain and sends him twisting around into the Black Rose by Savior.

Dollar: Roaring elbow followed by the cutter!

Susie: Retribution against Ba’al achieved.

The fans are at an absolute fevered pitch at this point as Rose stands up and finds herself staring right into Katelyn’s fatigued features. Instead of two of Taylor’s most ardent adversaries coming to blows, they turn just in time to thwart being felled by Alana and Andre.

Dollar: No more entrants in the Rumble tonight….meaning one of the many…MANY individuals in the ring will be going to the main event at Invictus.

Susie: Hope its Ladder…imagine how awesome it would be for Ladder to win the Rumble. Taylor Chase versus Ladder, it just reeks of appeal.

Frankie watches wide eyed as Rose continues to jack the jaw of Starr with right hands. Andre manages to get the best of Buehler though, launching a knee right into her ribcage and then spinning around into a back elbow on her cheek.

A fight between Amanda and Marie knocks Jones back into Red Dalek, almost tipping it over. That’s when SPIDER rushes in, trying to saves….Jones.

SPIDER: BACK away from him….you do NOT want to tangle with this thing. He’s very tempermental.

TPKid works his way back up, shaking off the effects of the gavel shots and finding his way back to the baseball bat. It works its way into his clutches, and now all that is left to do is to find a victim. Instead he’s the one about to be victimized though as Gavin Taylor slides into the ring behind him and grabs Kid’s tag team title belt OFF of the canvas.

Dollar: Gavin coming back out here to steal the Tag Title belt that TPKid stole from Porno Lad first.

Susie: If one more title belt gets stolen around here I swear I’m gonna vomit.

Gavin has got what he’s come for….standing up with the title belt drawn in close to his bosom, swinging from side to side with it wedged to his heart. His eyes then cut to the back of TPKid’s head, presenting him with an opportunity he cannot pass up.

The gold extends between his palms as Taylor looks to rehash past traumas, rushing in behind Kid and swinging the belt directly at his skull in the same manner he bludgeoned the trailer park denizen at the End of the Year Special.

The belt looks to bash in Kid’s skull…which is kind of hard to manage when your adversary is ducking out of the way. The gold swings over Kid’s head and the botched attempt sends Gavin staggering right into the waiting shoulder of Jordan. Andre scoops him up, turns and slams him down via the sit-out spinebuster.

Dollar: Taylor tried to take out TPKid AGAIN, just like he did at the End of the Year Special, but it was scouted this time.

A smirk forms on Andre’s face as he watches Gavin squirm out of the ring writhing in agony. That smirk is mirrored by TPKid, who can’t help but to rub salt in the wounds. He leans over the ropes shouting at Gavin just as Andre looks down and spots the Tag Team strap lying on the canvas. He then picks up the title and rushes across the ring, slamming it into the back of Kid’s head and sending him flipping up and over the cables. He drops down on the apron, somehow catching the top rope and using it to pull himself up.

He just begins to shake off the shot with the gold when Gavin grabs him by the ankle and drags him down off the apron to the outside mats.

Dollar: Dammit..Gavin has managed to do it again…he just caused TPKid to be eliminated.

Susie: Just like at the End of the Year Special, TPKid eliminates Gavin, but Taylor comes right back to make sure TPKid gets eliminated as well.

Mere moments after hitting the mats, TPKid is on his feet and swinging, fists basting the skull of Gavin, who returns with shots of his own.

Inside of the ring the action is just as stellar.

Marie cracks SPIDER’S jaw with several forearms, taking offense to him so much as putting a finger on her. He falls back against the ropes and now Jones comes rushing in with a big lariat that is ducked….thanks in large part to a metallic hook extending from Red Dalek, wrapping around SPIDER’S ankle and pulling his feet out from under him.

As a result SPIDER collapses to his back and continues to pull down on the ropes, causing Jones to go tumbling right over them to the outside…APRON. Somehow Marie manages to grab the top rope and prevent her collapse to the exterior of the ring. SPIDER then works his way up to his feet just as Amanda comes charging in with the spear aimed at his ribs.

Suddenly a bar extends from the side of Red Dalek, wedging to SPIDER’S hip with enough force to shove him out of the way. As a result Amanda goes flying past her intended victim and then through the ropes, twisting as she comes down on the mats.

The spear might have missed but Amanda isn’t about to let this derail her momentum. She thinks on her feet, improvising by rushing in underneath of a now standing Marie, reaching up, taking her around the waist and setting up for a powerbomb off the apron that would put her down on the mats. But Jones is holding strong to the top rope, wrapping her arms around it as tightly as she possibly can.

Dollar: Amanda so close….so close to putting Marie out of this Rumble.

Susie: Both of these ladies have held tough for a long time….but exhaustion takes its toll eventually.

Marie is fading but her World Title ambitions triumph over her exhaustion. She lifts her fist and begins to drive it down repeatedly into Amanda’s face, over and over again. Then she manages to slap the hands away from her hips, take Blayze’s wrist, and put a foot to her chest. The wrists are yanked, lifting up on Amanda enough so that she can be driven back down into the apron with a version of the inverted curb stomp.

She then spots SPIDER in the ring, prompting her to leap into the air, still holding the top rope while twisting her body and landing on his shoulders. She lets go of the ropes, twists down to the canvas and sends SPIDER flying through the ropes via a head scissors. He twists into an unintentional crossbody across the chest of Blayze, putting the two down to the mats.

Rose and Alana are still trading shots until Starr manages to get hold of Savior’s wrist, whipping her into the ropes. Savior ricochets off the cables and comes back into a big spear that Starr somehow side-steps, pushing her along right into the waiting hand of Legion. The behemoth catches her around the cranium and begins to squeeze with the Five Finger Crawl. Ba’al then rushes in swinging the gavel at his skull only to have Legion reach out and slap a hand around his throat. He is strangling the life out of the Price of Sin’s body, the gavel dropping it out of his palm.

The weapon is quickly picked up, finding its way into Starr’s clutches. She then picks up something else…where Ba’al left off. She rushes into a devastating big boot to the face that puts her on her back. Legion then wedges a foot to the throat of Starr, putting his body weight on top of her neck.

Dollar: Look at this. Legion has got THREE submission holds locked in simultaneously.

Susie: Not that submission count….but this is no the less awesome.

SPIDER Is back in the match with towel in hand, swinging it towards Ladder, trying to fan it off. In the process Pat sneaks in behind him, hooks his arm and heaves him up as the crowd goes nuts in anticipation of the Spinal Tap. But somehow SPIDER manages to swing around the recovered Evans, landing on his feet behind him just as Kingdom swoops in and takes him about the waist, snapping back into the German suplex.

To the surprise of everyone, SPIDER manages to flip over backwards, landing on his feet instead of the back of his neck. He swings his arms to remain upright just as Desolation swoops in towards the now laid out Kingdom, catches him around the legs, wraps them around his own, turns him to his stomach and then pulls up on his wrists, delivering the curb stomp.

All the while SPIDER is staggering back into the arms of Marie, who steps in and catches him by the wrist. She nails him with a knee to the ribs, doubles him over, puts a leg across the back of his neck and sets up for the Vindicator. She pushes forward into the move only to have SPIDER shockingly twist out of it and cause Jones to stagger into the waiting arms of Desolation. The Dark Man scoops her up and then drops her down via a Michinoku Driver right across the ribcage of a laid out Kingdom.

SPIDER then staggers backwards and falls into the waiting arms of Romeo. Damascus spins him around and then leaps into the air, going for a version of the downward spiral that Simon Cagero made famous. Only he’s shoved off at the last second and sent twisting in mid-air into the waiting shoulder of Desolation, who catches him, twists him and drives him down to the canvas via the spinebuster.

SPIDER looks proud of himself that he’s managed to be largely untouchable thus far before he steps back and finds himself tripped by Ladder. He then twists into the ropes, falls against them and almost goes over.

Evans helps out, by rushing across the ring, grabbing the shins of SPIDER and pushing him the rest of the way over. SPIDER collapses to the mats amidst squeals from the audience.

Susie: SPIDER….no….Ladder betrayed him.

Dollar: Are you HIGH? All SPIDER did was trip over the blasted Ladder, then Evans swooped in and helped eliminate him.

Susie: Don’t undersell the magnitude of Ladder’s betrayal.

The Dark Man struggles to his feet just as Aaron steps in and cracks him directly in the skull with the kindo-stick. The shot knocks Desolation across the ring, but he catches himself just before he can go down to the ring. The New Breed rushes in behind him to deliver another fatal blow on Desolation, who turns just in time to catch him with a drop toe hold.

Harrison collapses onto his face and Desolation is standing up behind him, hooking the legs around his own. He pulls up on the wrists and goes for the Curb Stomp. Just then Mika steps in beside him, grabs his wrist, lifts up on it and delivers the Heart Punch directly to his sternum.

The swift strike causes Desolation to double over, reaching for his caved in sternum. Mika then grabs the Dark Man by the wrist and whips him directly towards Marie and Johnny, both individuals compelled to their feet with the aid of the ropes. They turn just in time to catch Desolation under his arms and hip toss him over the ropes to the exterior of the ring. There is nothing Desolation can do to keep from flipping and landing feet first on the floor.

Susie: Dammit…the Rumble just keeps striping away at my reason to live.

Dollar: And now Desolation is gone….The herd beginning to thin.

Susie: And Kingdom has managed to eliminate BOTH Hellkat AND Desolation….

Dollar: Albeit with some help.

Legion continues to exact punishment on all three of his opponents only to have Starr swing the gavel into his ankle. The boot is broken away from Alana’s carotid, causing him to hobble. Then the hand that is gripping Ba’al’s throat releases its grip thanks to the cane being swung into his forearm by Harrison.

Legion doubles over clutching at his arm just as Rose manages to leap into the air, and uses the Von Erich Claw to drag the NHB Champion down into the Code Breaker.

Legion stands up straight, swinging arms just as Rose rolls back across the ring and Amanda slides in at her side. The two ladies barrel across the ring and deliver simultaneous spears to Legion’s ribs, finally taking him down to the canvas.

Alana then swoops in behind Blayze and grabs her hair, charging her at the ropes. At the same time Katelyn is charging up behind Rose, grabbing a handful of her hair and rushing her along into the cables. Both ladies are about to be thrown over…before they plant their feet duck down and shove Starr and Katelyn towards the cables. The two ladies bounce off the ropes and then come back in at the former World Champion and the mixed martial artist.

Katelyn stops just short of Rose, drilling her in the face with a kick while Starr halts shy of Blayze, delivering a knee to her chin.

These strikes send their opponents down to the canvas and themselves turning to face one another. Almost immediately Katelyn swings around into ANOTHER KTFO but Starr manages to avoid it by ducking, the catching the crease of Buehler’s inbound elbow and then pushing back. Katelyn ends up with her spine face Alana, who charges her along into the cables.

Katelyn spills over but turns just in time to catch Alana by the wrist, dragging her down as well. Starr and Buehler end up collapsing onto the apron before struggling to their feet.

Buehler then lunges into the air, catches Alana by the neck and goes for the KBO..but the cutter is avoided, Starr pushing her off, sending her charging across the apron face first into a shot from the gavel.

Ba’al drills Katelyn to the side of the head with the weapon, knocking her out and sending her twisting to outside mats. She ends up landing….not on the mats….but on the arms of HURSE.

Dollar: We’ve seen several people come back out here to eliminate their rivals…but Hurse has returned to ringside to HELP Buehler.

Hurse holds Katelyn across his arms while staggering back across the mats. She begins to regain her senses, looking up into the eyes….eye of the man who caught her just before she could be eliminated.

Hurse: A little help goes a long way, Kate. I told you we’d be there for you.

Though she’s striped herself of any alliance to Porno Lad, she cannot shake her affiliation with Hurse. At that moment Alana is trying to get back into the ring, sliding through the ropes just as Harrison steps in out of nowhere and delivers a mafia kick to her cheek. The number one entrant spills to the outside mats……or more accurately into the arms of Jordan.

Andre rolled under the ropes and under Alana just in time to catch her.

Andre: I gotcha babe…you ain’t going nowhere.

Andre turns to face Hurse, and sees Katelyn in his arms.

Hurse turns ot face Andre, and sees Alana in her arms.

The two have the same thought, throwing kicks at one another in order to force them to drop the bundles in their arms. Katelyn tries to help, pushing herself up and onto Hurse’s shoulders, seated in an electric chair drop position. Alana does the same, only on Andre’s shoulders. The two them begin to throw punches and chops at one another while straddling the shoulders of the men instrumental in keeping them from being eliminated.

Dollar: This is just nuts!

Susie: The only thing keeping Alana and Katelyn alive is the piggy back rides their given by Hurse and Jordan.

Alana manages to catch Buehler with a forearm that sends her ALMOST collapsing from Hurse’s shoulders. But he manages to turn her around into a powerbomb position. He then scrambles towards the ring before he loses his footing and actually throws her through the ropes back into the ring.

Andre tries to do the same, precariously balancing Alana upon his shoulders and carrying her to the squared circle.

Dollar: Looks like Alana AND Katelyn are amazingly going to remain in the Rumble. I’m not sure we’ve ever seen anyone stay in the Rumble like that before.

Andre continues to carry Alana towards the ring when a crowbar cracks Jordan in the upper back. He collapses to his knees and tries to hold Starr up, but another shot from a crowbar finally causes him to fall flat on his face with Starr spilling down beside him.

Dollar: NOOO! Alana is gone!

Susie: Kind of hard to support someone when your back is being broken by a crowbar.

Dismay….distress….and depression is exuded by Alana as it finally dawns on her that she’s been eliminated. She is so beside herself that she didn’t even notice the woman who struck Andre down with the crowbar….that woman being the very individual who leaped the barricade to disappear amongst the crowd..This lady wearing a hoody turns back and pulls on the sweatshirt to reveal her diabolical blue eyes.

Dollar: It was Lohan….Brittany WAS here tonight.

Susie: And she was here to make sure that Alana didn’t win the Rumble.

Dollar: Poor Starr, she fought so hard to last this long in the Rumble, still harboring the belief she would get her hands on Lohan….but Brittany prevents that from happening by not competing tonight, and then she goes a step further by costing Starr a potential World Title shot.

Taylor stands up on the stage and glares into the crowd, trying to get a better look at the woman who just assaulted Starr, but Brittany does a job of vanishing amidst the audience and hiding her head under the hoodie.

Dollar: Alana’s dreams CRUSHED here tonight.

Starr sits on her knees despondently glaring at the mats beneath her and showing not an inkling of emotion. She doesn’t even turn to gauge Andre’s condition…..unable to bring herself to even look at the man who is barely breathing at this point thanks to the crowbar shots he withstood.

Inside of the ring Buehler is back on her feet, staring over the ropes at Hurse who gives her a thumbs up. Just as a smirk begns to form on Katelyn’s face, her arm is caught from behind and Evans heaves her into the Spinal Tap.

The full nelson into the back-breaker connects, leaving Buehler spent. She spills to the canvas at the side of an exhausted and hurting Evans, who has taken more than his fair share of bumps in this confrontation.

Kozlov is stooped down in front of a kneeling Legion who has fallen back first against the apron. She wedges a cane to his throat, pushing on it with all his strength in order to choke the life from his body.

Harrison steps through the ropes BEHIND Legion and leans puts the cane against his carotid, leaning back at the same time Mika leans forward. The two use their canes to strangle the masked demon.

Rose takes notice of this and goes to destroy the Blacklist, and in the process save Legion, only to be grabbed by the waistband. Savior is then dragged back, caught under the arm and heaved into the Spinal Tap by Evans.

Savior’s body ricochets from the raised knee and her mangled body goes writhing to the canvas. The man who has victimized her, stands up and turns towards Amanda, who is currently rushing across the ring. She leaps into the air, catches Evans by the neck and snaps back into a DDT, perhaps leading along into the Huntress Trap only to have Evans catch her by the back of her knees. He shoves her up and onto his shoulders into position for the powerbomb…not one of the standard variety either.

He drops down in order to deliver a powerbomb across his raised knee only to have Blayze flips back and land on her feet in front of the kneeling Evans. She then rushes forward, steps off Pat’s raised knee and connects with an enzugari to the back of his skull. Pat is knocked to a crawling base just as Kingdom staggers in, takes him around the neck, heaves him up and dumps him down via the Exodus Finale.

Evans crashes FORCEFULLY into the ring then goes rolling across it into the ropes. The absent minded Evans stumbles to his feet, leaning against the cables just as Amanda steps in and blasts him to the side of the head with a roundhouse kick that sends Evans spilling over the cables to the outside mats.

Dollar: There goes Evans!

>Susie: Awww…it was so great to see him back.

Dollar: He, Desolation, and Hellkat bring back some fond IWC memories, huh?

Susie: Ya betcha.

Dollar: Evans survived A LOT in this match, including a fallaway slam from the top of the turnbuckle onto Ladder, and then a chokeslam off of Ladder onto the entire roster.

Susie: What a performance by Pat tonight.

Frankie waves goodbye to Evans before being grabbed and spun around to face Alana.

Alana: THIS ISN’T OVER! I’m not leaving here tonight until I get Brittany….give ME Lohan.

Frankie TRIES to placate Starr but it isn’t working.

Fatigued combatants liter the ring or find themselves on the cusp of being eliminated. Marie is currently blasting the upper back of Kingdom with forearms while dragging him along into the ropes and trying to throw him over, but Johnny is holding on….holding on tight.

At the same time Amanda is twisting around to face the knife edge chop of Lucas.

Knight then delivers a big kick to her gut, doubling her over. He steps back and delivers a swift punt kick that is caught….caught in the clutches of Blayze. Amanda stands up and manages to swing the boot away from her, causing Lucas to go into a full rotation. He turns back around to face Blayze who leaps into the air for a knee strike…a knee that is caught….caught in the clutches of Knight.

Lucas then pulls her down onto his shoulders and steps towards the ropes, delivering a death valley driver that sends her flipping over the cables….cables that are caught…caught by Amanda.

Amazingly Blayze manages to twist her body and land on the apron. She then turns around just as Lucas does the same and leaps the cables, catching Knight around the neck, twisting him into a full rotation then snapping back into a DDT.

Blayze then rolls over and traps Knight in her patented submission to a piercing, standing ovation.

A flabbergasted Paradise completely ignores Alana at this point and then leaps up onto the apron.

Frankie: Get over there Sophie….help him…HELP Lucas!

Much like Frankie ignores Alana, Jones ignores Frankie, continuing to try and force Kingdom over the ropes.

Frankie: Get over there Marie…get over there NOW!

Jones shakes her head and continues to work over Kingdom.

Frankie: I said NOW!

He rushes across the apron and physically pushes Kingdom back into the ring, then grabs Marie by the shirt.

Frankie: Do as your to….

A slap to the cheek wasn’t what Frankie was asking for, but it was what he deserved. Marie delivers the shot that puts Frankie into a tizzy.

Dollar: Marie just slapped Frankie right in the face, she’s sick of him….she’s tired of being used. Believe me Marie, I know the feeling, it was so gratifying to knock out the person who’s been playing me for weeks.

Susie: All Marie needed was some baby powder on her palm and she would have totally bitch slapped Paradise.

The infuriated Frankie tries to enter the ring at this point, taking off his leather jacket and flinging it down to the mats. He then attempts to slip through the ropes just before his ankle is grabbed and Starr drags him off the apron. Paradise lands on his feet but doesn’t stay on them for long. A tire iron smacks him right in the cheek, Alana now standing over the laid out Paradise with stoic eyes.

Susie: Is she totally out of her gord?

Dollar: Me thinks so.

She slowly bends down over Paradise and growls rather than speaks her words.

Alana: You WILL give me, Brittany….or this little headache will only be the start of your misfortunes.

The cheek shattering shot from the tire iron leaves Frankie glaring into the rafters with glazed eyes. Meanwhile, the first assailant, Marie, turns and gets cracked in the knee with a kendo-stick swung by Mika.

Mika: You don’t ever challenge our Honey-Bunny’s authority.

She then swings the cane right into Marie’s upper back, spilling her across the ring before turning towards Blayze, who keeps the submission locked in on Lucas. She rushes in and swings the cane only to have Amanda leap from the lock on Knight and into the air, hitting the knee strike she was looking for a few moments ago. Yes, her knee connects, right with the cane swung by Kozlov.

Amanda then twists to the canvas, grabbing at her leg and grimacing in pain. After delivering the strike, Kozlov turns towards Taylor on the stage and points the weapon at her.

Mika: You’ll suffer the same fate, Malishka.

Her running mouth goes still when Romeo steps in out of nowhere, catches her around the neck and drags her face into the canvas via the downward spiral. Romeo then rolls to the center of the ring and just gets to a knee before a 2×4 smacks him in the back of his head, swung by a stumbling Marie.

Jones then uses the 2×4 as a crutch to hold herself up….which might not be the smartest move considering it leaves her exposed to the Totalis. Ba’al leaps right in behind her, catches her around the neck then snaps back into the zig-zag only to have Marie manage to push him off at the last second.

Ba’al hits the canvas then rolls over backwards to his feet just as Lucas swoops in from behind, catches him, heaves him up and drops him down via the Monarchy Rules.

The reaction is thunderous in response to this big move from Lucas delivered fittingly upon the sadistic Prince of Sin.

Marie turns around with the board in hand and draws it back over her head, about to bring it down on Lucas only to have Amanda reach out and grab Jones’ ankle, lifting it into the air. As a result Marie collapses to her stomach with Blayze standing up behind her, trying to lock on a submission hold.

She rolls Jones to her back and begins to step through the outstretched legs, perhaps going for the sharpshooter only to have Marie sit up and bash her right on top of the skull with the 2×4.

Blayze staggers back into the waiting arms of Lucas, who bends her over backwards and spins around into a cutter. Amanda’s skull ricochets from the canvas with such force that it pops her back up to her feet just as Jones rushes in and nails her to the throat with the board, sending her flipping over the ropes.

Dollar: It took a tremendous amount of punishment, but Amanda undone.

Susie: What an effort from Blayze here tonight, who was instrumental behind the elimination of several athletes tonight…..including Cassidy Haze.

There is no time to celebrate because Marie is caught by the hair, dragged back, hit with a punch to the kidneys and then put into position for that spinning cutter once again. However, Marie lifts her feet, wedges them to the middle rope and pushes off, back flipping over top of Lucas’ shoulder. She lands on her feet behind Knight and then waits for him to spin around…Just as he does a kick is given to his ribs, doubling him over and then a leg is draped across the back of his neck.

Dollar: Marie about to take out another one with the Vindicator…an SCW legend no less.

She is just about to spin through and hit the move only to have a cane connect with her upper back. Mika nails her with the shot and causes Jones to stoop over before being dragged into the shoulders of Lucas. Knight stands up and delivers a death valley driver that sends Jones flipping over the top rope and ultimately crashing down to the mats.

Susie: Wow….people going out left and right at this point.

Dollar: Indeed, Marie Jones finally vanquished after taking that shot from the kendo-stick followed by a DVD to the outside.

Susie: There went one of my favorites.

Dollar: Who was your overall favorite?

Susie: Bob.

Dollar: Of course.

Susie: Now I’m going with Ladder all the way.

Lucas turns around and manages to avoid being stricken with the cane. He ducks down and drives the top of his head into Kozlov’s ribs, staggering her back. He then turns just as Rose barrels into him, in the process revealing her weapon of choice, sliding a taser out of her pocket.

Dollar: Rose coming at Lucas with a….with a….taser!

Just before Rose can use the weapon that has been rather synonymous with the Blacklist in the past, she side steps the electrified barbs, catches her by the back of the head and throws her through the ropes. Rose comes down on her feet while Lucas moves across his, spiraling into the Lou Thez Press by Buehler.

Lucas collapses onto his back as Katelyn lands on top, unloading with left hand after left hand to his face. She only stops unloading on Lucas long enough to get her cast up to defend herself from the gavel being swung by Ba’al. It drills her right in the hand, causing her to scream out in agony.

Ba’al then watches as Buehler rolls across the canvas, cradling her arm to her stomach. Ba’al then lifts his weapon into the air and drives it down into Lucas’ face. Somehow Knight manages to roll out of the way just in time though, causing Ba’al to stoop forward and hit the gavel off the canvas. At the same time Kingdom swoops in at Ba’al’s side, catches him by the arm and forces him down to the ring, applying the Lesson in Leadership.

Dollar: Kingdom’s got him…Kingdom’s got Ba’al in the Lesson in Leadership.

Kingdom exerts as much pressure as he can on the hold until he spots a cane being swung at his face by Harrison. Johnny rolls out of the way and the cane comes down into Ba’al’s outstretched arm as a result.

The Prince of Sin cradles his arm across his stomach while Johnny gets back to his feet and is about to cradle something else. Harrison swoops in and swings the cane at Johnny’s head only to have Kingdom side step it and catch Aaron’s arm, CRADLING it against his stomach. He is just about to bring him down into the crossface when Lucas Knight steps in and throws a steel chair right into Kingdom’s face.

The steel bounces forcefully off of Johnny’s face and sends him staggering back yet SOMEHOW remaining on his feet. Just then Romeo comes barreling across the ring, stepping off the back of a crawling Ba’al and launching himself into a hurricarana. He lands on top of Johnny’s shoulders, and turns, falling back against the ropes and then flipping Kingdom to the outside.

Yet somehow Johnny manages to grab the top rope as he goes over, landing on his knee. He then stands up and turns towards Damascus, drilling him to the cheek with a back elbow. Focus shifts to the inbound Harrison, prompting Johnny to grab the top rope and pull himself over, about to spring into the ring only to be drilled to the temple with a superkick….a superkick delivered by Lucas while Kingdom was in mid-air.

The kick sends Kingdom spiraling down to the mats, eliminating him.

Dollar: Johnny getting back what he dished out so many times throughout this match.

Susie: And it just toppled a legend.

Dollar: One legend eliminated by another.

Susie: Great performance by Kingdom tonight.

Dollar: Man hasn’t missed a step in the ring.

Susie: We will miss you, Johnny.

Someone else about to be missed is Romeo, who stands up straight just as Lucas rushes the length of the ropes with his arms outstretched, going for a clothesline. But Romeo catches the inbound arm, hooking it, leaping the top rope, stretching his legs out over the upper back of Knight and then dragging him down to the canvas with a crucifix bomb.

Knight slams off the back of his head while Romeo is getting to his feet, back aimed towards Harrison.

Aaron grabs Romeo by the waistband, spins him around, hooks both of his arms and heaves him up into the double arm piledriver.

Dollar: High impact moves connecting left and right.

Susie: Surprised any of these competitors have anything left to hit these moves.

After dumping Romeo right on his skull, Harrison rolls to the center of the ring, standing up right alongside both Mika and Ba’al. The three then stare across the ring at a recovered Buehler and Legion, who has finally overcome the multiple strikes he just endured from the canes and Ladder.

Susie: And how fitting is this?

Ba’al looks amused as Legion and Buehler go to war against a three on two disadvantage. But perhaps odds can be evened…if the man currently crouching in the corner decides to act as opposed to cower….that man being P Clarence Whitman III.

Dollar: Wait a minute…Whitman is still in there?

Susie: Well he hasn’t exactly done anything memorable, aside from hugging the turnbuckle pretty much this whole time.

Katelyn and Legion turn simultaneously to glare down at Whitman, who reluctantly rises to his feet. The moment he spots the trio he is expected to face off against, the murderous Blacklist and the insidious Ba’al….Whitman’s course of action becomes clear. He turns, throws a leg over the top rope and begins to eliminate himself to a unanimous wave of disgust from the crowd. It goes against his better judgment to fight rather than flee, considering that every time he’s been asked to stand up during this match is has led to his suffrage.

Dollar: And he’s doing it AGAIN!

Susie: He’s eliminating himself?

Dollar: Just like at the End of the Year Special, Whitman is tucking tail and leaving rather than fighting the Blacklist and Ba’al.

Whitman is almost over the ropes when he hears a familiar phrase.

Buehler: Spineless coward.

Frozen…Whitman overcome with a bout of paralysis when he was already half way out of the ring. He suddenly drawls his leg BACK into the ring, suffering from that little problem known as a conscious. Not only does he re-enter the Rumble, but he steps right up beside Legion and Buehler.

Dollar: Whitman isn’t going anywhere!

Susie: He’s finally taking a stand.

Dollar: And here we have the very two athletes who ran from Legion all those months ago standing beside him to face down the embodiment of fear, Ba’al, and the Blacklist.

Whitman takes notice of the gavel in Ba’al’s hand, and the kendo-sticks in both Harrison’s and Mika’s. He then reaches down and picks up a chair to counter-balance this, while Buehler snatches up a steel pipe. They step forward to fight only for Whitman to hesitate….not of crippling fear…but from his acknowledgment of Legion’s empty hands.

Whitman: Erm…where’s your weapon?

Instead of offering a verbal response, Legion answers physically, picking Whitman up and throwing him into their rivals. Kozlov, Harrison and Ba’al go down to the canvas with Whitman landing on top. Legion instantly rushes across the ring and grabs Harrison by the bangs, dragging him to his knees and subjecting him to roundhouse kicks to the chest. At the same time Kozlov is scrambling after the annoyance that is Whitman, who is fleeing in terror.

Ba’al slowly turns to his stomach, feeling the effects of this match. He begins to stand up when he finds his hand pressed down to the canvas by Katelyn’s boot. From the boot his eyes shoot to the face of Katelyn, who is twirling a gavel around her one good hand.

Dollar: Katelyn on the verge of getting revenge.

Susie: Vindication for Katelyn.

Buehler swings the gavel down into Ba’al’s knuckles, resulting in a loud chuckle from the Prince of Sin, who tries to laugh through the pulsing pain. He rolls across the ring holding his possible fractured knuckles while Katelyn points and shouts at him.

Buehler: I said NO ONE is standing between me and my perfect Invictus.

The laughter continues as Ba’al raises his crooked finger into the air before snapping it back in place. Whitman continues to scramble around and around the ring with Mika following before he suddenly ducks when reaching Legion, whose boot travels over his head right into Kozlov’s face, knocking her down to the canvas.

Andre now rolls back into the ring, whole body drained and tensed with pain, having been in there for the duration of this Rumble.

Dollar: Somehow Jordan is willing himself back into this match.

Susie: I don’t see how, the guy has been beaten from pillar to post tonight.

At the same time Rose is sliding back into the ring, refusing to be forgotten as she brings a different weapon into play…another weapon associated with the Blacklist. She has a bottle of liquor in one hand and a lighter in the other…..both conveniently placed beneath the ring right where Rose knew where to find them.

Dollar: Ohhhhh shit.

Susie: We might just see someone burn here tonight.

Dollar: Mika claimed it would be Taylor who burns when they face off on Riot!, but it looks like Kozlov is gonna be the one set ablaze.

She approaches the down Kozlov and begins to pour liquor on her body.

Dollar: Rose Savior is going to burn Mika alive like the Blacklist has done to so many others.

Just as Rose pulls the lighter up about to flick the flint Lucas grabs her by the wrist, pulling her around and then dragging her forward into the lariat. Rose ducks it though and then waits for Knight to turn. The moment he spins around Rose is leaping into the air for the Black Rose, but Knight wedges hands to her spine and shoves her off, sending her charging towards Andre, who steps forward and catches her against his shoulder. He heaves her up into the air for the sit-out spinebuster but Savior slips around his shoulder and lands behind his back.

Andre then spins around and has the liquor bottle shattered over his skull.

Dollar: Ohhhh….Andre busted in the head with the bottle.

Susie: Nothing will strand between Rose and the World Title…nothing.

Mika grabs the lighter that Savior dropped, not letting anyone get hold of it considering she’s currently doused in alcohol. Rose side steps Andre, drags him along to the ropes and throws him over. She turns her back, thinking he’s been eliminated, not even realizing that he’s grabbed the top cable in the process. He now hangs over the ropes with the crowd erupting.

Dollar: And yet Andre is STILL alive.

Andre stands up with his head gushing blood and then gets subjected to a swift thrust kick by Savior, finally knocking him to the outside. The crowd bemoans Andre’s elim….WAIT….he landed on top of the popcorn bags at ringside that Mr. Hush was using as a weapon. His feet are raised in the air with his back wedged to said trash-bags, meaning he never hit the floor.

Dollar: UNREAL!

Susie: Andre is still STILL alive.

Suddenly Rose takes off across the ring and drills Lucas to the shin with a basement dropkick. At the same time Romeo is crawling back into the squared circle just as a recovered Harrison moves in and delivers a swift boot to his ribs, flipping him over to his back.

Legion and Buehler now have hold of Ba’al, trying to push him backwards over the ropes, yet he hooks the cable with his arms and refuses to be tossed.

Harrison spots a weapon introduced earlier into this match, the railroad spike. He picks up Hurse’s weapon and…you guessed it….sneers. He pulls back the weapon as Romeo gets to a knee in front of him. He is just about to use the weapon to do unspeakable things when a chair rams into his upper back….a chair swung by P. Clarence Whitman III….of all people.

The shot does little damage, annoying Harrison more than anything else. He turns and gives a condemning shake of his head while Clarence BEGS for mercy. He drops the chair and begins to back away from Harrison, pleading his case, but the judgment has already been made.

Aaron’s attention drifts from the whimpering Whitman to the plight of his love….Mika is grabbed by the ankle, dragged beneath the ropes and sent crashing to the floor, right at the feet of the Icon. Orlando glares down at the laid out Kozlov and then reaches down, taking the lighter right out of her palm.

Dollar: Oh wait a minute, come on now Cruze, don’t stoop to this level.

Susie: Orlando is out here and his issues with Harrison have been so well documented.

Dollar: These two have been on a campaign to destroy each other since the IWC reopened its doors….but it looks like Mika has been caught in the cross-fire…no pun intended.

The lighter is flicked and the flame is produced….a small flame that might turn into a bonfire should it drop on the alcohol drenched attire clinging to Mika. Orlando turns his gaze towards Taylor, who looks conflicted, and then Harrison, who looks uncharacteristically enraged. Harrison approaches the cables, shouting over them at Orlando who is presently lowering the lighter towards Mika to a hailstorm of screams from the fans.

Suddenly Shaun rushes in behind his brother though, and takes the lighter out of his hand before shoving him forward into the steel steps. Orlando’s knees bounce off as his body goes flipping oer the stairs and crashing across the mats.

Dollar: Shaun Cruze has just attacked his flesh and blood.

Susie: These two seriously need a family therapist…same for Mika and Taylor.

Dollar: Yeah, might need one big group therapy session.

The Icon is strewn across the mats and now his brother turns with lighter raised above is head.

Shaun: Time to put this in the right hands….Here you go Harrison….

Aaron sighs with relief as he reaches over the cables for the lighter. Unfortunately, the lighter is just out of his reach, prompting Harrison to stretch even further. Just then Whitman rushes up behind Harrison, grabs him by the legs and then heaves them into the air. Harrison goes spilling right over the cables and crashes to the outside mats.

Dollar: AHHHH!

Susie: Harrison was reaching out for the lighter….but he couldn’t get to it….and Whitman….that’s right…P Clarence Whitman of all people eliminates him.

Dollar: Aaron is out..he’s gone from the Rumble.

Clarence is going airborne, celebrating his SHOCKING elimination of Harrison, and the crowd joices alongside him. Aaron looks up into the face of Mika, who is being aided to her feet by Cruze. Shaun quickly hands the lighter to Aaron, who grips it to the point that friction welts start to form in his palm.

Harrison: My Mika….please finish this on my behalf.

Suddenly a steel chair wielding Orlando swings the weapon right into Mika’s back, knocking her down and into Harrison’s lap. Shaun turns around looking furious as Orlando holds him at bay by pulling back on the chair.

Dollar: And the Icon continuing to flip out here at ringside.

Orlando backs up the ramp shouting threats at both Harrison and his brother, sending a message both physically and verbally. Harrison stands up after checking on Mika’s condition then rushes up the ramp with Shaun following, both men in pursuit of the Icon who has now disappeared through the curtains. As they charge by, Taylor steps forth and watches them…conflicted in regards to rather she should go to the back and help Orlando, or stay out here to watch the remainder of the Rumble.

To everyone’s surprise a bloodied Andre has pulled his mangled, exhausted frame into the ring.

Dollar: Look at this, Andre taking advantage of those popcorn bags at ringside to get him back in the Rumble….

Susie: How is he able to move?

Dollar: He has been in this match for OVER an HOUR! And Katelyn Buehler is getting damn close to sixty minutes worth of competition as well.

Lucas closes in on Andre, nailing him repeated stomps to his bloodied face. He even picks up the cricket bat and swings it down into Andre’s body, hitting any section that moves.

Lucas: Bloody hell man….just die already.

Lucas drags Andre by the back of the head to his feet then charges him at the ropes, throwing him over.

Dollar: And Andre is….

Susie: NO! He’s still holding on.

Even though all his muscles have stopped working and his body is no longer capable of feeling, Andre manages to grab the ropes and hang almost lifelessly from them.

Buehler has Ba’al wedges against the ropes, trying to lift him on his legs and eliminate him from this match before she gets an eye full of finger nails. The gouging causes Buehler to turn away, wincing in pain. Ba’al then turns, takes her by the hair, drags her around and tries to throw her over the ropes. She gets about half way over them yet STILL hangs onto the top cable.

At the same time that Buehler finds herself in a life or death struggle with the ropes….Rose has decided to pick a fight with the biggest dog in the yard. Legion has reached a knee just as Savior steps in and cracks his skull with a flapjack. This blow proves ineffective against the N.H.B Champion…therefore Rose drops the flapjack and picks up a steel chair instead, swinging it viciously into Legion’s skull. Yet he still looks un-phased…so now Rose picks up a kendo-stick and swings it with enough force to fracture it in two.

Even with splinters flying Legion still bobs on his knees and does not go down. Just then Romeo charges in, takes the kneeing Legion around the neck then snaps back into a DDT, bringing his skull into the chair stretched across the canvas.

Legion rolls to his back as the chair is then placed across his chest. Romeo turns and approaches the nearest corner, sliding through the ropes, climbing the turnbuckle and getting himself in position just as Whitman comes rushing across the ring to try and take him out. But Damascus flies over top of Whitman, across the ring and into a senton bomb right across the chair and Legion’s chest.

The Black Crusade member convulses as Romeo does the same, aching upon rolling away from his prey. Just then Rose comes flipping off the top rope from another nearby corner, nailing a 450 splash across the chair and driving it against Legion’s ribcage.

Dollar: Rose and Romeo WISELY targeting Legion.

Susie: They’re softening him up for an elimination.

Every muscle and bone in Legion’s body should be destroyed at this point but he is not only still breathing, but he’s TRYING to sit up.

Dollar: No way…NO WAY can Legion just brush off those blows.

He DOES.

Legion defies reality by sitting up on the canvas….and the moment he sits up Ba’al shatters the gavel over his skull. The hammer breaks to pieces and Legion’s body finally goes limp.

An aching Savior gets to her feet, doubled over her ribs when Mika slides in behind her, takes the bangs of her hair and throws the woman who TRIED to burn her over the top rope. But Savior grabs the cable just before she can take a nasty tumble to the mats. She lands on her feet across the apron and then throws a forearm over the cables that served as her salvation, connecting right across Mika’s jaw.

Kozlov then stumbles back into the arms of Knight, who heaves her up and drops to his seat, connecting with the Monarchy Rules.

Dollar: And the Monarchy Rules AGAIN connects, this time on Kozlov.

Mika goes limp as a soaked noodle.

Knight gets to his feet and rushes at Rose, who throws a big fist over the ropes into the cheek of the SCW legend. Knight staggers away from Rose, turning just as Romeo steps in and delivers a thunderous chair shot right over his skull. Knight goes down to the canvas right beside Mika and Romeo bends down, putting his way across the chair, turning it into a crutch.

Katelyn now tries her luck, rushing across the apron that she was pushed onto by Ba’al and diving into the kick aimed at Rose’s face. But Savior catches the boot, shoves it down and then delivers a bionic elbow to the top of her head. Buehler stumbles back just as Ba’al reaches over the cables and grabs her hair. That’s when Katelyn drops to her back, launches her shin, and nails the Prince of Sin in his temple. The shot sends Ba’al spiraling across the ring.

Now Andre, who is a walking zombie at the moment, finds his twelfth, rushing at Rose, who manages to side step Andre as he comes in and throws a big knee into his cheek. Jordan twists away from Rose and tries his best to maintain his footing.

He turns right into Romeo, who swings the chair with all his strength at Jordan’s head only to be caught against his shoulder. Andre heaves him up, turns and throws him into the very ropes that Rose is standing on the opposite side of. He crashes into Savior and knocks her from the apron.

Dollar: ROSE is elimi….

Susie: No….no….no!

Savior is shot off the apron and sent twisting into the steps, she crashes into them and one foot hits the mats, yet the other remains elevated just above it. Though the stairs cause her tremendous agony, they also keep her from being eliminated.

Dollar: Rose catching the stairs and keeping herself in the Rumble!

Damascus now staggers forward into Andre, who catches him, heaves him up, turns and slams him down via a spinebuster on the very chair that Romeo has been using as such a proficient weapon. The chair is then slid out of the ring by a near vegetative and bleeding Jordan.

Dollar: What a Cinderella story this would be for Andre….

Susie: Are you implying that Andre looks good in slippers.

Dollar: I don’t know how Andre spends his weekends…but as I was saying, if Andre can hang on to win this in his debut, after going over an hour and losing this much blood, just think of the statement that would make.

Susie: I think Andre has already made a hell of a statement tonight.

Everything on Jordan hurts, yet he still manages to reach his feet, leaning back against the ropes. Just then Whitman rushes across the ring and nails him to the throat with a lariat. Clarence watches as Andre flips over the ropes, then turns away to celebrate, but does so too quickly, because Jordan held onto the top cable. He comes down on his knees across the apron and slowly works his way back up to his feet to the shock of the audience.

His knees almost buckle once he reaches his feet, his ailments blinding him to the fact that Rose has sat up on the top stair and is wedging her hands to his backside. Jordan is then pushes right into the KTFO by Buehler. The roaring elbow connects and sends Andre spilling to the outside mats.

Dollar: Awwww shucks!

Susie: The Cinderella story doesn’t end with kissing Prince Charming, since, well, that would be pretty disgusting in Andre’s case.

Dollar: Jordan survived in there for so long, before Buehler…the second longest lasting participant finally managed to eliminate him.

A standing ovation is given to Andre, everyone putting their hands together for his very valiant performance this evening. Someone else who has put on a performance that has been simply epic, is Katelyn, who looks to leave a lasting impression on Rose much like she’s left one on the fans. She steps across the apron and catches Rose off guard, wedging her foot to Savior’s chest and kicking her back off of the steel steps. Rose is unable to prevent flipping over and landing on the back of her head and shoulders across the mats….but her feet…her feet are still elevated above her with the small of her spine propped by the stairs.

Susie: Rose is gone….

Dollar: No…wait…her feet never actually hit the floor!

Buehler realizes this at the same time the fans do, prompting her to walk down to the top of the steps, reaching out and grabbing Rose’s elevated ankles. She tries to push them down to the mats but instead finds ankles wrapping around her neck. Savior does a head-stand, on the verge of pulling Buehler off the stairs into a head-scissors that would eliminate her.

The crowd watches this as does referee Ingelson, who slides to the outside to get a very up close and personal view.

Dollar: Rose…Rose about to eliminate Katelyn.

Buehler will not let this happen, blocking the pain in her hand in order to reach out and wrap it around the top rope. She then pushes on the ankles wrapped around her neck, shoving them away and sending them down towards the mats.

But instead of the feet hitting the floor, they land right across Ingelson’s shoulders. Rose now finds herself doing a headstand with her feet elevated upon the official’s arms.

Dollar: What the hell are we seeing here!?!

Susie: This is RIDICULOUS!

Dollar: Ridiculously awesome.

Katelyn sighs as she realizes that Rose still hasn’t been eliminated.

That’s when a kendo-stick is swung right into the very hand wrapped around the top rope, cracking her already previously cracked knuckles. Buehler unleashes a primal scream, doubling over the hand and cradling to her stomach.

Dollar: Mika has recovered from the Monarchy Rules…and just in time to SHATTER Buehler’s hand.

Katelyn’s whole body quivers around her injured hand as another official, Wright rushes down the ramp to check on her and now implores her to exit the match. He is shoved aside though, Katelyn REFUSING to give up.

Mika then reaches over the cables and grabs Katelyn’s hair, trying to pull back on it and in the process drag her off the top steps to the mats. But much like Harrison, she stretches herself too far….and allows Whitman to rush in behind her, grabbing her shins and shoving her over the top rope. The fans are elated as Mika goes sailing over the cables and Whitman once again begins to celebrate.

However, somehow Mika manages to land on the apron across her rear end, preventing elimination. None the less Whitman is still hopping around celebrating with the misguided perception that he’s eliminated BOTH members of the Blacklist.

The celebration ends when Whitman finds his shirt grabbed and his body spinning towards Ba’al. His throat is then grabbed as Ba’al menacing smile creeps towards his mustachioed face.

Ba’al: You picked a bad night to grow a spine Whitman.

Ba’al retracts his fist only to have Katelyn reach over the cables with her good hand and grab it. This prompts Ba’al to spin around and throw a hard punch into Katelyn’s face, almost knocking her from the steps to the outside. But somehow she manages to grab the turnbuckle, keeping herself from taking the fall.

However, the distraction to Ba’al proves quite advantageous for Whitman, who manages to escape Ba’al’s clutches. The Prince of Sin then turns back towards Clarence and comes charging at him just as Whitman closes his eyes and fears the worse. That’s when Legion steps in out of nowhere and cracks Ba’al under the jaw with the Guiding Hand. Legion then shoves Whitman out of the way as Mika steps in swings at him with the cane.

To the canvas collapses Clarence, and into the air Mika is thrown, Legion catching her on top of his shoulders then driving her down via the Misery II.

Legion saves Whitman but maybe not himself, as a cricket bat drills him in the upper back, one swung by Knight.

Romeo then steps in and drives a 2×4 into the jaw of the N.H.B Champion. The shots have Legion staggering back into the ropes as Damascus and Knight try to lift up on his legs and eliminate him. Legion isn’t going over without a fight, not through here tonight, not by a long shot.

Two individuals who have felt his wrath are Mika and Ba’al, who TRY to stand up…bad move.

Whitman steps in behind them both and takes their heads into his palms.

Whitman: You two picked a very bad night to fool with MISTER Whitman.

The fans are in disbelief as Whitman charges the pair towards the ropes.

Dollar: Whitman is about to eliminate Mika and Ba’al at the same time!!

Susie: As if his elimination of Harrison wasn’t shocking enough.

It seems Whitman is on the verge of making history…but appearances are deceiving. Ba’al and Kozlov duck at the same time and shove Whitman with enough force into the ropes to send him spilling over and tumbling to the mats.

Dollar: Another feel good moment ruined!

Susie: Whitman has been tossed.

Dollar: The ultimate underdog just eliminated when he was so incredibly close to pulling off a miracle in the ring tonight.

Whitman lies on his back looking stunned while Andre, in spite of being nothing short of brain dead at this point, reaches into the ring not to exact revenge, but to extract the Tag Team Title belt that Gavin was so desperate to get hold of. He flings the strap over his shoulder and begins to stumble to the backstage area.

Dollar: Andre looks like he’s trying to salvage SOMETHING out of his performance tonight.

Susie: Robert left with the other Tag Title, and now Andre is leaving with this one.

Katelyn, Rose, Mika, Ba’al, Lucas, Legion and Romeo represent the final elite seven in this incredibly vicious Rumble match…one that continues to wage on and continues to grow more and more violent with every passing second. Ba’al and Mika now rush towards Legion, joining Lucas and Romeo in their attempt to eliminate him. Yet Legion, in spite of everything his body has suffered throughout the course of this match continues to hang onto the ropes.

In the meanwhile Rose is crawling hand over hand across the mats with her ankles still placed across Ingelson’s shoulders, forcing him to hold her up and walk along behind her. She finally reaches the stairs and employs them to climb up to the apron and then roll back into the ring.

Dollar: I don’t know how she managed to do it, but Rose remains in the Rumble.

One person who may not remain is Legion, who is getting closer and closer to being flipped over the cables.

A steel pipe puts an end to that notion….Katelyn swinging it with her one good hand. She nails Mika and Ba’al over their backs, preventing them from eliminating Legion. She keeps her injured hand wedged to her stomach, unable to even move it at this point. Romeo turns towards her and somehow manages to catch the bar before it can bash his skull. He then grabs Katelyn’s wrist and whips her towards the ropes. But Buehler turns and somehow manages to reverse the whip, dragging Damascus into a boot to his gut. She then rushes back at the stooped over Damascus before having a steel chair swung violently into the very hand that she’s holding across her stomach.

The expression of pain on Buehler’s face says it all….the hand totally broken at this point, but not her will to carry on. The chair swung by Knight, sends Buehler rolling to the outside. She drops to the mats and falls to her knees, face twisted into a total contortion of pain. Referee Wright steps in and checks on Buehler before throwing up an ‘x’ with his arms, insisting that she is no longer in any condition to compete.

Buehler then stands up and grabs the official by his shirt, backing him up across the mats and shouting into his face.

Buehler: I’m not leaving you bastard…you hear me….I’m not going anywhere….I WILL win this Rumble tonight and this injury isn’t going to stop me….AAAAHHH!

The moment they get near the stairs, her injured hand is grabbed, extended out over the top of the steel steps, wedged there and then smashed with a gavel by Rachel Foxx.

Dollar: OOOOH GOD!

Susie: Foxx out here again and this time she DID connect with that gavel.

Foxx licks her lips and backs away listening to the symphony that are Katelyn’s screams of agony. Instantly Buehler falls to her spine, rolling across the mats and wrapping herself entirely around her hand. Referee Wright tries to check on it but gets swatted aside.

Buehler: Don’t touch it….oh God don’t touch it….AAAHH!

As the Suicide Queen backs up the ramp, EMTS rush down it, quickly coming to the aid of Buehler, whose hand has swollen to three times its normal size.

The very chair that bashed Buehler’s fist a few moments before the gavel, is swung by Lucas towards Romeo’s skull. But Damascus ducks, catches the back of Knight’s head and turns his own momentum against him, charging him at the ropes and throwing him over. Somehow Lucas manages to grab the top rope though, keeping himself in this match.

Knight then rolls back into the ring just as Romeo snatches up the chair and threatens to use it. He steps towards the now kneeling Lucas and lifts the weapon above his head. Just then Knight reaches his hands up and gestures for a time out.

Lucas: Whoa-whoa-whoa….stop right there, Chap.

Romeo hesitates for God only knows what reason.

Lucas: Forget about using that chair…Not necessary….I don’t need the win that badly. If you’ll allow me, I’ll take the honors of eliminating myself.

Damascus slowly lowers the chair as Lucas rises to his feet brushing himself off in the process.

Dollar: Is Lucas serious? He’s actually going to eliminate himself?

Susie: I guess he’s had enough.

Dollar: Well, Lucas is a LEGEND….maybe he feels competing in this type of sordid soirree is beneath him.

Lucas is not a man of deception, moving towards the ropes and throwing a leg over the top cable while Romeo watches this whole scene unfold in ‘confusion.’ Just then Rose steps in and grabs Damascus by the shoulder, spinning him around to try and take the chair out of his hands. She manages to get hold of it but also gets something else, a big roundhouse kick to the back of her head.

Savior is sent twisting down to the canvas while Damascus turns in a full circle. He spins completely around into another kick, this one being delivered by Lucas, right to Romeo’s crotch. Damascus can’t even verbalize his pain, or his shock as Knight grabs him by the back of the head, charges him at the ropes and throws him over to the floor below.

Susie: Lucas was playing Romeo….he got him to drop his guard and now has just eliminated Damascus from the Rumble.

Dollar: Why that little trickster.

A grin forms on Lucas’ face as he looks over the cables at Damascus and shakes his head.

Lucas: When will you people ever learn?

As Damascus recovers from both the physical and emotional blows…Katelyn tries to do the same and TRIES to barrel right through the EMTS to re-enter the Rumble. She manages to push them aside even as they grab at her. Some are still holding her ankles and boots as she somehow finds herself sliding into the ring, desperately clawing at it.

Dollar: Katelyn just will not let the EMTS take her out of this match.

Suddenly Ba’al leaps into the air and stomps down as hard as he can on the injured hand Katelyn was TRYING to use to prevent being dragged out of the ring. Again all she can do is cry out in agony, rolling to her back and curling into a fetal position around her injured arm. EMTS then manage to slide her out and FORCE her up the ramp.

Susie: Good, get her out of here before she injures herself any further.

Dollar: I guess Katelyn is eliminated via forfeiture.

Ba’al watches with a truly twisted grin as Katelyn is dragged up the ramp and surrounded on all sides by EMTS. Just then Rose rushes up behind Ba’al, grabs him by the head and pitches him into the ropes. He tumbles over them and twists to the apron, landing across it as opposed to hitting the floor.

Lucas now turns away from Romeo and spots the exposed back of Savior, taking full advantage of this. He rushes across the ring, grabs Savior by the hair and charges her at the very cables Ba’al stands on the opposite side of.

He throws Rose along right into a front chancery by Ba’al, who heaves her up into the air in a vertical suplex position.

Dollar: Ba’al about to suplex Rose right out of the Rumble.

Somehow Rose manages to twist her body though so that she drops down to her feet across the apron, squirming out of Ba’al’s arms. The Prince of Sin spins around and gets caught across the neck…..the Black Rose on the verge of connecting.

Just then Ba’al shoves her off, sending Rose charging into the nearby turnbuckle in which she does a headstand upon.

She twists her body and her legs come down back into the ring and right on top of an inbound Lucas’ shoulders. She lets go of the ropes and swings around, sending Knight flying across the ring via the head scissors and right into the front chancery of Ba’al. He heaves Knight up and then turns, throwing him down to the floor with the Falcon’s Arrow.

Ba’al eliminates Lucas Knight.

Dollar: Ba’al has just pitched Lucas to the outside….

Susie: What a night Lucas had though…..especially after being out of the ring for so long.

Dollar: And how cruel that Lucas was eliminated by a member of the infamous Frost family.

Somehow Ba’al persists through the pain as this grueling match proceeds. Inside of the ring Rose rises slowly to her feet, keeping a wary eye on the Prince of Sin the whole time. Her focus is well placed, but in the end quite costly. But to be fair, no one was particularly interested in Red Dalek….not until now at least. One of the steel panels begins to open, dropping off just as a figure exits…that figure being Desmond Drake.

Dollar: NO!

Susie: Wait-wait-wait….Am I….is this….what the?

Johnny is even too stunned to deliver a slap at this point to the back of his partner’s head. To an explosive reception Drake tentatively steps across the ring, being as discreet as possible as he approaches the taser that was dropped on the canvas earlier in this match. Now the very taser that Rose introduced is put to her backside and electrical currents shoot all throughout her body.

Dollar: Desmond Drake who was hiding inside of Red Dalek this whole time is tasing Savior!

Susie: Most awesome swerve ever!

The electrocution persists until Rose is reduced to nothing but a twitching mess on the canvas. The weapon is tossed aside at this point and Desmond steps over Rose, bending down with his hands on his knees, getting mere inches from her unconscious face.

Desmond: No one denies my love….NO ONE!

Drake can’t pass up the opportunity to not just rub salt in the wounds, but to pucker his lips and move them closer to Rose’s.

Desmond: This is so much easier when you’re not fighting back.

Desmond is about to make out with an unconscious Rose only to find himself cooled by the huge shadow cast over him. The fans are given reason to rejoice once again as Legion steps up behind Desmond…..who’s heart instantly leaps into his throat…choking on it.

Dollar: Uuuuuhhhh-oooooohhh!

Desmond has gone whiter than Michael Jackson post 1980’s as he turns slowly….ever so slowly in the direction of Legion, the man who crippled him via the Lighttube Crucifixion at Upping the Ante.

Desmond: Ummm, no hard feelings?

Legion tilts his head then extends his hands, grabbing Desmond’s ears and using them to heave him up into the air.

Dollar: Legion has got his hands on Desmond once again.

Drake’s little legs are kicking desperately beneath his body as he’s suspended above the ring by his legs. Legion then heaves him up into a gorilla press, rushes across the ring and THROWS him not just over the ropes, but over the mats and down into the announce table. His diminutive body bounces right off the surface of the table and goes crashing to the concrete between a stunned Susie and Dollar.

Dollar: Oh DEAR GOD!

Susie: Legion just killed Desmond again!

A rousing holy shit chant has started from the crowd in reaction to Legion’s total destruction of the Board’s liaison.

The N.H.B Champion steps back at this point right into a shot from a steel pipe to the back of his skull. Mika capitalizing on his distraction. She then nails him again with cranium bursting force with the pipe, knocking Legion down and into the ropes, falling over them.

Dollar: Legion about to be tossed.

Susie: Can some of those aids who are fighting with Buehler please get down here to help Desmond? It looks like every bone in his tiny body is broken.

Dollar: What a spill he suffered at the hands of the very man about to be eliminated.

Mika is still trying to force Legion over the ropes but halts once she spots Katelyn again trying to get back into the ring. EMTS have hold of every part of her save for her one good hand, which wraps around the bottom rope and desperately tries to pull her into the squared circle. She is forced to comply though, shoved from the ropes just in time to prevent Mika from kicking her knuckles.

Kozlov then turns away from one ailing lady to another…Rose desperately trying to force herself up from the canvas. She has no function of her brain, body operating on nothing but instinct at this point. Kozlov glances at her and then back up at Taylor who decided to remain on the stage. A grin forms on Mika’s face.

Mika: It seems we shall end this at Invictus.

She then turns towards the discombobulated Rose, and manages to drag her up onto her shoulder. She then rushes at the ropes with Savior loaded into a running powerslam position, throwing her over the cables….

Dollar: And there goes….WAAAIT!

Rose flips over the top rope and catches Mika by the hair on the way down. Savior lands on her seat across the apron and pulls down on Kozlov’s hair, dragging her down over the top rope and sending her crashing to the outside mats.

Dollar: Rose just managed to counter….into a snapmare that has sent Mika to the mats!

Susie: She’s eliminated she’s eliminated…holy shit she’s eliminated!

Mika CANNOT believe this….rolling to her elbows and knees and ripping at her hair in disbelief.

Dollar: Rose Savior has just managed to cost Mika her dream of facing her sister at Invictus for the World Championship.

Rose slowly rolls under the ropes, finding her body not very compliant with her passion to win back the championship. Drool is seeping from the corners of her mouth after the electrocution, and her legs are trembling beneath her as she tries to straighten them out. It’s just then, after so much labor, that Ba’al moves in and rams a knee right against her temple.

The shot knocks Rose into the cables, lying stretched throat first across it.

Dollar: And now Ba’al comes in and picks up the pieces.

Susie: What’s left of Rose? Anything…anything at all?

Unbelievably Rose is pulling herself up to her feet and Ba’al actually helps her this time. He puts his back to the cables, drags her head into his armpit, applying a front chancery. An amused Ba’al can’t help himself…

Ba’al: You sad little wretch….did you honestly think tonight would be about YOUR rebirth? That the Queen would retake her throne? No. Tonight is about justice. Righteousness achieved by a Prince….

Ba’al heaves Rose into the falcon’s arrow, turning and throwing her over the top rope. He begins to chuckle just before he realizes he’s been caught under the jaw. Rose does go tumbling over the ropes, but she manages to drag down on the jaw and drag Ba’al over the cables, sending him flipping backwards then crashing to the mats.

Rose lands across her side on the apron while the Prince of Sin falls to the floor.

Dollar: You’re kidding!

Susie: Ba’al….Rose just eliminated him TOO!

Dollar: I thought Ba’al was a surefire winner here….Rose was plum for the pickings.

Susie: But somehow Rose continues to do the unthinkable.

Dollar: Even after an electrocution she continues to endure.

Susie: This is an unreal performance.

Every bit of remaining strength is put into summoning Rose to her feet. She rolls back into the ring while the fans get over the shock of Ba’al’s elimination. The Prince of Sin sits up on the mats and shakes his head judgmentally.

Ba’al: Justice will be done….

Rose stands up just in time to find her eyes drearily gazing into the chest of Legion. Her dilated pupils then ascend to the masked face of the NHB Champion.

Dollar: And here we go….Legion versus Rose Savior…the final two entrants in the Rumble.

Susie: The lone survivors….wait….can there be a such thing as ‘LONE’ survivors? Doesn’t make much sense.

Dollar: Save the semantics for later…and concentrate on what you’re seeing….the end to this over hour long Rumble….with one of these two moving on to face Taylor for the title at Invictus.

The wait is over, Legion reaching out for Rose who swoops under his arms. The Black Crusade member then turns and throws a boot at Rose, who drops into a baseball slide under his leg. Somehow she manages to stay alive by avoiding Legion’s enormous limbs. Not only survive, but perhaps thrive. She rushes across the ring, ricochets off and comes back in and dives into another spear…another spear that is caught. Legion heaving her up and onto his shoulders in the powerbomb position.

Dollar: The spear countered into the Misery!

Susie: No that’s NOT what he’s going for.

Instead of driving Rose down, Legion takes off running, about to throw Savior over the top rope with a release powerbomb. The crowd holds its breath as Rose flies over the cables but in the process wraps her legs around Legion’s head, dragging him down into a hurricarana.

Dollar: Rose has done it again…she’s going to Invictus!

All eyes cut to Legion as he leans over the ropes, but somehow miraculously prevents crashing over them. Rose is doing a headstand on the apron, wrenching with her incredible leg strength on the neck of Legion, desperately trying to pull him down. Legion wraps his hands around the top rope as he slowly begins to slide over that very cable, closer and closer to going over.

Dollar: This is it….this is it….Rose has Legion….She’s managed to do the inconceivable, return and win the Rumble.

Legion snarls as his feet leave the canvas.

Rose can feel it…the crowd can feel it…the entire world can feel it….SHOCK. Legion stands up straight and heaves Rose from her headstand back onto his shoulders. But what legion doesn’t realize is that Savior has managed to grab hold of the very cricket bat that Knight brought to the ring. Once loaded up on Legion’s shoulders on the brink of being forced over the ropes, Rose swings the bat down right into the N.H.B Champion’s skull.

Rose then pushes herself up and over Legion’s skull, leap frogging and landing on her feet behind him. Legion staggers forward into the ropes, falling against them.

Dollar: Cricket bat to the top of Legion’s head, he’s incredibly unstable, this is it, this is the moment where Rose achieves her grace.

Savior turns, looking at a loss for words considering Legion is still standing. This prompts her to rush in only to be caught by the throat…

Dollar: Legion’s got her….he’s got her….

Legion grabs the back of Rose’s tights and heaves her up into a chokeslam intent on tossing her over the ropes. But in mid-air Rose twists her body, catches Legion around the neck and drags him down into the Black Rose on one of the many steel chairs left on the canvas.

The masked Legion’s face bounces off the steel and his body now goes writhing across the canvas.

Dollar: But Savior somehow manages to counter into the Black Rose!

Susie: The will and testament we’re seeing from these two….

Dollar: It defies anything we’ve ever seen before.

Somehow Legion is rising to his feet, struggling up in spite of the compounding injuries. He stands with his back to the ropes just as Rose steps in with the chair in hand, swinging it into his jaw. Legion falls back over the ropes, feet elevated above the canvas.

Dollar: He’s going over….Legion is going down and Rose is going to Invictus!

Savior is nonplused by Legion’s stubbornness. She now sets the chair in place, rushes across the ring, and then gets a big start towards the weapon she wielded. Off the chair she leaps, going into a big clothesline only to be caught against the chest and stomach. Legion heaves her up above his head, holding her in position for the gorilla press.

Susie: Rose dove right into Legion’s hands! He’s gonna toss her….he’s gonna toss her!

Dollar: Could this be the end of Rose’s rebirth?

The crowd is screeching at the sight of Legion turning to the ropes, on the brink of throwing her over the ropes to the mats. But it doesn’t happen as Savior manages to slide off the palms and come down onto her feet right in front of the Black Crusade member. She then goes airborne, catching the neck of Legion and diving towards the set up chair with a SECOND Black Rose. One that is countered as Legion wedges his hands to her spine, spins around and throws her off the diamond cutter and over the cables…to the FLOOR!

Susie: IIIIIYYYYEEEE!

Dollar: He did it….LEGION just accomplished the inconceivable!

The whole building shakes in reaction to Legion’s counter that has just won him the biggest match of his career.

Dollar: Legion is going to Invictus.

Susie: MASSIVE!

Legion rests on his knees sucking up precious oxygen into his deflated lungs. Sweat streams down the giant’s battered and bruised body. But all the black and blue blemishes, all the lacerations, all the injured muscles and broken bones, were worth it….because here he kneels on the top of the heap….surviving and moving onto challenge for the World Title in the main event of Invictus.

Dollar: What a battle Legion just endured….

Susie: And there he is…the winner of the 2014 Rumble.

Confetti starts to fall from the rafters as explosions rock the scaffolds and turnbuckles. Legion kneels amongst it all, head lowered in contemplative posture. He finally reaches his feet, struggling to get up but finding the strength to do so in order to commemorate this moment.

Leeland Gaunt then comes sliding into the ring to help celebrate this unfathomable victory for the N.H.B Champion. With microphone in hand he approaches the exhausted Legion and pats him on the shoulder.

Mr. Gaunt: Close to six months ago, Legion and I stood here in this very ring over a pile of broken bodies, promising to unleash upon this company its greatest fears….

Gaunt’s eyes slowly transition from Legion, to Taylor Chase on the stage, holding her World Title close to her chest.

Mr. Gaunt: And now, here we stand again upon a heap of mangled bodies and shattered dreams, granted the opportunity to fulfill our CRUSADE. .

Taylor smirks and shakes her head.

Mr. Gaunt: At Invictus, fears will be faced as a NEW champion is crowned!

Suddenly there is static, and the confetti falling from the rafters turns to blood….blood enhanced by the transformation of the ring lights to an eerie red hue. Even with blood showering the ring, Taylor looks on undaunted, raising the World Title high above her head.

Dollar: The unflinching World Champion, the unbreakable challenger….the match is set, the venue is selected…..Taylor Chase versus Legion….Invictus….World Title on the line.

The fans are already in suspense as the time now begins to tick down to the battle between World Champion Taylor Chase and challenger, Legion. One stands on the stage holding the title high, while the other, kneels in the ring being drenched in wave upon wave of blood.

IWC

Something Witty

Rumble

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